Don't Give Up On Me
by earthprincess4
Summary: Bella discovers that Edward has just died in a hurricane in the Dominican Republic. After finding out, she begins to have strange dreams of her past that all involve Edward. She starts to become obsessed with sleeping to figure out what it all means.
1. First Encounters

**A/N: This is the next story I'll be working on. I'll be attempting to write two stories and possibly adding on to one of my oneshots that I wrote a while back but this story is my main priority. I wrote this chapter a while ago and entered it in the Haiti compilation that put together back in February and we were asked not to post it until March 1st. But I put it off until I was done with my current story. Since I am almost done with that one, I figured I'd go ahead and post this now. I know a few of you have already read it and you are patiently waiting for me to begin writing it but I promise it's in the works. Hope you enjoy.**

**Originally I wasn't going to do a song for every chapter like I did with my other story, but one of my readers requested that I do, so I put together a playlist and will post the title and artist of the song at the beginning. I'm sure caritochaves will make another youtube playlist for this story as well, so when she does, I will post the link on my profile.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters involved.**

* * *

**A Drop In The Ocean: Ron Pope**

**BPOV**

I am sitting in my physiology class at Berkeley University, when my phone starts buzzing in my pocket. I jump slightly from the sensation, but no one noticed. At least I hope not. I reached in my pocket to stop it, but was surprised when it started buzzing again just a few seconds later. Everyone I know is aware that I have class at this time. Whoever it is must be important to continually call. I pulled it out of my pocket and saw Alice's name on the screen.

I rolled my eyes and turned it off. For Alice to be calling so impatiently, it could only be one of two things. Either there is a huge sale at one of her favorite stores and she wanted me to skip out on school to go with her, or she is having a fashion emergency and needs my help. Either way, I can't do much to help her now. This is an important class and I am not going to skip it just to talk her down from a fashion emergency.

I am in my sixth year here, working on my masters in psychology. I had always dreamed of being a child psychologist and that's what I am working towards. When my mother Renee and her new husband Phil, offered to pay my tuition to any college I wanted to go to, if my dream is to become a psychologist, Berkeley was my first choice. I was surprised I actually got in and on a partial scholarship as well. I guess all that hard work to get good grades in high school actually paid off.

I am determined to finish school and start my career as soon as I possibly can. Currently, both of my parents send me money for living expenses. I work a few hours each week at a local coffee shop just to have some extra spending money of my own. I opted to take on a full schedule at school. Giving up my summers each year to take summer courses really helped me get ahead as well; which is where I am now. It was mid-August and instead of going home to visit my parent's or spending my days at the beach, like everyone else. I am in a stuffy classroom with just a handful of other ambitious students.

It is a boring life to say the least. I don't get out much and when I do, most of the time it is because Alice coerces me into going out.

Alice and I had been roommates in the dorms since our first year at Berkeley. But when she married Jasper Cullen, about a year ago, they bought a house in the area. I decided to finally spread my wings and get my very first apartment.

Living on my own for the first time was traumatic, initially. I think I called my parent's obsessively those first few weeks. And Alice, even though she was a new bride and trying to set up her new home with Jasper; she would still come rushing over if I needed someone to stay with me for a little while. But now things are great and I actually enjoy living on my own.

When class concluded, I went outside and sat down on a bench, taking in the sunshine and fresh air as I ate my lunch before I go to my next class.

I was taking bites of my sandwich and reading a few pages from my text book when I remembered the call from Alice. I figured I could give her a call now, since I have a little while before my next class. I just hope she doesn't try to talk me in to skipping the rest of the day. She is very hard to say no too.

I turned my phone back on and panicked when I had sixteen missed calls from Alice. She would never call that many times in such a short amount of time if it wasn't something serious. I began to worry that something happened to her or maybe even Jasper.

What an awful friend I am; I thought to myself. Here she is, always there for me and in the one moment she really needs me, I turn my back on her.

I started dialing her number, but before I could finish dialing, it began to ring again. My heart was already pounding and my head was scattered with thoughts of what could be happening.

"Hello," I said panicked.

"Bella," Alice replied in a hoarse, weak voice. She was sobbing hysterically and couldn't get a word out that was coherent.

"Alice, please tell me what's wrong," I begged.

"It's Edward," she blurted. Edward Cullen, Jasper Cullen's twin brother and the man I'd been in love with since I was sixteen. My breath caught in my lungs and tears started streaming down my face. There was a lump in my throat and I couldn't speak. I felt like my entire body went to mush.

After a moment, Alice composed herself enough to fill me in. "He was in the Dominican Republic doing some volunteer work with one of his professors. You must have heard about the hurricane that hit the area recently." I paused trying to remember hearing something. I don't watch TV much or have time to read the paper. I thought maybe I heard a few people talking about it at the coffee shop I work at. "He was supposed to be getting out. They sent two helicopters in to get all the doctors and volunteers out. The first one made it out fine, but the other helicopter got lost in the storm and it went down in the ocean. Everyone is presumed dead. Edward's dead." She began crying harder again. I didn't try to hide the fact that I am crying as well. I am lost for words and I'm not sure if I even tried to speak, anything would come out of my mouth.

We both stayed on the line and sobbed together. This is such a tragedy and I don't know what to do or how to react. Edward and I weren't that close and I had no right to grieve for him the way I was. But here I am crying like a lunatic for a man that probably hadn't even thought about me in years. "Are you sure he's dead? Did they find his body?"

"I guess whoever it was that called Carlisle and Esme said it was highly unlikely that a body would be found. Not only is the area that was hit by the hurricane in complete destruction, but since they went down in the ocean there's little hope for any recovery," she explained, through her weeping. I tried to compose myself so I could be a good friend to the people who actually needed to mourn.

"Alice, I'm so sorry. How is Jasper taking the news?" I asked. My voice was still weak and shaky.

"He's not good. You know how close they were." Jasper and Edward were much more than just brothers. They were connected in a strange way that no one could ever understand. It was almost like they were connected at the soul. They read each other's thoughts, finished each other's sentences, if one was sick, the other one was as well. When one hurt physically or mentally, the other one felt it. I've heard stories of twins having that strange connection, but I had never actually witnessed it until I met them. It was fascinating to watch at times; how they interacted with each other. But I wasn't close with either of them and at times during high school I would catch myself staring at them from across the cafeteria or the class room studying them. I wondered if maybe that was where my infatuation with Edward came from. He was intriguing and I wanted to study him and Jasper so badly. But I never told either of them this. "He's planning to go back to Forks tomorrow to be with his parent's and his sister. I want to go with him, but we have the dog to worry about."

"Alice, don't even worry about Brady. I can take care of him while you're gone," I offered. "Anything you need me to do while you spend some time with your family, I'll do it."

"Really, you'll do that for me?" She questioned with a high pitched voice.

"Of course Alice, what are friends for?" I replied.

"Thank you so much, Bella. I really appreciate you helping us out."

"Just be with your family and help them through this. Let them all know I'm thinking about them."

"I will. I'll leave a note on the fridge letting you know what to do for Brady."

"That's fine. And please let me know if there is anything else I can possibly do for anyone," I suggested.

We hung up and once again, I broke down into hysterical crying. People passed by me, but not one person stopped to ask if I need help or if I was okay. They just continued on their way oblivious to the fact that one of the, sweetest, most talented, considerate and caring men had just died.

I couldn't go to my last class with so much emotion swirling inside of me, so I went home.

When I got there, I crawled under my covers and curled up in a ball. I continued to cry for hours, it seemed like. Why didn't I ever tell him how much I admired him and how much he meant to me?

I lay there for so long until sleep finally took me.

_I was back in the halls of Forks high school. It was my first day of school there. I had just moved from Arizona to live with my dad for a while. I was walking down the hallway not paying much attention to where I was going while I looked over my schedule and the map in my hand. As I turned a corner, I slammed into a soft, but firm object and fell backwards. I winced as I hit the hard floor. I began rubbing my backside, feeling the bruise already beginning to set in. I could hear the laughter coming from all around me as I lay there. I felt so humiliated and I didn't even know what I had run into. I was too afraid to know who or what it was. _

_I began picking up all my belongings that I had spilled. When I saw a hand reach out to mine, I stopped in my tracks. I noticed someone was leaning down next to me. I hesitantly looked up to see the most beautiful guy I had ever seen. He smiled crookedly at me when our eyes met. _

_You know those moments in movies where everything goes into slow motion and all surroundings disappear? That's what I was feeling at that very moment. "Are you alright?" He asked. I couldn't breathe, let alone talk clearly so I nodded my head, never once removing my eyes from his. He reached out to take my hand and helped me to my feet. I continued to stare at him. He was tall, well built, he had sandy reddish brown colored hair that was in much need of a haircut, but the longer messy locks worked for him. He had green eyes that almost seemed like they were glowing when you stared into them. I knew because I had not stopped staring at them since our eyes connected. _

_I knew the other people in the hall were laughing and snickering, but in that moment all that existed was me and whoever this guy was that was standing in front of me._

_Our eye contact broke briefly when he leaned down to pick up my backpack and my papers. He handed them to me and as I took them, his hand slightly brushed against mine. There was a sudden shock that came with that touch. I wasn't sure if it was static electricity or something else entirely, but whatever it was took me by surprise and I jerked my hand away. He leaned back on his heals when I did that, probably just as surprised by it as I was._

"_My names Edward Cullen," he replied. "And you are…"_

_I took a deep breath trying to muster up courage to speak. "Isabella Swan," I greeted, shyly. My voice an octave higher than it should have been. He reached out his hand to shake mine and I hesitantly took it. I wondered if that same shock I felt just a second ago would happen again. _

_When it did, I didn't pull away and neither did he. I relished in the feeling. He smiled that crooked smile again. My legs felt like mush at that moment. I guess when they say a man can make you go weak in the knees, it wasn't a joke. He released my hand, but didn't step away._

"_Come on, Edward," I vaguely heard someone beside us say in an irritated voice. _

"_You might want to watch where you're going in the halls," Edward said. "Next time it might not be me that you run into."_

"_I'm sorry, I was trying to look at the map, so I knew where to go," I apologized, trying to explain myself._

"_Don't worry about it," he responded._

_I took a steadying breath. _

"_Edward, now…" The guy beside us said again. I suddenly became very aware of all the people surrounding us. The guy standing next to us had a dark blonde colored hair that was slightly curly. He was tall, much like Edward. He had a similar color of eyes as Edward did, but his didn't glow like Edward's did. Most of the other people that surrounded us, I imagined were Edward's friends, since they were still chuckling and cracking jokes at my expense. My face flushed and I ducked my head to hide. It was too late though. Everyone saw me blush and there was a roar of laughter in the halls from everyone standing around us, which inevitably made me blush more._

_I glanced up at Edward and saw him stifling a laugh. He took a small step closer to me leaning into my hair. "It was really nice to meet you Bella," he whispered, before walking away with his friends. I watched him walk away completely enamored with him. He had me at that moment. I would have done anything he asked me to._

"_Bella, I need your help," I heard a voice whisper so softly in my ear._

My eyes shot open at that moment and I took in a sharp breath. I glanced around the darkened room trying to understand what had just happened. I remembered the dream. It was strange, I hadn't thought about high school in so long and my dream was exactly how I remembered it.

But the voice I heard at the end was even stranger. I knew that voice, but where did it come from? That part of the memory was new. That never happened the first time I met Edward, yet I know that was his voice I heard.


	2. Lauren

**A/N: I wanted to say real quick, that I know it's hard to read a story where Edward is dead, because we all love Edward and don't want anything to happen to him. But I promise there is a good reason for it and it will all be revealed as time goes on so bear with me. Just watch for clues. I don't anticipate this story being very long, maybe 15 chapters or so and I hope to update weekly but since I have 4 little boys sometimes things get in the way. Thank you to all who read this in the Haiti compilation and were intrigued enough to come and find out what happens next. I hope everyone enjoys this story.**

**Thank you bzeemomof4 for being my beta and being one of my best friends. I'm glad I have you to help me with all of this craziness that goes on in my head.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters involved.**

* * *

**Slipped Away: Avril Levigne**

**Lauren**

The next morning, I felt exhausted. I couldn't go back to sleep after I had that dream. I didn't understand it. Why was I dreaming about high school? And the dream was so vivid. It wasn't even like a dream at all. It was as if I was reliving it. The last words spoken before I woke up plagued me as well. Why did he need my help and what did he want me to do?

I seriously thought I was losing my mind. Edward was dead and there was no way he could speak to me now. It was probably just my imagination playing tricks on me. But the more I tried to forget about it, the more I kept thinking about it.

I drove over to Alice's house in the early morning, to take care of Brady, before going to class. I unlocked the door and was suddenly attacked with dog kisses. "Brady, get down," I scolded. He was a big, black lab, but still such a teddy bear. He scurried across the hard wood floors toward the kitchen. I followed him in, filling his bowls with food and water.

As he ate, I read the note left on the counter from Alice. She left instructions on Brady's care and asked that I get their mail every day. She said they took a late night plane back to Washington and didn't know how long they planned to stay. She also said she would call so she could keep me updated on what was happening. I wasn't sure I wanted to know. It wouldn't change anything.

When I let Brady out in the backyard, I wandered around their house, looking at pictures on the shelf and wall. My fingers lightly touched a framed picture of Jasper and Edward from when they were kids. They both looked so happy and carefree back then. I felt so bad for Jasper. He and Edward were always so close. Connected in a way no other human beings could ever be.

I was never that close with Jasper until after he married Alice and he moved here to be closer to her. Even still Jasper was always a little shy and we never talked that much, other than simple pleasantries when we were around each other. We went to school together for two and a half years and had many encounters, but we never really knew each other that well.

It was the same with Edward. We had many encounters with each other over the years, but it never led to anything more than a friendship, no matter how much I wanted it to be more. Edward never saw me like that and I didn't blame him. But for the most part, he was one of the only people who was ever nice to me in high school.

I sat down on the couch leaning my head back, letting my thoughts wander back to that dream. That was the first time anyone had ever called me Bella. My mom always preferred to call me by my given name of Isabella, yet my dad insisted on calling me Izzy. I hated being called Izzy. But it was my dad, so I dealt with it. For everyone else though, I preferred Isabella. That was until Edward called me Bella. From that day on, I asked everyone to call me Bella too, which wasn't hard to do, since it was my first day of school and no one knew me. I just introduced myself as Bella, and no one was the wiser that it came from Edward. It was sort of nice being able to reinvent myself here and start fresh. Even my dad picked up on it and started using Bella instead of Izzy. I was very thankful for that. My mom still insisted on calling me Isabella though. But I didn't think she would ever budge on calling me anything else.

Even though I liked being called Bella, it didn't have the same impact as when Edward said it. I had it bad for Edward in high school. But I was a book nerd then and kept to myself; no one ever wanted to get to know me. Getting good grades in high school was my main focus. I wanted to be a psychologist, so parties and social events were out of the question. I never dated much in high school either.

I was with a guy named Riley, my freshman year of college for about five months. But he wasn't very supportive of my schedule for school so we broke things off. He was probably my only serious relationship I ever had. Anyone else, was just a date or two here or there. But I was okay with that. I would have plenty of time to date and find the right guy after I was done with school. I wasn't much interested in any of those things right now anyway. I was content with studying and focusing on my goals.

I moved to my dad's in the spring of my sophomore year. My mom had just remarried and even though I had no problems with her new husband Phil, I felt like they needed a little time to themselves. So since my dad had been asking me to come visit him for quite a few years, I decided to go ahead and move in with him. I never planned to stay as long as I did. I figured I'd stay the rest of my sophomore year and through the summer. Then I'd go back to Arizona with my mom. But then Phil got signed to a minor league baseball team, so they began traveling all over the country for his games. I ended up staying with my dad. My mom needed this adventure and I was fine with my dad.

My phone rang just as I was starting to dose off.

"Hello," I answered quickly after seeing Alice's name pop up on the screen.

"Hi Bella," she greeted, weakly.

"How are you doing? How is his family taking this?" I asked, not even able to say his name out loud.

"Everyone is such a mess. The last time anyone talked to him was almost two weeks ago. He called to talk to Carlisle. He said Edward was so excited too. Edward had just helped Dr. Banner save a little boys life and he was so happy to be able to do something so amazing, he wanted to tell the world." I could hear her fighting back the tears. I was doing the same. I knew Edward was going to school to be a doctor like his dad was. He would have made a great doctor. He was so smart and caring. He could have been anything he wanted to be. "I don't think anyone has slept since we heard the news. Esme is not taking it well, at all. She hasn't left her bed since they got the call. All she does is cry."

"I'm so sorry Alice. I wish there was something I could do."

"I wish there was something I could do too. I feel so helpless here. Jasper won't even talk to me. He won't talk to anyone. It's almost like he's missing something now. Like part of him is dead. I don't know if he'll ever be okay," she thought aloud.

"Give it time Alice. He'll come around. Just be supportive and understanding of what he's going through," I offered.

"I'm doing my best," she insisted. "I just don't know what to do for him"

"I think you being there with him, is probably more than enough right now," I insisted.

"Thanks Bella. That makes me feel a lot better." She paused for a few seconds before she spoke again. "Your dad was here a little bit ago."

"He was?"

"Yeah, he wanted to offer his condolences. He even brought over a casserole," she laughed. "I'm not sure if I want to try it. I've seen your dad cook before and it's not a pretty sight." I chuckled, thinking of some of my dad's creations. It was a good thing I wasn't that bad at cooking when I went to live with him, otherwise I probably would have starved. "It's the thought that counts though. It was very sweet of him to do. Quite a few people in the neighborhood have come by offering to do anything to help out."

"That's good. I'm sure you could use all the support right now," I said.

"Edward and Jaspers older sister Rosalie and her husband Emmett are supposed to be flying in today. I don't know how they're holding up. I know Emmett and Edward were friends in college, so I'm sure they are both pretty upset," Alice explained.

"I'm sure everyone is going to need some time to adjust and grieve. This has got to be devastating for everyone. I'm even upset over it and all I am is a distant family friend. I can't imagine what all of his family and close friends must be going through," I said.

"Have you been by my house yet?" She asked, changing the subject.

"I'm actually here right now. I just let Brady outside. He smothered me with kisses when I walked in the door. I'm glad he still recognizes me and didn't try to attack me. That may have been bad," I said, trying to lighten the mood.

"I miss him. He's like my baby."

"He'll be fine, Alice. I'll take good care of him while you're gone. Stay as long as you need to," I offered.

"Thank you," she said weakly. "I should probably go. I need to check on Jasper."

"Okay. Take care and stay strong," I said.

"I will thanks."

I hung up the phone, letting the tears I had been holding back fall. I felt powerless. I wished so bad I could take all their pain away. It didn't seem right that they had to go through this. The Cullen's are all such wonderful and caring people. They didn't deserve this.

As I lay on the couch, crying, I slowly drifted off into a restless sleep.

_I was once again back in high school. It was a few days after I had started going to Forks High. It was very cold and rainy on this specific day. I had dressed in layer after layer of clothing, still adjusting to the temperature change. I was walking out to my truck my dad had given me when I spotted Edward with his group of friends and his girlfriend who I had come to learn was named Lauren. I glanced in their direction as covertly as possible. I was caught off guard when I saw Edward watching me. My face turned a deep color of red from being caught and I sped up my pace to get by them without being noticed._

"_What are you wearing?" I heard Lauren ask._

_I turned my head slightly in their direction, hoping she wasn't talking to me._

"_It's Bella right?" She said, in an irritated tone, trying to get my attention. "What is wrong with you? You have like ten layers of clothes on. You look kind of like an Eskimo."_

"_Lauren, knock it off," Edward warned. I ducked my head, staring at the ground as I continued to walk by them and do my best to ignore her._

"_What…? It's funny," she said in return to Edwards warning. _

"_Really…?" He scoffed. "You find pleasure in teasing a girl you don't even know?"_

"_She doesn't even talk," I heard Lauren argue. "I don't know if she can even hear me. She barely glanced this way when I said her name. And now look at her? She's still walking away, ignoring everything I just said."_

"_Well, I don't blame her. I'm going home," I heard Edward say in the distance._

"_What?" she shouted._

"_Find someone else to take you home, Lauren. I'm done."_

_I reached my truck just as Edward's car squealed out of the parking lot. I took one last glance over at where the crowd was. Lauren glared over at me, so I quickly ducked into the sanctuary of my truck cab. I pulled out of the parking lot and headed home, trying to forget about what she said. I knew I probably looked ridiculous to most the people here with all the layers of clothing I was wearing. But I wasn't used to the cold. I'd lived in Arizona with my mom, my entire life. This was so new to me and I didn't like to be cold._

_As for the not talking thing, I just didn't talk to people who were pointless to talk to. I wasn't about to confront her with all those people standing around. I didn't like confrontation at all and I tried to avoid it as much as I could. _

_It didn't mean that her words didn't hurt. I was humiliated and devastated. I didn't like the people at this school. Not that the high school back in Arizona was much better. _

_When I pulled onto the road my dad's house sat on, I saw Edward's silver Volvo parked in front of the house. I got a sick feeling in my stomach. Why was he here? When I got closer, I saw him sitting on the front door step. As I pulled into the driveway, he jumped to his feet and came around to my side. I watched him curiously, trying to decipher his reason for being here._

"_Bella, are you okay?" He asked, as I stepped out of my truck._

"_I'm fine. Why?" _

"_I just wanted to make sure what Lauren said, didn't upset you," he said nervously._

"_She's probably right. So it's no big deal," I replied, trying to make myself sound as convincing as possible._

"_Why do I think you aren't being honest with me?" He questioned._

"_Look Edward, it's nothing. So what, some girl at school made fun of the way I dress and because I'm shy. It's not the end of the world. Really, I'm fine," I said as forcefully as possible._

"_Okay," he said coyly._

_I grabbed my back pack out of my truck and slammed the door. I pushed past him, heading for the front door. All I wanted was to forget about this day all together. I didn't look back or say goodbye as I walked into the house. I felt bad about being sort of rude to him, but I was upset and I didn't want him to see that._

_I peeked through the curtain just as he got in his car and drove away._

"_Isabella, please. You're the only one that can help me."_

Once again I woke up with a start. My heart was beating so fast. I was breaking out in a cold sweat. Why did this keep happening? Edward's voice interrupted my dream once again and I didn't understand why. What did he want? If he was somehow communicating with me beyond the grave, he needed to give me more than what he was now. Although if he was communicating with me beyond the grave, I thought I should probably check myself into a loony bin. That was just crazy and not even possible. Right…? I asked myself, unsure of anything anymore.

I walked into the kitchen, hearing Brady scratching at the door to come back in. I glanced at the clock on the wall, realizing I had slept through my first class. I quickly locked up the doors, telling Brady I'd be back later and rushed across town towards the college.

I couldn't focus in my class at all. I kept thinking so much about each of the dreams. I hadn't really thought about high school in so long. Honestly, I'd prefer to forget it all together. High school wasn't the most pleasant time in my life.

I started to wonder if maybe I needed to talk to someone about this. I couldn't talk to Alice right now and I didn't have a lot of other friends. So, I decided to call my mom. She would probably think I was crazy too, but I needed to do something.

After class I went to the cafeteria, sitting down at a table in the corner and took out my phone.

I dialed the number, waiting patiently for her to answer. When the voicemail came though, I sighed, frustrated that she didn't answer.

I decided to call my dad instead.

"Hey Bells, he greeted cheerfully, when he answered the phone.

"Hi dad, how are you?"

I'm doing alright. I assume you heard about the Cullen boy. Is that why you called?" He asked.

"Why do you think that's why I called?" I wondered.

"I don't know. You did go to school with him and your friend Alice is married to his brother. I saw her today by the way," he informed.

"I know. I talked to her earlier. She said you brought over a casserole for them. That was very nice of you, dad," I said.

"Yeah, well, I didn't really know what else to do. I used your recipe for the tuna casserole. I hope it turned out," he worried.

"I'm sure it's fine dad," I said, not having the heart to tell him that Alice was a little worried to eat it. "I'm sure they appreciate the gesture too."

"So, what are you calling about Bells? He asked.

"Nothing really," I admitted. "I guess I just wanted to see how you were doing. I've been taking care of Alice and Jasper's dog while they're with their family. I guess I'm just feeling a little depressed and I needed a familiar voice to cheer me up."

"So, this is about the Cullen boy?" He snickered.

"I don't know dad," I said. I took a deep breath readying myself for the next part. "Have you ever had a dream that you don't quite understand, but you feel like it's important somehow?"

"I can't say that I have," he admitted. "Has that been happening to you?"

"Yeah and I don't understand why."

"Well, you are the psychologist, so you would know more about that than me," he joked. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not a psychologist yet. I don't even know if I'll get to that point. I still have a long way to go," I said.

"You'll get there, Bella. You've worked too hard to give up now."

"Thanks dad. I should probably get to my next class. I'll talk to you later." I hung up, sitting there a little longer and staring out the window blankly.

I didn't hear someone walking up behind me until I felt them tap me on the shoulder.

"Hi Bella," Angela greeted. Angela was another ambitious student like me, who had high hopes of becoming a biochemist. We had many classes together through the years and bonded over science.

I smiled up at her. I think she could probably see the melancholy look on my face. She sat down at the table across from me, eyeing me curiously.

"Bella is something wrong?" She asked, with true concern in her voice.

"Do you remember Alice?" I asked. She nodded her head. "Her husband Jasper has a twin brother named Edward and their family recently found out that he was caught in that hurricane that hit the Caribbean. He's presumed dead." She gasped, covering her mouth in shock.

"Oh my God, Bella," She breathed. "That must be so heart wrenching for all of them. I can't even imagine what they must be going through."

"I went to high school with Edward and Jasper. We weren't ever that close, but I guess you could have considered us friends," I explained.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. You must be crushed," she reached across patting my arm.

Realizing she was probably someone who may be able to help me, I decided to confide in her the dreams I had.

"Angela what would you say if I told you that I think Edward may be trying to talk to me?" I wondered.

"What do you mean talk to you?" She asked giving me that confused yet concerned look.

"Never mind," I said, shaking my head.

"No, Bella, I want to know. What do you mean by he's "trying to talk" to you?" She asked again.

I sighed, deciding to go ahead and tell her. "Last night and again this morning I had these dreams. It wasn't even like a dream. It was just a memory really. They were two encounters I had with Edward when we were in high school. Then after the memory would fade away, I heard his voice. The first time he said "Bella, I need your help" and the second time he said "Isabella, please. You are the only one that can help me."

"What does he want you to help him with?" She asked.

"I don't know," I admitted. "Do you think I'm crazy?"

"I don't think you're crazy. But I do think you should talk to someone who may be able to help you. It could be nothing. Maybe it's just your way of grieving," she suggested.

"So, you think it's just my imagination?" I asked, feeling silly for even discussing this with her.

"I don't know, Bella. Why don't you go to that psychic lady down town," she suggested. "I've heard she does palm readings and tarot cards and even talks to spirits. Maybe she can give you some sort of insight."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "You know I don't believe that crap. I'm planning to be a psychologist. It's not even possible that it's real."

"Yet, you think that someone who is supposedly dead is talking to you through your dreams?" She questioned with a hint of sarcasm. I looked up at her, slightly smiling and blushing a little.

"You're right. I am just as crazy as they are."

"Bella, you aren't crazy. I just think if you really think he's talking to you somehow, you need to find someone who can help you out and decipher why he's doing this," she clarified.

I nodded my head, diverting my eyes. "I'll think about it. Maybe it won't happen anymore. It was only twice, so what are the odds it's going to happen again?"

"Well, if you decide to go and you want me to go with you, let me know. I'd like to help if I can," she offered.

I gave her a week smile. "Thanks, Angela."

"I need to get to class. Call me if you need anything."

"I will. Thanks again," I said. She got up and walked away, giving me a reassuring squeeze of my shoulder. I should have been following her, heading to my own class. But for whatever reason I couldn't. I needed to know what this meant. What he wanted.

I finally decided to just leave. I headed home, knowing that the only way to get answers was to sleep.


	3. Jane

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews and adding this story to faves and alerts. I appreciate every single review and love to hear what everyone thinks.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or the characters involved.**

* * *

**All Around Me: Flyleaf**

**Jane**

As soon as I got home, I changed into some comfortable clothing and went to my bed to lie down. I was already exhausted, so I knew it wouldn't take long to fall asleep. I set my alarm to go off in two hours; knowing I would have to take another trip over to Alice and Jasper's house to take care of Brady. I laid my head down on the pillow and tried to think about Edward and started wondering what exactly he needs my help with.

It didn't take long before I was fast asleep.

_It was the first day of my junior year. I walked into the Forks High School feeling a little more confident about the school year. My first class of the day was biology, which I was happy about because I always did well in science classes. I found the classroom and sat down at one of the lab tables waiting for the class to begin. I watched as people came into the classroom and found a seat as well. No one dared sit next to me. Not that they were afraid of me, but people just didn't understand me or want to get to know me. So I would most likely end up at a lab table by myself doing the work alone. I was fine with that. I'd probably get done a lot faster alone anyway._

_When I saw Edward and his brother Jasper walk into the classroom with a girl I knew as Jane hanging off of Edward's arm, I got a knot in my stomach. She gazed up at him with lovesick eyes, giggling with excitement. She looked absolutely ridiculous and Edward didn't seem that enthused by her presence. I rolled my eyes when they took seats in the back and she was practically sitting on his lap. I had overheard her talking with some of her friends first thing that morning about how she had been dating Edward all summer. I figured she was his newest girlfriend._

"_Good morning class," Mr. Banner greeted, walking into the classroom and shutting the door roughly. "First off, I'm going to partner everyone up with your lab partner for the semester so we can get started. I do not want any complaining about who your lab partner is because I'm doing this randomly and I will not be changing anyone's partners just because you don't like the person you work with. Learn to live with it and do your best to get along." I heard quite a few people groan at his words, but we all got out of our seats and walked to the front of the class as he started naming off partners._

"_Mr. Banner, do I have to be partners with Conner?" Jane whined. "I was really hoping Edward and I could be partners. Biology isn't my strong subject and I think I could really learn a lot from Edward since he's so smart." She smiled up at Edward, who had a self-conscious look on his face. _

_Mr. Banner pinched the bridge of his nose and I distinctly heard him say something under his breath, but I wasn't sure if anyone else heard it. "Who can remind Jane of what I said not ten minutes ago?" He asked in an irritated tone. No one said anything or volunteered to answer. "Isabella. Can you remind Jane what it was I said?"_

_I felt my mouth go dry and that knot in my stomach appeared again. "Um," I started nervously. I looked around noticing all eyes were on me. "You said not to complain about who your lab partner is."_

"_And what is it that Jane did?" He asked, looking at me for another reply._

"_She complained," I answered._

"_Exactly," Mr. Banner established. "Thank you Bella. So now that we've cleared that up, take your seat Jane." She grabbed her bag off the floor, glaring at me and walked towards her desk, shoving me with her elbow as she passed by. I stumbled a little when she shoved me and I heard some of the students laugh._

"_Since it seems Bella was the only one who actually listened to my instructions, you will be partners with Edward," Mr. Banner announced. I glanced over at Edward who had a smirk on his face like he was amused by the horror on mine. Why was this happening to me? This is not what I needed to start off the year. I was destined to make a fool of myself in front of him and probably make Jane even more upset and she would cause problems all year long. _

"_Figures, she would get partnered with him," Jane remarked in a malicious tone. I ignored her as I passed by. I didn't see her put her foot out in front of me to make me trip until it was too late. I stumbled forward bracing myself to fall on my face. Then I felt a hand reach around my waist and pull me back up. Once I was back on my feet, I turned around realizing Edward had his arms wrapped around me, holding me up._

"_Are you okay?" He asked._

"_I'm fine," I replied, pulling away from him and walking the last few steps to my desk._

_Edward glared at Jane for a second before she spoke. "What? I was just having fun. It's not like she got hurt or anything. Maybe if she learned how to walk properly and keep her mouth shut I wouldn't…"_

"_You know Jane," Edward interrupted, loud enough for everyone to hear. "I think it was a good thing, Bella and I, were partnered together. I wasn't looking forward to doing all the work for you. I guess you'll have to find someone else to give blow-jobs to, in return for doing your homework this year. Be careful Conner, she tends to bite."_

_The class started snickering and I think I heard a few people gasp. Conner turned bright red. He looked even worse than I ever did. "We are so done you piece of shit," she retorted._

_He laughed exaggeratedly. "So that's all I had to do? All this time I've been trying to break up with you, but you were too stupid to get the hint. I guess you did now though right?"_

_Edward walked back to our lab station while everyone in the classroom erupted in laughter. Jane looked humiliated and sunk into her chair to hide. I couldn't help but smile at the look on her face. I didn't think it was very nice what Edward did, but for once I didn't feel like the one humiliated. _

"_Alright, that's enough class," Mr. Banner proclaimed. Let's get to work." Everyone started to calm down as Mr. Banner began talking about the class and rules we had to abide by._

"_Thanks for that," Edward whispered in my ear, bringing me out of my enjoyment. "I've been trying to figure out how to get rid of her for weeks now."_

"_You intended on breaking up with her like that?" I wondered. _

"_Not exactly like that, but I've been trying to let her down easy for a while now and she just wouldn't take the hint," he explained. I nodded my head in understanding._

"_Thanks for saving me from falling on my face," I said, quietly._

"_You're welcome," he whispered back._

_We didn't talk for the rest of the class opting to listen to Mr. Banner, so we wouldn't end up getting in trouble. After class, I gathered up all my stuff and headed out the door. As soon as I stepped into the hallway I saw Jane and two of her friends leaning against the lockers with their arms across their chest and glaring at me. I stopped in my tracks, watching them and knowing by the looks on their faces that at any minute they were going to attack._

"_So, Bella… how was your summer?" Edward asked, draping his arm over my shoulders and guiding me down the hall. He had to have seen them and knew what was about to happen. He was just being a nice guy and helping me out._

_I walked with him down the hall, thankful that once again he saved me. "Thank you," I said. He just smiled as we walked._

"_So, I was serious. How was your summer?" He asked again._

"_Oh, um, it was good. I visited my mom and spent a lot of time reading," I replied, simply. We reached my locker and as I started unlocking it, he leaned up against the locker next to me._

"_That's all? You just visited your mom and read?"_

"_Pretty much," I responded. "I didn't really have anything else to do."_

"_You didn't go to the beach or hang out with friends?"_

"_No, I don't have a lot of friends," I said timidly._

"_Well, you had to have at least gone to a movie or something," he wondered._

"_I went to one with my dad. But it wasn't that great of a movie," I added._

"_Well, we need to change that. You need to get out more and have some fun," he declared. I shut my locker looking at him with a curious expression._

"_I'm not a huge fan of movies. I like staying home and studying."_

"_Yeah I get that you like to study. I think you may be the smartest person at this school. I'm pretty sure you took that position from me," he chuckled._

"_I'm sorry. I didn't want to take anything away from you," I apologized. _

_He shook his head in disbelief. "Bella, I don't care. It's not important to me to be at the top of the class. I just was because most everyone at this school is an idiot. Until you came along that is."_

"_Oh," I said, blushing. We were both silent for a few seconds. _

"_You know you're welcome to hang out with me and my brother Jasper. Since you said you don't have many friends. We could be friends, Bella," he offered._

"_I don't know if that would be a good idea. I don't think your girlfriend would like it much. I mean look at what she did just because we were partnered up in biology. I can't imagine what she'd do if we were friends."_

"_If you didn't notice, I don't have a girlfriend," he stated. "But I would like it if we were friends." _

"_Um, sure," I agreed hesitantly. "I need to get to class. Thanks again for preventing me from falling and helping me get past those girls."_

"_Not a problem," he said with a crooked smile. "I'll see you around Bella."_

_As soon as he left, I let out a huge sigh I hadn't realized I was holding in. I didn't understand why just being in his presence made me weak. I hoped so bad that I didn't make a fool of myself in front of him now that we would have to work together every day in class._

"_Isabella," I heard his voice whisper, barely audible._

"_Okay Edward, I'm tired of this game you're playing," I said in my dream. "Either tell me what you want, or leave me alone."_

"_Finally," I heard his relieved voice say behind me. In my dream state I whipped my head around seeing him standing in front of me._

I woke up screaming at the top of my lungs. "Holy shit, what just happened?" I asked myself out loud. I rubbed my face trying to wake myself up. A few minutes later my alarm went off, causing me to scream again. I reached over and slammed my fist on the snooze button. My heart was racing and I couldn't catch my breath. I was so confused by all of this. Why was he coming to me? Why not Jasper? He's his brother. Or even his mom. I didn't want this. I didn't want to bring up all these memories. I didn't want to help him. Why was I seeing him now? Before I just heard his voice and now, I'm seeing him.

There was a knock on the door that caused me to let out yet another shriek. I got out of bed and ran to the door, opening it up without even looking to see who it was. A tall man with a dark blonde colored hair and blue eyes, stood in front of me, with a concerned look on his face.

"Hi…" he dragged the word out, nervously. "Uh, I live across the hall. I heard screaming coming from your apartment and I just wanted to know if you were okay."

I had to lie. He would think I was crazy if I told him I was dreaming of a ghost. "I'm fine. I just... I saw a mouse." That sounded convincing enough, at least I hoped it did.

"A mouse." He repeated skeptically.

"I don't like mice. And I definitely don't want one in my apartment," I explained. "I'm sorry if I worried you, but I really am fine." He nodded his head slowly, looking me over. His stairs made me feel self conscious.

"I think I might have a trap over at my place. I'll be right back," he informed.

"Oh no…" I started, but he was already ducking into his apartment before I could tell him it wasn't necessary.

A few seconds later he came back across the hall with a mouse trap in his hands.

"It's really okay. You don't have to do that," I insisted.

"Nonsense," he disputed. "What are neighbors for?" I moved out of the doorway allowing him to come in my apartment. Part of me wondered if I should or not but I sort of got the impression that he wasn't going to take no for an answer.

"So where did you see the mouse?" He asked. I had to think up another lie.

"It was in the kitchen."

"That's a typical place to see mice. It's where all the food is," he added with a smile. I tried to smile back, but the dream was still playing in my head, causing me to analyze it more than I probably should. I went to the fridge, taking out the cheese and breaking off a little corner of it so I could continue to play along.

"I'm Demetri, by the way. I don't think I mentioned that before. And you are…" he let the question hang, waiting for me to respond.

"Bella."

"Bella, is that short for something?" He wondered.

"It's short for Isabella," I explained.

"Isabella," he repeated, with a pleasant smile. "I like it. It fits you." I could feel my cheeks turning red from the way he was watching me.

I focused on his hands, not wanting to meet his eyes with mine as he took the chunk of cheese and placed it on the mousetrap. He pulled the wire back connecting the latch, but it didn't connect properly and the wire snapped back, pinching his finger.

"Ah…shit… fucking mousetrap," he shouted, flinging his hand in the air, trying to release the trap from his finger. I started laughing hysterically at the way he was jumping around and swinging his arms.

When he got his finger loose from the trap he let out a long sigh staring at me. I covered my mouth trying to stifle my giggles. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be laughing but…"

"I'm sure my suffering was actually quite humorous," he interrupted, beginning to chuckle as well.

"Let me get you some ice," I offered, rushing to the freezer and pulling out a few ice cubes. I walked across the kitchen and placed the ice in a towel before putting it on his finger. I dared a glance up at his face and caught him watching me intently in our close proximity. It made me feel self conscious again, so I took a step back leaning against the counter.

"The mousetrap really isn't necessary. I can call the landlord and have him do it," I recommended, trying to get him out of any more torture that he may have to endure for my lie.

"Let me take you out to dinner instead then," he suggested. I glanced up at him with wide eyes.

"Oh, I couldn't let you do that."

"Do you have a boyfriend or something?" He wondered.

"No, it's not that. I'm really busy with school and I work part time. I'm just really busy."

"It's just dinner," he argued. "I'll tell you what. Tomorrow night I'm free. I'll be downstairs around seven. If you're available then meet me out there. If not, I'll get the hint and leave you alone."

"Okay," I agreed, hesitantly.

"Good," he said with a huge grin. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then." I nodded my head before he placed the towel of ice back on the counter and headed for the door.

As soon as he was gone, I took a quick shower before I headed over to care for Brady.

The rest of the day Edward's face kept running through my mind. No matter how much I tried to forget about it, I couldn't. My mind wandered back to that memory of our first day of junior year. That was the only class we had together that semester and actually it wasn't that bad. We both were probably a little advanced for what Mr. Banner was teaching us so we got through the labs rather quickly. After we were done with the assignment of the day, I would normally read, but he would always try to interrupt me asking questions about anything and everything.

He asked about my mom and dad. He asked about Arizona. Why I moved. He wanted to know when my birthday was. He wondered about college and why studying was so important to me. He asked silly things like my favorite color or my favorite flower. I never understood why he wanted to know all this stuff. It actually got sort of annoying at times. But I think it had a lot to do with the fact that he had nothing else to do since everyone in the class was always way behind us, so he was just trying to find something to kill the time until class was over.

Although on my birthday, a few weeks after we started the school year, I walked into class and I noticed a yellow rose sitting at my desk. It was just a small little bud. It looked like something someone had picked off of a bush at home. But it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done and it brought a smile to my face. I looked around the classroom wondering who it was that left it. But the only ones there besides me, were two girls I didn't know well and I couldn't imagine either of them giving me a rose. I was almost positive it was Edward. He was the only one who knew it was my birthday. But when he walked into class, he acted no different than any other day. So, of course I started to doubt who it was that left it on my desk, or if it was even meant for me. Maybe it was intended for someone else and they got the wrong desk. I tucked it away, pressing it between the pages in my book that day. I never did ask him if it was from him. But I kept the flower anyway and imagined that whoever left it on my desk did intend for it to be for me.

I got over to Alice's house and let Brady out in the back yard. I even went out with him for a while tossing a ball back and forth with him. I contemplated calling Alice to check in, but I didn't want to bother her in case she was sleeping or in the middle of something.

Once I finished up with Brady and got the mail, I headed home once again. I was determined not to fall asleep. I didn't want whatever it was happening, to happen anymore. I didn't want anything to do with it. Instead I dug through my closet searching for the book that I placed that rose in. When I found the book, I opened it up and right where I put it all those years ago sat a flattened yellow rose. It still brought a smile to my face when I picked it up and looked it over. It had lost its scent and faded in color a little, but in my eyes it was still perfect. It was still such a sweet little thing someone did for me.

After I carefully tucked it back away in my book I went to work on cleaning my apartment. I cleaned every corner I could reach and even cleaned under the couch and in between the cushions. My apartment had never been so clean. After I had spent a good portion of the night cleaning, I worked on my homework and tried to catch up from what I had missed the last couple days in my classes.

By sunrise I was struggling to keep my eyes open. It was a Saturday so I had to work at the coffee shop. I would have to down a couple cups of coffee before my shift started. I stopped by Alice's house quickly to let Brady out and give him some fresh food and water before heading over to the coffee shop.

I got there with about five minutes to spare, so I made myself an iced mocha and drank it down as quick as I could to give me that extra boost to make it through the day.

By mid afternoon I was getting drowsy again, but we were so busy, I didn't have time to stop and drink more coffee.

"Good afternoon, Bella," Angela's cheery voice rang out. I looked up giving her a quick wave before turning back to what I was doing. I handed the costumer her coffee then turned my attention back to Angela.

"What can I get you?" I asked her.

"The usual," she said with a knowing smile. I turned around focusing my attention on making her coffee.

"Bella, are you okay?" she asked. "You look really tired. Are you still having those dreams?"

I turned my head shushing her. My co-worker turned her attention on me briefly before attending to the costumer she was helping.

"You are, aren't you?" She accused. I nodded my head in defeat.

"This last time really freaked me out though and it's my own fault. I went to sleep on purpose just to see if it would happen again," I explained.

"Have you given any more thought into seeing the psychic?" she questioned.

I shook my head. "I don't know if I want to do that. It seems a little extreme."

"Well, why do you look so tired? What did you do last night that made you exhausted?"

"I cleaned my house and did some homework. Anything I could find to prevent myself from falling asleep," I revealed.

"Bella, are you crazy? You have to sleep. I'm taking you to the psychic right after you get off work," she insisted.

"Angela, I can't. I'll be fine, really," I argued.

"I'm not taking no for an answer. I'm going to help you figure this out, so you can have some peace."

"I have to get back to work. I'll talk to you later," I said. I hoped that she would finish off her coffee and forget about the whole thing. But when my shift was over she stood next to the door waiting for me. I rolled my eyes and groaned as I followed her out.

"Angela, I can't go. I have a date tonight," I used as an excuse.

"You have a date?" She asked with an astonished look on her face. "You haven't dated in forever. Who are you going on a date with?"

"He's my neighbor. We sort of met yesterday and he asked me out."

"What's his name? What does he do?"

"His name is Demetri and I don't know what he does. We didn't have a lot of time to talk," I explained.

"Well, what time is your date?" She asked.

"He asked me to meet him at seven," I replied.

"Okay well it's only four now that gives us plenty of time to meet with the psychic, and get you back home so you can get ready. I'll even help you if you want. Someone is going to need to make you look less tired," she observed.

"Fine," I gave in. "But don't expect me to believe anything she says. I don't buy in to the whole psychic thing."

She drove downtown into a part of the city that didn't look very safe. I had some serious doubts about where she was taking me.

She parked along the sidewalk and got out. I followed, looking around the area for any sign of danger. I had a feeling at any minute some mugger was going to jump out of the bushes and attack us.

"Come on, Bella," Angela demanded. "It's going to be fine. You don't have to believe anything she says if you don't want to, but it's not going to hurt to try, is it?" I walked around to the side of the car and followed her up the sidewalk.

"I can't stay long," I informed.

"I'm sure it won't be that long. Just be open-minded."

"Have you ever been here?" I wondered.

"A long time ago," she revealed. "I was dating a guy who was really into this type of thing and he brought me here a couple times. She's sort of strange at first, but she seemed legit in my opinion."

"What's her name?" I asked as we reached the door to the small shop that was tucked away between the buildings.

"Kachiri," she replied.

"Kachiri?" I repeated.

"Just try it," she encouraged, pushing me through the door. We walked in and met with the girl at the front desk who then brought us back into a darkened room. She offered us a seat and said Kachiri would be right in.

"I don't know about this," I admitted, looking around nervously.

"Relax Bella," Angela ordered.

Moments later a tall, dark skinned woman with black hair that was a little crazy walked in. She was flanked by two other women who looked similar to her, but you could tell the woman in front was in charge.

I leaned over to Angela as the women took their seats in front of us. "Why do I feel like I'm in a remake of the movie "Ghost"?" I whispered. Angela snorted trying to hold in her giggles.

"I am Kachiri and these are my sisters Zafrina and Senna. What can I do for you ladies today?"

"I'm Angela," she began. "And this is my friend Bella. She'd like to have a reading done." I glanced over at Angela with wide eyes. I never agreed to a reading of any sort.

"Excellent," Kachiri expressed. "A reading will cost you seventy dollars. My sister here will handle that part."

"Seventy dollars," I exclaimed. "You have got to be kidding. I'm not paying seventy dollars, for something that I personally feel is a sham."

"Then what may I ask are you here for?" Kachiri asked. I was quiet for a minute as we both stared intently at each other.

"If you're a psychic you should probably already know why I'm here," I countered.

"Indeed I do know why you are here. What I'm asking is if you don't think what I say is real then why did you come?"

"I guess I just needed some answers."

"And that is what I can give you, for a price. I'm sorry but I have to make a living somehow," she explained. I sighed in defeat as I pulled out my purse and handed over all the tip money I had on me from the day, and then handed over the one credit card I owned for emergencies. This wasn't much of an emergency, but I had nothing else on me so I had no choice.

As soon as the payment was taken care of, Kachiri reached out her hands for mine. I placed them nervously in hers waiting to see what happened next.

"Please try to relax. Free your mind of any thoughts or worries you may have," she ordered. I took a deep breath closing my eyes doing everything I could to make myself relax.

"You have a spirit following you," she replied. "It's a male. Someone you loved. He wants your help."

I opened my eyes looking deep into her eyes. She looked sad for me. It was like she could see who it was that died and how they died, who he was to me even. "I know all this already. I want to know what he wants. Why does he keep coming to me? He has a twin brother that he has always had an uncanny connection to. Why doesn't he go to him, or another family member?"

"You have an unusual mind. You see things differently than others do. He's able to connect to your mind for that reason when you dream of him," she explained.

"Then what does he want?" I questioned again.

"Ask him," she answered simply.

"Ask him? I'm terrified every time I hear his voice in my dream. How am I supposed to talk to him?" I questioned.

"What are you afraid of?"

"I'm afraid he'll hurt me somehow. Or that he'll want me to do something I'm not capable of doing," I revealed.

"He's a spirit Bella. There isn't anything he can do to you. He literally can't do anything. That's why he's coming to you. Whatever he needs from you, is preventing him from moving on," she explained.

"So basically you're telling me the only way to get this to stop is if I help him?"

"It's up to you whether you will help him or not. If you don't, he'll find some other way to do what he needs to do. But if he's coming to you then you should feel truly blessed. It's not often someone gets this type of gift," she added.

"I don't see anyone else though. It's not like I'm a psychic that helps the dead or something. I don't want this at all."

"You aren't a psychic. You have a special connection to certain people, especially this man. He needs your help and it's the only way he can get it," she continued.

I sat there trying to take in everything she was telling me. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know whether or not to believe her. I wondered if Angela had called ahead and explained the situation. She had to have considering this woman knew so much. I never believed this type of stuff.

"Thank you for your time," I said, standing to my feet and extending my hand to hers. She shook my hand lightly giving me a reassuring smile. Angela stood next to me shaking her hand as well before following me out.

"So, what do you think?" Angela asked as soon as we were outside once again.

"I think I need to go home and get ready for my date," I reminded.

We got back in her car. "Bella, I'm serious. What do you think? Did you believe her? She seemed to make sense."

"Did you call her before we came in?" I asked.

"I did, but only to make an appointment. I didn't give any details. I only gave your name and the time we'd be coming in," she assured.

"What do you think I should do?" I asked.

"I think you need to find out what he wants. Help him out and then you can both move on," she offered.

"But that's just it, Angela," I started, beginning to cry. "I don't want to help him. It's too hard. I've loved him since I was sixteen and I know it's silly and I'm crazy for it. But every time I dream of a memory I have of him, it brings up all those feelings I had as a teenager and it hurts too much. I don't want to see him knowing I'll never see him again alive after this. Knowing he's dead and I'll never see him again is killing me."

"Bella" she began softly. "If you truly loved him then maybe you need to let him go. He needs this last thing from for you, so he'll be free and so will you. You need to put aside what you're feeling and think about what he needs. It's the only way to get this to stop and for you to move on."

She was right. I knew she was. I knew what I had to do, but I was scared. She rubbed my shoulder as I wiped at my tears. We were silent on the drive back to my apartment. I didn't have much to say after everything I already had. The fatigue was starting to get to me and I knew that was probably a big factor in my emotional break-down. All I really wanted to do was go to bed and sleep for the rest of the weekend.

When she pulled into the parking lot of my apartment, I suddenly remembered the date I had to get ready for. I considered canceling, but I really wanted to go out with him. He seemed like a really nice guy and maybe it was exactly what I needed.

Angela went up to my apartment with me and started helping me pick out outfits. I went to take a shower, knowing if anything it would make me feel and look a lot better than what I did.

I got out of the shower wrapping myself in my bathrobe before stepping out into the hallway.

"Alright," Angela began as I walked back into my bedroom. "I know Alice is much better at this than me, but I have three choices here for you. This one is the little black dress that says you are really into this guy and you're willing to have sex with him on the first date. This one is a casual yet elegant ensemble that says you really like this guy, but you don't want it to be anything serious. You're just looking to have a good time and if he never calls you back, it's not going to hurt you. And this one is the 'I don't care for you much, but I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and give you a shot at changing my mind'."

I laughed at her analogies. "I think I'll take the middle. It's probably the safest route to take right?" I asked. She smiled.

"I think it's best for you. But I'm glad to see you laughing again. I don't want you stressing about this tonight. You really do need to get out and have some fun," she said.

"I was thinking the same thing. I feel bad about it though. My best friend in the world and her family are grieving and I'm going out on a date. I just don't know if this is right," I wondered.

"It's just dinner right? You have to eat and it's not a bad thing if you eat with someone else."

I nodded my head. She was probably right. This wasn't anything that I needed to get worked up about.

She helped me fix my hair the best she could and I applied just a touch of make-up to hide the exhaustion on my face.

"Alright, I'm going to go now," Angela announced once I was done getting dressed in a simple floral patterned sundress with spaghetti straps. It was perfect for the warm nights we were having yet still classy enough to not make me look like I was desperate. This was just dinner. "Have fun tonight and don't stress about anything. Just enjoy yourself. I want to hear all about it tomorrow."

"Thank you, Angela," I said appreciatively giving her a goodbye hug.

She headed out the front door just a few minutes before seven. She very well could have seen him down in the parking lot when she left. I glanced out the window to see if he was there. Sure enough there he was standing by what I assumed was his car in a pair of khaki pants and a white buttoned down shirt. The minute I saw him the butterflies appeared in my stomach. I hadn't been on a date in so long. I stared out the window for quite a while, watching him and trying to talk myself into doing this. I checked myself over in the mirror one last time, took a deep breath and headed for the door. I could do this.

I headed downstairs to the parking lot and just as I stepped outside he was standing there in front of me.

"Hi," I said, nervously.

"Hi, I was beginning to think you weren't coming. I know I said I would get the hint if you didn't show up. But I was planning to go up, and try one more time." He revealed sheepishly.

"I was actually trying to talk myself out of this," I disclosed. He got a disappointed look on his face. "It's not that I didn't want to go. I just don't date very often and I'm a little nervous, since I don't know you that well."

"Well, I'd say this is the perfect way to get to know each other better. Shall we?" He offered his arm for me. It was such a gentleman thing to do. I was already impressed. I smiled, taking his arm as he led me to his car.

He opened the car door for me and I slid into the passenger seat, feeling slightly less tense. This couldn't be that bad. Could it?


	4. Maggie

**A/N: So in case you didn't check out the first chapter again, one of my readers requested/suggested I put a playlist together for this story like I did with my other story so I did. I'll post the song title and artist at the beginning. All of these songs are really great and I encourage everyone to check them out. Some of them are not well known artists and they could really use some new fans.**

**Thanks for all the reviews. I love reading them. They always make me giddy. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters involved.**

* * *

**Near to You: A Fine Frenzy**

**Maggie**

**BPOV**

Demetri pulled into the parking lot of a very classy restaurant. It was a place I had never been before or would ever dream of going.

"This looks like an expensive place," I worried.

"Don't worry about it," he assured, helping me out of the car. We walked in and were seated immediately even though there were many other people still waiting.

"So," he began, looking over the menu. "You said the other day that you were in school. What are you going for?"

"I'm hoping to be a child psychologist," I revealed. "I have a few years left though."

"Wow, I'm impressed already." I laughed at his expression. He did actually seem impressed, or maybe a little intimidated. I wasn't sure which one.

"So, what do you do?" I asked, trying to make friendly conversation.

"I uh… I work in the missing persons unit."

"Oh, so are you a police officer then?"

"Not exactly," he corrected, looking down sheepishly. "I work on the inside, figuring out the clues and trying to match things up, working in the lab. It's a tough job but it's always nice when we can find someone that's been missing. Even better when we find them alive."

"That's amazing," I remarked.

"It's not quite as amazing as being a child psychologist."

"Well, I'm not one yet. Maybe someday I will, but I still have a lot of school to get through," I explained.

I glanced back down at the menu noticing the waitress was coming towards our table.

"Good evening, I'm Sara and I'll be your server tonight. Can I offer either of you a glass of wine to get you started?"

He looked up from his menu. "Would you like some?" He asked.

"Sure, that sounds great."

He ordered us both a glass of a really expensive wine. I thought about protesting, telling him it was too much, but I didn't want to be rude at the same time. I was so clueless how to act on a date. It had been so long since I'd been on one. When I dated Riley, he wasn't the type to go out. Actually, I think most of the time if we did go anywhere, I paid. The more I think about it, I feel like he used me quite a bit for whatever he could get out of me. But, I was desperate for someone to love me, that I did anything he wanted. The only thing I wasn't willing to bend on was school. I wasn't going to give up my dream for any guy. No matter how much I may have thought I loved them or they loved me.

"Alright and are you ready to order or do you still need a few minutes?" She asked.

"I think I'm ready," I announced when both of them looked my way. "I'll have the Coq au Vin."

He smiled as he closed his menu. "I'll have the same."

She took our menus and headed back to the kitchen.

"The Coq au Vin is the best here. It's usually what I get."

"So you come here often?" I asked, wondering if this was a place he brought all his dates.

"Not as often as I'd like," he laughed. "You mentioned yesterday that you have a busy schedule. Well, you're not the only one. My work sort of limits my time to spend with beautiful girls." I blushed at his words and looked down at my hands nervously.

"So," he began, just as my phone started ringing. I dug it out of my small purse I brought along seeing my mom's name on the screen.

"I'm sorry; this will only take a minute." He shook his head and waved his hand, letting me know it was fine.

I turned my body slightly, answering the call.

"Hi mom," I greeted.

"Isabella, are you okay?" She asked, frantically.

"I'm fine mom," I huffed.

"You called yesterday, but you didn't leave a message. I thought I told you we would be traveling and out of cell range? It made me worried that you called."

"I guess I just forgot. But really I'm okay."

"I talked to your dad. He told me about that boy that you knew. Was that why you were calling?" She questioned.

"Sort of, but it's not important anymore," I explained.

"Were you close with him? Honey, if need to talk, I'm here," she continued. "I'm sure you must be going through so much right now. Your father said he was your friend Alice's brother in law. You had to have known him pretty well I imagine. How is Alice holding up? And what's her husband's name? It's Jackson right?"

"It's Jasper, but mom I really can't talk about this right now. I'm out to dinner with a friend. I can call you later," I said, trying to finish up the conversation without it being too awkward.

"Are you on a date?" she gasped, excitedly.

"Yes, kind of," I revealed.

"You have to tell me all about him. What's his name? Is it someone you go to school with? How did you meet him?"

"Mom," I whined.

"Okay, Okay, I guess you aren't as upset about this guy who died as I thought you were. You better call me with details later. And be careful," she warned.

"I will. Bye mom." I hung up turning my body back towards him. I noticed the wine was on the table now, so I grabbed the glass drinking down about half of it. I didn't like what she said about not being as upset about Edward's death. I was upset. It was devastating, but what was I supposed to do? I can't sit at home feeling sorry for myself. But at the same time I shouldn't be here on a date. I should be mourning him. He was after all a friend.

"Are you alright?" He asked, noticing me drinking the wine quickly.

"I'm fine. It's just my mother. She asks so many questions and worries too much, so it's hard to talk to her sometimes."

"I can imagine."

"So who's Jasper?" He asked nonchalantly. I could tell he was far more curious than he intended to let on.

"He's my best friend's husband," I explained with a smile. "My mom, for whatever reason, always calls him Jackson when she mentions him. I don't see how she continually gets it wrong every time."

"I see," he acknowledged. "Why was she asking about him?"

I ducked my head, wondering if I really should be telling him why. "His uh…" I started to speak, but was interrupted once again by my phone. I gave him a sheepish smile before I answered, noticing it was Alice.

"Hi, Alice," I said, politely. "How are you holding up?" All I could hear was her crying. "Alice, what's wrong?"

"It's Jasper. He's going insane or something. He got in a huge fight with Rosalie and even his dad. He's mad at everyone, including me," she informed. "I don't know what to do to help him."

I sighed heavily, feeling her frustration and fear. "What happened?"

"Rose and Emmett got in today and you know how Rose is. She's sort of prissy and bitchy even. She's driving us all crazy with her demands and needs and snarky attitude. Jasper couldn't take it anymore and started yelling at her. He feels like she doesn't even care that their brother is gone. All she cares about is whether she has eight hundred thread count sheets on her bed and whether there are any whole grain bagels with low-fat cream cheese. He doesn't even understand why she's here. I tried to talk to him to calm him down and he got mad at me and told me to leave him alone. He actually told me to go home because I was no use here." She paused, beginning to cry again. "Why did he do that Bella? All I'm trying to do is help. I know he's hurting, but I was only trying to help."

"Alice, don't take it personally. Like you said he's hurting and you just need to give him time to adjust. This is probably harder on him than anyone else," I insisted.

"I know. It's just so not like him to treat me like that. I know he's upset, but his words just hurt so much. It's all Rosalie's fault too. I think if she would have just stayed where she was, everyone would be able to get through this a lot easier."

"Alice, you can't mean that. He's her brother too. She's probably hurting just as much as everyone else is. She's just dealing with it differently. I can't imagine she's that heartless to not care about both of her brothers."

"This is just so much harder than I imagined it would be. We're having a memorial service on Tuesday. I don't know why either. This family is such a mess right now. I don't think a memorial service is going to do any good," she revealed.

"You never know. Maybe it will help. It might help them all have some closure in all of this," I insisted.

"I hope so. I honestly just want to go home. If Jasper doesn't even want me here than what's my purpose for staying?" She wondered.

"He does want you there. I'm sure of it. He's just upset and unfortunately you're the easiest person for him to take it out on. You know he doesn't mean it and he loves you more than anything."

"You're right. And I love him, so if I need to be his punching bag, sort of speak, than I can handle that," she conceded.

"Just as long as you aren't an actual punching bag," I added.

"He would never do that."

"I hope not."

"I should go. I need to make sure Rosalie has the correct towels in her bathroom." I could hear the sarcasm in her voice and I couldn't help but chuckle slightly at it.

"Alright, take care. Call anytime you need to," I insisted.

"Thanks Bella. I don't know why, but I always feel so much better after I talk to you."

"I'm glad; if that's all I can do, then I'll gladly do it whenever you need me to."

"I'm sure I'll call you sometime tomorrow," she said.

"Okay, I'll talk to you then." I hung up, turning back to Demetri. He looked a little perplexed. I noticed our food had arrived, but he had yet to touch his.

"I'm so sorry," I apologized.

He shook his head and gave me a weak smile. "Don't worry about it. It sounded kind of important. I'm sorry for eavesdropping, but it was sort of hard not to."

"It's okay," I insisted.

"So was that your friend that's married to Jasper?" He questioned, as we both began to eat our meals.

"Yes, that was Alice."

"Are they having trouble in their marriage?" He asked.

"Uh…" I stuttered, nervously.

"I'm sorry if I'm being nosey. I'm just curious if everything's okay with your friend?"

"She's fine."

"Really, because it didn't sound that way," he gave me a questioning look. I knew what he was thinking. I had to just tell him the truth.

"My friend's brother…" I began, before being interrupted again.

"Bella, I never thought I'd see you here," My psych teacher, Mrs. Goff said politely, as she came over to our table. I notice Demetri huff slightly from the interruption. I felt bad, but what could I do?

"Hi, Mrs. Goff," I greeted.

"I haven't seen you in class the last couple of days. It's not like you to miss school. Is everything okay?" She asked.

"Not really. A friend of mine from high school died recently and it's been a little difficult. My best friend's husband is his twin brother," I revealed to her. I knew Demetri could hear as well, so I hoped he would understand why there were so many interruptions tonight.

"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry. I imagine you must be taking it hard," she said, with a concerned look on her face.

"I'm sorry too," Demetri said, quietly. "I had no idea."

"How did it happen?" she asked.

"Uh…" I could feel the tears starting to sting my eyes from bringing this up again. "He was caught in the hurricane down in the Caribbean."

"Oh my God, how terrible," she gasped. "His poor family must be devastated. I can't even imagine."

"It's been hard on everyone. He was washed away in the wreckage," I explained. "I'm trying really hard to hold it together for my friend but she's not doing that well." The tears were starting to fall down my cheeks. I tried to hide my face, so neither of them could see. But when Mrs. Goff placed her arm around my shoulders I knew she had noticed.

"I'm sure this must be hard on you too. You can take all the time you need to grieve. I don't think you'll have any trouble catching up when you get back."

"Thank you, Mrs. Goff. I appreciate that so much." I knew I always liked her. I wasn't so sure if any of my other teachers would be as understanding. If he was a family member, maybe they would. But he was just a friend.

"I'll let you two get back to your dinner. I just wanted to come by and say hi and make sure everything was ok. I had no idea I'd hear what I just did though," she said, patting my shoulder one last time. "Take care, Bella. I'll see you when you get back."

"Thank you," I whispered shakily, swiping at the tear on my cheeks.

She walked away leaving me and Demetri alone again. I hesitantly looked up at him. He was watching me closely and I saw him swallow hard. He looked nervous.

"Bella, I'm really sorry. I had no idea that's what you were going through. Why didn't you say anything?" He questioned.

"I've been trying to. I just kept getting interrupted," I explained. "I'm going to go to the ladies room for a minute and clean my face. I'll be right back. Please don't wait to eat for me. I don't want your food to get cold on my account."

He nodded his head and stood as I did. I gave him a weak smile as I headed to the other side of the restaurant to the ladies room. When I walked in I went straight to the sink and splashed my face with some cold water. I grabbed a towel and dried my face off, looking at myself in the mirror. I didn't know what I was doing here. Edward was dead and I was on a date. What was I thinking? I was starting to realize that the last place I should be right now was on a date. He was probably not having the greatest time with me anyway. I doubted he'd ever ask me out again after this.

"Bella, are you sure you're okay?" Mr. Goff once again asked, coming out of one of the stalls.

"I don't know. I thought getting out would help, but I can't get him out of my head," I revealed to her.

"You really cared about him didn't you?" She observed, placing a hand on my shoulder. I gave her a confused look. "It's written all over your face. I don't even have to ask you how much you loved this man that died. Why do you think I told you to take some time off from school? You may not be his immediate family, but you're grieving just as much as they are."

"Do you think my grieving may have something to do with why I keep seeing him?" I questioned. I hoped maybe she'd be able to give me more answers than the psychic did.

"What do you mean you see him?"

"I know it sounds crazy. I don't know if I even believe it myself. It started out as just his voice. But the last time I saw him," I rambled.

"Bella, hold on. What do you mean you heard him and saw him?" I sighed, realizing I probably wasn't making any sense. "Come here." She grabbed my hand in a motherly fashion and led me to the small couch in the bathroom. "Explain to me what you're talking about."

"After I got the call from my friend Alice that he had died, I was upset and went home. I fell asleep and dreamt of the first time I met him. Then right after the memory was over, I heard his voice. He said he needed my help. Ever since then, every time I fall asleep, the same thing happens. I have a dream that's a memory of some encounter I had with him and then at the end I hear him. The last dream I had, I saw him. I went to a psychic today with my friend Angela and she said somehow he's able to connect to my dreams or something and communicate with me. She said I needed to ask him what he wanted, but honestly I don't know if I want to help him. I'm terrified to know what he wants. Besides this all sounds so ridiculous. I mean it's not even possible for this sort of thing to happen right?"

She watched me carefully as I spoke, I felt like she was studying me. Most likely she was, but I wasn't sure what she was finding out. She probably thought I was a complete nutcase.

"The mind can do some pretty amazing things, Bella. Things we can't even imagine or comprehend yet. Why do you think we have psychologists? It is what you want to be, right? If there was no need to discover new things about the human brain, there would be no reason for you to go to school or for me to teach. One thing I've learned over the years is that nothing is impossible. If you are seeing him, then there has to be a reason for it. Embrace it, don't run from it. I imagine since you see him in your dreams, you haven't been sleeping much." I looked down ashamed that she could tell so easily. "You look exhausted, you need to go home and get some sleep. If you see him again, find out what he wants and if you need someone to talk to about it, you can come to me any time you need to."

"You think I should talk to him? It's what the psychic told me to do, but I'm not so sure it's the right thing to do."

"I think you need to do what's best for you. If you don't feel like you can help him then ask him to leave you alone. But I think you need to give it a try and see what happens. It could be the simplest thing that he needs from you, so he can move on," she added. I nodded my head taking a deep breath. I trusted her more than the psychic and if she thought I should embrace this and she didn't think I was crazy, than I only had one option.

"I should probably get back to my date," I said, realizing I'd been in here longer than I probably should have been. I hoped so bad he didn't think I ditched him.

"Whenever you need to talk you know where I am." She gave me a quick hug as I thanked her for her time. I headed back out to our table seeing that Demetri was still sitting at the table looking around aimlessly and checking his watch every few seconds. I felt horrible.

"I'm so sorry," I said sincerely, as I sat back down. He watched me briefly before he asked if I just wanted to go. My heart sunk. I had blown it with him and he didn't want to be on this date with me anymore. I nodded my head sadly. The waitress came over, taking my plate of untouched food to box up for me while Demetri paid the bill.

The drive back was fairly quiet. I didn't think there was anything I could say to make up for everything that happened tonight. I glanced at my watch, realizing it was almost nine o'clock.

"Shit," I shouted.

"Is something wrong?" He asked, glancing back and forth between me and the road with an almost shocked look on his face.

"I was supposed to go over to my friends' house to feed their dog, but I completely forgot about it. He's probably making a mess of their house."

"Tell me the way and we'll swing by there now," he offered.

"Oh no, that's ok. I can just head over after we get back to the apartment building."

"Bella, that makes no sense. Just tell me what direction to head in," he demanded. I reluctantly pointed out the directions over to their house. I figured I'd just run in real quick and let him out, then he could drive me home and I'd rush back over to let him back in. I felt bad enough about tonight, I didn't want to cause him anymore trouble.

When we pulled up, I started to get out and he did too. I looked at him for a minute, questioning what he was doing.

"Is it okay if I come in? Or would they not like that?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No, I'm sure it's fine. It shouldn't take too long," I replied.

"Take your time, Bella. I'm not in any big rush to get home," he revealed. I walked to the door, unlocking it and got smothered by dog kisses almost instantly. I shooed him down, letting Demetri in and headed for the back to let Brady into the backyard. He took off running the minute the door was open. I felt horrible for forgetting about him tonight and being so late. But I felt even worse for ruining this date. He was probably bored out of his mind being with me and regretting ever asking me out.

I watched him wander around the living room, looking around their place. "I'm really sorry about tonight. I'm sure it was probably the worst date you've ever been on."

"I wouldn't say it's the worst. It's definitely been interesting, but not in a bad way," he assured. I walked into the darkened living room moving closer to him, but still keeping a safe distance. "I was sort of hoping since it's a Saturday night we could continue the date after dinner. But you look really tired and you seem rather upset tonight."

"I know and I'm sorry about that. I wish there was a way I could make it up to you."

"Well, maybe there is. After you feel better, go out with me again."

I gave him a confused look. I was not expecting that at all. "You would want to go out with me again after all this?"

He smirked. "Bella, first dates are always terrible. The second one will be better. But I think you need time to grieve and help your friends out before we continue anything."

"Thank you. And I'd like to try this again, if you're willing." He nodded his head and smiled.

"So, is this him?" He asked gesturing towards a picture sitting on the mantle. I walked closer, looking at the picture of Jasper and Edward from Jasper and Alice's wedding.

I swallowed against the lump that was forming in my throat. "Yeah, that's Jasper and that's Edward," I pointed out.

"So, how long did you date him?"

"What?"

"I can tell that you care about this guy a lot. Maybe even been in love with him at one time, or you still are," he observed. "I can't be sure."

"Edward and I were just friends. We went to high school together. He was the first person I met when I started school in Forks. He was always really nice to me when everyone else was sort of mean. But it never went further than that." I walked away, heading towards the couch and sat down, feeling the exhaustion getting to me. He slowly walked over and sat down next to me.

"Why are you so tired?" He asked.

"I haven't been sleeping very well the last few days."

"Yeah, I could kind of tell," he joked. "What exactly were you doing last night?"

My face blushed from embarrassment. I hadn't realized all my cleaning I had done the night before could be heard by him. "I couldn't sleep, so I cleaned my apartment. It's probably cleaner now than it ever has been before," I laughed.

"Are you still afraid of the mouse?" He teased.

"Uh… yeah," I lied. I was seriously considering telling him the truth. He was turning out to be a really nice guy and I didn't feel like he would think I was crazy if I told him what really happened. But I thought it might be too soon.

"You know, I'm pretty sure there are no mice in my apartment. I'm not trying to suggest anything here, but if you ever want to come across the hall and hang out with me you can," he offered.

I smiled, looking over at him. "But you aren't suggesting anything?" I taunted.

He chuckled. "Not on a first date." Our eyes connected and I watched as his expression changed from playful to serious. "But I may do this." He slowly raised his hand to my chin and lifted my face to his as he gently pressed his lips to mine. I was so nervous. I hadn't kissed a guy in so long. I knew I was going to screw this up somehow. I willingly opened my mouth allowing him to deepen the kiss. His hand snaked around my waist, pulling me closer. I was just starting to lose myself in the kiss when Brady started scratching at the door.

I pulled away apologizing once again for being interrupted. This time he didn't seem as upset though. I rushed to the back door letting Brady in and made sure he had food and water, before going back into the living room.

"So where were we?" I asked, plopping down on the couch with him.

"Eager are we?" He laughed. I pulled away realizing that maybe I was being a little pushy and only asking for trouble. This wasn't like me at all. I don't kiss on the first date.

"Sorry," I apologized again. "I didn't mean to be pushy or suggest anything…" He interrupted my apology by kissing me again.

"You weren't suggesting anything I wasn't hoping for," he said, after pulling back slightly. "I would just rather wait before we go any further until I can have all of you." My eyes furrowed in confusion. Did he just say what it sounded like he said? "I didn't mean it the way that sounded. I just mean that your mind is somewhere else, preoccupied with other things and I don't like to share. So I'm going to take you home, and wait impatiently until you're ready to move forward."

My shoulders dropped from disappointment, but I understood what he was saying. It probably was best if I went home. I needed to figure out what was going on with me and try to deal with that before I got involved with Demetri.

He stood to his feet, putting his hand out for mine. "Are we ready to go?" I took his hand, rising to my feet as well. I flipped all the lights off and followed him out to his car.

When we arrived back at the apartments he walked me up the stairs and waited as I unlocked my door.

"For what it's worth, I did have a really good time with you," I said. He smiled.

"I had a good time too and I hope eventually, if all goes well, we can have an even better time next time. But remember if you ever need anything or just want someone to talk to, I'm right across the hall," he reminded.

I nodded my head and smiled. "I'll keep that in mind."

He chuckled, leaned in and gave me a sweet, innocent kiss on the cheek. "Goodnight Bella."

"Goodnight, and thanks again for being so understanding."

I opened my door walking inside as he walked across the hall and started unlocking his door. As soon as I was in, I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. I stripped off the dress and put on an old pair of sweats and a big t-shirt before plopping down on the couch and turning on the TV. I knew I probably should have gone to bed so I could sleep, but I was still avoiding sleep a little. I flipped through the channels, but couldn't find anything decent to watch.

I eventually turned it off and went to bed. I had to face this head on and figure out what I needed to do. I couldn't hide from him anymore. If he needed my help than I was going to do my best to help him any way I could.

_It was towards the end of junior year and everyone was anxious to get out of school for the summer. I was in my American History class and this happened to be a class I shared with Edward. Actually, that last semester of junior year, Edward and I had almost all our classes together. Thankfully for my sanity, I didn't have to be partnered up with him or even sit next to him in any of the classes._

_Ms. Cope, the history teacher, had just informed us that we needed to do a project on something we had learned in the class, for our final. She was a teacher that didn't like giving tests, but preferred to give out lots of homework instead. Many of the students grumbled at the thought of doing a huge project right at the end of the year, but I was looking forward to it. She told us that the last two weeks would be dedicated to working on the projects and we could do it on any subject, as long as we had visual aids and wrote a pretty extensive report on whatever subject we chose. Then we would have to give a speech explaining our project and what we learned._

_As soon as she said speech, my mouth went dry. I wasn't good at public speaking and always sounded like a stuttering imbecile._

_She told us to pick a partner to work with and chose someone we could work well with because this was a big project and a good portion of our grade. I looked around the classroom, knowing that not one person in the class would ask me to be their partner, unless they were desperate for a higher grade and needed me to do all the work._

_I sat at my desk, staring down at my notes for the project, while everyone else started moving around to partner up._

"_Hey Bella," I heard Edward's voice say. I looked up, seeing him standing next to my desk. "Do you want be partners?"_

"_Uh... I… Uh…" I stuttered, trying to find the right words. Why was he asking me to be partners?_

"_Unless you don't want to," he wondered._

"_That's not it; I just wasn't expecting you to ask me to be partners. But we can if you want."_

"_I just figured since we're both pretty smart it might be a good idea to work together. I wasn't really looking forward to doing the whole project myself if I partnered up with someone else and I don't think you want to do that either. So this way we can help each other out," he explained, as he sat in the empty desk in front of me._

"_Yeah, that's true," I said, feeling nervous and a little ridiculous._

"_So, what did you have in mind for the project?" He asked._

"_I don't know, I was thinking maybe the Civil War, or colonial living. Did you have something you wanted to base it on?"_

"_Well, knowing my brother he's probably going to do his project on the Civil War. He's obsessed with that time period, so that one is definitely out." Maybe we could do it on the War of 1812 or Oregon Trail._

"_I like the Oregon Trail idea. Maybe we could build a diagram of what it looked like," I suggested._

"_Complete with covered wagons and little people and animals," he added, excitedly. I giggled._

"_Yeah, we can make the covered wagons out of popsicle sticks or something."_

"_Excellent," he said with a huge smile. "This is going to be fun."_

"_So, maybe we should work on the outline of what we want to do and write about, before the end of class."_

"_Sounds good," he agreed._

_The rest of the class period we worked on all the parts we wanted to include in the report. We also had a pretty good diagram drawn up of what our project would look like. Edward seemed to really get into this project, which I was a little surprised about. He never seemed to enjoy history that much any other time in class._

_The following days we worked really hard on the project write-up and had our entire speech worked out and prepared. That was what I was most afraid of, but I figured since we had everything planned out down to every word we would say, it wouldn't be that bad._

_We only had three days left to finish our projects and we hadn't even started on the visual part of it. What we were planning to make wasn't exactly something we could put together in class. I wasn't sure how we were planning to do that part of it and I hadn't exactly asked him either._

"_So, I was thinking about the diagram we're planning to build," he began, one day in class. "If you're not busy maybe after school we could go pick up the supplies we need and then we can go back to my house and put it all together." _

"_Sure," I replied, not thinking through what I just said. I could tell he was holding back a smile. I wondered if maybe my face had turned red again and that's what he was trying not to laugh at. I'm sure it had, since this was going to be the first time I'd ever seen his house or met his family and I'd be alone with him. This was going to be awkward for sure. I was already nervous._

_After school he met me at my locker and walked me out to his car. "I can just drive my truck," I offered._

"_That's silly Bella. It's a waste of gas when we're going to the same places. I'll bring you back to get your truck when we're done," he explained._

_I gave in and climbed into the front seat of his car. We drove out of town after we realized that the only way to get the things we needed was to drive into Port Angeles. That was sort of scary for me. I didn't know what to talk to him about or if I should even talk to him. I think he was having the same feeling because he turned the radio on and we were basically silent the entire way. I decided to take out my notebook and make up a list of everything we would need instead._

_When we arrived in Port Angeles the first place we went was the hardware store to pick up a large sheet of wood and a few other things. Then we drove to the local Walmart to pick up some craft supplies and various other items._

"_Bella," Edward shouted animatedly, while running down the aisle I was in. "Look what I found. It's exactly what we need." He held up a bag of some plastic toy farm animals that he obviously went searching for. I laughed at him for being so excited about toy farm animals. _

"_How many did you get?" I asked._

"_I grabbed three bags. Do you think we need more?"_

"_No, that's probably enough. Now we just need to find the Popsicle sticks and get some glue."_

_We walked down another aisle until I found a big box of Popsicle sticks._

"_You mean we don't get to eat the popsicles to get the sticks?" He asked, sounding a little heartbroken._

"_Do you know how many popsicles we'd have to eat to have enough for this project?"_

"_I'm going to buy some anyway." He rushed off heading to the other side of the store searching for popsicles. When I met him at the front of the store with his hands full of popsicles, chips, soda, and a big bag of M&M's, I wondered what he was preparing for. I raised an eyebrow at him as he tossed everything in the cart._

"_What," he said defensively. "We need food don't we?"_

"_This isn't food, this is junk," I retorted._

"_Fine, we'll call it snacks. Does that sound better?"_

"_You are so strange," I laughed._

"_Strange in a good way though, right?" He asked with a huge grin on his face._

"_Yeah, in a good way I guess."_

_After we paid and headed back to Forks, we both seemed to loosen up a little. We talked about the project a little and joked about how awful some of the other projects were turning out to be. We both had a good feeling that our project was one of the better ones._

_When we pulled up in front of this huge house, I gasped at the sight of it. "Come on," he encouraged. I helped grab all the bags from the back seat while he carried the piece of plywood and other wood pieces we picked up at the hardware store. I walked in behind him slowly, looking around at everything._

"_Edward, there you are. I was starting to get worried," a woman who I assumed must be his mother said, as she came from around the corner._

"_Hi mom, this is Bella," he introduced._

"_Hi Bella," she greeted, coming over to me with an extended hand. I shuffled the bags over into my left hand so I could shake her hand. "I'm Esme."_

"_It's nice to meet you ma'am."_

"_Oh please, call me Esme or even Momma Mia like Edward does." I glanced over at Edward because I had no clue what she was talking about. Edward just shook his head, telling me it was nothing._

"_We have to work on a history project together, so we went to Port Angeles to pick up supplies. Now we're going to head upstairs and build this thing._

"_Alright, well if you need anything I'll be around. Your brother and sister are out and shouldn't be back until dinner and your father is working late tonight," she informed._

"_Okay, can you stick these in the freezer for me?" He asked, handing her the bag of melting popsicles. She grinned as she took the bag from him and headed towards the kitchen._

_Edward gestured for me to follow him up the stairs, so I did. We walked into his room that was a typical teenage boy's room. Simple décor with a large flat screen TV and a shelf filled with lots of DVD's and CD's._

_We laid everything out on his floor and started gluing the pieces together for the wagons and making little people out of some other little pieces of wood. We got some scraps of fabric in the craft section which worked well for clothing. We worked for quite a while before Edward started opening up all his snacks. He offered me some, but I declined. I wanted to just finish up this project so we could be done with it._

_After a while he went down stairs for a few minutes. When he came back up he had two popsicles in his hand._

"_It's time for a break. You have to at least have a popsicle with me," he demanded. I rolled my eyes, but got up off the floor and sat down in the chair he had in the corner and took the popsicle from him._

"_My mom wants to know if you would like to stay for dinner," he announced. "She's making some pasta dish, but there's plenty and it's the least I could do for keeping you here all day."_

"_It's not like I'm doing all the work. It's my grade too, so I should be helping right?"_

"_Yeah I know, but it is kind of inconvenient for you isn't it?" He wondered._

"_No, I'm actually having a good time," I said. "Making all these little figurines is more fun than I imagined it would be."_

"_So, hanging out with me isn't fun?" he asked._

"_Sure it's fun. Who else would have made me eat a popsicle?" I laughed. He ducked his head in embarrassment. We finished eating the popsicles and went back to work on making all the little figures._

_Just as we were putting the finishing touches on it with moss and little branches that looked like trees, Jasper came barging in the room._

"_What do you want J?" Edward asked, in an irritated voice._

"_Just coming up to see what you were up to," he responded._

"_We're working on the history project."_

_Jasper glanced down at the board and his mouth hung open. "Damn, I should have picked Bella to be my partner."_

"_What, you think I didn't have anything to do with any of it?" Edward argued._

"_You aren't that creative," he teased._

"_Whatever," Edward grumbled._

"_I am a little surprised though. I figured you asking her over here had nothing to do with actually working on the project. Are you still being a chicken shit?" Edward jumped to his feet and shoved Jasper out of his room. Jasper laughed the whole time, like it was some big joke. I had no idea what he was talking about or why he said that._

"_I'm sorry. My brother can be quite the ass at times," he apologized nervously._

"_I guess that's what happens when you have a twin though, right? You both like to tease each other for the fun of it," I said, trying to make him relax. I got it and wasn't upset by what happened at all. Jasper was teasing him because he was with me. That's why Edward got so upset and embarrassed. It was no big deal really. I was used to it by now._

"_Hey Edward, I did come up to tell you that dinner's done, so if you want to eat you better come down. Rose's boyfriend Royce is here, so you know what that means," Jasper yelled through the door._

_Edward sighed and rolled his eyes. "We should go downstairs to eat," he said. I nodded my head, standing to my feet. I followed him down into the dining room. Sitting at the table was Jasper, Esme, another guy that I had yet to meet and a girl that I knew was Rosalie, their older sister. She was a senior and probably most popular girl in the school. Every boy wanted to date her and every girl envied her. She looked up as I walked in and just her gaze was intimidating._

"_Edward, hold out your guests chair for her," his mother ordered. He walked over to the chair and pulled it out for me. It was odd. No one had ever done that for me before and I felt strange letting him do it. He sat down next to me and introduced me to Royce, who was Rosalie's boyfriend. He seemed sort of rude to Rosalie and I could tell everyone else at the table could see it, but no one said anything. Rosalie hung on every word he said._

_I placed a small bit of the pasta on my plate and watched as Royce stuffed his face and piled more and more on his plate. After a few minutes, the doorbell rang. We all glanced back and forth between each other before Jasper finally said he'd get it._

"_Edward, it's for you," he shouted. Edward turned his head noticing Maggie walking in. Maggie happened to be his current girlfriend. The second I saw her I knew this was not going to be good. I should have got up and left right then and there. But for whatever reason I didn't._

"_Maggie, what are you doing here?" Edward asked, sounding shocked to see her._

"_Lucy and Tia saw you in Port Angeles today with her and I just wanted to know what was going on," she informed. She glanced my way and glared at me. I turned away and hid my face. "I haven't seen you much in the last few days and I missed you."_

"_We've been busy working on our history project," Edward informed. "That's why we were in Port Angeles. We had to pick up supplies."_

"_Would you like to join us for dinner Maggie?" Esme offered, politely._

"_That would be great Mrs. Cullen, Thank you." She sat down on the other side of Edward._

"_Well, isn't my little brother in quite the predicament," Rosalie teased._

"_Rose," Jasper warned, shaking his head. I thought it was strange considering he was teasing Edward not more than twenty minutes ago. But I guess it was different if he did it._

"_So, why exactly are you here Bella?" Maggie asked. I dropped my fork on the plate from the sudden question._

"_Uh, it's like Edward said, we had to work on our history project," I answered._

"_Yes, I got that, but shouldn't you be at home having dinner with your own family? Why are you still here?" She questioned._

"_Because I invited her," Edward argued. "We've been working on the project all afternoon."_

"_And she couldn't eat at her own house?" She added._

"_Can't you eat at your own house?" Jasper asked, sarcastically. I heard Rosalie and Royce snicker._

_I was feeling very uneasy and out of place. "I'll just go," I said, standing to my feet._

_Edward reached across to stop me and said "no", but as he did, he knocked over the plate of pasta that was in front of me and it landed all over my shirt. I squealed from the shock. But then Maggie erupted in laughter. I noticed Royce and Rose were doing the same and Esme was trying to hide her giggles as well. Jasper was the only one not laughing besides Edward. He had the same horrified look Edward had. I was humiliated and didn't exactly know what to do._

"_Maggie, will you shut up," Edward shouted. I could feel the tears beginning to form in my eyes. I didn't want to cry. Today was the most amazing day I had ever had and now it was ruined. "Come on, I'll help you get cleaned up." Edward stood to his feet and reached for my hand to help me to my feet._

"_Don't worry about it hon," Esme said. "I'll clean it up. You just get yourself cleaned off"._

_Edward and I walked back up the stairs to the bathroom. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I just didn't want you to think you had to leave because she was here," Edward explained._

"_It's okay really. It's just food, it can be cleaned." I grabbed a towel and started dabbing at the sauce that was saturating the front of my shirt._

"_Let me get you a new shirt to wear." He dashed off to his room and came back with a t-shirt that had three-quarter sleeves and some logo for a baseball team on the front with a number on the back._

"_Thank you," I said, before shutting the door to the bathroom and slipping his shirt on. It smelled like him and I kept taking large sniffs of it. I liked his smell._

_I walked into the hall and I heard Edward arguing with Maggie in his room. I felt horrible about it._

_They stopped when I stood in front of his doorway. I looked down and noticed much of our project had been kicked over or stepped on. My heart sunk that she had done this to us. It wasn't fair. I didn't do anything wrong. All I did was work on the project with Edward. Why did she hate me so much? "I'm just going to go," I informed, hesitantly._

"_You don't have to Bella. We have to fix the project now," Edward insisted, glaring over at Maggie._

"_If she wants to leave let her," Maggie added, sadistically._

"_We can finish it tomorrow at school. I probably should go anyway so my dad doesn't worry."_

"_Let me grab my keys and I'll drive you to your truck," Edward offered._

"_No, that's fine. It's not that far," I insisted._

"_Bella, it's really not a problem. I can drive you."_

"_I'd rather walk. I'll see you tomorrow. Thank you for inviting me to stay for dinner," I said, sadly. I walked down the stairs telling his family goodbye. The tears sprung from my eyes the minute I shut the door and I cried the entire walk back to the school parking lot. I had made a huge mess of everything. I should have never agreed to go over to his house. We could have just worked on it at school like everyone else._

_When I got home, my dad could see how upset I was. "Bella, what happened?" He asked._

"_Nothing, I just spilled some food on myself. But we finished the project for the most part so everything is fine," I answered._

"_Well, that boy you are partners with keeps calling. He seems worried about you." Right when he said that, the phone rang. "That is most likely him again." I walked into the kitchen and answered the phone quietly._

"_Bella, are you okay?" Edward asked._

"_I'm fine."_

"_I just wanted to make sure you made it home."_

"_I just got here and I'm really tired so I'm going to bed. Thanks for working on the project with me and for inviting me to dinner. If you bring it tomorrow I'll fix any of the things Maggie broke. I'm really sorry if I caused you any trouble." I looked down at the shirt he had given me to wear home. It was strange how comfortable I felt in it when it wasn't even mine. "I'll bring your shirt back to you tomorrow."_

"_Don't worry about it, Bella. I have tons of shirts, just keep it. And please don't worry about the project or Maggie. I'll take care of it."_

"_Okay," I whispered, trying to hold back the tears._

_I heard him sigh. "I'll see you tomorrow, Bella. I really am sorry for everything."_

"_Don't worry about it. It'll be forgotten by tomorrow."_

_The dream faded to white and I knew this was normally where I heard or saw Edward but there was nothing._

"_Edward, I'm here if you want to talk to me," I encouraged._

"_Are you going to wake up screaming again?" I heard his voice say. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath to give myself strength to do this._

"_No, I'm not going to run. If you need my help then I'll do what I can to help you."_

"_Isabella," he whispered in my ear. I turned around slowly, coming face to face with him once again. He looked exactly how I remembered. He looked real._

"_I'm here. Whatever you need me to do, I'll try."_

"_Would you hate me if I didn't know exactly what it is I need your help with?" He asked._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_I'm lost Isabella. I don't know where I am or what I'm doing here. I need your help to figure out how to get out. You're the only one I ever see. I'm all alone," he explained. He looked so sad, maybe even a little scared._

"_Do you know what happened?" I asked._

"_No," he said, simply._

"_Edward, you were caught in a Hurricane. You didn't survive. You died and now you have to cross over or do whatever you do when you die," I explained, not truly knowing what he was supposed to do._

"_I'm dead?" He asked, with a shocked tone to his voice._

"_I'm sorry Edward. There isn't anything I can do to save you. You were lost in the storm. The helicopter that came in to get a bunch of you out, went down in the ocean," I explained further._

_He sat down on the ground, looking overwhelmed with everything I was telling him. I wondered if maybe I should have kept it from him at first._

"_If I'm dead, then why can I still see you?"_

"_I don't know," I said, sitting down next to him. "I went to a psychic and I talked to one of my teachers about it. The psychic told me that I have an unusual mind and somehow every time I have a dream about you, you're able to channel into my memory and communicate with me. Honestly, I've been a little scared of the whole thing. I didn't know what I'm supposed to do for you. But both the psychic and my teacher said to talk to you and figure out what you need."_

"_How do I get out of here? That's what I need," he said._

"_I don't know Edward. Maybe it has something to do with your family or something. Is there anything you forgot to tell them or something they need to know?" I asked, trying to refresh his memory._

"_How is my family?"_

"_They aren't doing that great. Your mom is taking it really hard. From what Alice has told me she doesn't leave her bed much and she cries a lot. Jasper is taking it really hard too. He's angry and taking it out on Rosalie and Alice. Rosalie is being a little persnickety," I explained._

"_Rosie Posy being difficult is nothing out of the ordinary," he laughed._

"_Rosie Posy?" I questioned._

_He ducked his head, slightly embarrassed. "It's a nickname. But don't tell her I told you that. She said she'd kill me if I ever told anyone outside of the family. I don't think Alice or Emmett even know what it is. Although, I guess now it doesn't really matter does it? …Since I'm already dead." His head dropped again from depression. I decided to change the subject a little so he wouldn't be so sad._

"_Why do you call her Rosie Posy?" I asked._

"_When I was a baby I couldn't say Rosalie and I called her Posy instead so the name kind of stuck," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "For whatever reason I give people I care about a nickname. It's usually something really stupid and I vary rarely ever refer to them by their nickname. It was just something I did as initiation into the family or something."_

"_Is Momma Mia your mom's nickname?" I asked. He looked up at me with a confused look on his face. "It was the dream I had. It was the first time I met your mom and she told me to call her Esme or Momma Mia like you do."_

"_Yeah, my mom was a little obsessed with Abba when I was growing up," he laughed. "Momma Mia seemed to fit her."_

"_That's really cute," I said. "Does anyone else have a nickname?"_

"_Everyone does. My dad's is Daddy C because Rosalie used to call him daddy all the time to get her way, so Jasper and I started calling him Daddy C as a joke. Jasper's is JT and Emmett's is Emmy Bear," he continued._

"_Do those have any meaning?"_

"_JT means Jasper Twin." I laughed. "I know it's stupid. I told you they were."_

"_What does Emmett's name mean?"_

"_Emmett was my roommate at college and the first time I met him I was very intimidated, because he's this big muscular guy that probably could break my neck with one hand. But on that first day I walked into our dorm room, he was lounging across his bed eating gummy bears and he reminded me of a little kid. He is a little kid. He's probably one of the strangest people I've ever met. So after that he wasn't as intimidating and we became good friends. It was weird when he married my sister, but even weirder when Jasper married your best friend." I laughed at the thought. It was a strange twist in our lives that it happened._

"_What about Alice? Does she have a nickname?" I asked._

_His lips spread into a crooked smile as he thought about it. I couldn't wait to find out what he chose for her. Just as he started to speak, I heard the blaring noise of my alarm clock going off._

My eyes shot open and everything I had been dreaming was gone. I took a deep breath, and reached over to shut off my alarm. I groaned realizing I had to get up for work. But really, all I wanted to do was go back to sleep, so I could be back with him. I suddenly felt this overwhelming pull to be there for him. I didn't want to leave him there all alone.

So I grabbed my phone and called work, telling them I was sick and couldn't make it in. I had never called in sick to work before. My whole life was changing because of Edward. Yet he was gone and I couldn't ever change that. But if I could have him in my dreams, that was enough; I just didn't know how long it would last.


	5. The Cullens

**A/N: This chapter is a little different than the rest. It's short but it shows a little about what's happening with the Cullen family after hearing the news. It's in Alice Point Of View and just goes into a little about what she's had to do and what she's experiencing since all we ever hear about is whatever she tells Bella over the phone. I felt it was important to have a better view of what they were going through. The next chapter is done and back from my wonderful beta, bzeemomof4, but I still need to proof read it and be sure there are not any more changes I need to make before I post it. That chapter may be up later tonight or tomorrow morning. But until then I hope you all enjoy reading what the Cullen's are going through. Thank you for the reviews and I know you all have lots of questions, so I'll address some of them in the A/N or in the actual story in the next chapter. Be sure to check out the playlist for this story put together by caritochaves. The link is on my profile.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters involved.**

* * *

**Winter: Bayside**

**The Cullens**

**APOV**

From the moment we arrived back in Forks, I've felt like the caregiver for everyone. I was cooking, cleaning, trying to console and comfort everyone. I couldn't really say who was more difficult to care for. They all were taking the news of Edwards's death really hard.

I thought Jasper was taking it hard. I had no idea his parents would be taking it just as bad. I imagined they'd be upset and devastated, but their level of grief was something I'd never seen before.

Neither one of them would talk to anyone.

Esme laid in bed and very rarely ever got up. She didn't talk, or speak to anyone. Late at night I would hear her crying. But during the day, she would stare at the wall or the ceiling.

Carlisle locked himself away in his study. He took time off from work to be with his family during this time, but he really wasn't with his family. He was spending all his time alone.

Jasper, was hard for me to understand? He shut down completely, which wasn't like him with me. He was always so open and never kept anything from me, which was one of the things I loved most about him. But now, he was a different person and I didn't know how to get him back.

"Esme," I called, carrying in a tray of food into her room. I knew the food wouldn't be eaten, but I had to keep trying. "I brought you something to eat. You really should try to eat something." I sat down next to her on the bed. She laid unmoving on the bed, staring blankly at the wall.

"The arrangements for the memorial service are set up," I added, trying to get her to acknowledge anything. When Carlisle asked me to make arrangements for a memorial service, I didn't know why he wanted me to do it. Esme was never going to be able to get out of this bed and make it to the service. But I did as he asked and planned the service, the best I could. I just prayed that I did a good job and it helped everyone somehow.

I stayed there sitting next to her for a few minutes longer before I finally left the room. Seeing her just lay there, with nothing left emotionally or mentally, killed me. I wished so bad that I could take away her pain. I wished I could take away all their pain.

My next stop, in this early morning, was to Carlisle's study. I did the same thing I did for Esme. I carried in a tray of food, placing it on his desk. He was still in the same spot as he was the day before. He was sitting in his chair, staring at his computer screen, with his hands on the keyboard. But I knew he never typed anything on that screen. He was trying to write something up for the memorial service, but he couldn't.

"All the arrangements for the memorial service, this Tuesday, are done. All the local businesses in the area have put up flyers in the windows, so that anyone who would like to attend can. It seemed easier that way then trying to call everyone he may have known," I explained. He slowly raised his eyes to mine.

"Thank you, Alice," he said, nodding his head once. I smiled and nodded my head in return. I got up to leave, but just as I did, he spoke again.

"Did I push him into being a doctor? Did he only go there because I told him to go? Would things be different if he had chosen a better path? Would I still have my son if I hadn't encouraged him to follow in my footsteps? Did I spend enough time with him growing up? Was I there for him when he needed me?" He sputtered out question after question that I couldn't answer. It broke my heart, seeing him so lost and with no answers for anything.

"I don't know what you want me to say Carlisle."

He turned his head back to computer screen, staring once again at the blank screen. "These are questions I keep asking myself. I can say hundreds of good things about Edward. But the one thing I can't say was whether I was a good father to him. Was I a good father to any of my children? I've looked at who they've become and I don't know how much of whom they are today, came from me. I was gone so often when they were growing up. There was always someone else who needed me more at the hospital. Or so I thought."

"Carlisle, I'm sure you were a good father. Jasper has never said anything bad about you. And I know Edward admired you so much and wanted you to be proud of him."

"That's just the question I want answered more than anything. Did he go into medical school only because he thought it's what I wanted? I told him to go to the Dominican Republic. I told him it would be a great learning experience and a wonderful thing to add to his resume. I pushed him to go. I put my son in danger and now he's gone." I saw the tears forming in his eyes. I had never once seen Carlisle cry or even come close to crying. It was an awkward moment for me and I didn't know how to handle it.

"Carlisle, none of this is your fault. You can't blame yourself. No one knew what was going to happen or that he was in any danger at all. There's no way any of us could have known what would have happened," I proclaimed. "You are and always have been a good father. You have been more of a father figure to me than anyone else ever has been. I didn't have parent's growing up, but now I feel like I do because of you and Esme. I have a family and a place to belong now because of all of you."

He swiped at his eyes roughly giving me a weak smile and turned back to his computer. I took that as if the conversation was over and got up to leave. As soon as I was out of the room, I burst into tears. I didn't want to be the only strong one here. I didn't think I could carry everyone's pain on my shoulders any more.

I needed to get out of here. I needed to do something that didn't have to do with the destruction of this family. I jumped in one of the cars and took off down the highway. I could barely see the road, due to the tears streaming down my face. I had no idea where I was going or what I was doing. I just knew I needed out for a little while.

I drove into the small town and found a little diner that looked empty. I pulled in and went inside, sitting at the bar. The waitress came over, so I ordered a cup of coffee. I wasn't hungry, and even if I was, I didn't think I could eat anyway. I was too emotionally drained for anything else anymore.

I sipped at the coffee, thinking I should have ordered tea instead, because the coffee was just making the ache in my stomach hurt even more.

"Are you trying to get away too?" I heard Emmett ask, sitting down next to me. He startled me and I spit a small bit of the coffee I had just sipped. I glanced in his direction with wide eyes. How did he know I was here? "I've been here for the last few hours. I just can't be in that house anymore and see all of their faces. I walk around the house and see all his stuff everywhere and wonder if the next time I come, if it'll still be there. Will they move it? Will they get rid of it to hide the memories?"

"Emmett, I can't talk about this right now. I just got done talking with Carlisle and I can't do it anymore," I cried.

"Sorry. I know I shouldn't say anything. You're about the only one holding it together right now. I don't know how you do it."

"I have to. I don't have a choice. But it's hard. I don't want to do it anymore," I admitted.

"It's strange to think that one person could impact so many lives," He reminisced. "You don't really think about how much someone means to you until they're gone. Edward was my best friend. That was enough for me, but then he introduced me to his sister one year and within months he was welcoming me into the family." He laughed, thinking about something. "The day I married Rosalie, he gave me this lecture about taking good care of his sister and always strive to make her happy and never hurt her or he'd come after me. Funny thing is I took him serious, even though he'd be no match to me on any given day, but if I hurt his sister, I'd be scared to death of him." He lowered his head, staring into his coffee cup. "I don't even know if he knew how much his friendship meant to me."

I swallowed against the lump in my throat. I felt bad for Emmett. I felt bad for everyone. "I'm sure he did Emmett. I know your friendship meant a lot to him." He nodded his head uninterested in anything I had to say.

"Where is Rosalie?" I asked. "I haven't seen her all morning."

"She went to the gym to work out."

"She went to the gym?" I asked, shocked by his reveal. "How can she work out at a time like this? Her family is falling apart and she goes to the gym?"

"You don't understand Rose. She's grieving just as much as everyone else. She's hiding it though. This is the best way for her to cope," he disclosed.

"It just seems odd to me the way she acts. The way she was fighting with Jasper last night made no sense to me. She should be trying to comfort her brother instead of fighting with him," I insisted.

"I know. And I think she wants to, she just doesn't know how. Edward was always the one to hold everyone together."

"Yeah," I agreed. I had nothing else to say. I believed him when he said Rosalie was grieving in her own way. Jasper was doing the same as was Carlisle and Esme. Even Emmett and I were grieving in our own way."

"Everything you've been doing for them, I'm sure they're all appreciative of it. They might not be able to tell you that now, but it's not going unnoticed. They just can't express their gratitude at a time like this. I think the memorial service you put together will be good for everyone. It will start to give us all some closure. Soon things will be easier. The pain won't ever go away, but we'll all be able to cope with it," he revealed.

"I think so, too. I hope that Esme and Carlisle are happy with what I put together. I've never planned a funeral before," I admitted.

"I've seen what you've done Alice. It looks great and I know it's going to help everyone," he insisted.

I took a cleansing breath, feeling a lot better after talking to him.

"We should go back. I'm sure Rose will be home soon," Emmett suggested.

We both left the diner, driving back to the house. When we walked in the house, we saw Rosalie and Tanya, Edward's fiancée, arguing. We glanced at each other briefly, rolling our eyes before going in to try and break up the fight.

Tanya wasn't exactly the most pleasant person to be around. She came from a long line of money and thought she was better than everyone. Rosalie was a little spoiled and at times stuck up, but Tanya was ten times worse.

I was little help to Emmett in breaking up the fight. I didn't even know what they were arguing about. I'm not sure they even knew. I sort of wondered if this was another way of them grieving. As if they fought with each other they wouldn't have to face the reality of Edward being gone.

As soon as Emmett got Rosalie out of the room I ushered Tanya into the kitchen. I offered her something to drink, but she declined.

"Can I get you anything? I can at least show you to a room so you can freshen up."

She laughed sarcastically. "I have no intention of staying here. I'll be much more comfortable at a hotel in the city. I'll come back for the funeral, but I won't be staying for long. I only came today to find out what the arrangements were and what I needed to do."

"You don't need to do anything. It's all taken care of. It's on Tuesday at noon. We'll be having a light lunch back here at the house for close family and friend's right after."

"Alright, that's all I needed to know," she remarked. "I'll see you again on Tuesday." She stood from the stool she was sitting on and started to walk out of the kitchen. This whole conversation was odd. She didn't even ask about his family. She was planning to be a part of this family. Shouldn't she care about how they're doing?

"Do you even care about his family? Have you even noticed that they're all in complete devastation?" I asked, astounded by her lack of remorse.

She ran a hand through her hair, and tilted her head back. "Of course I care. But what exactly do you want me to do? I just lost my fiancé. Does anyone care how I feel? Is anyone here to comfort me? I can't do anything to fix this for any of us. So I've got to move on." She huffed loudly, rolling her eyes, while I just stood there with my mouth hanging open. "I'll see you on Tuesday." She turned on her heel and left the house. I sat there dumfounded by what just happened. Was it even possible for someone to be so selfish?

Before I could even compose myself from the strangeness of Tanya's visit, the phone rang. I rushed over to answer it.

"Hello, we are trying to reach the Cullen residence," the man on the other line said.

"This is Alice Cullen. Can I help you?"

"Yes, this is a representative at the University of Chicago. We would like to send our condolences to the family of Edward Cullen. He was a bright young man with a promising future. We're truly sorry to hear the devastating news. We lost one our finest teachers as well."

"Thank you. I'll relay the message," I offered.

"I'd also like to discuss where I should send a few of Edward's personal belongings he had in his locker here." I let out a confused sigh. He just died and they were already cleaning out his locker? How was it possible for so many people to just go on with life when the people in this house were destroyed?

"Miss?"

"Sorry," I apologized, coming out of my thinking. "Um you can have it sent to Mrs. Alice Cullen." I gave him the address of my own home. Not knowing what the personal items might be, I felt it best to have them sent to my home, so Jasper and I could look through them together when he was ready and he could decide what to do with it. I didn't think Esme or Carlisle would be able to handle that any time soon.

After I got off the phone, I went upstairs to find Jasper. I hadn't seen him all morning, which wasn't that unusual, but I still needed to check on him to be sure he was okay.

"Jasper," I called, walking into our room. He wasn't there though. I searched all over the upstairs, looking in every room. I peeked into Edwards's old room and saw him sitting on the floor. "Honey, are you okay?" I walked in and sat down next to him. He had boxes of stuff strewn all over the room. It was in complete disarray. I had no clue what he was doing.

"I'm sorry about last night," he said, so softly.

"It's okay."

"I shouldn't be taking my anger and frustration out on you. I should be leaning on you. You've been so wonderful through all of this for my entire family and I've treated you like shit the past few days."

I scooted closer to him and began rubbing his back. "I understand. I know you're grieving. I know it's hard on you losing your brother. I'm not taking anything personal. I'll still be here through it all. It's what I signed up for when I said those vows to you," I promised. He leaned his head on my shoulder, letting out a relieved sigh.

"I'm glad you're here. I couldn't get through this without you," he revealed.

"I'm glad I'm able to help. I want to be here for you as much as I can."

"I don't know how to live without him. We've always done everything together. He wasn't just my brother or my twin. He was my best friend. I don't want him to be gone."

"I know baby. I know." I brushed his hair back soothingly, trying to make him feel better. I could tell he was crying. I think it was the first time he had cried since hearing the news. I was pretty sure if he was crying and letting me in to comfort him, it was a good sign that he was beginning to grieve naturally. Maybe this was the beginning of something better to come. Maybe everyone would begin to feel better soon.

I sat on the floor with him for a while longer letting him cry. We didn't say much. We just held on to each other. It was the first time I felt like I was doing anything beneficial the whole time I'd been here.

After a while, he pulled away and said he had to continue searching. He wouldn't tell me what he was searching for, but just that it was important. I didn't push to find out what it was. We had a small breakthrough and I didn't want to lose that or push him away further. Instead, I went downstairs to call Bella, leaving him to search by himself. I wanted to check in on Brady anyway, and warn her about the package coming. I didn't know what I would have done if it wasn't for Bella. She truly was such a wonderful friend to me. She seemed more upset and caring for all of us, than Edward's own fiancé. It didn't make sense.


	6. Jessica

**A/N: Okay so I know many of you keep asking if Edward is really dead, but I can't tell you that. Honestly if I told you what was going to happen later on in the story it would ruin the story IMO. I don't want to do that. My beta pointed out that if you were reading a book, you wouldn't be able to ask the author what was going to happen later on in the story, so unless you're like me and you read the last page of every book you read before even starting the story, then all I can say is just keep reading and wait to see what happens. Many of you have been making lots of guesses as to what will happen and many of your guesses have been very good, but none of them have been right on. I appreciate all your reviews and guesses, you're all very insightful. Just don't give up on my story :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters involved.**

* * *

**Left to Lie: Bobby Long**

**Jessica**

After I called work and informed them I wouldn't be coming in, I once again went to my closet searching through boxes of my old stuff. I knew I kept that shirt of Edward's. I wanted to find it. I thought back to that time in high school. I never understood why so many of the girls in that school were always so mean to me. Most the time people just ignored me, which I could deal with. But the girls were straight up mean.

I remember the following day after the dinner fiasco; Maggie cornered me in the bathroom and said I was pathetic for hanging all over Edward. She said that everyone knew I had a crush on him and it was no secret. But he didn't feel the same way and never would. He just felt sorry for me. He was trying to be a nice guy and not hurt my feelings, but in reality I was ruining his life. When she said that, I knew she was right. I had caused him so much heartache and pain. I should just stay away from him completely.

When I went to our History class that day, he had the project all fixed and in perfect condition once again. He said his brother stayed up all night helping him put it back together and fixing the damages Maggie had made.

I was thankful that both of them took the effort to fix it, but I felt like it was all my fault and I should have been the one to fix it. I avoided talking to Edward that day. I didn't want anyone else mad at me. He could tell though, and he wanted to know if something was wrong. He kept trying to talk to me and make me laugh, but I just couldn't.

The next day, when we did our speech, I froze. I hated public speaking. I just stared out at my fellow classmates, feeling lightheaded and my mouth dry. Edward was standing next to me, waiting for me to speak, but I couldn't. He finally leaned over and whispered in my ear to picture everyone naked. I turned to him and blushed at the thought that was running through my mind. I wasn't picturing any of my classmates naked. I was picturing Edward naked. I shook my head trying to get the thought out of my mind. A few people in the class started giggling at the blush that was on my face.

Edward leaned into my hair again and placed his hand on the small of my back, sending chills up my spine and encouraged me to continue. He said I could do this and he had faith in me. I closed my eyes, taking a cleansing breath and began. I got through the speech and our teacher, Mrs. Cope, loved our project and said we did an excellent job. Of course we got a perfect score.

After the project was over, I avoided Edward as much as possible. It was only a few days before the end of the school year, so it wasn't that bad. I never saw him during the summer anyway, so that wouldn't be a concern.

As I dug through the boxes of my old stuff, I ran across my old yearbook. I stopped and flipped through the pages. I found my picture and read what my ambition in life was. It was still the same as it was today. I wanted to be a child psychologist. I searched the pages until I came across Edward and Jaspers pictures. Jaspers ambition was to join the rodeo. I laughed at the thought. I'm pretty sure it was just a joke when he wrote it, but I knew for a fact if it was true, he hadn't succeeded. Edward's ambition in life was to be a doctor like his dad, and to be brave.

I knew about the doctor part. It was after all what he was going to school for and why he was in the Dominican Republic. But the brave part baffled me. He always seemed so confident and self assured. What did he need to be brave about? I put the yearbook down and continued searching until I came across the shirt I was looking for. The baseball shirt he had given to me all those years ago. I brought the shirt to my face, taking a whiff. It had lost all the smell of Edward by now, but the memory was still so fresh, I almost think I could still smell him just from memory.

I took the shirt I was wearing and slipped his shirt on. It still felt so comfortable and so warm.

I wanted to go back to sleep, so I could see him again, but I had to at least go over to Alice's house and take care of Brady first. I didn't even bother changing my clothes. I just grabbed my wallet, keys, phone and headed out the door.

On the drive over, Alice called again, informing me that a package of stuff would be arriving at the house.

"What's in the package?" I asked.

"It's some of Edward's things from school. I thought about sending it here, but I'm afraid if I'm not around to intercept it and a family member has to do it, then it might make them really upset again," she explained. "I figured having it sent to my house, I know it's in good hands and when Jasper's ready he can go through it and decide what to do with all of it."

"That makes sense. I'll be sure to get it and put it up somewhere for you."

"Thank you, Bella. You have no idea how wonderful it is to have you to talk to and be so helpful with everything."

"I'm glad I can help. You sound like you're in better spirits today. Are things getting easier?" I asked.

"Not really. Carlisle is blaming himself. Esme doesn't talk to anyone. Rosalie and Emmett are keeping to themselves for the most part, which is nice. Edward's fiancé came by. She flew in from Chicago today. I thought Rosalie was bad, she's ten times worse. The sad thing is she doesn't seem that upset about Edward's death. She acts like she's here out of obligation."

My heart sunk at her reveal. I didn't know Edward was engaged. Why hadn't Alice ever said anything about it? "I didn't know he was engaged."

"He informed us shortly after Jasper and I got married. Apparently he proposed to her on the night of our wedding, which was strange to us because he hadn't said anything to anyone. We all thought it would fizzle out and they'd break things off. None of us really thought he cared about her enough to marry her, but I don't know, maybe he sees something that we don't," she explained further.

I needed to change the subject. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes at the thought of Edward marrying someone. "What about Jasper? How is he doing?"

I heard her sigh. "He's searching for something. I don't know what, but he's been tearing the house apart trying to find it."

"You have no idea what he's trying to find?" I wondered.

"No," she said. "I figure it has something to do with Edward and the memorial service on Tuesday, but he won't talk to me."

"How are the arrangements for the service going?" I knew she was pretty much planning the whole thing because everyone else was too emotionally devastated to make any arrangements.

I heard her let out an exasperated sigh. "I never knew so much went in to planning a memorial service. It's almost as bad as planning a wedding, but I only have a few days to plan this."

"I'm sure it will be wonderful and thoughtful. You always do such great work, planning things. It is what you do after all," I encouraged. She was a wedding and events planner and she is good at what she does. I was always so amazed at how she could transform a plain, boring room into something spectacular.

"I just want it to be meaningful and presented in a way that isn't over the top extravagant. You know Edward wouldn't like that. Which is another reason why I don't understand his relationship with Tanya," she added. The ache in my chest hit me again when she mentioned her name. I wanted to be happy for Edward. I really did. But I can't help that I still dreamed about us being together. I know it can never happen now and I knew it would never happen even if he was still alive, so I don't know why it still affected me so much to hear that he was engaged.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," she agreed.

"Did Edward ever give you a nickname?" I heard her giggle lightly.

"Yeah, he did."

"What was it?"

"Pixie Dust," she replied.

"Does it have some significance?"

"Remember how I told you that Jasper asked me to marry him on Halloween?"

"Yeah," I answered, remembering the story. Alice had talked Jasper into dressing up like Peter Pan and she was Tinker Bell. She even dyed her hair blonde. They went to a party in Chicago where Edward was living and Jasper asked her to marry him right there in front of everyone.

"Well, after Jasper asked me to marry him I was crying happy tears and just so giddy that I was dancing around and throwing this glitter that was part of my costume in the air. Edward was dressed as a vampire for Halloween and after a while, he came over to where Jasper and I were, welcoming me to the family and said I looked silly with all the pixie dust on me. Then he said since I was part of the family now, I needed an official nickname and he decided on Pixie Dust."

I started laughing. His little nicknames for everyone were rather silly. But it did sort of prove in a way that I wasn't crazy. He wasn't just a figment of my imagination. There's no way I could have known about the nicknames without him telling me.

"I miss his quirkiness. He was always happy and always cheering people up when they were upset. Now it's us trying to cheer each other up because he's not here to do it," she said, sadly.

"I know. I've been thinking about him a lot lately. It's so strange that he's gone." I wondered now that I knew he was somewhat real if I should tell her. Maybe it would help his family. I could relay messages back and forth or something. It might help them to grieve. But then again maybe it would make things worse. So I decided to wait a little longer, just to see what might happen with Edward.

"I just don't understand how this could happen to someone so caring and giving as he was," she said, her voice full of remorse

"I don't understand it either. It makes no sense at all."

She sighed, at a loss for words. There was no way to describe the pain and suffering we were all feeling.

"I just pulled into your driveway, so I can take care of Brady," I informed. "I'll keep an eye out for the package."

"Thanks, Bella. I'll let you know if there are any new developments."

I hung up the phone and got out of my car to go feed Brady and let him out. I planned to go right back to sleep as soon as I was done. I was planning to stay at Alice's house all day. It would probably be good for Brady to be out for a long amount of time anyway.

As soon as he was out and started chasing birds in the back yard I closed the door, leaving it open just a crack, so if he needed back in, he could push the door open himself. This way he wouldn't wake me up by scratching or barking at the door.

I lied down on the couch and closed my eyes. Unfortunately, I couldn't sleep. I felt wide awake and nothing I tried would make me go to sleep. I went into their bathroom, hoping I might come across some cold medicine or something that would knock me out.

I finally found some Nyquil and even though I knew I didn't have a reason to take it, I did anyway. I went back to the couch and turned on the TV, waiting for it to kick in.

_It was the summer before my senior year. I hadn't done much of anything that summer except read. But out of the blue this girl named Jessica calls me and asks if I wanted to go to first beach with a bunch of people from school. I thought about saying no. This wasn't normal. But then I wondered if maybe this would be a good thing and I could make some friends. I didn't want to be rude to someone who was actually attempting to be nice to me. So I accepted and put on the only swim suit I owned, which was just a simple black one piece. I pulled on a pair of shorts and a plain t-shirt over it and grabbed a towel, just as a car full of girls pulled up. _

_I knew all the girls in the car and was a little nervous about being with them. They weren't exactly the nicest bunch at times. But I had to try to make friends. So I got in the back seat and Jessica drove down the road, towards the beach._

_The drive there wasn't bad. They were actually being nice to me and including me in the conversation. It felt good to have someone want me to be around. We listened to music and most of them sang along to the songs. I liked music, but the type of music they listened to wasn't something I was familiar with. It wasn't bad though._

_When we arrived, we piled out of the car and walked down the path to the beach. It was hot out, but still not nearly as hot as I was used to. I noticed quite a few people from school were here, including Edward. My stomach tightened when I saw him playing Frisbee with a bunch of other guys. He looked devastatingly gorgeous as always. He had his shirt off and was just wearing a pair of swimming trunks. He took my breath away when he glanced over to the group of girls I was with and tipped his head, smiling. I knew he wasn't doing it for me, but I still blushed._

_We went down on the beach and parked our stuff. I wasn't real interested in getting in the water, so I laid my towel out on the sand and sat down. I brought a book with me, so I thought I would just read, while everyone else took off to join up with other people or get in the water._

_I was getting engrossed in my book just as a Frisbee came plopping down next to me. I looked up, seeing Edward running towards it. Oh great. I thought. This was not good. I could feel my mouth going dry already and my heart starting to speed up. He ran over and picked up the Frisbee, throwing it back to the other guys. He was completely ignoring me, which was odd for him, but I didn't blame him. I had been doing the same to him those last few days of school. But if he knew why I did, he probably would have understood. At least I like to think he would._

"_Hey Bella," he greeted, just as I was about to go back to my book and forget anything about Edward. _

"_Hi," I returned, glancing up at him cautiously._

"_I see you're finally getting out of the house for the summer. I'm glad you're here."_

"_Well, Jessica called and asked if I wanted to come. So, I figured, why not?"_

"_Jessica invited you?" He asked, with a confused look on his face._

"_Yeah, she called earlier today. I was sort of shocked by the invitation, but it was nice of her to include me, so I came," I explained._

_I heard some of the guys he was playing Frisbee with, yelling for him to come back to the game. He turned his head to wave them off, and then sat down next to me._

"_So, are you done ignoring me now?" He asked, nervously._

"_I just felt really bad about what happened at your house and I didn't want to cause any more trouble for you," I said._

"_Bella, you didn't cause anything. I liked having you there. My mom and my brother like you too." He looked down at his feet nervously. "I'm sure my dad would have liked you as well, if he was there."_

"_Well, I think it'd be best if I just stayed away from you for now. I feel like every time I'm around you, something bad happens and I don't want that to happen anymore," I informed._

"_You think it's bad to be around me?" He questioned, sadly. I was just about to answer when I saw Jessica jump on his lap, pushing him back into the sand and kissing him passionately. He rested his hands on her hips as he kissed her back. I felt uncomfortable watching them. I turned my head, seeing quite a few people had started to gather around where Edward and I had been. I felt so out of place with all of them. _

"_Hi Bella," Jessica said cheerfully, once she pulled away from Edward._

"_Hi."_

"_What were you two talking about?" She wondered._

"_First of all, what was that for?" Edward questioned, sitting back up._

"_I just felt like kissing you. It's been a while since I've kissed my boyfriend," she answered._

"_We were just talking about school," I answered, knowing that wasn't the truth, but we weren't talking about anything that important or anything she would care to know so it made the most sense._

"_I can't wait until we're all seniors. It's going to be so much fun. Where are you planning to go to college Bella?" She asked._

"_I haven't decided yet."_

"_Edward and I are planning to go to college together, aren't we Edward?" She glanced back at him, still sitting on his lap. He just nodded his head, uninterested. She gave him another quick peck before telling him she wanted to take a walk. He got up with a huff and walked down the beach with her._

_I felt bad for what I said. Edward wasn't dangerous, I just did stupid stuff when I was around him and caused everyone to hate me. It seemed like Jessica was willing to be nice to me and I wanted to have friends, so maybe if I stayed away from Edward, I could make some._

_Once it got dark, a bunch of guys started a bon fire. Most everyone sat near the fire and chatted or goofed around. I stayed near the back of the group, and barely joined in to the conversations. I glanced over at Edward a few times. He seemed distracted and upset about something. I hoped it had nothing to do with what I said, but I think it did. I just hoped he understood that it was best for both of us to stay away from each other._

_At the end of the night Jessica drove a bunch of us home. I was the last one she dropped off._

"_Thank you for inviting me today," I said, when she pulled up in front of my house. "I had a lot of fun."_

"_Bella, I want to make something very clear to you," she began. My heart sunk at those words. "I'm not blind you know. I know you have a crush on Edward. But he's mine, ok. We can be friends as long as you stay clear from Edward."_

"_I… I… I didn't do anything," I stuttered._

"_Not yet. But I don't trust you," she accused._

"_I'm trying to stay away from him. I know I do stuff to mess his life up and I feel bad about it. I'm doing everything I can to avoid him," I explained._

"_Good. Just remember what I said, Bella. I'm not willing to play games with you," she added, with a sinister tone. I nodded my head and got out of the car, rushing up the steps into the sanctuary of my home. _

_I never heard from Jessica again after that. I can't say that I was disappointed. She didn't say anything I didn't already know or try to make happen, but the tone of her voice scared me. I had an even bigger reason to stay away from him now._

_Later that summer, my dad gave me his credit card and told me to go to Seattle to shop for some new school clothes. I didn't like shopping and I didn't think I needed any new clothes anyway. But I think it was just his way of trying to get me out of the house and being helpful._

_I took my truck into Seattle and drove to one of the malls. I tried to shop as best I could, but I wasn't good at it. I mostly just wandered. Eventually I stopped to get some lunch and that's when I saw it. Jessica was walking and giggling with Mike Newton. He was a boy from school that I shared a few classes with, but had never talked to him much. _

_It struck me as odd, seeing her here with him. But I figured it was none of my business. That was until I saw her kiss him. I watched a little dumbfounded at the sight. Last I knew she was still with Edward. When her eye caught me watching, I looked away as quickly as possible, praying she hadn't noticed me. _

_As soon as I saw them duck into a store, I got up from my chair and rushed out of the mall as fast as I could. My heart was racing the entire way back to Forks. I didn't know what to do. Should I tell Edward? What if they weren't dating anymore? Maybe I should just stay out of it. It was none of my business. But as I got closer to Forks I found myself driving to Edward's house involuntary. I pulled up in front of the house, still not sure what to do or say. _

_I got out and walked to the door, beginning to cry already. I didn't want to do this but he had a right to know if she was cheating on him. I would want to know if it was happening to me. I felt like I was obligated to tell him what I saw._

_I rang the doorbell, still not quite sure what I was going to say. Edward answered the door._

"_Bella," he said, excitedly. "What are you doing here?"_

"_I need to talk to you about something."_

_His smile dropped when he saw the tears forming in my eyes. "Come in. We can go up to my room and talk if you want." I nodded my head, stepping into his house. He led the way up to his room and I sat down in the chair I had sat in the last time I was here. He walked over to his bed, sitting down and looking at me like he was really concerned._

"_Bella, did something happen? Are you okay? If you're hurt or something…"_

"_No, it's nothing like that," I interrupted._

"_Then what's wrong?"_

"_Are you still dating Jessica?" I asked, knowing I needed to just get this out and over with._

"_Uh… Well… Yeah, sort of," he said._

_I let out a heavy sigh, ducking my head. "Then I have to tell you something."_

"_Okay," he said, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion._

_I opened my mouth at least five times trying to get the right words out, but nothing came out. Until finally I just blurted it out. "I saw Jessica today kissing Mike Newton."_

"_What?" he said, in shock._

"_I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't even be here. I should just stay out of it. It's none of my business."_

"_No, Bella, I'm glad you told me," he insisted. "I'm glad you're here too. I've missed you."_

"_You've missed me?"_

"_Yeah, I miss having you as a friend."_

"_We can't be friends, Edward. Every time I'm around you, I do something to screw your life up."_

"_No, you don't," he insisted._

"_I need to go." I got up and headed towards his door, rushing down the stairs. I heard him running after me and calling my name, but I ignored him. I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. I felt really bad about what I did. I didn't think I did the right thing. I should have stayed out of it. It wasn't my place to say anything. Once again, I was messing up his life. _

_When I stepped out the front door, I ran into Jessica. She stumbled back on the front porch, but was able to keep herself upright._

"_I figured I'd find you here," Jessica said, once she steadied herself. "Couldn't keep your big mouth shut could you? I guess you didn't want friends as much as I thought you did."_

_I just stood there and stared. I didn't know what to say to her._

"_Jessica you can leave," Edward ordered, from behind me._

"_What did she tell you?" Jessica asked. I felt trapped in between them. I couldn't go back, I couldn't go forward. All I could do was stand there._

"_She told me the truth, which is what any good friend would do."_

"_Figures you'd take her side," she insinuated. "No biggie though. It's been over between us since that day on the beach and she messed with your head again. How long did you think you could string me along Edward? I wanted this to work between us, but when you put no effort into the relationship; I'm going to go find someone new who can."_

"_When I don't put any effort into the relationship? What the hell does that mean?"_

"_When's the last time you called me? When's the last time we went out on a date? When's the last time we did anything and you didn't act completely distracted with other things? I know it's her fault. You have this unhealthy draw to always help her and be nice to her. It's weird Edward." _

"_Shut up, Jessica," Edward warned, through gritted teeth._

"_And then we have Miss Bella here, school nerd, who no one will be nice to, or cares to get to know. Did you ever wonder why Bella? Did you ever happen to look at who you are and what you do? You mess with people's heads and make them do or think crazy things. Edward is the only person who has ever tried to be your friend and it's like you have him under some sort of spell. I tried to be nice to you. I tried to be your friend because I thought it would be easier for Edward and me, if I became your friend. But it actually made things worse. Biggest mistake I ever made," she continued._

"_Jessica, leave now." She rolled her eyes and headed down the steps. _

"_You better not do any of that voodoo, brain control shit on Mike," she shouted back. I waited until she was in her car and speeding out of the driveway before I dashed for my own truck. _

"_Bella, wait," Edward shouted after me. I didn't wait though. I jumped in my truck, locking the doors and speeding out of the driveway, leaving Edward standing in a swirl of dust. I cried all the way home. I felt like I was going to puke. Was Jessica right? Was I somehow controlling Edward? Was I doing something even worse than what I originally thought I was? _

_I stayed in my room the rest of that weekend. My dad knew something was wrong, but he didn't ask. I wouldn't have told him anyway._

_The rest of the summer I very rarely ever left my house. When school started up again, people avoided me even more than before. Even Edward avoided me. But I was okay with that, because if I was doing something wrong, then I didn't want to do it anymore. _

_As soon as the dream faded away I started searching for him. "Edward where are you?" I called._

"_I'm here," I heard his voice say, so lightly in the distance. I turned around and saw him sitting on the ground with his head down. He looked so sad. I walked over slowly and sat down in front of him._

"_Are you okay?" I asked. As soon as I did I felt stupid. Of course he wasn't okay. He was dead and trapped somehow in this place._

"_You left me," he whispered, sadly._

"_I know. I'm sorry, my alarm went off. But I'm here now and I want to help you get out of here," I informed._

"_I don't know if there is a way. I think I'm stuck forever."_

"_You'll get out, Edward. I'll help you." I waited for him to look up or maybe smile just a little. But there was nothing. He just continued to stare at the ground. "Can I ask you something?"_

_Finally he looked up, meeting my eyes with his. He nodded his head waiting for me to ask._

"_What's it like? To be dead? To be here? Do you see my dreams or see anything?"_

"_I only see you. When you aren't here it's black. So black, I can't see a thing. It's scary and I don't like it. But when you're here, I see light. You bring light. When you talk to me, it gets brighter," he explained._

"_So you don't see the dreams?" I wondered._

"_No," he said. "I know you have them, because when you're dreaming I see the light. It's really faint at first, but I go towards it and the closer I get, the brighter it gets. Then I can hear you and now that you talk to me, I can see you."_

"_What does that mean though? How can I be light?"_

"_I don't know. You just wanted to know what it's like. I can't explain why it happens," he added, with a smirk. _

_He looked down at his feet, his face falling into sadness again._

"_I'm never getting out of here, am I?" He asked, miserably. "I'm stuck here. The blackness is hell and the light it heaven, right? Is that how it works?"_

"_I don't think so Edward. I'll help you get out of here. We'll figure it out together. I won't leave you." I reached out placing my hand over his in reassurance. Once our skin touched, there was a flash of images that went through my mind. I gasped and pulled my hand back. He did the same, no doubt seeing the same thing I did. We sat there with our mouths hung open in total confusion for a long time. What was that? What did we see? Was this some new thing?_

_I decided to change the subject, so we could both relax. "Jasper is looking for something at the house. Alice seems to think it might have something to do with you and the memorial service they're having for you on Tuesday. Do you have any idea what it might be?"_

_He narrowed his eyes, looking at me cautiously. "Did you see that?" He asked, ignoring the question all together._

"_The images?" I asked, nodding my head in agreement. "I couldn't make anything out, but I saw it." _

"_Can I try something?" He asked. I glanced up at him, worried about what he wanted to try. I gulped as his hands came towards me. "Hold very still." I did as he asked as my heart jumped so fast in my chest. I didn't know what he was doing. This was a fear that I had by talking to him. What if he did something to hurt me? I don't know what he's capable of here. But I wanted to see what would happen._

_He very gently pressed his fingertips to the sides of my face and closed his eyes. I closed mine too, wondering what might happen. Seconds later I saw images of a little dark haired and dark skinned boy. He was lying on a table with blood pouring out of him from somewhere. I couldn't tell where the blood came from. There was so much of it and it was soaked through everything. He was trembling and crying. I saw Edward and another man standing over him, soaking up the blood and rushing around him to make him more comfortable. I saw Edward brushing the boy's hair back and whispering in his ear. Seconds later the boy settled slightly, taking a deep breath. The other man gave the boy a shot and he went limp. Edward and the other man started rushing to do the surgery on the boy and stitch him back up. I was able to see where the blood was coming from once they started the surgery. His arm was mangled and barely hanging on. I watched as they removed his arm just under the elbow. When they finished bandaging his stub of an arm up, Edward stayed close to the boy. When the boy woke up, he smiled at Edward, like he didn't have a care in the world. _

_Edward pulled his hands away from my head with a jerk. I opened my eyes, smiling at what I saw. "That was the little boy you helped save wasn't it?" He nodded his head slowly, with downcast eyes. "Alice told me about it. She said you called your dad that day and you were so excited to tell him what you had done. That was amazing Edward."_

"_Most the time while we were there we would just give people simple check-ups. Sometimes they'd be sick somehow and need medicine. Other times they just needed someone to listen to them. But on that specific day, we were at an orphanage and giving the kids check-ups and giving them shots to help keep them healthy. Then this little boy came in, being carried by two older boys. There were volunteers there to help build a new building for the orphanage and this little boy got a hold of an electric saw. He obviously didn't know how to use it and ended up cutting his arm. There was no hope of saving it so we had to amputate. I had to help Dr. Banner do the surgery and stitch him up. I was so scared. I hadn't done anything like what I did in that moment. Saving him, and seeing him wake up, alive and happy, impacted my life so much. It made me realize that being a doctor was definitely what I wanted to do. There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to help people and save them. I'll never get that chance now, though," he added, with a sullen tone._

"_But you did get that chance Edward. You saved that little boy."_

"_I didn't save him. Dr. Banner did. I was just there to assist him." I felt so bad for Edward. I wanted to make him feel better. I wanted to tell him that I could save him and bring him back to life somehow. But I knew I couldn't. _

"_Edward, I'm not going anywhere. I'll stay with you as long as you need me to," I offered._

"_Until you wake up. You can't sleep forever, Isabella. I'll be sucked into darkness again as soon as you wake up."_

"_I won't wake up then. I'll stay here with you, so you aren't alone. I'll help you find the way out of here," I insisted._

"_I can't ask you to do that. I can't let you give up your life for me," he said._

"_But you need me Edward. And as long as you need me to help you I will be here."_

"_And what if I'm stuck here, Isabella? What if there is no way out? Are you willing to give up your whole life to sleep, so you can be here to keep me company or attempt to help me? I can't ask that of you."_

"_It won't hurt to try. Alice said that your family isn't doing so well. I think they need some sort of closure from you. They need to know something or have something from you that will help them grieve. I think if we can do that then you'll be able to find a way out. Please let's just try and see what happens," I pleaded._

_He licked his lips, slowly taking in a breath. "Okay," he agreed. "But only for a little while. I don't want you giving everything up for me."_

"_I can agree to that." There was an awkward pause for a few seconds._

"_You asked what Jasper was looking for earlier," he reminded. I looked up meeting his eyes. "He's probably looking for my journal."_

"_You kept a journal?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him. He smiled bashfully._

"_My dad was sort of fascinated with how Jasper and my minds worked, so he made us keep journals growing up. He wanted to see how alike our thinking was, which was eerily similar at times. When we were about fourteen, Jasper threw a fit about it and said he didn't want to do it anymore, because he hated writing and putting his thoughts out there for our parents to read. So my dad said we didn't have to if we didn't want to. I got so accustomed to writing my thoughts down all those years, so I continued even after we didn't have to. It was just a habit that I couldn't get rid of. I never let anyone read it after that, which made it so much more personal. Jasper knew I continued to write, but he never asked to read any of it. Funny that Jasper is the one who became a writer when all those years ago he complained about writing." I laughed at the thought. Jasper worked for the newspaper and wrote amazing stories. His work was featured on the front page numerous times._

"_Where is it?" I asked._

_He laughed. "I have more than one, Isabella."_

"_Oh," I said, looking down embarrassed._

"_If you talk to Jasper, tell him to look in my tree," he explained._

"_Your tree?" I repeated, raising an eyebrow._

"_He'll understand. That's what matters right?"_

"_I guess," I agreed, not understanding what he meant. How could he keep journals in a tree?_

"_What was your dream about this time?" He asked._

_I groaned, not wanting to bring that memory up. "It was just a memory from high school."_

"_Was it a good memory?" He wondered._

"_Not really. But it doesn't matter what it was. It's in the past. It's not important," I declared._

"_I want to know."_

_I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want to bring up the past. It was hard enough reliving it in the dream. _

Thankfully, I woke in that moment from a dog licking my face. I wasn't ready to wake up. I didn't want to leave him. I wanted to stay with him all the time. I felt the guilt hit me so hard. I knew Edward was in the dark now and probably scared. I didn't like this at all. No matter what I did, I hurt him.

"Brady, get off of me," I scolded, pushing him away. I sat up, wiping my face with my hand to get rid of the dog slobber. He started whimpering and I had a feeling he was lonely. He was Jasper and Alice's main focus and now he was left alone all the time. He needed some attention. But what I really wanted was to go back to Edward. I knew there was no way I could sleep now. I had slept all night and most of the day already. I needed to do something to burn off some energy. So, I grabbed Brady's leash and got him ready to go. I rushed back over to my apartment, changed my clothes and headed out my door.

When I walked into the hall, I ran into Demetri.

"Hey," he greeted, excitedly.

"Hi, I was just on my way out. I'm going for a run," I explained.

"So was I. Would you mind if I joined you?" He asked.

"No, not at all," I agreed, politely. "I have to go get the dog out of my car downstairs. Then we can go over to the park."

"That sounds great," he said, with a huge grin. He followed me down the stairs and over to my car. I put Brady on his leash and let him out. He was so excited, I could hardly contain him.

I looked up at Demetri, giving him a smile before we started running towards the park. I was beginning to understand what Edward meant. As long as I kept coming back to Edward, I'd never be able to move on. I felt extremely guilty being here with Demetri as it is. I should be with Edward. How could I possibly ever move on in my own life and with Demetri, if I was still stuck in the dream world with Edward?


	7. Heidi

**Thank you all so much for the reviews and I think most of you will like this chapter. :) You'll see why. But don't get your hopes up because it's far from over.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters involved.**

* * *

**In Loving Memory: Alter Bridge**

**Heidi**

I ran all around the park at least three times, thinking so much about what happened in the last dream I had It was strange the way Edward could make the images of what happened with that little boy appear inside my head, just by touching me. I wanted to know how he did it. I wanted to know what it meant. I wanted to know why he was in my dreams to begin with. I promised I'd help him get out. I wasn't going to give up until I figured it all out. Whatever I had to do or however long it took, I was going to help him. I couldn't move on with my life, knowing he was still stuck. He needed me and I needed him.

I thought about what he told me about the journals, thinking I needed to call Alice and tell her where Jasper needed to look. It would be yet another clue he was real inside my head if where Jasper looked turned out to be right.

Part of me still doubted he was real. Deep down, I knew he was, yet what if I'm making everything up somehow? What if everything is just my imagination? Somehow this was a way of keeping him alive inside of me. If I couldn't have him in real life, I could have him in my dreams.

I wondered how Edward was doing now. He was in the darkness again. When I thought about how scared I would be in a dark, unfamiliar, place, it made me feel so guilty. I wanted to go back to him. I never wanted to wake up again. I wanted to stay with him as long as I could. There had to be something I could do or take to make myself fall asleep. I don't care if it's wrong to sleep or if I failed out of my classes for him.

I always told myself I would never give up my dream for any guy, yet here I am contemplating giving up everything for someone who was dead. If I'm not crazy already for talking to someone in my dreams, who's dead, then I'm definitely crazy now for giving up everything for him.

"Bella, wait up," Demetri called. I slowed down my pace, realizing I was running pretty fast. He caught up panting and grabbing his chest to catch his breath.

"Sorry," I said, stopping along the path. I noticed Brady plopped himself down in the grass underneath a tree.

"What's the hurry?" He asked, breathlessly. "I don't think I've ever ran this much before. Even the dog is exhausted." I glanced over at Brady who was panting.

"I just have a lot on my mind. I guess I should have slowed down."

"Is everything okay? Is it still that guy who died who has you so confused?" He asked, reaching out towards my arm.

"He doesn't have me confused," I said, defensively, pulling my arm away from him. He jerked back giving me a shocked look.

"Okay." He took a couple steps back from the suddenness of my words. He glanced all around the park nervously. I sighed, closing my eyes from the shame.

Look, I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated about a lot of stuff right now and things are complicated."

"I can see that," he pointed out. "Why don't we go back to my place and we can talk if you want," he suggested.

"That might me good." We walked the rest of the path and across the street for our apartment building. He unlocked his door and allowed me to walk in before him. I looked around at his place. It was very modern. Everything was black and stainless steel. It was sort of cold in a way. It wasn't inviting or homey at all. I felt like I was in a hospital or something. But he does work in a lab all day, so maybe this is what he's comfortable in.

As soon as we were inside, Brady collapsed on the rug by the door and fell asleep.

"Would you like some coffee or something?" He asked. I wasn't about to drink coffee. I would never sleep and where I wanted to be right now was sleeping.

"Maybe just a bottle of water," I suggested.

"Sure. I'll be right back." I watched him go into the kitchen and get the bottles of water from the fridge. I still stood in the entryway next to a sleeping Brady. I was afraid to touch anything because I might contaminate it somehow.

"Make yourself at home," he called. I reluctantly went into the living room and sat down on his black leather couch. I left Brady by the door, thinking that was probably the best place for him. He came in sitting down next to me and handed me the water bottle. I opened it up, drinking almost the entire thing.

"So," he began. "Obviously something is bothering you. Would you like to talk about it?"

I shook my head. "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me," he insisted.

I sighed, meeting his demanding stare. "You know that guy who died? Edward?" I asked. He nodded his head. "I talk to him."

He leaned back a little, trying not to crack a smile. "What do you mean you talk to him?"

"I see him in my dreams. We talk and he's alone and scared and I feel like I need to help him somehow, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"Bella," he sighed, looking down at his bottle. "I don't want to be rude, but I don't think that's possible. I know it's hard to accept death, especially when it's someone you care about, I see it every day in my line of work. People hang on to any thread of hope they can, but most of the time the end result is always the same. You need to accept that he's gone."

"I know he's gone. I know he's not coming back. I'm not trying to hold on to any hope that he might still be alive. I just think he needs something. I need to help him figure something out, so he can be at peace or, I don't know. That's why all this is so frustrating, because I don't know what I'm supposed to do," I admitted.

"You don't think maybe it's all in your imagination? Maybe you're creating him because you aren't ready to let him go?"

"I don't think that's it. There have been too many coincidences where he's told me something in the dreams I didn't know before and I find out later it was real."

"Like what?" He wondered.

"He had nicknames for everyone in his family. I didn't know that before, but the last time I talked to Alice she told me I was right and even told me her nickname," I explained.

"Was it the same nickname he told you in the dream?"

"He actually never got around to telling me her nickname before I woke up. He told me everyone else's though and just the fact that he was right about his family having nicknames, which is something I never knew before, tells me he's real," I added.

"Bella, lots of people have nicknames. My parent's used to call me DD when I was younger. My college buddies called me Waldo. Nicknames don't prove anything. Did you check to see if any of the other nicknames were the same?"

My shoulders fell, realizing he did have a point. "No." I looked down at the floor. "But I can find out right now if I'm right." I grabbed my phone out of my pocket.

"Who are you calling?" He asked, curiously.

"Alice."

I waited for her to pick up, hoping so bad I was right. I didn't want him to be right about Edward being a figment of my imagination. I knew he was real.

"Hello?" I heard Jasper answer with a low, hoarse voice.

"Uh… Hi Jasper, this is Bella."

"Hi," he greeted. "Is something wrong with Brady?"

"No, it's nothing like that. Is Alice around?" I should have just asked him if he knew about the nicknames, but part of me still feared what giving him or any of his family too much information would do.

"No, she's taking a nap. We've all had some pretty rough days lately."

"I know. I'm so sorry about your brother. I wish there was something I could do for all of you," I said.

He paused for a long time. I didn't know what else I should say to him. "Was there a reason you wanted to talk to Alice? I can give her a message for you if you want."

"Actually, I wanted to tell you something, but I was going to tell her first," I admitted.

"What's that Bella?"

"Alice said you were looking for something earlier today. Was it one of Edward's journals?"

"How did you know that?" He asked. I could hear the astonished tone in his voice.

"I think I might know where you need to look. Did Edward have a tree?" I questioned, emphasizing the word tree.

"He had a place out in the woods he would go to be alone when we were kids. He even built a little fort out of some scrap wood he found around the house," he chuckled.

"You need to look there. I think what you're looking for will be there." I waited for him to respond, but there was nothing. "Hello? Jasper, are you there?" I waited a little longer before hanging up the phone.

Demetri gave me a curious look. "I think we got cut off."

"So, did you find anything out?"

"No. I only had a chance to give him some information. Maybe he'll call back if he finds it."

"Bella, honestly do you think Edward is talking to you beyond the grave?" He rolled his eyes as he said it. I wanted to be mad at him, but what if he was right?

"I don't know. All I know is every time I sleep, I see him. I talk to him and he shows me stuff. He did this really amazing thing this morning. He placed his hands on the side of my head and I could see his memories. He showed me images of this boy he helped save down in the Dominican Republic. It was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen." I smiled as I spoke of him. I looked up, meeting his eyes with mine. He looked at me with a concerned look. I knew he was thinking I was crazy.

"So, let's say you're right and you do actually see him in your dreams. Or some form of him. What does it mean Bella? What does he want?" He asked.

"I don't know. I think somehow he's trapped and for whatever reason he can connect to me through dreams, but I think all he really wants is to get out. I think there's something he needs to do or say, so he can move on and since I'm the only one he can connect with, I have to help him."

"So, what if he never gets out? What if he's stuck in your dreams forever? Are you going to give up your whole life so you can continue to help someone who's dead?" He questioned. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I knew he was right. I was giving up so much for him already. How much more was I going to have to give up while trying to help him? "I think you need to stop and think about what he's doing to you. Whether he's real or not, doesn't change the fact that he's messing with your mind."

"You don't know anything about me or him," I shouted. I was getting really mad at him for treating me like I was stupid. He's only known me for a few days. "If anything you're the one making me more confused. He's not doing anything to me. I'm the one causing him more heartache. I'm the one who had to tell him he was dead. I'm the one who leaves him in the dark all the time. I'm the one who made him trapped." Tears were running down my face now. I jumped up from the couch and headed for the front door. I grabbed Brady's leash and opened the door, swinging it open roughly and ran down stairs to my car.

I drove across town, back towards Alice and Jasper's house as fast as I could. Once there, I let Brady out and again he went straight to his bed, falling asleep instantly. I made sure he had food and water, and made sure everything was locked up before I left again. I was holding back the tears from streaming down my face. I knew there was a chance he was right about everything. But I didn't want to face it. I didn't want someone to tell me he wasn't real. I wanted him to be real, whether it's right or not.

My phone started vibrating in my pocket, just as I pulled into a drug store. I pulled it out of my pocket, seeing Alice's name on the screen. I answered it, knowing exactly what she was going to say.

"Bella, it's amazing," she expressed. "Jasper found the journals he was looking for. Carlisle and Jasper are going through them now. Even Esme and Rose came down to look through them. I can't believe all it took was just a bunch of journals Edward wrote in to make all of them come back to life in a sense. Jasper said you were the one who told him where to find them. How did you know?" She was so excited and happy one thought ran to the next without even a pause.

"I had a dream. I saw where they were," I answered, quietly.

"But how? I didn't even know it was Edward's journals he was looking for. How did you know?" She pressed.

"I didn't. I just thought maybe that's what it was."

"Well, Jasper wanted me to call you and thank you. He wants to apologize for hanging up on you too. After you told him where to look he got so excited and didn't think about what he was doing. He just ran."

"It's ok. I understand. I'm just glad I was right and I was able to help," I commented.

"You have no idea how much you were able to help. I can't believe what you did for them with just one phone call. I've been here for days trying to help them and nothing worked. I can't tell you how happy I am to call you my friend," she revealed.

"Thanks Alice. I'm glad I was able to help. I hope things go well for the memorial service.

"I think with this and with the memorial service, everyone will be okay. It's going to take some time for all of us to adjust, but I think it's possible now. Thanks again. You truly are an amazing friend." I heard someone in the background call her name. "I've got to go. I'll call you tomorrow sometime, I'm sure."

I hung up with her, letting the tears fall. This was all the proof I needed. He was real. He wasn't a figment of my imagination. Maybe this was what he needed to do so he could be free. Maybe he was being held here because he needed to help his family heal. Now that they were, maybe he wouldn't be in my dreams anymore. That thought made me sob even more. I wanted him to be free and not trapped in the darkness anymore, but I also wanted to see him. The thought of never seeing him again or getting the chance to tell him goodbye, was unbearable. I missed him already and I had every intention of going to sleep the minute I got home. But now the thought of facing the reality that he might not be there again, made my heart hurt. I couldn't face it.

I cried for at least an hour, parked in the parking lot of the store. I needed to get what I came here for before they closed. I dried my eyes, looking in the mirror. I looked dreadful with my bloodshot and puffy eyes. Anyone who looked at me would be able to tell I had been crying. I slipped on my sunglasses, and walked towards the store. It was already dark out so there was no need for the sunglasses, but I had to hide my eyes somehow. I went to the pharmacy section of the store, searching for anything that would make me fall asleep. I came across a section, which had many different types of sleep aids, all claiming to do basically the same thing. I grabbed two different bottles hoping one of them would be able to help.

The lady at the checkout looked at me suspiciously when she saw I was buying so many sleep aids and I was still wearing my sunglasses, but she never said anything. I took my purchase from her and headed back out to my car. I got back to my apartment, took a quick shower, and changed my clothes.

I walked into my kitchen, and placed the two different pills on the counter with a glass of water. I stared at the pills for a long time, deciding whether or not to take them. What if he was gone now? What if I never saw him again? What if he was still there and the journals and his family finally dealing with his death wasn't what he needed? What if there wasn't anything I could do? What if he was trapped there forever? If I take one of these pills, and go to sleep, either way I'm going to wake up feeling guilty and sad. I didn't want to face that fact.

Just as I was putting the pills back in the bottles, there was a knock on my door. I walked to the door, peaking through the peep hole, seeing it was Demetri. I sighed, opening the door. I knew I should probably apologize for my outburst earlier.

"Hi," I said, quietly.

"Hi. Look, I wanted to apologize for earlier. You were right. I don't know you or him and I had no right to tell you he wasn't real or that he was messing with your mind. I didn't mean it the way it came out. I'm just worried about you. I can't help that I'm attracted to you and I think you are to me, too. I want to get to know you better and have this work between us, but I think with all this Edward stuff going on, it's holding you back. I can't believe I'm saying this, but from what you've told me, it's almost like you're having a relationship with someone who's dead. When you could have a real relationship with someone right here who's still alive." He walked a few steps closer, putting out his hand like he was going to touch me, but he didn't. He was right about everything. I stepped closer, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his. He met my kiss with as much force and passion as I had and walked us backwards into my apartment. He shut my door, wrapping his arms around my waist as we continued to kiss.

Kissing him felt so wrong. The last time we kissed I enjoyed it, yet this time, it felt forced almost. I felt like I was only kissing him because I thought I was supposed to. As he walked us to the couch and laid me down, hovering over me, I wanted him to stop. I didn't want this. As much as it would be nice to lose myself in him and forget everything else, swirling around inside my head, I couldn't do it.

I placed my hand on his chest, pushing back a little. "Wait."

"What's wrong?" He asked, breathlessly, leaning up a little.

"I'm not ready for this," I admitted. He sighed, sitting up on the couch. I pulled myself up as well, feeling like shit about everything that happened with him.

"You're right. This is probably too fast," he agreed. I knew he was only trying to be polite. He would have gone further if I would have allowed it.

"Do you want to stay and watch a movie or something?" I asked.

"Sure," he replied with a smile. I got up walking over to my small DVD collection, trying to find something appropriate.

"I don't have much to choose from."

"Whatever you choose is fine." I grabbed the first movie on the shelf, sticking it in. "Have you eaten?" He asked. I shook my head, realizing I hadn't eaten anything all day. "Why don't I order us some food?" He pulled his phone out of his pocket. "What sounds good? We can get pizza or Chinese…"

"Whatever you want is fine. I'm really not that hungry anyway."

"I'll order Chinese. It's closer and probably won't take as long to get here." I nodded my head in agreement. He dialed up the number placing the order and giving them the address. I sat back down on the couch next to him just as the movie was starting.

We watched only a small part of the movie before there was a knock on my door. I pushed pause, while Demetri went to the door, retrieving our food. After he paid we went into the kitchen and I grabbed two plates out of the cupboard. He started taking things out of the bag. He bought enough food to feed at least ten people. I placed a good portion of food on my plate, knowing I'd never be able to finish it all. We sat down at the small table I had in my kitchen and ate in an awkward silence. I didn't know what I should say to him or how I should behave around him. Everything that happened today was making things so awkward between us.

After we were done eating, we went back in the living room and watched the rest of the movie. At some point during the movie he dozed off. I couldn't sleep just yet. Instead I went for a walk around the park. I kept thinking about Edward and wondered whether or not the next time I slept, I'd see him. Part of me didn't want to see him and part of me did. I knew eventually I'd have to face it, but I wanted to hold off as long as possible.

I sat down on a bench, just as the sun started to come up. It was another start to another day. A day Edward would never get to see, a day that would forever be changed for so many people.

After watching the sun rise into the sky and watched people start there day, I decided the best thing for me to do, was go back home and get ready for class. At least in class I'd have a distraction.

When I got back to my apartment, Demetri was gone. I figured he would be since he works. He left me a note on the counter asking me to call him as soon as I got back. He wanted to know if I was okay.

I picked up my phone dialing his number. He answered on the first ring.

"Bella," he said with a relieved tone. "Where did you go? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. I only went for a walk in the park. I'm sorry if I made you worry."

"I am worried. You shouldn't be walking around in an empty park in the middle of the night. I know I don't know you very well, but I don't want anything to happen to you. I don't want the next case I'm working on to be you," he expressed.

"Nothing happened. I'm fine," I insisted.

"Okay," he accepted. "I'm driving to work now. Can I come by again after work?"

"Sure," I agreed.

"Well, if you need anything at all, please, call me now that you have my number."

"I will. I need to get ready for class. I'll see you later."

I hung up the phone, changed my clothes and pulled my hair up into a messy bun, before heading out to my car.

I drove over to feed Brady quickly before heading over to school. I went to every class that day, determined to make it through one day of my normal routine without it getting interrupted by something else.

After all my classes were over for the day, I went to the library, working on my homework for as long as I could. For whatever reason, I didn't want to go home. Maybe it was because I knew once I did I'd have to sleep eventually. Or maybe it was because I knew Demetri would be coming over. I liked Demetri, he wasn't a bad guy, but unfortunately, he wasn't who I wanted. He wasn't the guy I'd been in love with over ten years. He wasn't Edward and no one ever would be.

I sat at a table in the library, reading the same paragraph over and over, not comprehending any of it when my phone rang. I pulled it out of my bag trying to quiet it before it disturbed anyone. I answered, seeing it was my dad.

"Hi, Mom," I greeted, melancholy.

"Isabella, are you okay, honey?"

"I'm fine mom."

"You don't sound fine. Did something happen at school?" She asked.

"No, nothing happened at school. I'm fine, really," I insisted. "What did you call about?"

"Oh, I wanted to let you know Phil has to be in Fresno this coming weekend and I was thinking of driving up to spend a day or two with you," she explained. "Would you like that?"

"I would mom. I could really use you around right now." She paused for a few seconds. I expected her to sound excited and start talking about all the things we were going to do while she was here like she normally does.

"Honey are you sure you're okay?" She questioned.

"Mom I'm just going through a lot right now. It's nothing to stress yourself out about. I'll be fine. I just have a lot to figure out and deal with but it's not something you can help me with. I have to do this on my own. Having you around for a couple days might be really good though. It'll keep my mind off of things and give me a chance to have some fun." I heard her sigh, knowing far too well she would be stressing anyway.

"Alright well if you need anything you know can call me anytime you need to," she stressed.

"I know mom. Thank you. I can't wait to see you. I miss you," I admitted.

"I miss you too Isabella. I'm looking forward to this visit. We'll go and get our hair done and go shopping. Maybe we'll go get a pedicure or a massage. That would be relaxing wouldn't it? I'm sure whatever it is that's bothering you could be cured with a whole day of pampering." This was my typical mother coming back.

"That sounds great mom. I'm looking forward to it." I tried to sound as cheery as I could but I don't think came off as ecstatic as she expected me too. When I hung up with her I could tell she was going into worry mode.

Eventually, I did go home. I put my school bag by the door and walked to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge. I had only been home for ten minutes when my phone started ringing again. This time it was my dad.

I sighed heavily as I answered the phone. I knew my mom had called him, being the worrier she was.

"Hey Bells. Your mom called me a little bit ago."

"Typical." I stated.

"She's worried about you Bella. She said you sounded depressed. Is everything okay?" I rolled my eyes at the question I'd been hearing a lot lately.

"I'm fine dad. Like I told mom I've just got a lot on my mind and it's something I have to figure out on my own. It's nothing to worry about though."

"Do you need any money?" He asked. This was the normal response from my father. He was never really good with feelings or how to comfort me when I was upset, so he always thought if he passed a couple twenties my way, somehow that would make everything better. It never did though.

"I don't need any money dad. I'm fine. There's nothing for you or mom to worry about," I asserted.

"Well you let me know if you need anything."

"I will dad. Thanks." There was a knock on my door just as I hung up the phone. I knew exactly who it was. Part of me didn't want to open the door, but I did anyway.

"Hi Demetri," I greeted with a smile.

"Hi. Can I come in?" I stood aside allowing him to come in. "You didn't get back until late tonight. Is everything okay?"

"Will you stop asking me if I'm okay?" I snapped. I had enough of every person I came in contact with, asking me if I was okay. I wanted all of them to leave me alone.

"Sorry," he said defensively.

"I should have never told you about my dreams. Now I'm so confused about everything and I can't even function," I shouted, rubbing my temples out of frustration.

"Bella, I'm only worried about your well-being. This whole dream thing concerns me and I don't want you to get sucked into some psychological mess," he revealed.

"I'm fine," I yelled. "I'm fine… I'm fine… I'm fine". He came over, wrapping his arms around me while I sobbed uncontrollably. I held on to him tightly while he allowed me to cry in his arms. He sat me down on the couch holding on to me and brushing my tears away. I was so emotional and stressed I didn't know what was wrong with me. I wanted all of it to go away.

When I finally stopped sobbing, I fell asleep, lying in his arms on the couch.

_It was the middle of my senior year in high school. I had taken on as many advanced placement classes as I could, knowing it would help me get into college. I had sent out numerous applications to every college I possibly could, but there was only one college I wanted to go to. _

_During any free time at school, I spent it in the music room, working on homework or more college applications. It was at the far end of the school and no one was ever in there, which I liked. This was also where I ate lunch every day._

_On this particular day, while everyone else in the school headed off to the cafeteria for lunch, I headed towards the music room like I did every other day. As I got closer, I started to hear music coming from the room. I slowed down, wondering who was in there. No one ever went into this room unless they had band class._

_I stopped at the door taking in the soft melody coming from the piano. It was so beautiful and it almost drew me in. I slowly opened the door, tiptoeing in so as not to disturb who was playing. I was caught off guard when I saw it was Edward sitting at the piano. I had no idea he played._

_As soon as he saw me watching him, I turned around quickly, trying to leave. I tripped over a garbage can sitting in the corner where I was standing._

"_Bella?" He called. I was caught. I turned around slowly, giving him a sheepish look. _

"_I'm sorry. I didn't know anyone was in here. I can leave."_

"_No, Bella, you can stay. Please," he begged. I slowly walked over to the piano._

"_What were you playing? It was beautiful. I had no idea you played," I revealed._

"_I don't play for many people, only my family. My mom insisted we all learn how to play when we were kids. She taught us herself. None of us really play much anymore," he explained._

"_Why are you playing now?" I asked._

_He shrugged his shoulders. "I guess I'm just feeling a little depressed today."_

"_Why?" I asked. He looked up, meeting my curious eyes. "I don't mean to pry. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."_

"_No, it's fine. Maybe it'll help to talk about it. Come sit down." He patted the spot on the bench next to him. I dropped my bag on the floor and slowly walked over, taking a seat on the bench next to him._

"_Jasper got an acceptance letter to the University of Texas. Rose is already gone to Southern California. I'm hopefully planning to go to Illinois or Pennsylvania. It's just all of a sudden hit me that we're all going to be split up in a few months. Jasper and I have never been that far apart from each other. He's my best friend. I don't know how I'm going to handle being away, from everyone I care about."_

"_I'm sure you'll be okay. It's part of growing up and learning to live on our own two feet," I insisted._

"_I know. It's just going to be strange. I'll probably call someone I know every day just to stay connected," he disclosed. There was a pause between us for a minute before he spoke again. "So, where are you going to college?"_

"_Hopefully Berkeley, but I applied to every school I possibly could."_

"_No word back from any of them yet?" I shook my head. "I'm sure you'll get accepted to quite a few schools. They're probably trying to decide if they have teachers qualified enough to teach you," he joked. I turned my head, to look at him. He smiled at me with a crooked smile. I lightly shoved him with my elbow. He laughed, making me laugh as well._

"_So what was it that you were playing?" I asked. He looked down at the piano, shyly._

"_It was nothing. I was just messing around with different harmonies," he revealed._

"_You wrote that?" I asked, astonished by his talent._

"_I wouldn't say I really wrote it. I just played it. I'd probably never play it the same ever again."_

"_Wow. That's so amazing that you can make music so easily."_

"_Do you know how to play?" He asked. I shook my head. "Do you want to?" I looked up at him with a shocked expression, my eyes bulging._

"_I can't play," I whispered nervously. _

_He smiled. "Of course you can. Give me your hands. I slowly raised my hands to the keys, taking a deep breath at the same time. He gently lined his fingers up with mine, showing me exactly where my fingers were supposed to go on the keys. The warmth coming from his hands touching mine filled my entire body. I felt warm and fuzzy all over. All I could do was continue to breath and pray I wasn't shaking so bad that he'd be able to tell how nervous I was. Once my fingers were in the correct position, he showed me what keys to press, by pressing down on the tips of my fingers. I wasn't really playing he was, by using my fingers to press the keys. The melody coming from the piano was soft and soothing. It almost sounded like a lullaby. I glanced over at Edward, smiling at the music coming from our fingers connected on the piano. He had his eyes closed, in concentration. It was one of the most amazing things to watch him make such beautiful music straight from his heart._

_As the song ended, his eyes opened, catching me watching him. I turned away, pulling my hands back into my lap. _

"_Sorry," I said, feeling ashamed for watching him._

"_You don't need to be sorry, Bella." He gently tugged on my chin, making my eyes meet his eyes. I looked at his lips, which were slightly parted. I swallowed hard, knowing any second he was going to kiss me. At least that's what I was hoping for. He started to lean in and I could feel my entire body go numb. Just as our lips touched, the door came bursting open and a bunch of girls came walking in. Edward pulled away as quickly as possible, clearing his throat. I tried to hide my face, knowing I was probably five different shades of red. I'd be surprised if I wasn't breaking out in hives._

"_I can't believe you," One of the girls shouted. "You couldn't even last one day?" I glanced through my hair, seeing it was Heidi talking. She was standing there with her hands on her hips, looking at Edward expectantly. She had Jessica and Lauren among the group of girls who were all staring at both of us._

"_I told you," Jessica announced. "Every time Edward starts dating a new girl she gets in the way. She's going to be a home wrecker when she gets older. She puts guys under some sort of spell. This is a new record for you Bella. He hasn't even taken her out on their first date and you're already pushing your way through. Do you find pleasure in screwing with other people's lives or something?"_

"_Shut up, Jessica," Edward yelled. He got up from the stool and walked over to Heidi, taking her hand and leading her to the far corner of the room. I could see she was crying and the guilt hit me so hard. I didn't know he was dating anyone new. If I had known I would have never allowed any of this to happen. I wouldn't have even stayed in the room. He hadn't dated anyone all year long. How was I supposed to know?_

"_No," Heidi shouted. "You asked me out this morning yet here you are with her. What's going on Edward? Am I just one of many or something?"_

"_No. It's not like that. We were only talking. I was having a bad day and Bella's easy to talk to," I could over hear Edward explaining the situation to her. He tried to convince her it was nothing and I wasn't to blame for anything. But what Jessica said really got to me and I felt guilty. I probably was to blame for everything. I should have left the minute I saw it was Edward in here. I watched as he calmed her down and hugged her tightly. Eventually he walked her out into the hallway with the rest of the girls, leaving me alone once again._

_The dream faded to white and I looked all around waiting for Edward to appear. I didn't see him anywhere. He was gone. I sat down on the ground and started to cry. I wanted to be happy, but I couldn't help feeling sad at the same time. _

"_Isabella," I heard his voice from behind me. I turned around, seeing him kneeling down next to me with a concerned look. I let out a relieved breath and threw my arms around his neck, almost toppling him over._

"_I thought you were gone. I thought the journals were the key and now you were gone," I cried._

"_What are you talking about?" He asked._

"_The journals," I began, pulling away from him. "I told Jasper where to find them and Alice said they really helped your family. Everyone is doing so much better now. Your mom even got out of bed and came downstairs to look through them."_

"_I'm not sure I like the fact that my parents are looking through my journals," he remarked, with a worried look on his face. "But why did you think that would make me disappear?"_

"_I just thought whatever it is holding you here, might have something to do with your family grieving and now that it sounds like the journals are helping them to come around, I had a feeling you wouldn't be here," I explained. _

"_So why were you crying?" He asked._

"_I'm just emotional. This whole thing has been emotional. I just can't believe you're gone. I can't believe I never got the chance to tell you everything I wanted to tell you when you were still living."_

"_What was it you wanted to tell me?" He asked._

"_I can't tell you now," I admitted, ducking my head. He reached out, gently tugging my chin up to meet his gaze, just like he did in the dream._

"_You can tell me anything you want, Isabella."_

_I looked deep in his eyes, wondering if it was even possible to love someone who was a dream. He felt real, he looked real, yet I knew when I woke up, he'd be gone._

"_Can you show me another memory?" I asked. He smirked, releasing my chin. He sat down in front of me, raising his hands to the sides of my head. _

_Instantly I started seeing images of dark skinned kids following Edward around. They were giggling and skipping all around him as he passed out little pieces of candy to each of them. He was laughing and dancing right along with them. I smiled at the images of him so happy. He looked so carefree and full of life. He showed me images of him kicking a ball around with the kids. He showed me images of helping Dr. Banner give the kids shots and giving them check-ups. Even doing work, he looked happy._

_He suddenly jerked his hands back. I opened my eyes, looking at him curiously. "What happened?" I asked._

"_Nothing," he answered, vaguely. He had a distressed look on his face. He stood to his feet, pacing the ground with his hands in his hair._

"_Edward what's wrong?" I questioned. He wouldn't answer. I got on my feet walking towards him and placed my hand on his arm, trying to stop his panicky pacing. _

"_Is it possible? It can't be? There's no way? What does this mean?" I could hear him asking question after question and I had no idea what any of them meant._

"_Edward, will you please talk to me?" I begged. He stopped, taking my face in his hands and pressed his lips to mine. The kiss was lingering and gentle. I didn't care if this was only a dream or not. This kiss was as real as any other kiss. _

_As he continued to kiss me I started to see images of the storm, ascending on them. I could see people running all around in panic. I could see things blowing all around and trees leaning way over. They looked like they could crack in half at any second. I saw images of Edward and Dr. Banner, rushing around trying to get everyone to cover. There was a helicopter waiting nearby with a man standing next to it yelling at both of them to come. Neither of them listened though. They continued to search for people still trapped in the storm trying to help them find shelter. _

_Finally, I watched as Dr. Banner grabbed Edward's arm and pulled him to the helicopter. Edward tried to go back, but Dr. Banner wouldn't let him. He jerked him forward and made him get on the helicopter. _

_I watched the helicopter take off in the storm, flying straight through it. I watched as the helicopter started losing control and headed straight for the ocean. I saw the panicked and scared looks on everyone's faces as the helicopter hit the water. I saw Dr. Banner take two people he was closest to, Edward being one of them, and wrap his arms around them, protecting them with his body as best he could. _

_As soon as they hit the water, some people instantly became motionless. Others tried to get out of the helicopter. Edward was one who got out. Only a couple people got out and swam for the surface. With the magnitude of the storm, finding the surface looked impossible. I felt panicked and like I couldn't breathe just watching them fight to find the surface._

_The next image I saw was Edward floating lifeless in the ocean. No one else was around. The storm was over. There was nothing left but Edward's body floating in the middle of the ocean. I watched as he floated up onto a beach. He pulled away, breaking the kiss, but held his hands on my face. I kept my eyes closed, still seeing the images._

_I stared at his motionless body, lying on the beach. I could feel the tears swelling up in my eyes to actually see his dead body. Just as I was about to open my eyes, I watched his once lifeless body, roll over onto his back. "Isabella."_

My eyes shot open and I took in a sharp breath, jostling Demetri, who had fallen asleep next to me. The shock of seeing what I had just seen sent chills running through my body.

* * *

**So like most of you thought Edward survived the crash, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's still alive now. :) I know I'm so mean leaving it at a cliffy like I did, but the next chapter is already half done so it shouldn't be that long of a wait for the next chapter.**

**BTW in case some of you didn't know I wrote a oneshot for the "Don't Mess With The Help" contest and I'd love it if you would read it and maybe even vote when the voting begins. The dates got extended so the voting doesn't start until June 25th but I'd still love if you'd read it. Much different from my other stories and there is a second half to it, which will be posted after the contest is over. I ran out of word allowance :)**


	8. Katie

**A/N: I told all of you this next chapter would be up quickly. I know many of you were upset about the cliffy from last chapter. My beta bzeemomof4 or my4Queens, whichever one you know her by, edited this chapter first thing this morning because she's concerned some of you were going to start hunting her down lol. So I have to tell her, thank you, most of all, for always being there for me and making sure what's in my head, comes out understandable on paper. I definitely couldn't do any of this without you. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters involved.**

* * *

**Your Guardian Angel: Red Jumpsuit Apparatus/ Justin Robinett and Michael Henry** (Red Jumpsuit Apparatus are the original singers of this song, but I love the cover version Justin and Michael do, so check them out on youtube and iTunes. They are amazing and I love giving recognition to artist who are not very well known. They have many more wonderful songs to listen to.)

**Katie**

"He's not dead," I announced.

"What?" Demetri asked. His voice was thick with sleep. He rubbed his face as I jumped to my feet, trying to keep the smile off my face. Not only had I experienced my first kiss from Edward. Something I'd dreamed about and wished for, for so long, but he revealed that he survived the crash and the storm as well. I knew the kiss was technically still a dream, but it was probably the closest thing to real I'd ever get from him. I wasn't sure why he did it. Maybe to show me the images better or maybe he was just excited about remembering what happened and it was an impulse thing. I didn't know, and I didn't care.

I ran to my bedroom, grabbing a suitcase out of the closet. I started throwing clothes in as fast as I could.

"What are you doing?" Demetri asked, standing in the doorway to my bedroom.

"He's not dead, Demetri. He's alive and I have to tell his family. We have to start searching for him," I explained, excitedly.

"What makes you think he's still alive?" He asked.

"I saw it in my dream. He showed me what happened."

"Bella, you can't do this. His family is grieving right now. If you go there and tell them he's not dead, it's only going to make things worse when it doesn't amount to anything. Do you want to do that to his family when all the evidence you have is a silly dream?"

"It's not a silly dream. He's alive, Demetri, and I'm going home to tell his family. They have a right to know," I exclaimed.

"It's the middle of the night. Are you planning to drive there?"

"I'll catch the next flight out. I'm sure there's something," I insisted and I busied myself around my room packing stuff up.

"Bella, this is getting out of hand. You have to stop doing this to yourself."

"You can't tell me what to do. You can't stop me from doing what I know I need to do. So get out of my house and leave me alone," I screamed. He blinked a couple times from my assertion. I shoved past him, going to the bathroom and grabbing a few things. I went to the kitchen and stuck those sleeping pills in my bag. Demetri followed me all around the apartment. I slipped my shoes on and headed for the front door.

"Bella, please, let's talk about this first. Let's talk to a professional who can help in this type of case," he pleaded.

"This isn't a case, Demetri. This is a human, who is alive out there somewhere. I'm not going to stop until I find him." I grabbed the doorknob opening up the door, but Demetri put his hand out shoving it closed. I turned around glaring up at him.

"I'm begging you not to do this. Don't destroy his family even more by giving them false hope."

"It's not false hope. You don't have to believe me. But I have to go," I insisted. He stepped back letting me open my door. He grabbed his phone and keys off the little table by the door and walked out with a huff. I shut all the lights off and locked my doors before heading down the stairs. I knew Demetri was watching me leave and probably wishing I would turn around, but I couldn't. I had to go. He's still alive somewhere. I know he is. I'm not going to give up until I find him.

I rushed over to Alice's house, grabbing Brady. I had no idea what I was going to do with him, but I couldn't leave him behind with no one to care for him. I put him in the back seat of the car and drove across town to Angela's house. If there was one place I knew Alice would approve of for Brady being, it was with Angela. Angela and Alice weren't that close, but Angela had two dogs of her own and one more would not be a problem for her. At least I hoped. I looked at my watch seeing it was only three in the morning. Was I really going over to Angela's house in the middle of the night to ask her to look after Brady for an indefinite amount of time? Yes. I was definitely about to do this. It was important and had to be done.

I pulled up in front of her house, noticing all the lights were off. I took a deep breath trying to get up enough nerve to do this. I was asking a lot from her, but I think of all the people I've talked to, she'd be the only one who would understand why I needed to do this.

I got out, putting Brady on a leash and walked up to her house. I rang her doorbell and instantly started hearing her dogs bark. Of course hearing the other dogs set Brady off into a barking fit as well. I saw a light come on in her house and very slowly she opened the door. She peeked around the corner of the door with a metal bat in hand.

"Angela it's just me," I called. She opened the door the rest of the way staring at me with a shocked expression.

"Bella, what are you doing here in the middle of the night?" She questioned.

"I'm sorry, but I need your help. I had another dream," I expressed in a panicked tone. She grabbed my hand pulling me inside and shut the door when she noticed the neighbors were peaking though their curtain.

"You had another dream with Edward?" She wondered. I nodded my head.

"He's been showing me stuff, and Angela, tonight he showed me how he survived the crash and the storm. I think he's still alive. I have to go back to Forks to tell his family. They need to know so they can start looking for him," I explained quickly.

"Are you sure?" She asked, giving me a concerned look.

"I'm positive. I know it's hard to believe. I didn't even want to believe it at first, but he's real Angela. I have to find him."

"What do you need me to do?"

"I'm hoping you could look after Jasper and Alice's dog," I replied, motioning down to Brady who was on guard next to me. "I know it's a lot to ask and I feel horrible about coming over here in the middle of the night, but I don't know anyone else who Alice and Jasper will trust."

"Don't even worry about it. I've got him covered. He can stay here with me until you all get back. Go tell his family and go search for him. I believe you, Bella." She was the first person I'd talked to who said the words I believe you. Even Ms. Goff never said she believed me exactly. She just said it was possible and I needed to embrace it. The words alone brought tears to my eyes. I reached out giving her a huge hug and thanked her profusely before I left.

I headed for the airport knowing it would be the quickest way back home. I ran to the ticket counter begging for a ticket on the next plane to Washington. The soonest flight I could possibly get on, wasn't leaving for another two hours. I bought my ticket and waited.

I was so anxious and couldn't sit still for nothing. I wanted to get on that plane and tell them the news. I wanted them to be as excited as I was. I thought about calling, but it would be so hard trying to explain all this on the phone, so I wanted to do it face to face.

As soon as I boarded the plane, my anxiety started to calm a little. It would only be a few hours before I'd get there. I couldn't wait to tell them the good news.

The plane ride there was only about two hours, so it wasn't that hard to get through it. I just kept thinking about what he showed me and tried to make sense of it. I tried to remember the image, so I knew exactly where he was. He could be anywhere. He could be in huge danger if he ended up in the wrong spot. He could be all alone. I didn't even know how far the helicopter got before it went down. But I was determined to find him.

As soon I landed, I rented a car and drove as fast as I could to Forks. It was already nearly noon as I started driving into the town of Forks. It looked like a ghost town as I headed down the road. Not one store was open. There was nobody around, walking or driving. Everything looked empty.

I noticed a bulletin board sign on one of the stores with Edward's picture on it. I stopped in front of it and read about the memorial service. I let out a huge sigh. I had forgotten about the memorial service being today. It was starting right now.

Instead of continuing to the Cullen house, I turned around and headed to the church at the far side of town. I pulled into the parking lot which was completely full. Instead of circling to find a parking spot I just stopped the car right in front of the doors and ran in. I opened up the doors to the main hall, seeing practically the whole town had turned out for the service. Carlisle was up at the podium saying a few words about Edward when I walked in. Our eyes connected for a brief moment and he stopped his speech. It seemed like everyone in the church turned to look at me. I knew my face was probably bright red from everyone staring at me.

"Bella," I heard my dad whisper a few rows in front of me.

"I glanced in his direction only for a second before my eyes fell on a shocked and confused Alice sitting in the front row. I ran towards her and she stood, meeting me at the end of the aisle.

"Bella, what are you doing here? Where's Brady?" She asked in a panicked tone.

"He's fine. I left him with Angela and her two dogs. I have to tell you something," I began. Jasper got up and stood next to her. Everyone in the building was staring at me.

"Bella, can't this wait until later?" Jasper asked.

"No, it can't. We don't have time to waste. He needs us."

"What are you talking about?" Alice questioned. I heard Carlisle clear his throat from up at the podium. He gave me a perturbed look.

"He's not dead. He needs us to find him," I spurted. I heard Esme gasp and hide her face in her hands. My heart ached for her. After knowing what she'd been through I should have gone about this differently.

"Who's not dead?" Emmett asked with his loud and boisterous voice. By now Carlisle came down in front, looking at all of us with confusion and anger.

"Edward isn't dead. I don't know where he is, but I saw him survive the crash. He washed up on a beach somewhere."

"What do you mean, you saw him?" Alice asked.

"I've been having dreams of him the last few days. He showed me images of what happened when he was there. He showed me the kids and the little boy he saved. He showed me the storm. I saw all of it. Dr. Banner is the one who probably saved his life. He protected him with his own body and helped him get out," I explained.

"What kind of trick do you think you're trying to pull?" Carlisle asked. My eyes shot up to him. I could see the anger in his eyes. "This isn't funny. Do you have any idea how hard it is to lose a child? Do you have any idea what all of us have been through the last week? How can you come in here and make up this horrendous story about our son on a day like this?"

"It's not a story. It's real. Please, you have to believe me," I begged.

"Bella, come on," my dad insisted, pulling on my arm.

"No," I cried. "You have to believe me. I'm not making this up. He's alive and I see him in my dreams." My dad pulled harder on my arm, dragging me away. I pulled away, releasing my arms. The tears were streaming down my face, as I looked at everyone staring at me with disbelief. "How do you think I knew where to find his journals? How do you think I knew about the nicknames? Jasper yours is JT." I looked at Jasper, who stared at me blankly. "Emmett, your Emmy Bear, and Rose yours is Rosie Posy."

"Bella," my dad shouted with a livid tone. "That's enough." I turned to look at him, pleading with my eyes for at least a little trust from him. My whole body went limp as I searched around the building for one person who may believe me, even if just a small amount. There wasn't one person who looked at me with hope or trust.

My body went limp and the tears started falling even more. "Please, believe me," I cried, just as I started to fall to the ground. My dad caught me and picked me up in his arms. I heard my dad apologize for my rude interruption and carried me out of the building. He placed me in the rental car, which was still running right in front of the building. He got in the driver seat and started driving away.

"Bella, what were you thinking? How could you storm in there like that and make such a scene? Do you have any idea what that family has been through? How could you even think of doing something so horrible? I didn't raise you this way," my dad scolded on the drive back to his house.

"I'm not making it up dad. I'm telling the truth. I know I shouldn't have made a scene, but we have to find him," I whimpered. "You raised me to trust my gut and that's what I'm doing. I know he's still alive."

He let out an exasperated sigh. "Let's just get you home and you can take a nap and when you wake up we'll try to figure this out. I'll need to call the Cullen's again and apologize for your disruption," he informed. I didn't say anything the rest of the drive to his house.

When we pulled up in front of his house, I got out, slamming my door and grabbed my bag from the back seat. I crossed my arms as he unlocked the front door. I pushed past him, running up the stairs to my old bedroom and slammed the door. The tears sprung from my eyes once again as soon as I was in the seclusion of my old room.

"Bella, do you want anything to eat?" My dad asked, from the other side of the door. I didn't answer. After a few minutes, I heard him sigh and walk back down stairs, taking my silence as an answer. I grabbed my bag, dumping it out on the floor, digging through everything to find the sleeping pills. I grabbed the bottle, taking two pills out and tossed them in my mouth. I swallowed them down dryly and laid down on my bed.

I didn't understand why no one believed me. Why is it so hard for them to believe it's possible he might still be alive? Weren't they even going to try? Weren't they even willing to give it a shot? I felt so alone and so scared. How can I tell Edward his family isn't even willing to listen to the possibility I might be right?

I cried myself to sleep, knowing I might have to do this all alone.

_I was back in high school, just weeks before our graduation. I was in my trigonometry class when there was a note brought to the teacher, asking me to go to the principal's office. I had no idea why I was being called to the principal's office, but I went anyway. I checked in with the secretary and she led me back to Mr. Greene's office. _

"_Isabella, it's so good to see you. Have a seat," he ordered. I sat down in the chair across from his desk, nervously. _

"_What's this about Mr. Greene?" I asked._

"_Well," he began. "As you know the senior class is getting ready to have their commencement ceremony. After looking at the class records, you Miss. Swan are the valedictorian of the graduating class." He smiled across the table at me. "So you'll need to prepare a speech to be given at the ceremony and you'll be given some special awards for all your hard work. This will…"_

"_I don't want it," I interrupted. _

"_Excuse me?"_

"_I don't want to be valedictorian. I can't get up in front of all those people and give a speech," I announced. The fear and horror of having to get up in front of practically the whole town was making me shake and feel sick to my stomach._

"_Bella, this is a great honor. You should be really proud of what you've achieved. Think about how great it'll look on your resume to write down, you were valedictorian of your graduating class."_

"_Mr. Greene, I am thankful for the offer, but I can't do it. Please just choose the next person in line. I don't want the honor."_

"_Are you sure, Bella? I can't believe you're turning this down."_

"_I'm sure, Mr. Greene. I want you to choose the next person," I insisted._

"_Alright, if this is what you want then I'll accept your wishes," he agreed. _

"_Thank you." I got up, and turned to walk out of his office. I headed back to my class, letting out a cleansing breath. I was happy for the honor he offered, but I knew I'd never be able to get up there and give a speech. It was better this way. I'd still know the truth and that's all that mattered. I didn't need any official document or award to say it. I already got accepted to the college of my choice, so I didn't need anything else._

_Weeks later it was finally our graduation ceremony. I walked into the gym, and looked around at all my fellow classmates. I couldn't say I was really close to any of them or that I'd miss any of them. Only one person in that crowd would I miss. Edward. I spotted him instantly, standing by his brother and the rest of his family. He looked happy and excited for the ceremony. _

_There were some people who were emotional and crying their eyes out while they huddled together with their friends. Others were giddy and playing jokes on each other. I was just there. I had no place I belonged, or any group of friends to congregate with. _

"_I can't believe you're already graduating," my mom said. Her voice was thick with emotion._

"_Mom, it's just a graduation ceremony," I whined. "It's not a big deal."_

"_I know, but next year you'll be out on your own making your own decisions and taking care of yourself." Funny thing is I'd been doing all those things for most of my life. It's not, that either of my parents were bad parents or lacked in any way, they just let me do my own thing and make my own decisions. I guess you could say they trusted me enough to know I wasn't going to screw up my life in any way._

"_You're growing up, Bella," my dad expressed. "We're proud of you."_

"_Thanks, dad," I said, shyly. _

_I saw everyone start to gather out in the hallway getting ready. I went out lining up with the rest of my classmates, practically invisible to everyone. I saw my mom and Phil take seats in the bleachers next to my dad. _

_As the music started playing we all walked in, single file, and took our seats. It didn't take long for me to notice Edward sitting up on the stage with the teachers and guest speakers. I tried to hold back the smile on my face. Since I gave up the valedictorian position it went to Edward. I couldn't be happier knowing I gave it up for him. _

_I took my seat and listened duteously as the principal and guest speakers gave their speeches. Two girls from my graduation class got up and sang a duet accompanied by a piano and a flute. It was a beautiful song and made me remember back to the day Edward and I played the piano together. _

_As Edward was introduced as the valedictorian and stepped up to the podium, I smiled, applauding him. As he began, I heard two girls behind me whispering how Edward broke up with Katie, minutes before the graduation ceremony began. I thought it was such an awful thing to do, but I didn't know why he did it. There could have been an understandable explanation for it. I glanced over at Katie on the other side of the room. She looked miserable. She looked as if any minute she was going to break down in tears. I'm sure the emotions of graduating and being dumped on the same day were turning her upside down. I never had many problems with Katie. As soon as I heard she and Edward were dating, I stayed clear of both of them. It seemed to help too. Every time I saw them together they seemed happy. Edward seemed to really like her. I couldn't help but be a little jealous, but I was happy for him. I was glad I wasn't doing anything to hurt him anymore._

_I turned my attention back to Edward as he began to give his speech._

"_When I was pulled into Mr. Greene's office about two weeks ago, I honestly thought I had been caught," he began. The audience chuckled. "I wasn't quite sure what I had been caught doing, but when you get called into the principal's office in the middle of the day, it's never a good thing." Everyone continued to laugh. Even I was laughing. I remembered that feeling when I was pulled into his office._

"_I didn't expect to be told I was this year's graduating class' valedictorian. My parent's of course were overjoyed and called everyone they knew to brag about me. I think that's what parent's wait for. Any chance they can call up friends and family and outdo the other with stories of their kids' achievements is what they live for." I could hear parent's laughing hysterically. I had to agree with everything he said. My mom had called everyone she knew, bragging about me getting into Berkeley. Even my dad had been telling all his friends and co-workers about me graduating and going off to college to be a psychologist._

"_Funny thing is, as much as I appreciated the honor and as much as I knew my family would be happy about it, I didn't deserve it. I found out, by accident, that I wasn't supposed to be valedictorian." My heart stopped when he said those words. Did he know? "I wasn't number one on the grading chart. I was number two." I heard the audience and students let out a confused breath. I was sure my face was already breaking out in hives. All I could do was pray he didn't announce it was me._

"_When I asked Mr. Greene why the number two person was valedictorian instead of number one, he told me the number one person, turned it down. That baffled my mind. Why would she turn it down? Why wouldn't she want this honor? Why wouldn't she want to share this great achievement with her family? But knowing who the number one person is, I stopped to think why. And I know exactly why she did it. I know why being valedictorian wasn't as important to her as it should have been. But I respect her decision for turning it down and I don't plan to make her come up here and give a speech or tell everyone why she turned it down. Instead, I plan to give a speech on her behalf and at the end of the graduation ceremony I will make sure she gets the honor that is rightfully hers." I let out a sigh of relief. I couldn't be happier, knowing he wasn't going to say anything._

"_I've watched this girl, and yes it is a girl, work hard to get where she is in now. I've seen her go through tremendous struggles to get through every day here. I've seen her never give up on her goals. I've seen her willing to help anyone who needed help, even if a day prior they were being mean to her. I've watched her give up everything to make someone else happy, even if just for a minute. I've watched her learn to have confidence in herself and fight for what she wants. If anything this girl is definitely a fighter. She is who all of us should strive to be. She is the epitome of who a valedictorian should be. I definitely don't fit the title. So, congratulations on being this year's valedictorian. If anyone deserves it, it's you." I wasn't sure, but I was almost positive he was staring straight at me. I looked down at the ground hoping no one knew he was staring at me._

"_As for the rest of our classmates, congratulations on graduating high school, and making it this far, in what is just the beginning of our lives. I hope you all look at who this girl is and what she's accomplished and fight every day to be more like her. I know I've learned a lot from her and I can only hope I'll be as brave and strong as she is, in my own life. Thank you." The audience started clapping and even a few stood to their feet. I noticed his mom and maybe even his dad had tears in their eyes. I let out another relieved sigh. I was glad it was over._

_By the time we started getting called up for our diplomas, my anxiety had settled immensely. When it was my turn to walk up to the podium to get my diploma, I looked up meeting Edward's eyes. He smiled that knowing smile, which made the anxiety hit me once again. After the announcer said my name and I heard my mom start whistling and yelling my name, I got so nervous and tripped on the step going up to the podium. _

_I put my hands out to brace myself for the fall, but I didn't need to. Edward was right there and caught me before I slammed my head into the stage. _

"_Are you okay?" He asked. I nodded my head, taking a deep breath, as he helped me to my feet once again. He didn't release my hand until I was all the way up the steps and walking across the stage. I heard a few students who were behind me chuckling at my clumsiness, but I did my best to ignore them. In just a few more minutes I'd be out of here and I'd never have to face anyone from this school ever again. _

_As soon as we all had our diplomas and we were congratulated one last time, hats went flying in the air. Families descended the stands to go meet with their children. I waited for my mom, Phil and my dad to find me. _

_My mom came running towards me with outstretched arms and tears in her eyes. She pulled me into a tight embrace, holding back the sobs._

"_Mom, I'm not dead. I'm just graduating. Why are you crying?" I asked._

"_I know. I'm just so proud of you. I can't believe you're growing up so fast." She held me at arm's length looking me over like I was going to change somehow now that I had graduated. "The young man who gave that touching speech made me lose it. I started bawling my eyes out. What a sweet and heartfelt thing to do. I wonder who the girl is who was supposed to be valedictorian? Do you know?" She asked._

"_Uh," I began._

"_Bella?" Edward interrupted. I turned around to face him. My mom stepped back, giving him a pleased smile._

"_You gave a beautiful speech. You had me in tears," my mom revealed to him. He smiled that crooked smile, making me blush for my mom. She looked all doe eyed and giddy._

"_It was some speech kid," my dad added._

"_Thanks," he said, shyly. He turned his attention back on me. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" _

"_Sure," I agreed. We walked a short distance away from the crowd. I could see my mom telling Phil something as she watched us with a huge grin on her face. My dad watched like he was ready to attack. He definitely had the protective father role down to a T._

_Edward stared at me for a brief second before speaking. "Congratulations. I made sure your name is the name listed as valedictorian on the plaque in the school."_

"_Thank you. But you really didn't have to do that. I didn't need the valedictorian title."_

"_I know. But you are the rightful owner of the title. Not me. So your name is the one being listed," he explained. He paused, opening his mouth a few times to say something but shutting it before any words came out._

"_So are you planning to go to Chicago?" I asked, trying to break the awkward silence between the two of us._

"_Harvard first, then I'll probably transfer to Chicago for medical school," he explained._

"_Doesn't Harvard have a really good medical program? Why transfer?" I wondered._

"_Chicago is where my dad went to medical school. It would mean a lot to him if I went to the same school he did," he explained._

"_I see."_

"_So where are you headed off to?" He asked._

"_Berkeley. I got in and my parents are planning to pay for all expenses as long as I keep my grades up," I informed._

_He smirked. "I'm sure that won't be a problem for you." I laughed, timidly._

_There was another awkward pause between us. I glanced over at my parents who were still watching. I rolled my eyes at their attempt to hide when I caught their eye._

"_Well… Good luck, Bella." He took two steps closer to me and nervously wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me in for a hug. The sudden feel of his body crushed against mine sent shivers all through me. I put my arms around his waist hugging him in return. This felt so good I never wanted him to let me go. I wanted to be in his arms forever. _

"_You too," I whispered. He pulled away, looking around nervously. I had a feeling he was checking to see if anyone saw us hug. _

"_Maybe we'll cross paths again someday," he suggested._

"_Maybe we will," I said, with a smile._

"_Goodbye Bella."_

"_Goodbye." He started to walk away and I headed back towards my family. _

"_By the way Bella," he called, making me turn around to face him again. "I meant every word of the speech." With that, he walked away, ending the memory._

_I searched around trying to find Edward. He was sitting on the ground with his arms propped up on his knees, staring out blankly at the nothing that surrounded us. I walked over, slowly talking a seat next to him._

"_Am I alive?" He asked._

"_I think so," I said, softly. He swallowed hard._

"_You woke up so fast. I didn't even get a chance to ask you what you thought."_

"_If the images you showed me were real, then I think you are still alive. At least you were when you washed up on the beach. Do you remember anything past that?" I questioned. He shook his head. _

"_I went to Forks," I revealed. He turned to look at me when I informed him where I was. "I came to tell your family."_

"_Did they believe you? Are they going to search for me?" He asked, excitedly. My shoulders fell and I downcast my eyes, shaking my head slowly. I heard him let out a dry sob._

"_They didn't believe me. It's like they've given up all hope. I even tried to use the nicknames as a way to get in and make them believe me, but even that didn't work."_

"_Are you going to give up on me, Isabella?" He asked, with barely a whisper._

"_Never," I answered. "I'll keep fighting for you. I'll keep looking until I find you, even if I have to go alone."_

"_It's not fair to ask you to do that," he argued. I grabbed his hand, demanding his attention._

"_I'm not giving up. I'll find you."_

There was a knock on my door, pulling me out of the dream. "Bella," my dad called through the closed door.

"Damn it," I shouted. I got off the bed going to the door and swinging it open. "What do you want?"

He stepped back a couple steps, at my angry outburst. "You have a visitor," he explained, motioning to the side of him. Jasper stood there against the wall, looking more nervous than I did.

"I was hoping I could talk to you for a minute," he wondered. I nodded my head letting him in my old room.

"I'll be down stairs if you need anything," my dad announced, heading for the stairs.

Jasper walked in looking around my old room, taking in everything. I shut the door and sat down on my bed waiting for him to say whatever it was he came here to say.

"Do you really see him?" He asked, suddenly. I took a deep breath in, nodding my head.

"Why can't I then? I'm his brother, his twin. We've always shared a strange connection. Why does he go to you and not me?" He questioned.

"I don't know, Jasper. I didn't ask for this. I don't think he has a choice. He said he's all alone in the dark. He can't see anything. But when I dream, he sees a light and when he gets close enough he can find me. He says I bring the light. He's scared, Jasper. He doesn't know where he is or how to get out." The tears started filling my eyes as I explained all of this to him. "I thought at first maybe the key to get him out was to help all of you be able to heal. But when it didn't happen, I didn't know what else I could do. That's when he had the memory of washing up on the beach. I thought it was his body, but I saw him role over on the beach. I saw him alive."

"Did he tell you about the nicknames in the dreams?" He asked.

"Yes. I had a dream about the first time I met your mom and she said something about calling her Momma Mia. I asked Edward about it and he told me about the nicknames he gave everyone in his family."

"What was mine?"

"JT," I answered with a smile. "He said it stood for Jasper Twin."

"What about Rose?"

"Hers was Rosie Posy," I answered. "I wasn't supposed to tell anyone that." I smiled, sheepishly.

"Where did her nickname come from?" He pressed.

"He said when he was little he couldn't say Rosalie and it came out Posy. The name stuck and he started calling her Rosie Posy."

He let out a shaky breath, falling to his knees. I got down on the floor next to him, making sure he was okay.

"I knew it wasn't just me. I knew I could still feel him," he cried.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I've always been able to feel him. It's like I can feel his energy or something. This whole time I've been able to feel him. I didn't understand why. I wanted to believe he was still alive from the very beginning. I knew I could feel him." I wrapped my arms around him, letting him have this moment of realization.

"Where do I look?" He asked, pulling away from me.

"I don't know. I was trying to sleep so I could get some more information, but the knock on my door woke me up," I explained. "He's confused and he doesn't understand why none of you believed me. He thinks everyone is giving up on him. The last thing I said was I wasn't going to give up. I'll keep searching until I find him. I don't care how long it takes."

"I'm going with you," he announced. "I'll make the arrangements and we'll fly out as soon as we can." I nodded my head, ready to jump into action. It felt good to finally have someone on my side, who is willing to search with me. I started piling all my stuff back in my bag getting ready to go. I was thankful I remembered to grab my passport before I left my apartment.

"Let's go," I demanded. He looked at me dumfounded for a minute. Probably shocked I was so willing to go so quickly without even a moment of second thought. There wasn't time to question if I was doing the right thing. He needed me to find him and I was going to find him. He opened the door for me and we flew down the stairs. My dad came rushing in just as we got to the door.

"What's going on? Where are you going?" He questioned.

"We're going to find Edward," I answered. I slammed the door behind me and followed Jasper to his car. He drove quickly back to his house. My leg kept tapping from nerves and anxiety. I wanted to get there to find him.

"Did Edward ever talk to you about your nickname?" Jasper asked, glancing between me and the road. I turned my head, giving him a confused look.

"He had a nickname for me?" I asked. "I thought it was just for family he gave nicknames to?"

"He gives nicknames to people he cares about. He had a nickname for you."

"Well, what was it?" I asked.

"It was personal, Bella. I think it's something you should ask him about?" He suggested.

"Is this another test to see if I'm telling the truth?" I asked.

"No. I believe you, Bella. I don't have any doubt you're telling me the truth. I just think if you knew what his nickname, for you was, it might explain why he's coming to you."

* * *

Thank you for reading. I know I left it at a little bit of a cliffy again, but I'll be working on the next chapter and getting it up as soon as I can. I have to tell all of you how happy it makes me when I see so many people reading my stories and actually enjoying them. Thank you for all the love and support all of you have been showing for my stories.

By the way, one more time, I wrote a oneshot for the **"Don't Mess With The Help"** contest, so please check out my story called** "Breaking Free" **and vote if you like it when the voting begins on June 25th through July 9th. Thank you :)


	9. Victoria

**A/N:** First off thanks for all the wonderful reviews. I am currently in Arizona with my beta, bzeemomof4 on vacation. We met for the first time, to see Eclipse together and we are having a blast. Sorry this chapter took so long, but to prepare not only myself and my family for me leaving, I didn't have a lot of free time to write. At the end of this chapter will be some important **Fandom Gives Back **information so please read.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight or the characters involved.

* * *

**Gotta be Somebody: Nickleback**

**Victoria**

Jasper pulled up in front of the house, I remembered from when I was a teenager. I'd only been there a few times, but it looked exactly the same. It still had the same flowers growing in the front. It still had the same rhododendron bushes along the path. It still had the stone walkway, up to the door. It still had the same porch. Nothing about it changed over the years.

"Come on," Jasper urged. I glanced back at him with bulging eyes. There was no way I could go into that house. After what I did, they would probably all attack me. I knew deep down I shouldn't have interrupted the memorial service like I had, but something inside of me, was telling me he's in trouble. I don't know what it is, but I just have this feeling we need to hurry.

"Jasper, I can't go in there. Your family…"

"Isn't here," he interrupted. "Well, at least some of them. Alice is probably still here. I don't know about Emmett and Rose. But my parents are gone. My dad thought it'd be a good idea for my mom to get away for a few days, so they're driving up to spend some time in Victoria. It's one of my mom's favorite places and he thought she could use something to cheer her up and get her mind off of things."

"Are you planning to tell them? …About Edward?" I asked.

"No. I think right now it's best to keep them out of this." He opened his door, coming around the car to open my door. I got out, hesitantly walking up to the door. Jasper stuck his key in the door, but before he even had a chance to turn the knob, the door came swinging open and Alice collided into him with a relieved hug. I stood back, not wanting to get in the way.

"I was so worried. You took off without telling me anything. The whole memorial service you never said a word to me. I thought something happened to you." She pulled away, looking into his eyes. "Where did you go?" She asked.

"I went to get Bella," he answered. They both turned towards me. Jasper put his hand out for mine. Alice looked surprised and maybe a little confused. I took Jaspers hand and he led me into the house. It was strange how I felt more comfortable being with Jasper in this moment than I did with my best friend. He sat me down on the couch, never once letting go of my hand. I didn't know why, but it gave me comfort I didn't know I needed. I think it had a lot to do with him saying he believed me.

"What's going on?" Alice asked.

"Edwards still alive, Ally," he replied. "I can feel him. I can feel him inside of her." Alice and I both stared at him with puzzled looks. This was news to me. Alice leaned down next to us on the floor, trying to make sense of what was going on. He dropped my hand, realizing he was still holding it. He looked a little embarrassed.

"You believe her?" Alice asked. "I mean, no offense Bella, but your story is a little farfetched."

"It's okay, Alice. I didn't want to believe it at first either," I admitted.

"She's telling the truth, Alice. Edward is still alive. There's things she knows, only he could have told her. I trust her."

"Jazzy, I love you and you know I'll always stand by you. But are you sure? What proof do you either of you have that he's still alive?" Alice questioned. Jasper turned to me, hoping I had some form of proof to offer her. Honestly I had nothing. All I had was my intuition.

"I've been having dreams of him for many days now. We talk in the dreams and he shows me things. He showed me the storm. He showed me the helicopter going down. I saw him float up on a beach somewhere. I thought it was just his body, but then he rolled over. I don't know if he's still alive now. I don't know where exactly he is. All I know, is he survived the storm. My gut is telling me he's still alive now. I think that's why I've been able to see him. I think he needs me to find him." Alice listened intently as I explained everything. Jasper watched her closely. I think he hoped she would believe me too.

"Why didn't you tell me any of this, Bella?" She asked.

"Like I said, Alice, I didn't want to believe it either. I thought I was going crazy. I wanted to tell you so bad, but you were dealing with so much here and I didn't want to put any more stress on you. I thought I could handle it on my own. I honestly thought after he told me where the journals were and everyone was dealing with his death better, he would be gone. I thought it was his way out. He kept telling me he wanted out of the darkness."

"So what are you planning to do?" She asked, looking between the two of us. I glanced at Jasper, wondering if he still planned to go through with what he said back at my house.

"I'm going to the Caribbean. I have to find my brother and if Bella's the key, I'm taking her with me," Jasper explained.

She looked in my direction, making sure I wasn't planning to protest with this plan. I nodded my head answering her silent question.

"Okay then. We should go pack, Jazz," she announced. Jasper and I stared at her in disbelief. "You didn't honestly think I'd let my best friend and my husband go searching for Edward without me did you? You both are all that matters to me. I'll stand by both of you until the end."

Jasper let out a relieved cry wrapping his arms around her. "Thank you, Alice. You have no idea how much I love you."

"I love you too and I made a vow to you on our wedding day that I'd stand by you, through the good and the bad. I don't plan to break that vow now or ever," she added. She pulled away from Jasper, looking in my direction. "You have some major explaining to do. I'm really curious about all these dreams you've been having." I laughed. "But we'll have time to catch up on the plane. Jazz, let's go pack. Bella, make yourself at home. If you're hungry there's plenty of food in the fridge. Help yourself to anything you want before it all goes bad."

I thanked her as she grabbed Jaspers hand and led him upstairs. I wandered around the house for a while, looking at pictures of the three Cullen children. Everyone always seemed so happy.

I remembered back to one time in high school. I think it was junior year. I had a class with Jasper. It was just a normal, typical day of school, when all of a sudden Jasper started screaming and saying his arm hurt. The teacher thought he was just faking, at first. But Jasper insisted there was something wrong with his arm. She looked it over and didn't see anything on the surface wrong with it, but she let him go down to the health room anyway. Everyone in the classroom was a little shaken up by what happened. Later on in the day, I found out it wasn't Jasper who was hurt, it was Edward.

Edward was in P.E. and playing basketball during that class period. Apparently he fell, twisting his arm and fracturing his wrist. Somehow Jasper was able to feel it and knew something was wrong. Weeks after it happened, and Edward was in a cast for a while, I watched Jasper in class, noticing how he favored his arm. It was almost like he had an invisible cast on the same arm Edward had a cast on. I got caught staring at him so many times. He never said anything though. I just found it so fascinating to watch them together. They did have an unusual connection.

I had so many memories of things I witnessed between the two of them. I don't know if anyone else ever paid as much attention to them as I did, but I didn't care.

I walked up the stairs, heading towards Edwards old bedroom. I'd been in there a few times before, but now it seemed so strange. I opened the door and walked in. It still looked very similar to how I remembered it. There were boxes of stuff scattered about the room, which was different than I remembered, but the bed was the same. The posters on the wall were the same. The desk and chair were the same. Even his shelf full of DVD's and CD's were the same.

I walked over to one of the boxes, seeing some of Edward's journals. I wanted to look at them. I wanted to read what they said. Since finding out about Edward keeping journals through most of his life, I was really curious if I was ever mentioned in any of them.

Jasper said he had a nickname for me, so maybe he wrote it down in one of these. Jasper wouldn't tell me what it was, so I had to find out somehow. I wanted to know. I picked one up and sat down on his bed. I opened it up, beginning to read the first page.

"What are you doing here?" I jumped to my feet, dropping the book on the floor and stared into the eyes of Rosalie Cullen. I never knew her well. I don't know if I ever talked to her more than a few times in my lifetime.

"I… Jasper… I…" I stuttered.

"Spit it out." I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself and find the right words. But nothing was coming out. "Jasper," she yelled. Jasper came rushing out of one of the rooms at the end of the hallway. Emmett came running out of another room. All three of them stood there, staring at me like I was the enemy. My breathing picked up and I broke out in a cold sweat.

"Rose, what did you do to her?" Jasper asked.

"What did I do?" She repeated, irritated by the question. "Why is she here? Who let her into Edward's room?"

"I brought her here. She's helping me find Edward," Jasper explained. She glared at him for a minute, taking in what he said, before she glanced back in my direction. I could see her jaw tightening as she stared me down. All I could do was stand there, frozen in position. I had no idea what she was going to do or say. I'd always known her to be a little harsh to people. When she turned on her heel, heading back down the hallway, I let out the breath I was holding.

"Were you trying to talk to him in here?" Jasper asked.

"Talk to whom?" Emmett wondered.

"No. I can only talk to him when I sleep," I answered.

"Who are you talking about?" Emmett asked once again.

"Edward," Jasper answered him. "We're going to go find him. Alice and I are packing right now."

"You actually believe he's still alive?" Emmett questioned.

"I do. And I'm going to find him and bring him home," Jasper insisted, before turning back to me. "Bella, Alice is on the phone with the airport booking us tickets. We should be out of here within the next hour. Do you need anything while you wait?"

"No, I'm fine. Thank you though," I replied. He nodded his head, giving me a reassuring smile.

"You're actually going down there to find him?" Emmett asked.

"Yes we are. Bella has agreed to go with me and Alice to search for him. She's our only hope in finding him. I don't know why, but he's contacting her and I believe her."

Emmett glanced in my direction only for a second, before turning back to Jasper. "Tell Alice to book two more tickets. Rose and I are coming too." He didn't give Jasper any time to protest before he rushed down the hall and into the bedroom. Jasper looked in my direction, laughing lightly. He shook his head, as he turned and left the hallway, leaving me all alone in Edward's room once again.

I sat down on the bed, picking up the journal I dropped and placing it back in the box. I didn't want to look anymore. Edward had said he wasn't happy about his family reading them, I'm sure he'd be even more upset if he knew I was reading them.

I lied back on the pillow, staring up at his ceiling, just as my phone rang. I took it out of my pocket, seeing it was my dad. I rolled my eyes, knowing exactly what he was going to say.

"Hello," I answered, sounding a little harsh.

"Bella, where are you?" He asked.

"Why?"

"I talked to your mother about what happened today and we both agreed you need to spend some time with her. I'm coming to get you and putting you on the first plane back home. She said she was coming to visit you anyway so she's coming a few days early. This is just getting way out of hand and we need to put a stop to it as your parents. Now you're running off with Jasper who's a married man? What is wrong with you? You aren't the Bella I know."

"First of all dad, I'm an adult, you can't come get me and send me off to mom. Second, I didn't run off with a married man. I can't believe you'd even think that. I'm with Jasper _and_ Alice right now. You know, my best friend, who I'd never hurt," I reminded. "I'm flying down to the Caribbean with them to search for Edward. I know you don't believe me, but they do and we'll find him." I hung up, not willing to argue with him anymore.

It only took about a minute before my mom called.

"I don't care what you and dad think is best for me. I'm an adult and can make my own decisions," I shouted into the phone. I didn't even bother answering it politely. I knew what she was going to say.

"Your father is seriously worried about you. He called me franticly, saying you interrupted a memorial service and took off with Jasper Cullen. What's going on? And don't lie to me Isabella. You know I'll be able to tell."

"I'm going to the Dominican Republic with Jasper and Alice. I think Emmett and Rosalie are coming too."

"Who are Emmett and Rosalie?" She wondered.

"Rosalie is Jasper and Edward's sister. Emmett is her husband."

"Why are all of you going to The Dominican Republic? Wasn't there just a huge storm there?" She asked.

"There was and that's where Edward is. We're going there to find him." I noticed Alice walk into the room, motioning for me to come. "I can't really tell you more right now. I have to go, but I'll call you as soon as we land, so you know I'm okay. Don't worry and tell dad to stop worrying too. I'll be fine." I hung up, not giving her a chance to say anything more.

I jumped off the bed, following Alice downstairs. Jasper and Emmett were already loading bags in the back of the car when we walked outside. Rosalie stood next to the car with her arms crossed against her chest. When she saw me coming, she walked towards me with a malicious look on her face. She made me nervous.

"You know you may have single handedly ruined my life right?" She asked. "No one was supposed to know that ridiculous nickname my brother came up with. Not even my own husband knew what it was."

"I know. I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do," I tried to explain.

"Everyone in this family seems to believe you, when you say you can talk to my brother," she began. I nodded my head, not really sure what I should say. "If you're telling the truth, and we find my brother alive, I may be able to forgive you." She walked away, climbing into the car. I felt slightly better knowing maybe she could forgive me, but I hoped I was right and we were able to find him. Not just because of Rosalie, but because he needed to be okay. He needed to be here with his family.

I crawled in the backseat with Rosalie and Alice, and we took off towards Seattle. No one ever gave any details about where we were going or what the itinerary of our flights was, but I didn't care. As long as we were going anywhere close to where Edward was, I'd figure out a way to find him.

When we got to the airport, Alice went to the counter to get the tickets, while the rest of us stood in the back, waiting for her.

"Bella, are you okay?" Jasper asked. I hadn't realized I was drifting off into sleep.

I lifted my head, blinking my eyes a few times. "I'm fine. I think the last few days have just been emotionally draining and the sleeping pills I took earlier are still in my system."

"You took sleeping pills earlier?" He asked.

"Yeah," I admitted. "It was my first time taking them, but I needed to talk to Edward."

"Alright, everything is set," Alice announced, coming over to us. She tucked her arm around Jasper's. He kissed her on the forehead, sweetly, whispering something to her. She smiled at whatever he said. I felt like I was intruding on an intimate moment.

"So what are we doing?" Emmett asked.

"The plane starts boarding in about forty-five minutes for Chicago. From there we'll fly to Miami and then to Santo Domingo. Once we get there, we'll need to drive to the area Edward was last seen. It's going to be tough to get in though, due to the destruction. They aren't letting people in, unless they're part of the clean up and rescue crew. I think that may be our biggest challenge," Alice explained.

"Once we get to Santo Domingo, we can discuss where to go from there," Jasper suggested. "I think with all of us working together, we can figure out a way in, even if we need to volunteer for a few days. We don't know where to look for him anyway, at least not yet." Everyone looked at me expectantly. My heart started racing at the pressure this was putting on me.

"I'm going to need to sleep," I explained. "I'll find out what I can, but the last time I talked to him, he said he didn't remember anything. But he didn't remember surviving right away either, so maybe if I have something to help jog his memory, he can give me something to go on."

"What do you need to help him?" Alice asked.

"I don't know. It could be anything. It could be something from the past. It could be something from his stay in the Dominican Republic. He's shown me a lot of memories from his time there so maybe once I'm there I can pick up on something. He was working at an orphanage a lot. He showed me images of him playing with the kids. He passed out candy to them and they followed him around everywhere he went." I smiled while telling them these memories. I wasn't sure if he had talked to any of them about any of this. I looked up, meeting all their eyes, gawking at me. I felt like each and every one of them could see right through me and see my true feelings for Edward. I knew I was blushing. I could feel my cheeks heating up.

"Bella, why don't we go to the bathroom and get some coffee before our flight," Alice suggested. She gave Jasper a kiss on the cheek, taking my arm in hers and leading me towards the bathroom. Once inside, she turned me towards her, staring at me with questioning eyes.

"I really do need to use the bathroom," I said. She didn't release her grip on my arms though.

"How did I not see this before? Everyone told me at the wedding, but I guess I was so focused on my own day I didn't see it," she said.

"What are you talking about Alice?" I questioned.

"You love him," she blurted.

"What? No I don't," I lied. I tried to play it off as a big joke. She wasn't buying it.

"Bella, I've known you for a long time. You have never talked about a guy the way you are with Edward. You barely mention guys at all. I've only seen you get serious about one and he was a complete jerk who should have never been allowed within ten feet of you," she said. "At mine and Jasper's wedding, I had so many people come up to me asking if there was something going on between you and Edward. I insisted there was nothing, but they all kept saying there had to be, because when you both walked down the aisle together, there was this glow or bubble around the two of you. I had one person tell me she felt like she was witnessing some magical thing between both of you. I ignored it and paid no attention to it at the time, but now thinking back, I can't believe I didn't see it. All this time, it was right there?"

"Alice, I really don't know what you're talking about. Yes, I admit, I had a little bit of a crush on Edward when we were in high school, but so did every other girl. I watched him go from one girl to the next all through high school. He never had any interest in me that way. I got over it. But it was nothing more than a silly little crush. Right now, bringing everything back up, yes, it's bringing up a lot of those same feelings, but it doesn't mean anything. He's engaged and my only focus right now is finding him," I insisted. "And for your information, I did meet a guy a few days ago and he's really nice. He took me out even and we were spending quite a bit of time together, before I came back here."

"Are you serious?" She asked, excitedly. "Who is he?"

"He's my neighbor. His name's Demetri, and he works for the missing persons unit."

"Wow!" she exclaimed. "So are things good between you two? Do you like him? Is he good to you?" Alice was always very protective of me. She never liked Riley and warned me about him repeatedly, but I was too blind to see it. Now, though, I trusted her opinion and most of the time took her advice on these things.

"After we find Edward and we go back home, I'll introduce you to him. I'm sure you'll be impressed," I said, grinning. Right now, I wasn't sure when I got back, if Demetri would even want to see me, let alone meet my best friend, but I had to change the subject from Edward somehow.

She finally let me use the bathroom and afterwards we went to a coffee cart, picking up coffees for everyone. We got back to the rest of the group, waiting to be able to board. I could feel Jasper's eyes on me and I felt so uncomfortable about it, but I knew he was feeling Edward through me. I was sure, he just needed that connection.

Once we were finally able to board the plane, I wanted to go to sleep so I could find out more from Edward. I hoped so badly, he was able to give me something to help us in our search. All these people were following me blindly to search for someone we all thought was dead. All they have to go on is my dreams. I was scared to death I was going to be wrong. Or maybe we would find him, but it was too late.

I sat down next to Alice, who was sitting by Jasper. Emmett and Rosalie had seats in front of us. It seemed like it would be an easy flight to get through.

"Oh great," Alice, complained underneath her breath. I looked over at her, following her gaze to a woman with long strawberry blonde hair. She had flawless features, with perfectly applied make-up and high fashion clothing. I knew exactly who she was, the minute I saw her. It was Tanya, Edward's fiancée.

"What are all of you doing flying to Chicago?" She asked, noticing all of us on the plane.

"We're picking some things up of Edward's," Emmett lied.

"It doesn't take all of you to pick up his personal belongings," she accused. "What's going on?"

"You know for someone who was supposedly in love with my brother, you sure left the memorial service rather quickly," Rosalie, pointed out, changing the subject. Tanya glared at her.

"I do have a life back in Chicago. I can't sit around mourning him forever," she countered. I dry coughed at hearing her words. How could she say something so heartless?

"I remember you. You're the girl who stormed into Edward's memorial service and made a huge scene," she reminded, turning her attention on me. "Why are you flying to Chicago with all of them? You're not family."

"She's more family, to all of us, than you ever will be," Jasper retorted. "You should really stay out of this and take your seat." She glanced back and forth between the five of us, suspiciously.

"Don't tell me you all actually believe her crazy story about Edward still being alive?" She laughed.

"And what if we do?" Jasper asked.

"You are all crazy. I can't believe I was planning on marrying into this family." She turned around, heading for her seat. All through the flight, I saw her glancing in our direction, curiously. We all did our best to ignore her. My heart was racing the entire flight; partly because of Tanya, but also because of the caffeine from the coffee and the anticipation of getting closer to Edward. I regretted drinking the coffee. I wanted to go to sleep, but after drinking the coffee there was no way possible I was going to be sleeping anytime soon.

Instead, Alice wanted every detail of every dream I had. Both Jasper and Emmett listened intently with Alice as I recalled each one of them. Even though Rose pretended not to listen or care, I knew she was. A couple times she even asked a question or two, but as soon as I answered, she'd go back to pretending not to care.

When we arrived in Chicago, I saw Tanya sticking around watching us. We had a bit of a lay-over, so we all split up and headed off in different directions with the intent of losing her.

"So I'd really like to know more about this guy, Bella," Alice commented, as we walked around the airport.

"There really isn't a lot to tell. I've only known him for a few days. He liked Brady though. We went running in the park together with Brady. I think I wore both of them out," I laughed.

"Well, do you like him?" Alice continued.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Yeah, I guess. I didn't have a lot of time to get to know him. He stayed over at my apartment a couple times, but it wasn't a big deal."

"You let him spend the night at your apartment?" Alice asked, shocked by my reveal.

"Like I said, it wasn't a big deal. The first time, we were watching a movie and he fell asleep on my couch. The second time, I was really upset and I was crying, so he held me and let me cry on his shoulder, then I fell asleep. That's when I had the dream of Edward surviving."

"So what happened next?" Alice asked, enthusiastically.

"Ally, maybe she doesn't want to tell you everything," Jasper cut in. At the moment, I was glad he did, but I knew it wouldn't matter. Alice was persistent and she wouldn't give up until she had every detail.

"Stay out of it Jasper," she warned. "This is girl talk." He rolled his eyes, but didn't argue more.

"So go on. What happened next?" She urged, sitting down at a little table.

"I woke up and told him about Edward. He tried to tell me not to go and to stay with him. I said I couldn't, and he needed to leave," I explained.

Her shoulders fell from disappointment. "Bella, why didn't you tell him to come with you? Or tell him you would see him when you got back? You need to give him some sort of hope. He probably thinks you chose Edward over him." I noticed Jasper's eyes shoot up, meeting mine. I let out a sigh, turning away from his gaze.

"I didn't choose anyone. I'm doing what I think is right. Edward needs help and if I'm the only one who can help him then that's all that matters right now," I declared. I saw Jasper smirk a little at my comment.

"You should call him. You need to tell him when you get back, you want to see him again," Alice insisted.

"Alice, I'm not calling him right now. Besides, I don't know how long we're going to be down here. Also, he lives right across the hall. I'm sure I'll see him quite a bit when we get back."

"It's not the same to run into him in the hallway as it is to let him know you are interested in him and want to spend time with him."

"Alice, why are you pushing this? You don't even know him yet," I reminded her.

"I just want you happy Bella, and I don't think I've ever seen you happy with any guy before. Now you have a man who sounds like a decent guy and you're turning him away."

"I'm not turning him away. I just have other priorities first," I argued.

"But…."

"Would either of you like some coffee?" Jasper asked, interrupting Alice.

"I would love some," Alice answered. He turned to me, waiting for my answer.

"No, thanks," I replied. "I'm going to the restroom. I'll be back in a few minutes." I got up, heading to the restroom. I looked in the mirror taking some deep breaths. I could get through this. I could be strong for Edward. I took out the sleeping pills from my bag, swallowing down two of them, before going back out to where Alice and Jasper were sitting. Rose and Emmett had met up with us and informed us we needed to board the plane now. We walked over to our gate, boarding the plane and finding our seats. We were all scattered apart this time. I sat in the last row, by myself. I wasn't too concerned about it, considering I had the row to myself, so I could stretch out and get some sleep. Everyone else on the plane was attempting to do the same.

I leaned back on the pillow, stretching out across the seats and fell asleep.

_It was Christmas during my junior year of College. I had spent the last two Christmas' with my mom, so this year I decided to spend it with my dad. Alice came along, since she had no family to spend the holidays with and I couldn't leave her behind. My dad was super excited to meet one of my friends. He always seemed worried about me in high school, since I never had any friends over or went to any school functions with anyone. He never could comprehend that I didn't have friends in high school._

_Alice and I were at the grocery store picking up items for a massive Christmas dinner I planned to make. It was only the three of us, but I was so excited to be making the dinner. I wanted it to be special and memorable._

_"I'm going to go pick out some flowers for the center arrangement," Alice announced, taking off, down another aisle. I had always known Alice to be creative, so I put her to work making the centerpiece. Growing up, my dad and I never had a centerpiece for any meal. Most times we sat in the living room in front of the TV to eat. But I wanted this to be fun for Alice as much as it was for me, so giving her something to do, I knew she would be good at, was what I was going for. Of course she was thrilled to be of assistance and help out. My dad was a little nervous about such a fancy setting, but he let us have our fun._

_I pushed the cart around the corner, not paying much attention to what I was doing. I ran smack dab into the other cart coming around the same corner. We both instantly started apologizing, but when I looked up, seeing Edward standing in front of me, all rational thinking disappeared._

_I couldn't breathe, let alone talk. I hadn't seen him in more than two years. But just the sight of him, made every feeling I ever had for him, hit me once again._

_We both stood there, staring at each other like idiots. Neither of us could say anything._

_"Edward is this what mom asked for?" Jasper asked, coming up behind him. Jasper looked up from the jar he had in his hand, when Edward didn't respond. He followed his gaze to me. "Hey Bella, long time no see." He walked around the cart, giving me a friendly hug. "How have you been? I'm sure College life has you pretty busy. Are you visiting your dad for Christmas?"_

_"Um yeah," I began, just as Alice walked over to us and piled a bunch of flowers on top of the cart._

_"I think this should do it. I may need to hit a craft store somewhere, but this is a good start," she talked to herself, looking down at the flowers she chose. When she realized I wasn't talking or moving she looked up and followed my gaze to Edward and Jasper._

_I distinctly remember Jasper's expression. His mouth was hanging open. His face was pure white. He looked like he was going to pass out. I wasn't even sure if he was breathing. I glanced at Edward, who for whatever reason had the same expression. I picked it up as a twin thing. One felt a certain way the other one did as well._

_"Hello," Alice greeted. She looked around at all of us a little perplexed about what was going on._

_"I'm Jasper," he blurted, extending his hand to hers. They shook hands and I heard Alice giggle, making Jasper smile. Their hands held on to the other for a long time. Edward and I were left watching their exchange of nervous smiles and giggles._

_"It's good to see you, Bella," Edward finally spoke. My attention went back on him. I swallowed my nerves down, before I replied._

_"You too," I smiled. "Are you visiting your family for Christmas?" I was trying to make casual conversation with him without looking like an idiot._

_"Yeah, we are. Mom sent us to the store to pick up a few things she forgot. So you're here visiting your dad?" He asked._

_"Yeah," I answered. "This is my roommate from college, Alice." I introduced her, but she barely looked in Edward's direction. All her attention was on Jasper. "We're planning on making this big feast for my dad on Christmas."_

_"Sounds like fun," he smiled._

_"It should be. I know my dad's looking forward to it." Neither of us said anything more. We glanced back and forth between each other and Jasper and Alice, who seemed to be lost in their own little world._

_"Alice, we should probably go," I reminded. We really didn't need to be anywhere or have a reason to leave, but being around Edward again made me nervous._

_"Oh, right," she agreed. "I guess maybe I'll see you around." Jasper nodded his head in agreement._

_"We're having a party at our house on New Years. You both should come," Jasper invited. I saw Edward's head jerk to the side as he stared at his brother._

_"We would love to come. Wouldn't we, Bella?" Alice asked._

_"Sure," I agreed, hesitantly. Alice squealed, clapping her hands in excitement._

_"It was such a pleasure to meet you, Alice. I'm looking forward to seeing you again," Jasper cooed. I heard Alice sigh._

_"It was good to see you, Bella," Edward remarked, before walking away with Jasper._

_"You too," I added._

_"Wow!" Alice exclaimed, as we headed off in opposite directions. "Please tell me Jasper is single?"_

_"I really couldn't tell you. I haven't seen either of them in a few years," I answered._

_"How do you know them?" She asked._

_"I went to school with them. They're twin brothers, Jasper and Edward. They're both really nice," I explained._

_"So are you up to going to their party?"_

_"Not really," I answered honestly. Her face hung in disappointment. "But for you, I'll go." She squealed in excitement again and jumped up and down._

_"I need to go back to your house and figure out what we're going to wear. Are you about done here?"_

_"Alice, it's not even Christmas yet. The party isn't until New Years," I laughed._

_"Which is really cutting it for time to prepare," she argued. "So, are you done?" I laughed again, grabbing a few more items and heading up to pay for our purchases._

_Alice spent the next couple days preparing for this party, while I prepared for Christmas. I knew she would pick out my outfit and I wouldn't have any say in it. I didn't care though. I trusted Alice's choices for me._

_On Christmas, we all exchanged gifts and spent the entire day together watching old Christmas movies. We sat down at the table that night and ate all the food I had prepared. We were all stuffed when we were done and there was still so much leftovers. My dad would have food to eat for the next month with all the leftovers._

_My dad really seemed to like Alice and he was glad I had such a wonderful friend. He laughed at all her jokes and silly little stories. It was the first time I had seen my dad laughing so carefree before. It made me happy to see both of them getting along well. They were two of the most important people in my life and I wanted them to get along. My mom already loved Alice and any time she visited or I went to visit her, she asked if Alice would be coming._

_On the day of New Years Eve, Alice was up bright and early preparing for the party at the Cullen's we were supposed to attend. Honestly, the thought of being in the same room as Edward again after all this time, made me extremely nervous. But knowing how much this meant to Alice, I had to do it._

_She fixed my hair and did my make-up before doing her own. She had a short black dress, with a sprinkling of sequins around the bottom and a silver, satin bow around the middle; picked out for me. It seemed a little risqué for me, but Alice insisted I wear it. She said I needed to attract a good looking guy to kiss at midnight and this dress would help. She said she already had her guy picked out, so now it was all about flirting with him and getting him to not want to look at anyone else except her._

_Her dress was a bright red, baby doll style with rhinestone accents at the straps. She looked amazing in it. I felt a little uncomfortable in mine._

_When we went downstairs, my dad was a little blown away by how we looked. I could tell he wanted to tell me to march back upstairs and change into something else, but considering I was an adult, he couldn't say much. I noticed him clenching his jaw and wiping his brow. I could tell when he told us to have fun it was very forced. Alice even noticed, because once we were both in the car and driving out of the driveway, she started laughing. She thought it was the sweetest thing to see my dad so flustered and really holding back from treating us like teenagers, who shouldn't be allowed out of the house. I almost got the impression Alice may have planned it. We both laughed and commented on our teenage life and how different things are now, on the drive over._

_We pulled up in front of the Cullen house and parked the car. There was already a ton of people there. Some of them I recognized, but most I didn't. I got a knot in my stomach instantly. We got out of the car and Alice came around, tucking her arm around mine as we walked in._

_We were greeted by Esme Cullen at the door. "Hi, you're Bella Swan right?" She asked._

_"Yes ma'am," I replied._

_"Oh please, I told you before, no need to be so formal with me. You can just call me Esme. Edward and Jasper mentioned they saw you in town and invited you to the party. I'm glad you could make it."_

_"Thank you for inviting us. This is my college roommate Alice Brandon," I introduced._

_"It's a pleasure to meet you Alice."_

_"It's so nice to meet you too," Alice greeted, shaking her hand._

_"I hope you both have fun tonight and enjoy yourselves." Esme patted both of us on the hand, gesturing for us to enter the house. The lights were down low, and music was playing. Many people were dancing and mingling. A lot of the people were older. I assumed most of them were friends of Esme and Carlisle's. I noticed Carlisle standing with a group of men talking animatedly with a drink in his hand._

_"Do you see Jasper anywhere?" Alice asked._

_"I don't see him yet. Let's keep looking," I suggested. We walked around the house, searching for Jasper, but couldn't find him anywhere. I didn't see Edward either._

_We finally gave up searching for them and went to get a drink. They had an open bar, which was awesome. I had only been twenty-one for a short time and very rarely ever drank, but tonight I wanted to let go a little and have fun._

_Alice and I danced around each other, laughing and being silly as the night progressed. Eventually she did spot Jasper, who came over to us and whisked her away. She looked so extremely happy and almost giddy, as I watched her dancing and spending all her time with him. She was right; he couldn't keep his eyes off of her even though there were many beautiful girls at this party. Although, I think Alice was definitely the prettiest of them all. I was happy for her. She deserved to have fun tonight and I knew Jasper was a good guy who would show her a good time. I didn't know what would come of their obvious attraction to each other, but I hoped it worked out. Watching them together seemed right. They both seemed to fit. Like they were each other's missing piece._

_A shorter man, with sandy blonde hair and deep blue eyes came over to me and asked if I wanted to dance. I almost told him no, because I was a horrible dancer. But I was here to have a good time, so why not try? I agreed and followed him out onto the dance floor, which was set up in the middle of the room._

_"My name's Mike," he greeted, as we began to dance._

_"Bella," I replied._

_"So how do you know the Cullen's?" He asked._

_"I went to high school with Jasper and Edward. My roommate and I ran into them the other day at the grocery store and they extended an invitation."_

_"So, you live in the area?" He wondered._

_"Not anymore. My dad still lives here and I came home to spend the holidays with him, but I go to school at Berkeley, so I live in the dorms on the campus," I explained. "What about you, do you live in the area?"_

_"No, I'm just visiting. My parent's recently moved here and like you, I'm here visiting for the holidays."_

_"Can I cut in?" I heard someone ask from behind Mike. He turned around, seeing Edward standing there asking to cut in and dance with me. My heart started racing instantly. Mike smiled, nodding his head._

_"It was nice meeting you, Bella. Maybe we can dance again later tonight," Mike offered. I smiled at him, as he walked away. Edward came closer to me, wrapping an arm around my waist and taking my hand in his. I was so nervous. I just prayed I didn't step on his feet or say something stupid._

_"Seems kind of strange doesn't it?" Edward asked. I stared up at him with questioning eyes. "My brother and your roommate seem to be hitting it off pretty quickly. I've never seen him look at a girl the way he did her," he laughed, nervously._

_"Well, I know she's pretty smitten with him already. I think they look good together," I added._

_"I think, I agree," he smiled. I smiled back, turning away from his gaze._

_"So, how have you been?" He asked, bringing my attention back to him. "I haven't seen you in a couple years. Is there anything new going on in your life? I heard a few of our old classmates are married and have kids now. It seems surreal. You aren't married are you?"_

_I laughed. "No, I'm not married. My focus is all on school right now. I don't have time to date or put any effort into a relationship, especially not a marriage," I explained. He seemed a little bashful from hearing my answer. "Other than school, I don't do much."_

_"You always were really good at school. You plan to be a child psychologist right?" He asked._

_I nodded my head. "It is my goal. It'll take a long time though."_

_"About as long as it'll take me to become a doctor," he added._

_"So, how is school going for you?" I asked, continuing the friendly conversation we were having. He opened his mouth, but was interrupted by a tall woman with long flowing red hair. She grabbed his arm and pulled him away. She was obviously drunk. She could barely stand up straight._

_"Come dance with me?" she begged._

_"Victoria, you're drunk. Why don't you take a break from the drinks and sit down for a bit," he suggested. He tried to take the drink out of her hand, but she pulled it away from him, taking another drink._

_"I don't understand you, Edward," she began, slurring her words and sounding angry. "You invite me here to meet your family and I think, this is great, he's making a step into commitment by wanting me to meet his family. But then we get here and you've barely spoken to me the entire time. You leave me alone while you run off with your brother and your best friend. You don't even sleep with me. We haven't had sex the entire time we've been here. Your parent's didn't seem bothered by us sharing your room, yet you haven't even touched me. What did I do wrong? Did I make a bad impression on your family? Are you having second thoughts about being with me?" I could see people staring at them and watching her outburst. Edward was doing all he could to keep her quiet and make her lower her voice. I could see the embarrassment in Edward's face. I felt horrible for him._

_"Victoria, please be quiet. We can discuss this tomorrow after you're sober if you want," Edward begged. He once again tried to take her drink, but she jerked her hand away._

_"Don't tell me what to do, Edward. I'm a big girl and if I want to drink, I can. And why are you over here dancing with some slutty looking girl, but you won't dance with me?" Now I was blushing and doing everything I could to hide. Did I really look slutty? I knew the dress was a little much for me, but I didn't think it looked bad. "Are you trying to get your kicks from someone else now? Are we over Edward? Was this your plan from the beginning? Were you bringing me here to meet your family so I would think you were ready for commitment only to flirt with every girl in sight instead and break my heart?"_

_"That's not what I'm doing," he shouted. "I've known Bella for a long time. I was only talking to her."_

_I decided to try and help him out a little by cutting in and attempting to ease her mind. "I'm really sorry if you got the wrong impression. Edward and I have known each other since high school and we were actually talking about his brother and my best friend." I motioned over to the two of them, who, like everyone else, were staring at the commotion going on._

_"I don't care who you are or what you were talking about," she shouted. "You try being with a guy who seems repulsed by the thought of touching you and see how you would feel if you saw him dancing with another woman." I stepped away, feeling like I may have just made things worse._

_"Victoria, please can we take this conversation somewhere else?" Edward begged, reaching for her drink once again. "You're making a huge scene and it's embarrassing." He got a grip on the glass as she looked around the room at everyone staring at her. Just as Edward started to take the drink out of her hand, she jerked it away once again and the alcohol came flying out of the cup, splashing all over me. I jumped back and shrieked as the drink hit me._

_"Victoria," Edward shouted. "Why did you do that?"_

_"I didn't do anything. You were the one trying to take my drink away. You're the one who caused all of this. You're the one who looks like the fool, not me," she shouted back. I stepped away even further, practically in tears as I ran down the hall to the bathroom. I got inside, locking the door and the tears started flowing. I dabbed at the alcohol on the dress and on my arm with a towel. I heard Alice, knocking on the door and calling my name. I unlocked the door allowing her to come inside._

_"What was that all about?" She asked, confused by everything that happened._

_"I don't know," I cried. "We were only talking about you and Jasper and school. It wasn't anything bad. I don't know why she said all those things. Obviously she has some anger towards Edward, but I don't know why she brought me into the mix."_

_"Well, she seems a little crazy. I mean, if what she said was true, I can see why Edward doesn't want to have anything to do with her," she said. It made me laugh a little._

_"Do I really look slutty in this dress?" I asked._

_"No you don't," she asserted, sweetly, wrapping her arms around me. "Bella, you look amazing and even if you showed up here in nothing at all, you would still look innocent and sweet. There isn't a slutty bone in your body. She was just jealous and drunk. You were an easy target. Don't take it personally." She hugged me for a long time, letting me cry on her shoulder._

_I wiped my eyes and cleaned my face, taking off all the make-up Alice had applied. I didn't like it and it was all smeared from my tears anyway._

_"Do you want to go home?" Alice asked._

_"No, it's okay. We can stay. I know you wanted to get to know Jasper and you both seemed to be enjoying each other's company, so I don't want to take that away from you. I'll be fine," I insisted._

_"Are you sure, Bella? I'd understand if you wanted to go."_

_"It's fine. Go on. I'm sure Jasper is waiting for you," I smiled, trying to play it off as nothing, so she wouldn't worry. She nodded her head, giving me one last hug before she ducked out of the bathroom. After looking over myself one last time in the mirror, I left the bathroom to go back to the party. I noticed Edward down the hall with a hysterically crying Victoria in his arms. I felt horrible. I felt like it was my fault she was so upset._

_I walked down the hall and back into the party room. Mike had found a new girl to dance with. Alice was back with Jasper, giggling at every word he said. They both looked extremely happy. I walked over to the bar, ordering an Appletini. I sipped on it for a little bit, watching everyone else having fun._

_After a while, I strolled outside to get some fresh air. It was extremely cold out, but the sky was so bright, and the cool air felt good. I walked over to a swing set in the back yard and sat down on one of the swings. I slowly swung my feet underneath me, looking up at the sky. I finished off my drink and placed the glass on the ground._

_I missed being in Forks. I missed the clean, crisp air. I missed the smells of trees and the fresh rain. In the summer, the air always smelled like blackberries. But in the winter it smelled like ice. Even when it wasn't raining, the air had an icy smell._

_I took in a long breath of the cold air, through my nose, letting the cool air fill my lungs. When I felt a warm coat wrap around my shoulders, the air came out in a surprised cough. I turned my head, seeing Edward behind me. He sat down on the swing next to me, looking up at the sky._

_"You really shouldn't be out here in the cold without a coat. You're going to get sick," he said._

_I smiled. "You've already got the doctor mode set in don't you?" He laughed, looking away bashfully._

_"Is it that obvious?" He asked. I nodded my head. "I guess it's in the genes."_

_"How's Victoria?" I asked. He sighed heavily, ducking his head._

_"She's fine. I made her go to bed to sleep it off. Tomorrow I'm sure she'll feel humiliated by what she did. I know I do. It's why I'm out here and not in there with everyone else. I can't face the stares and answer all the questions I'm sure everyone is going to be asking. It's better to be out here."_

_"I'm sorry if I caused you any trouble," I apologized. He laughed, shaking his head._

_"You have nothing to be sorry about Bella. You didn't do anything wrong. I should be the one apologizing for her ridiculous comments and her rude behavior towards you. She made a huge scene and dragged you into it. She had no right to do that and shouldn't have said all those awful things about you," he insisted._

_"I still feel bad about it."_

_"Don't. I should have never brought her here. I didn't plan on it, but she kept going on and on about how she had nowhere to go for the holidays and how I was going to leave her all alone for two weeks. She definitely knows how to use the guilt trip to get her way. But in a way, maybe it was a good thing. I saw a different side of her these last two weeks and I don't like it. As soon as she sobers up I'm going to have to tell her we're through. Honestly I think things were done before we even came here, but I felt guilty about it."_

_"I'm sorry," I whispered. I felt bad for him. He laughed again, shaking his head._

_"You know, you really need to stop telling me you're sorry all the time. I think you've probably told me you're sorry more than anyone else I know," he said._

_"I was going to say I was sorry for saying sorry all the time, but I figured you wouldn't like it so I won't say it," I informed, making both of us laugh._

_We both swung, lightly in the swings next to each other, not saying anything. It was silent, but it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. It felt peaceful being with him. It was strange how I could go from being terrified of being alone with him to feeling so much at ease._

_We started hearing people inside counting down to midnight. I smiled at him, bashfully, ducking my head._

_"I guess neither of us have anyone to kiss at midnight," he commented. I looked up at him, nervously. He shrugged his shoulders. "It is sort of tradition to kiss someone at midnight." I had a feeling I knew what he was getting at. He reached out, grabbing the chain to my swing and pulling me closer to him. I gulped down my fears. I always wanted this, but right now, it didn't feel right. I felt like if he did kiss me everything Victoria said, would be true somehow. He was still in a relationship with her, even if he planned to break up with her eventually. But it would just be an innocent little kiss. It wouldn't mean anything. It was just midnight and what people did. If we were inside, we'd probably be kissing lots of people. He leaned in, just as the countdown reached five seconds more. The butterflies in my stomach mixed with the alcohol I had just drunk, were making me feel sick. Just as the countdown reached zero, I closed my eyes leaning in and waiting for the kiss. When it didn't happen, I opened my eyes, seeing Edward staring up at the sky. I looked up to see what he was looking at and a snowflake hit my cheek._

_We both looked at each other, and leaned away, smiling. "It looks like it's starting to snow," he stated. "Seems a little coincidental it starts snowing right at midnight."_

_"It is a little strange."_

_"Maybe we should go back in before it starts coming down even harder," he suggested. I nodded my head in agreement. He stood from his swing, extending his hand to mine to help me out of the swing. I took his hand and lifted myself up, following him back into the house._

_Everyone was celebrating and having a wonderful time. I saw Alice and Jasper in a corner kissing. It made me smile seeing things were going so well with Jasper. I nudged Edward's arm, motioning towards them. He laughed when he saw them._

_"I think my brother may be in love with your friend," Edward announced._

_"I think you may be right."_

_"Edward, there you are," Esme said, coming over and grabbing his arm. "I want to introduce you to someone." She dragged him away and over to a group of women, who I assumed were friends of Esme's. I took Edward's jacket off my shoulders and placed it on the back of a chair before sitting down. I noticed Edward glance in my direction a few times as he chatted with the women his mom had introduced him to. But he never did come to talk to me again for the rest of the night._

_The dream faded away and I saw Edward walking towards me in the dream. I smiled at him. He looked sad when I saw his face._

_"I have some great news, Edward," I announced, as he reached me. He stared at me with questioning eyes. "Your family and I are on our way to the Caribbean to search for you. Jasper came over right as I woke up in the last dream and he believes me. We're going to find you Edward. I promise you we'll find you." He smiled, letting out a relieved sigh._

_"I knew Jasper would believe you," he announced._

_"Rosalie, Emmett, and Alice are with us too. We're all searching and we won't give up until we find you. It would help us out a lot if you can remember anything else to help in the search."_

_"I don't know if I remember anything more. The only thing I remember is floating up on the beach and coughing up the water. I remember it was hot. I remember feeling weak. I remember not being able to move. I remember closing my eyes and going to sleep. That's the last thing I remember," he explained._

_"Do you remember waking up or remember anyone finding you?" I urged._

_"No, I don't, Isabella. That's all I remember," he insisted. "Maybe I didn't survive. Maybe I survived the crash and washed up on the beach, but when I went to sleep, I died. Maybe your searching is worthless. Maybe you shouldn't bother." He sounded discouraged and for the first time it hit me that he may be right._

_"I don't believe you died. I have a feeling inside of me, telling me you're still alive. I have to believe you're still alive and I won't give up until I find you."_

_"Isabella, I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed. I don't want to break your heart."_

_"Why do you keep calling me Isabella?" I asked. I wanted to change the subject, but I was really curious why he called me Isabella every time I saw him._

_"It's your name, isn't it?" He argued._

_"But you never call me Isabella. All the time we've known each other you have never once called me Isabella. Why are you now?" I questioned._

_He shrugged, looking down. "I don't know."_

_"Jasper told me you had a nickname for me. What was it?"_

_"He told you?" He asked, looking shocked by my reveal._

_"He did, but he wouldn't tell me what it was. I want you to tell me. What was my nickname and why did you have a nickname for me in the first place? I thought your nicknames were only for people you were close to, like your family and close friends."_

_"I can't tell you what it is Isabella," he said._

_"Why? Is it because you don't remember or because you don't want to tell me? Is it something bad?"_

_"No, it's nothing bad. It's just something I never planned to tell you. It was personal," he revealed, ducking his head._

_"Jasper said if I knew the nickname it might explain a little about why I can talk to you in my dreams. Maybe if you told me, it might help me figure out where you are," I wondered._

_He laughed. "I don't think your nickname will give you any clues as to where I am. It was stupid and I didn't even say it right."_

_"I'd still like to know," I insisted. "I'd still like to know why you call me Isabella, too. You were the first person to call me Bella and I liked it. It's the reason I asked people to call me Bella in the first place. I didn't like Isabella and I didn't like Izzy, like my dad called me. But when you called me Bella, it seemed perfect and still does. But now, here in the dreams, the only time you called me Bella was the first time you talked to me. Ever since then you've called me Isabella. I don't understand why."_

_"Promise me something," he demanded, changing the subject entirely._

_"Whatever you want, I'll do it."_

_"Promise me you won't give up your life for me. Promise me you won't do anything crazy like risking your own life. I couldn't live with myself if you did. I know how important becoming a child psychologist is to you and I don't want you giving up on your dreams for me. Please, just promise me you won't give everything up trying to find me," he begged._

_"Only if you promise me you won't give up and you'll wait for me to find you," I countered._

_"I can't promise you that, Isabella. What if it's a lost cause? What if I'm not really alive?"_

_"I refuse to believe that. I will find you, Edward. I won't give up. I can't promise you, I'll ever stop looking for you," I argued._

_He sighed, running his hands through his hair._

_"I'm going to have to leave soon. I'm on the plane and it's not a very long flight. You have to give me something. I need some clue or anything. Please," I begged._

_"Bella amore," he whispered._

_"What?"_

_"It's your nickname, Isabella," he clarified._

_"What does it mean?" I asked._

_He licked his lips, scrutinizing me nervously. I didn't know if he was going to tell me or not, but I didn't stay long enough to find out._

I woke up to being carried. I looked around, trying to make sense of where I was and who had me. I realized Jasper was carrying me through the airport. He sat down on a bench, still holding me in his arms.

I looked into his eyes, when he realized I was awake. "I tried not to wake you. I know you said you needed to sleep," he explained.

"Bella Amore," I whispered. He smiled, nodding his head.

"Yeah," he agreed.

"What does it mean?" I asked in my hazy wake.

"Ask Edward," he answered. I laid my head against his shoulder, sighing and closing my eyes. I tried to go back to sleep, but their talking prevented it.

"What's she going on about?" Rosalie asked.

"She was talking to Edward. He revealed something to her in her dream. She was letting me know what he said," Jasper explained.

"So, she really does talk to Edward?" Emmett asked, dumbfounded.

"Yes, she does, Emmett," Jasper laughed. "Why do you think I'm down here? She can talk to him and she saw him alive. She's our only hope in finding him."

"Well, what did she say?" Alice asked.

"Earlier today I told her Edward had a nickname for her, just like he does for all of us. You all know how Edward was with nicknames. How personal they were to him. I didn't feel like it was my place to tell her what it was. But Edward told her. He's kept it from her for over ten years and he chooses a dream to finally tell her." I felt him laugh, as I was jostled in his arms.

"Well, what is her nickname?" Rosalie asked.

"You'll have to ask them."

* * *

**FANDOM GIVES BACK INFO:**

**If any of you follow me on twitter, you may already know, I signed up for The Fandom Gives Back Fundraiser in support of Alex' Lemonade Stand. Right now, all I have left is an alternate point of view for Take Care Of My Heart. So if anyone is interested, the information is on my profile, or you can look for my pen name (earthprincess4) or twitter name (graffiti4) on The Fandom Gives Back website. The auction is ending on Saturday July 3 at midnight ET. so check it out soon.**

**Thanks for reading and I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I know things may be super confusing right now but it'll all come together in the end. Promise!**


	10. Tanya

**A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long to get up. I know you are all anxiously waiting for them to find Edward and know whether he's alive or not. Unfortunately you won't find out in this chapter. But there are only two chapters before you'll get an EPOV. I'm not saying whether it will be a present or past POV though. I know I'm a tease, but I have to save some things to be a surprise :).**

**Thank you all for the reviews and sticking with this story even though it may be hard to think of Edward dead. But I promise everything will work out in the end.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters involved.**

* * *

**Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely: Backstreet Boys**

**Tanya**

We didn't arrive in Santo Domingo until early the next morning. All of us were exhausted. We checked into a hotel, in the city, so everyone could get some sleep and freshen up, before we drove to the last known whereabouts of Edward.

"Rosalie, this is yours and Emmett's room," Jasper announced, handing her a key. We're across the hall if you need us." Jasper and Alice walked across the hall, opening their door with their key. I stood frozen, not sure where I was supposed to go.

"Bella, we thought you'd be more comfortable rooming with me and Jasper," Alice informed. "Are you okay with that or would you rather have your own room?"

"No, no, that's fine. I don't mind where I'm at," I assured. I walked towards the door, carrying my backpack with me. We walked in the room, shutting the door behind us.

"I'm so exhausted," Alice yawned. "I feel like I could sleep for a week." Jasper sat down on the bed with her, rubbing her back.

"Maybe we should get some sleep," Jasper suggested. "We've got a long drive ahead of us." She patted his knee, leaning against his shoulder.

"I'm going to take a shower," I announced. They both nodded their heads at me. I walked across the room to the small bathroom. I turned on the water, before slipping off my clothes and stepping into the shower. The water made me feel so much better. I felt so much more relaxed and comfortable, letting the warm, water wash over me. When I finished in the shower and dried myself off, I searched my bag for some pajamas. I found a pair of shorts and the shirt Edward had given me long ago. I didn't even know I packed it, but there it was in my bag. I pulled it out, slipping it on. I felt a comfort the minute I had it on.

I combed through my hair and brushed my teeth before walking out into the bedroom. Alice and Jasper were fast asleep on one of the beds, wrapped in each other's arms. I smiled at the sight of them. They were always so cute together. I placed my backpack at the end of the other bed, crawling into the bed, so I could sleep.

I tossed and turned for a good hour, trying to make sense of the dreams. I knew somehow there had to be a hidden clue or something I was missing. I hoped so badly, we could find some sort of break in finding Edward. I knew everyone was depending on me to give them answers, but I didn't have any.

I thought about the nickname a lot. I had no idea what it meant. I figured it was some other language, but I didn't know which one. I wished Jasper would have just told me what it meant. Why did Edward have a nickname for me anyway? I didn't understand it. If I'm able to get to sleep at some point tonight, I want to ask him about it. I want him to tell me what it means and why it's in a different language.

"Bella," I heard Jasper, whisper. The sudden break in my thoughts, made me jump. I turned my head to look across at him on the other bed. "What's wrong? You keep tossing and turning, it's keeping me awake. Are you okay?"

"I'm sorry. I just can't seem to sleep. I probably shouldn't have slept on the plane." I sat up on the bed, pulling the covers back.

"Do you want me to do anything to help you?" He asked.

"No really, I'm fine," I assured. "I'm going to go for a walk." He nodded his head, watching me grab the key and a sweatshirt. I walked out of the room and started pacing the halls. I didn't have anywhere else to go and I didn't want to keep Jasper up all night. As it is, we were only going to get a few hours of sleep.

I paced the halls, thinking more about the nickname and what we were going to have to do, to find Edward. It was going to be tough, I knew that, but I had to try. Even if everyone else gave up and didn't want to continue, I would go alone. I owed him that much.

I thought about Alice and Jasper and the first time they met. Alice was head over heels, after that night. They talked on the phone almost daily after New Years. She went and visited him on Spring Break and they spent most of the summer together. She went to visit him every chance she got. Many times she offered for me to come with her, but I couldn't. I didn't want to risk facing Edward once again and I had to do school work. After they were both done with college, Jasper moved to California to be closer to Alice.

They were perfect for each other. I don't think I knew of another couple as perfect as they were. I was just glad, how in a way, I helped them find each other. Everyone deserved to find the same kind of love they had.

"Bella?" Emmett called down the hall. I turned around, seeing him coming towards me.

"I'm sorry. Did I wake you up?" I asked.

"No, Rose just wanted more pillows, so I was down at the front desk getting a couple," He explained, pointing out the pillows tucked under his arm. "What are you doing out here?"

"I couldn't sleep. My tossing and turning woke up Jasper and I felt guilty, so I came out in the hall."

"How long have you been out here?" He asked.

"I don't know, maybe an hour."

"Bella, you need to sleep. We have a long drive in just a few hours," Emmett urged.

"I know, I just can't right now. I've been sleeping so much to be able to talk to Edward and I think I've gotten too much sleep lately," I explained.

"Did you bring a bathing suit?" He asked.

I stared at him with confused eyes. "No." He sighed.

"I'll be right back." He walked back down the hall towards his room and slipped inside. I waited for a few minutes, wondering what he was doing. When he came out of the room he had nothing on but a pair of swimming trunks and a wrapped up wad of clothing in his hand. "Come on," he instructed, tipping his head towards the elevator.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"To the pool," he informed. "When I can't sleep I go for a swim. It always seems to help." I followed him towards the elevator and down to the pool. He handed me one of Rosalie's bathing suits and pointed out the dressing rooms.

"I don't think I should be wearing Rosalie's suit. She already doesn't seem to like me much," I said, timidly.

"Rosalie is just skeptical of what you're saying. Deep down she knows you're telling the truth. She just doesn't want to admit it. She's very stubborn and doesn't like being wrong."

"Still, I'm not sure about this. She isn't going to like it if she finds out I'm wearing her bathing suit."

"She brought a dozen suits, Bella. She'll never notice if one is missing. Now go put it on and swim with me," Emmett insisted. I sighed, giving in to his request and grabbed the suit from him. I walked to the dressing room and put it on. It didn't quite fit me right, but it would do. I walked back out and saw Emmett already in the pool swimming laps. I hadn't been swimming in such a long time. I wasn't sure I even knew how anymore. I slowly walked down the steps into the pool. The water was surprisingly warmer than I thought it would be.

"See doesn't this relax you?" Emmett asked, swimming over to me. I smiled, nodding my head in agreement. "Come on, you need to swim some laps with me." I followed him out further into the pool and we swam from one end to the other, over and over. Emmett was a fast swimmer and I had a hard time keeping up with him.

I finally stopped at one end of the pool to catch my breath and rest for a minute. Emmett kept going for a little longer before stopping next to me. "Giving up already?" He teased.

"I just needed to catch my breath. But this did help. I feel so much better now," I declared.

"I told you it would," he smiled. "Now, can I ask you a question?" He said it so quickly I wasn't quite sure what he said. He seemed nervous. I nodded my head, assuring him he could ask me anything.

"Do you know for a fact Edward is still alive?" He asked, matter-of-factly.

I hesitated, looking around the pool. "No. All I know is what I saw. But my gut tells me he is," I answered.

"So, he hasn't actually told you he's alive and needs you to find him? You don't have any proof we'll be able to find him?"

"No. I think Edward believes he's really dead, but I don't. I think he's scared and he feels helpless and lost. He doesn't want to have any hope," I explained.

"What if he's right?"

"I refuse to believe he's gone. Until he shows me he's actually dead; I won't give up searching for him."

"So, when you dream, you talk to him and he shows you stuff right?" He asked.

"Yes."

"Can you ask him to show you some sort of proof?" He wondered.

"What do you think I've been trying to do? On the plane I begged him to show me something or to remember something and he couldn't. He didn't have anything else to show me." I explained. "Look, I don't expect any of you to believe me or to stay here with me. I'm grateful all of you came with me, but you don't have to stay if you don't believe me. I can search on my own."

"Bella, hold on. It's not that I don't believe you. I do. I know from what you've told us what you're saying is true. But still you have no proof he's alive now. I know you said he survived the crash and the hurricane, but what happened after that? What if he's gone now? You said you didn't start having the dreams until well after the hurricane happened. What if you didn't start seeing him in your dreams until he was actually dead?" My face fell at the realization of his words. He could be right. I wasn't ready to face it though. I had to hold on to my gut telling me he was still here. "Either way Bella, I want to find him. Whether we find him alive or not, I want to find out what happened to him and I'll follow you until the end." I nodded my head, trying to hold back the tears, burning my eyes.

"I think I'm going to go to bed now." I swam across the pool to the steps.

"If you see Edward again, tell him I understand now," Emmett shouted.

"Understand what?" I asked.

He grinned, shaking his head. "He'll know what I'm talking about." I raised an eyebrow at his cryptic comment he wanted me to tell Edward, but I nodded my head in agreement, before grabbing a towel and going back into the changing room to change out of the bathing suit.

I headed back upstairs and quietly stepped into the room. In fear of waking them again, I walked into the bathroom and sat down on the floor, to cry. I knew Emmett could be right. All along I knew it was a possibility he was actually gone. But I wanted to hold on to him. Maybe it was just me holding on to the impossible and there was no truth to him being alive anymore. Maybe, I believe what I want to be true instead of what is true.

I laid on the floor and cried for a long time. I tried to hold in my sobs in fear of waking someone up. I didn't want anyone to know why I was crying.

Eventually my crying subsided and I fell asleep on the bathroom floor.

_It was the day of Alice and Jaspers wedding rehearsal. Being that Alice didn't have much family, I was her maid of honor. I was extremely honored for the role and wanted to help her as much as I could, but Alice would have none of it. This was her wedding and she wanted every detail to be perfect. It wasn't that she didn't trust me or anyone else with helping her. It was more due to how she was very controlling and maybe a little obsessive compulsive. Everything had to be her way. And seeing as this was her wedding, it was even worse than normal. _

_I stood in the back, watching as planners, caterers, family, and random other people rushed around the room, setting stuff up. Alice started yelling at someone who was putting the candelabras in the wrong spot. I laughed at her._

"_Bella?" I heard Edward motion for my attention, from behind me. I turned around, coming face to face with Edward. Once again the feelings of love and admiration came right back to me, as soon as I saw him. I wondered if those feelings would ever go away when it came to him._

"_Hi, Edward," I greeted._

"_You look exactly the same as the last time I saw you," he observed, smiling as he said it._

"_Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" I asked, with a raised eyebrow. He ducked his head, laughing._

"_I guess, it's how you perceive it. I just meant to say you look good. You look happy." His words made me blush._

"_Thanks," I said, timidly._

"_Can you believe this? I never thought I'd see the day my brother would get married. He's making such a big deal about beating me to the altar," he laughed._

"_Are you planning to get married too?" I asked, feeling my chest tighten at the thought._

_He laughed even more. "No. Not anytime soon anyway, maybe someday when I find the right person." I smiled at his admittance._

"_Alice is going to drive herself mad trying to make this wedding picture perfect," I commented, changing the subject. We both turned in her direction, watching as she ran from one person to the next giving out orders. We both laughed as we watched her trip over a wrinkle in the rug and almost fall on her face._

"_What's so funny?" A woman asked, coming up behind Edward and wrapping an arm around his waist. He slowly turned his head and smiled, to acknowledge her._

"_We were watching Alice. She just about biffed it on the carpet," He answered. "She's going to need the two week honeymoon Jasper has planned, after this wedding is over."_

"_Do you know where he's planning to take her?" I asked. Jasper had given up all control of the wedding to Alice, knowing his opinion on anything wouldn't matter anyway, as long as he got to plan the honeymoon. Alice was reluctant to give up control to him, but she did. _

"_He asked me to help him, actually."_

"_You know it's driving her crazy not knowing and not having any say in it right? If she finds out you know, she may actually tackle you for information," I taunted._

"_Then I guess we better not say anything," he laughed. "She'll like it though. I'm sure of it." I looked up in his eyes, and smiled._

"_I'm sorry, but who are you?" The woman standing next to Edward asked, rudely._

"_Oh, I'm sorry. This is Bella, Alice's maid of honor. Bella this is Tanya," he introduced. _

_I extended my hand out to her and smiled. "Edward's girlfriend," she added, shaking my hand._

"_It's nice to meet you." _

"_So, how do you two know each other?" She asked, curiously._

"_We went to high school together. Alice and Bella were roommates in college and became best friends. A few years ago we ran into each other at Christmas time and Jasper invited Bella and Alice to a New Year's party. That's where Jasper and Alice first hit it off and they've been together ever since," Edward explained._

"_Well, don't you know far more than you ought to," Tanya observed, rudely._

"_I guess I have a good memory," Edward defended._

"_Well, to be a doctor you do need to have a good memory, so it's probably a good thing you remember so much," I offered. Tanya glared at me, while Edward grinned._

"_How do you know he's planning to be a doctor?" She asked._

"_He's wanted to be one since we were teenagers," I answered. "I can't imagine he'd give up on that dream already."_

"_No, I haven't given up on the dream. Only a few years left and I can officially have the title of Dr. Edward Cullen."_

"_Your parents must be so proud," I smiled._

"_They are and so am I," Tanya added, rubbing his chest with her hand. "Although, I still don't like the idea of you becoming a pediatrician. You'd be much more successful choosing a different specialty."_

_He rolled his eyes. "I'm not choosing pediatrics for the money. I'm choosing it because it's what I want to do."_

"_But think about it Edward. If you choose cardiology or oncology, you would make so much more money. Why would you want to deal with whiny, bratty kids all day anyway?" She asked._

"_Kids are fascinating," I blurted. They both turned their heads to look at me when I said it. Edward smirked while Tanya raised an eyebrow at me. "I mean, if you know how to handle them."_

"_Bella's planning to be a child psychologist. She understands the fascination," Edward explained. Tanya scoffed at my choice in profession and I think she about to make some rude comment about it, but Jasper walked up, interrupting the conversation._

"_Edward, remind me never to get married ever again," Jasper complained, leaning his head against Edward's shoulder. He laughed._

"_Are you having cold feet Bro?" Edward asked. _

"_No, it's nothing like that. I'm just exhausted watching all the chaos going on and I'm not even doing anything. I don't understand how she can do this type of work every week," Jasper remarked._

"_She loves her work," I added. "She loves being busy and making people happy."_

"_This is why you are her best friend and maid of honor, Bella. You get her." He walked over, giving me a friendly hug. "I'm glad you're here to keep her grounded." _

"_I don't feel like I'm doing much. I keep offering to help her, but she won't let me do anything."_

"_I'm sure just being here is enough," Jasper assured. _

"_So, who are you bringing to the wedding tomorrow, Bella?" Tanya asked. I noticed Edward and Jasper exchange a look when Tanya asked the question. I didn't understand why._

"_I'm not bringing anyone. Alice is enough for me to handle," I joked. Edward and Jasper both laughed._

"_You have to come with someone. You'd look sort of pathetic if you didn't come to a wedding with a date," Tanya insisted._

"_Tanya," Edward said in warning._

"_Well, it is. We need to find you someone who can be your date. Do either of you have any single friends in the area?" She asked._

"_Tanya, we haven't been back here for years. I don't even know who is still living in the area," Jasper reminded._

"_What about that guy we took the car to yesterday?" She asked. "You seemed to be pretty chummy with him. Is he single?"_

"_Jake," Edward exclaimed. "No."_

"_Oh, come on Edward, help the poor girl out," She argued._

"_Really, I'm not looking for a date. I'm fine without one," I insisted._

"_What's the harm in meeting one guy and having a good time with him at a wedding?" She asked. I looked to Edward and Jasper with pleading eyes. "I'll go call him. I think I have his business card in my purse." She walked away digging through her purse for the number._

"_Please, tell her I'm not interested," I begged._

"_I'll take care of it," Edward assured. I nodded my head, smiling at his help. Seconds later Alice called for all of us to come to the front of the room for instruction. Jasper dashed off to join her at the front of the room so he could appear to know what was happening. Edward and I followed close behind joining the rest of the crowd._

_Alice began giving out instructions to all of us and asked us all to line up. It was a small wedding, yet so big in Alice's eyes. They chose to only have a best man and maid of honor along with a ring bearer and flower girl, who happened to be the son and daughter of a friend._

_We practiced over and over so Alice knew we all had it perfect. It wasn't hard, considering we just had to walk down an aisle, but Alice is the perfectionist._

_I remember being so nervous at the thought, of walking down the aisle, with Edward, in front of everyone. But it was funny how just being close to him, made me calmer. By the end of the night everyone knew their place and role in the wedding. Esme and Carlisle Cullen treated everyone to a catered meal, consisting of authentic Italian dishes. _

_I was responsible for getting Alice back to the hotel and to make sure she slept. It was tough trying to get her to calm down for the night and stop running lists of stuff in her head, but eventually she did fall asleep._

_The next morning, Alice was up bright and early getting ready for her big day. We had numerous people coming in the room all day long, doing make-up, hair, pedicure and manicures. Some people were coming in just to wish her well. Bouquets of flowers were delivered on the hour throughout the day. Jasper knew how to make Alice happy. On the last hour before the wedding was to begin another bouquet of flowers was delivered along with a small rectangular box. Alice opened it up to reveal a sleek diamond bracelet. She squealed at the sight of it. She pulled it out of the box and asked me to put it on her. I tried to clasp it around her wrist, but she was shaking so hard I couldn't get it._

"_Alice, you need to hold still if you want me to get this," I warned. She took a deep breath, calming herself._

"_I'm sorry. I'm just so nervous and excited all at the same time," she expressed._

"_I know. But everything is taken care of and you are going to be the most beautiful bride ever." She smiled at my words. _

"_I can't believe I'm getting married. I have you to thank for all of this, you know?"_

"_What do you mean you have me to thank?" I asked._

"_I would have never met Jasper if it wasn't for you running into them that day at the grocery store, all those years ago. In a way, you set us up," she explained._

"_I just introduced you to him. You took it from there," I argued._

"_I'm so happy you're here with me. I couldn't do this without you, Bella. You're like a sister to me and all I have for family," she said, sadly. I could see her eyes glistening from tears._

"_Alice, don't start crying now. You'll ruin your make-up." She sniffed, blinking her eyes repeatedly to fight back the tears. _

"_Come on. We need to get to the church," Alice announced. I grabbed all the last minute things we may need and followed her down to the lobby where a limo was waiting to drive us. _

_Once we arrived, we took our positions and waited for the ceremony to begin. I took my place next to Edward, taking a deep, cleansing breath to calm my nerves._

"_Are you ready?" Edward asked. I nodded my head, too nervous to say anything. He took my hand, and wrapped it around his arm. He patted my hand, whispering in my ear to relax. I did my best to do as he requested. The doors opened and we walked down the aisle together. I watched as Alice made her grand entrance into the church and met Jasper at the end. The ceremony was beautiful of course and Alice was glowing with love and excitement. I couldn't be happier for her. I knew Jasper was perfect for her and would always make her happy._

_As the reception began, Alice and Japer went around the room greeting all their guests and chatting with everyone._

"_Bella, there you are," Tanya said, getting my attention. "I want you to meet Jacob Black. He's the local mechanic in the area. I thought you two might like each other's company." I huffed at the set-up she had done. I knew who Jacob Black was. I've known him since I moved here and never had any interest in him._

"_Hi Jacob," I greeted, politely._

"_Hi Bella, it's been a long time."_

"_Well, I'll leave you two to get to know each other better. I've got to go find my man." She darted off across the room to where Edward was talking with his parents._

"_So, how have you been, Bella?" Jacob asked._

"_I've been good. I'm still in school, so I'm pretty busy. I hear you started up your own mechanic shop?"_

"_I did. It's going really well too."_

"_That's great. Congratulation on your success," I said._

"_Should we get something to eat?" He suggested. We walked over to buffet line and filled our plates before taking our seats at one of the tables. We talked throughout the night and I was surprised how much I enjoyed our conversation. He was extremely nice and told me joke after joke, making me laugh more than I had ever laughed before._

_After the cake was cut and passed out to guests, Jacob was being very playful and began feeding me bites of the cake, making me giggle even more. _

_As the night came to an end and guests started heading home, Jacob asked if I wanted a ride back to the hotel. I accepted and went to tell Alice and Jasper goodnight before we left._

"_You're leaving already?" Alice gasped._

"_Alice, I have an early flight in the morning. I need sleep. I'll talk to you when you get back from your honeymoon. Have lots of fun." I gave both Jasper and Alice a hug goodbye, wishing them well and congratulating them both. _

"_Well, do you need a ride back to the hotel? I can ask someone to drive you," Alice suggested._

"_Yeah, I'm sure Edward could give you a ride," Jasper offered. "He and Tanya were getting ready to leave too." I saw Edward come over to Jasper's side overhearing his offer._

"_Sure, I can give you a ride," Edward agreed. I noticed Tanya squeeze his arm and glare up at him._

"_It's not necessary," I declined, with a smile. "Jake already offered to drive me back. He offered to give me a ride to the airport in the morning too."_

"_You and Jake, huh?" Alice asked, with a knowing look on her face._

_I rolled my eyes, smiling. "Goodbye, Alice. I'll see you in a couple weeks."_

_I gave her one last hug and she whispered in my ear to have fun. I knew what she was getting at and it made me blush. Jake was a nice guy and I'm sure he'd make some girl really happy someday, but I wasn't the girl. I wasn't interested in Jake._

"_See you later, Bella," Edward said._

"_Goodbye, Edward. Good Luck on becoming a pediatrician." Jake walked up, handing me my coat. I looked up at him and smiled. He put an arm around my waist, leading me out of the reception hall and out to his car._

_The dream faded to white and I waited for Edward to appear. I couldn't see him anywhere though. He was gone._

"_Edward," I shouted. "Edward, where are you?" I looked all around, waiting for him to appear, but there was nothing but white. "Edward, you can't leave me yet. I need to know where you are. I need you to help me find you. I can't do this alone. Emmett wanted me to give you a message. Please Edward, why aren't you here?" I tried everything I could think of to get him to show himself to me. I didn't know where he was or if he was hiding from me, but something was wrong. "Edward." I screamed one last time, just as I was shaken out of sleep._

"Edward," I gasped.

"Bella," Alice whispered. "Are you okay?" I looked around trying to remember what happened. Alice was kneeled down next to me, with a worried expression. Jasper stood over both of us with the same worried look.

"What happened?" Jasper asked. "You were almost crying in your sleep. You kept calling out Edward's name. Did something happen to him?"

"No, everything's fine. I just woke up before I had a chance to talk to him," I assured. It had to be what happened. I just woke up too early before I could talk to him. Maybe I wasn't fully asleep during the dream. I tried to come up with every excuse possible to explain why I couldn't see him. It would be fine next time. I'd find him and he'd find some way to give me more information on where he was. Everything was fine.

"We need to get ready to go," Alice announced. "I guess Emmett was talking to someone early this morning, which has a whole group of people heading out to help with the clean-up. They've offered to let us ride along."

"That's great. What time are we leaving?" I asked.

"In about a half hour," Jasper answered. "Rosalie and Emmett are getting everything ready."

"Okay. I just need a couple minutes and I'll be ready," I said. I stood up, brushing my fingers through my hair and running water over my face. I heard Alice and Jasper whispering behind me, but I couldn't make out anything they were saying. Jasper left the bathroom, leaving me and Alice alone.

"Bella, are you okay?" Alice asked.

"I'm fine, why?"

"You seem different. You've been on edge the last couple days and I think all of this is making you go crazy or something. You fell asleep on the bathroom floor for goodness sake. I'm really worried about you."

"Alice, I'm fine. I didn't want to wake either of you, so I came in here. I just want to find Edward, so everyone can be happy. I'll be happy when I find him."

"Honey, I know you believe he's still alive and I believe you when you say he is, but you need to be prepared for the possibility he might not be," Alice said, with a concerned tone.

"Alice, I know what you're saying. I know there's the possibility I'm making everything up. I know there's a chance he's already gone. I know there's a chance we may never find him. I know even if we do find him, he might not be the same. And I know even if we find him, it's not going to change anything. He's engaged and happy and I'll accept that. All I want is for him to be happy," I confessed.

The dream I just had brought back the memory of Alice telling me this was the night Edward had proposed to Tanya. It seemed strange to me how he thought it was a joke when I asked if he would be getting married soon, but he ended up asking her to marry him that night.

"So, you admit to having feelings for him?" She asked. I nodded my head in agreement.

"I always have, Alice. But bringing all this up again is making it worse. I just want to find him and know he's happy, so I can get on with my life," I admitted. She pulled me into a hug, brushing my hair with her hand.

"We'll find him Bella," she assured. "We'll find him."

A little while later, we were checking out of the hotel and getting on a bus with a bunch of other people. We headed out on the road towards the eastern side of the country. Edward was last seen in a small village outside of Punta Cana. We couldn't even find it on the map.

The road trip there was hard and long. The bus was crowded with supplies, leaving very little room for people to sit. Alice, Rosalie and I were squished into one seat. Jasper and Emmett sat in front of us, looking over the map and discussing what we were going to do. We had to volunteer with the clean-up a little, but while we did that, we could ask around if anyone knew him or had seen him.

We finally arrived at Punta Cana, in the late afternoon. When we got off the bus, the sight made us all gasp. There were people sitting on the side of the road with blank expressions. There were children crying. Houses and buildings were left in complete destruction. We couldn't make anything out. I felt Alice grab my hand, squeezing it tightly. I glanced over at her and I saw tears in her eyes.

We were shown where to go and where we would be staying. There was one small hotel still standing after the storm, housing all the volunteers. There were also some makeshift shelters set up for families who had lost their homes. There were already so many people out cleaning up the brush and fallen houses.

Jasper and Emmett took off shortly after we arrived, to help with the clean-up. Alice, Rosalie, and I went to the hotel to check in and get a room. We all had to share a room, which Rosalie wasn't too happy about, but we didn't have a choice.

After we got all our stuff put away, we went walking around the town to see what it was we could do to help. We ended up in a large tent filled with young children who were crying and hurt. I wanted to help them all. We were quickly put to work cleaning them up and the smaller ones we were asked to help feed. We stayed there through the day and well into the night, helping the kids get to sleep and clean up everything.

A woman, who was introduced earlier as being named Amber, came over to us at the end of the day to thank us for our help. "I don't have enough people here to help me out, so I appreciate all three of you taking the time to help with the children," she said.

"We're just happy we could help," Alice insisted.

"Where did all these kids come from?" Rosalie asked.

"Many came from a local orphanage, which was destroyed. Some are here because they lost their parent's in the storm. Some we don't even know what their names are," she explained. "Children are very vulnerable to kidnappers and sick people who try to claim them, only to use them for slavery. So it's best to keep all of them here where they can be watched closely."

"You said some came from an orphanage?" I asked.

"Yes, I actually volunteered there over the last three summers. The storm hit us hard. Luckily most of the children were safe inside a storm shelter, but the building itself was destroyed."

"Did you know an Edward Cullen?" I wondered, excitedly.

She glanced between the three of us, suspiciously. "Yes, I did," she admitted.

"You knew him?" Rosalie asked excitedly. "Have you seen him since? Is he here now?"

"I'm sorry, I don't know if I should give out that type of information," she retorted, walking away from us.

"No, listen, I'm his sister," Rosalie insisted. "This is my sister-in-law, and a good friend of the family. My husband is Edward's best friend and Alice's husband is Edward's twin brother. We came down here to search for him. We have reason to believe he may not have died in the storm; like we were told."

"You're his sister, Rosalie?" She asked.

"Yes," Rosalie answered, with a smile.

"He talked about all of you so much. He did some great work here with the community. Dr. Banner would come down here every summer with a handful of students to help out. I was on the other helicopter when the storm came in. We were able to get out in time. As soon as the storm was over, most of us came back to help. Hearing about the helicopter crashing in the ocean, devastated us all. It was so hard hearing how so many of our friends were gone." She glanced between all of us, with sympathetic eyes. "I'm so sorry for your loss. Edward was a good man."

"You haven't seen him then?" Alice asked.

"No, I'm afraid not. If he was anywhere in the area, we would have heard about it," she insisted. We all sighed in defeat at knowing we had no leads. "Why do all of you believe he's still alive? I thought there were no survivors?"

Alice and Rosalie glanced at me, wondering if I was going to fill her in. I didn't want to. I didn't think anyone else needed to know, especially if it wasn't going to help us at all. "I guess we were just all hoping the news was wrong and we'd find him down here," I offered.

"I'm really sorry to disappoint all of you, but as far as I know, there were no survivors and if there were I would have heard about it," she disclosed.

"Thank you for your help," Alice said. "We'll be back tomorrow morning to help out with the kids."

"I'd appreciate it very much. Thank you all, again, for the help."

We headed back to the hotel, meeting Jasper and Emmett in the room we were sharing. Alice and Rosalie met them with huge hugs and sobs. Today had been emotionally draining for all of us. They both explained what happened and who we talked to and what we did during the day at the orphanage. Jasper and Emmett were intent on listening to every word they spoke and comforting them though their sorrow. I felt very out of place.

I could see all the doubt in their eyes, after hearing what the woman we met today said. It was only a matter of time before they gave up on me and decided I was crazy. If I couldn't talk to Edward again and get some sort of clue on where to look next, I was going to be on my own. I needed to talk to him.

'I'm going to bed," I announced. No one seemed to acknowledge me when I said it, but I didn't care. They needed to process everything on their own without me being a distraction. I crawled onto the small cot, in the corner of the room and silently, cried myself to sleep.


	11. Isabella

**A/N:** Sorry for the long delay on this story. I've been super busy working on my FGB winning stories. One of which is 40,000+ words long. It's not much of a oneshot anymore lol. In case you weren't aware, this story was featured on twi-fic promotions a couple weeks ago. Thanks sashylee for submitting it. :) My other story, If This Is Fate was featured on the same site this week. It's pretty exciting to have two stories featured. To all my new readers who found out about my story via twi-fic promotions, thanks for giving my story a chance. I hope you like it and get drawn into this story as much as I did. I'm always a little amazed by what my brain comes up with. Anyway I'll shut up so everyone can get to reading the chapter.

Thanks for all the wonderful reviews I get from everyone. Sometimes I wonder if some of you are in my brain at times. But even if you are close to what will happen next, there are still so many unexpected things coming up. Hopefully it won't upset anyone too much.

Thanks bzeemomof4 for beta'ing all this stuff I send you. I know I could never do any of this without you. I'm so lucky to have you as my beta and as my friend.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own twlight or the characters involved.

* * *

**I Will Follow You Into The Dark: Death Cab For Cutie**

**Isabella**

_I was standing to the side, watching something I'd never seen before. It was different this time. I wasn't reliving it. The place was familiar. It was the backyard of the Cullen home. There were flowers everywhere. Crisp white chairs were lined up, with a long aisle of white rose petals, in between them. I could see people sitting in the chairs, but I couldn't make out any of their faces. At the end of the aisle, I could see two men standing in white tuxes. One of them helped the other, straighten his tie. I walked closer, so I could figure out who they were. _

_Music began playing and one of the men turned around. I gasped when I saw Edward. I looked around at the rest of the people, but still the only person I could make out was Edward. Everyone else was a hazy apparition. Even the man standing next to him was a fog. I knew it had to be Jasper, but I couldn't see his face. _

_Edward turned to stare down at the other end of the aisle. He had the biggest grin on his face. I had never seen him so happy in all the time I had known him. I turned, to see what he was smiling at. _

_At the other end of the aisle; stood a woman, in a breathtakingly, beautiful, wedding gown. Her dress was strapless, with a beaded corset. It flowed out with layer upon layer of gathered organza, leading out into a small train. The veil covered her face. But I was sure, even if it didn't; I wouldn't be able to see who she was. _

_As the woman began walking down the aisle, I looked back at Edward. He had tears in his eyes as he watched her walk towards him. I smiled, trying to be happy for him. I was happy. I just couldn't help, feeling a little sad at the same time._

_Slowly the entire dream __faded away into nothing, leaving me standing in the light. Once again, I looked around for Edward. I called out his name over and over, but he never appeared. In my heart, I knew something was wrong._

I woke up with a shock. I was drenched in sweat and my heart was racing extremely fast. I sat up, taking deep breaths to calm my heart down. I walked over to the bathroom and splashed my face with some cool water. I walked out on the small balcony of the room, taking in the cool, night air. I sat down on the cement floor, in the corner and looked up at the sky. Everything here was different than it was at home. The smells were different, the air was different, even the sky looked different.

I was startled when I heard someone open the balcony door. I looked up, seeing Rosalie step out and close the door behind her. I watched as she lit a cigarette with a lighter. As she stuck the lighter back in her pocket, she noticed me. She jumped, dropping the cigarette on the floor.

"Shit, Bella. What the hell are you doing out here?" She asked, holding her chest from the fright.

"I'm sorry. I was only getting some fresh air. It's hot inside the room," I explained. She picked up her cigarette, sticking it between her lips. She walked over and sat down next to me, against the wall.

"I guess I needed some fresh air, too."

"I wasn't aware you smoked," I observed. "Not that it's any of my business. I've just never seen you smoke before."

"I don't smoke. Well, not usually anyway. I did for a while when I was in college, but I quit a long time ago. Lately, though, everything is just so messed up and stressful, I needed something to calm my nerves," she explained. "No one knows. Not even Emmett. I'd like to keep it that way. You've already revealed one secret I never wanted anyone to know, I'd appreciate it if you kept this to yourself."

"I won't say a word," I promised.

We sat there in the silence, as she smoked the rest of her cigarette.

"Bella, can I ask you something?" She asked. I rolled my eyes in the dark. I had a very good feeling what she was going to ask. It was the same thing everyone kept asking me. They wanted to know what proof I had, Edward was still alive.

"Sure," I agreed.

"Why did Edward tell you about my nickname?" I was caught off guard by her question. It wasn't what I expected at all.

"It just came up when we were talking. He told me everyone's nicknames. He joked about how you were going to kill him now, since he told me."

"When you see him in your dreams, what do you talk about, besides nicknames?"

"Nothing really," I admitted. "At first, I tried to explain to him how he died. Then it changed to stories about his childhood, and the nicknames. Once he figured out he could show me memories, he told me about them after he showed them to me. The last time I talked to him, he was really adamant about not wanting me to go through with this. He's concerned I'm going to give up my entire life to search for him and put myself in danger. He said he couldn't live with himself if something happened to me."

"Does he not care about any of us?" She asked irritated by what I said.

"I don't think he meant it for only me. I think he meant it for all of us. I'm just the only one he could have contact with," I assured. I didn't know if I was right, but I didn't want Rose to be mad at me or him.

"Do you think we'll find him?" She wondered, aloud.

"I hope so." It was all I could give her. All along I'd been so sure we'd find him and there was no possible way we wouldn't. However, since I can't find him in my dreams anymore, I'm not so sure. I'm blind without some sort of help. It's like looking for a needle in a haystack. I have nothing to go on and his family is looking to me for answers, I don't have.

"Me too," she agreed. "I don't like seeing my family torn apart. I want them whole again. The only way to make it happen is to bring Edward home."

"I saw his wedding tonight," I shared.

"What?" She asked, turning her head and staring at me with a confused look.

"In my dreams, I normally see a past event. It's always been some sort of encounter we had with each other. But tonight, it was different. I saw his wedding." I turned to look at her face. "It was beautiful. He looked so happy, too."

"So, what does seeing his wedding mean?" She asked, curiously.

"I figure, if I'm seeing his future now, it must mean it's still going to happen."

"In other words, he's still alive," she added.

"I think so," I agreed. I could make out the slightest smile on her face in the dark.

"Did he give you any other clues on where we need to look?" She questioned.

"Not really," I answered. I wasn't ready to admit to anyone, I couldn't see him anymore. I didn't know why I couldn't see him, or what it meant. But like I told Rosalie, if I was seeing his future, it still must be possible. We just needed to find him.

She quickly wrapped her arms around my shoulders, hugging me tightly. I wasn't expecting this from her at all. I didn't even know it was possible, coming from her. "Thank you for doing this for my brother. I know you don't have to and you have no obligation to him. But it means so much to all of us, you're here and helping us find him."

"I want to find him as much as all of you," I admitted. "I feel like I'm obligated more than anyone, since he's in my head."

"Still, it means a lot."

I smiled. "You're welcome, Rose." We sat together in the dark a little longer, before she finally went back inside.

I stayed and watched the sun come up a few hours later.

"Bella," Alice called from inside the room. I stood up, stretching out my stiff body and walked back through the door. "What were you doing out there?"

"I just needed some air."

"Rose told us about what you dreamed last night. This is good news, right?" She asked.

I shrugged. "If I'm interpreting them correctly, I think it might. She let out a giddy squeal, and hugged my tightly. I looked over her shoulder, seeing Jasper watching us, with a grin on his face. Everyone in the room seemed to be in better spirits today. The small glimpse of hope I gave them, was enough to keep going. I just wished I could give them more. I needed to figure out how to talk to him. He couldn't just disappear without some sort of explanation. I had to figure it out.

Once we were all dressed and ready for the day, we headed out to do our share in the clean-up. Emmett and Jasper took off with a group of other men for a small nearby village to help, while Rose, Alice and I headed back over to the shelter where the children were.

We met one of the other volunteers there, who quickly put all of us to work, changing diapers and feeding the younger children.

As the day progressed, Alice and Rosalie were put in charge of watching over some of the older kids, as they played games outside. I was asked to change out bedding. I walked around to all the beds and pulled off the sheets from every bed and threw them into a rolling cart.

I had just about all of them; accept for one bed in the corner. A little boy was sitting there, with his head down. He looked sad and scared. I walked over to him and sat on the bed next to him.

"Are you okay?" I asked. He shook his head. "Do you need anything?" Again, he shook his head. "Well, I need to change out your sheets. Would you like to help me remove the bedding?" He stood up and instantly I noticed his stub of an arm. My breath caught in my lungs. His head dropped as soon as he heard me. I could hear the sniffle coming from him.

I felt horrible for reacting the way I did. I'm sure he felt bad about not having an arm. Suddenly, the memory Edward showed me came rushing back. This was the little boy he did surgery on.

"Do you know Edward?" I asked, casually. His head shot up and he stared at me with bulging eyes.

I smiled, and sat back on the bed, patting the spot next to me for him to sit. He did as I requested. I handed him a piece of butterscotch candy and he quickly popped it in his mouth. He looked up at me again and smiled.

"I'm sure you're pretty upset about losing your arm. Did Edward ever show you some tricks on how to do things one handed?" I asked. He shook his head, sadly.

"He didn't?" I asked in shock. "When he was teenager, he broke his arm and had to learn how to do a lot of things one handed. He even had to write with his opposite hand for a while. One thing I remember him doing was throwing a ball against the wall and catching it with his hand. He used a little bouncy ball, which I happen to have in my pocket if you'd like to try." He had a huge grin on his face and nodded his head excitedly.

I handed him the ball and followed him over to an empty spot on the wall. He glanced up at me, nervously. I nodded my head, reassuringly. He bounced the ball towards the wall and attempted to catch it on the way back. He couldn't quite get it and it bounced across the room. He sighed, in frustration. "Keep practicing. It's going to take some time to get it figured out." He ran after the ball and began practicing more. I went back to changing out the bedding, but continued to watch him from a distance. I was sure he was the same little boy Edward had shown me. He looked exactly the same as he did in the vision and the fact he had a missing arm, told me for sure this was the little boy.

After a while, Alice came back in to see if I needed any help.

"Do you want to get those sheets over there in the basket?" I asked her. She walked over to the basket and grabbed them. She noticed the little boy bouncing the ball against the wall.

"Why isn't he outside with the others?" She asked.

"I'm not sure. I don't think he feels like he can, since he doesn't have an arm," I explained.

"He must feel so bad about not being able to do what all the other kids can do," she sympathized.

"Do you know who he is?" I asked. She turned her head, looking at me skeptically.

"Should I know who he is?" She wondered.

I shrugged my shoulders. "He won't talk to me. I'm not sure if he speaks English, but he seems to understand me. The thing is, he knows Edward." Her head shot towards me with wide eyes.

"How do you know?"

"I've seen him. Edward showed me the vision of when he saved his life. I talked to him a little about Edward and he seemed to know who I was talking about," I revealed.

"Who knew what?" Rose asked, walking up behind us.

"See the little boy over there?" Alice pointed out. "Bella says he knows Edward." Rose glanced in my direction, before walking across the room to see the little boy.

Alice and I gave each other concerned looks and followed behind her.

"You know my brother?" Rose asked, getting down on her knees in front of him. He stopped bouncing the ball and looked in her eyes. "My brother is Edward Cullen. Did you know him? Do you know where he is now?" He shook his head and turned back to his ball.

"You won't get him to say anything," Amber announced, from the doorway. "This is Marcial. He hasn't talked since the storm."

"Is he okay?" I asked.

"He's fine, physically. But after losing his arm and losing Edward, he's been in a really depressed mood. We can't get him to talk to anyone," Amber explained.

"Why did Edward's death impact him?" Alice asked.

She laughed. "He was Edward's shadow. He followed Edward everywhere and wanted to do everything he was doing. Edward favored him a little too much at times. He took the news of Edward's death hard. He hasn't talked since."

"He understands us though, right?" Rosalie asked.

"He understands English. I can't say he speaks it very well," she joked. "Most the kids here can understand, but they all struggle with speaking it. As I'm sure you've all become aware of."

Rose leaned down in front of him again, grabbing his shoulders gently to turn him towards her. "I'm Edward's sister, Rosalie. Did Edward ever talk about me?" His eyes looked up, meeting mine. His hand slowly came up and he pointed his finger at me. I leaned back and looked around the room, trying to figure out what he was doing. Rose turned around to see him pointing at me. I shrugged my shoulders at her questioning eyes.

He looked back at Rose, but still continued to point at me.

"Bella," he mumbled. We all stared at him in shock. Amber came rushing across the room, leaning down next to him. I felt frozen in my spot.

"She's a good friend of the family. Her name is Bella. And this is my sister in law, Alice. We're here looking for Edward."

"Bella," he said again.

"How do you know who I am?" I asked.

He turned back to his ball and began throwing it against the wall again.

"How did you get him to talk?" Amber asked, staring at me with a shocked expression.

"I didn't. All I did was, mention Edward, and gave him a ball to play with," I confessed.

"Then how does he know who you are?" Alice asked.

"I don't know," I laughed.

"Talk to him then," Rose demanded. "Find out what he knows. Maybe he sees Edward like you do." She pushed me towards him. I didn't want to ask him questions with an audience behind me. This was awkward.

"Marcial, do you know where Edward is? Do you see him?" I asked. He turned to me and shook his head no. "Then how do you know who I am?" He grabbed my hand and pulled me across the room to the bed he was sitting on earlier. He crawled underneath the bed and a few seconds later came crawling back out with a picture in his hand.

He handed it to me. I turned it over and stared down at a water damaged, crinkled up, picture from Alice and Jaspers wedding. It was a picture of Alice and Jasper with me and Edward. It was a picture I'd seen before. I didn't know why he had it though.

I sat down on the bed next to him, holding the picture out in front of us. "Do you miss Edward?" I asked. He nodded his head. "Do you know who this is in the picture?" I pointed to Jasper's face. He nodded. "And what about her?" He touched Alice's face on the picture, before looking up at her. He smiled and nodded his head again. "Did Edward give you this picture?" He shook his head.

"Then where did he get it?" Rose demanded. We all looked in her direction and shushed her.

"Did you find this picture?" I asked. He nodded his head. "Was this something of Edwards?" He nodded his head again, taking the picture from my hand. I watched his face as he stared down at the picture. He looked sad and heartbroken. "It's all you have left of him." He didn't need to answer and I didn't address it as a question. I already knew the answer. I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and hugged him tightly. I could hear him crying and it broke my heart. I wanted to take his pain away so badly. He had nothing in this world and the one time he feels special and important, it was taken away from him. I had to find Edward. I had to find a way to take everyone's pain away.

I stayed with Marcial for the rest of the day. Alice and Rose took over the laundry. For some strange reason I felt a connection to Marcial. It was almost like a motherly instinct to protect him and love him. I read him a couple books. We played a board game. We played with the ball some more. By the end of the day he was smiling again. When Alice and Rose came over and said it was time to leave for the night, he hugged me tightly around the waist. I smiled and hugged him back.

"You come back?" he asked, quietly.

I smiled and nodded my head. "I'll come back."

I left him in the room and headed out with Alice and Rose. We walked the short distance to the place we were staying. Alice and Rose seemed upset in some way. I didn't know why.

We walked into the room and found Jasper and Emmett arguing about something.

"What's going on?" Alice asked.

"Emmett seems to think we're wasting our time," Jasper shouted.

"Well, he wants to go traipsing off into the forest in search of Edward. Honestly, I'm starting to really doubt we're going to find him. Everyone we talk to says there's no hope. They all think he's long gone. Even if he did survive the crash into the ocean and somehow floated up onto an island somewhere, his chances of surviving are slim to none." Emmett grabbed the map off the table. Have you seen how many islands there are in the Caribbean? He could be anywhere. For all we know he could be in Cuba. I think we all know if he ended up in Cuba he wouldn't survive long and there's no way we could get him out."

"We don't know he's in Cuba. We don't know where he is. But we can't stop looking for him. He's out there somewhere and we need to find him," Jasper argued.

"Jas, I want to find him too. I just think we're in over our heads. And now since you're parent's called and you told them what we were doing, it has them upset," Emmett added.

"Mom and dad called?" Rose gasped.

"Yeah, they did. But it doesn't matter. We have to keep looking," Jasper insisted.

"Jasper, maybe Emmett's right," Rose agreed. "We don't know where to look. He could be anywhere. He's obviously not here. We've all met people who knew him when he was here and they all seem really nice. I don't think they would purposefully hide him and not tell us where he is."

"Just because he's not here, doesn't mean we should stop looking," Alice argued.

"Then where do you suggest we look next?" Emmett questioned.

They were all silent. Slowly, one by one, they all turned to me." I took a step back, trying to hide away from their questioning eyes. I didn't want to be the one they looked to for answers. I didn't have them.

"Bella, you have to have some sort of idea where to look," Jasper insisted. "Edward must have given you something more to go on by now. Have you asked him where he is? Anything about what it looks like or if there are people around? Is he safe at all?"

"I don't know," I said timidly. "I don't know where he is."

"See," Emmett pointed out. "Even she doesn't know where he is. I want to find him too, but I can't stay down here forever, none of us can. We all have jobs or school or family, back home. I suggest we go home and try to find out more about the crash and where exactly it went down so we can have a better idea of where to look. Right now, we're sitting ducks. We have nothing to go on."

They continued to argue about whether or not to stay or go. I knew I'd stay. I promised myself I wouldn't stop until I found him. Even if Edward didn't want me to and no one was here to help me, I wouldn't give up. I walked back to the bedroom unnoticed and sat down on the cot in the corner.

I continued to listen to them argue and make their decisions on whether or not to stay. I felt horrible. I felt like I had let all of them down, especially Edward. It was my fault they were here and arguing. I was to blame for not knowing where to go once we got here. I jumped to conclusions and expected everyone to follow me, blindly. I thought once I got here it would be simple. I thought it would all come together and we'd find him right away. We've only been here for two days and had dead end after dead end.

I had to talk to Edward. I had to find him in my dreams. He had to be there somewhere. Maybe he was just hiding or I wasn't in a deep enough sleep to see him. If I could be in a deep enough sleep where nothing could possibly wake me up, I was bound to find him. I needed to be where he was. I needed to be with Edward.

I grabbed my bag off the floor and took out the bottle of sleeping pills. I stared at it for a few seconds, questioning if I should really do this. But I had to. I needed to get answers and be able to tell them where to look. I didn't want them arguing anymore.

I poured half the bottle of pills in my hand and counted them out. The bottle said taking two pills would give you a good night's rest. Well I needed more than a good night's rest. I needed to be out completely.

I walked over to the sink and grabbed a glass of water, before sitting back down on the bed. I counted out the pills in my hand. I figured eight would be enough to make me sleep hard enough to find him. Not only was I looking for his physical body, but I was searching for him in my dreams too.

I took a deep breath and slowly raised my hand to my mouth.

"Bella," Alice whispered, opening the door.

I could hear her, but I was in such a trance, she didn't register with me.

"Bella don't," she shouted. She grabbed my arm just as I was about to put them in my mouth. I looked up at her and yanked my arm back.

"Let go, Alice," I shrieked.

"Jasper, I need your help," she yelled.

"Please Alice, let go of me," I cried.

Jasper and Emmett came running in and saw the struggle. They both rushed over to help Alice hold me down.

"She's trying to take pills. I don't know what she's doing," Alice explained. Emmett wrapped his arms around my shoulders, holding me tightly, while Alice and Jasper both held my arms, making me drop the pills I still help in my hand. I struggled against them all, screaming and crying the whole time. I wanted them to leave me alone. I wanted to do what I needed to do.

"How many did she take?" Jasper asked, with a concerned look.

"I don't know," Alice answered, frantically.

"What do we do?" Rose asked, from the doorway.

"Bella, stop screaming," Jasper ordered. I didn't listen. I continued to scream and fight against them holding me.

I didn't stop screaming until I felt someone slap me.

"Rose," they all shouted.

"Well, she needed to stop. I got her to stop," she defended.

"By hitting her?" Alice asked, in an irritated tone.

I didn't have any fight left in me. I slouched in Emmett's grasp and fell to the floor. All three of them loosened their hold on me.

"Please," I begged. "Just let me go. I need to find him. I can't see him anymore and I have to sleep so I can find him. Please." I was crying hysterically. My voice cracked and I couldn't stop the shakiness I felt in my chest.

Slowly each of them released me. Jasper sat down on the floor with me and pulled me into his arms, holding me tightly so I could cry. I kept repeating myself over and over. "I have to find him. Let me go. I need to be with him. He needs me."

It was quiet in the room, except for my sobbing. Alice sat down next to Jasper and rubbed my back soothingly.

"What is she trying to do?" Rose asked from the other side of the room.

"Is she saying she was trying to kill herself?" Emmett asked.

"I think she was," Alice answered. "It's like Edward has some sort of psychological manipulation against her. She's not like this. She would never want to kill herself."

"Edward isn't manipulating her," Jasper argued. "You heard her, she doesn't see him anymore. She's doing this because of us."

"Will all of you stop talking about me like I'm not here?" I requested. I sat up and moved away from Jasper. I rubbed the tears away from my eyes. "I wasn't trying to kill myself. They're only over the counter sleeping pills. I just need to sleep. It's the only way I can find him. I've had two dreams and he's not there. I need to sleep for a long time and in a deep sleep. I can't help any of you, unless I do."

"Isabella Marie Swan," Alice said. "I don't care if you were only trying to sleep. You don't take that many pills at one time."

"Don't call me Isabella," I shouted.

"Why?" She wondered.

"Just don't," I insisted.

I stood up and walked out to the main area of our room in a huff. I wanted to get away from all of them. I didn't want to talk to any of them.

Hearing her call me Isabella made me think of Edward. I still didn't understand why he called me Isabella.

I noticed a bunch of stuff had been knocked over on the floor, probably from their quick movements to get to me. I began picking things up. A few seconds later, everyone else began helping me pick up.

"Bella," Alice said, placing her hand on my arm.

"I'm fine," I insisted. I knew I wasn't. I knew I was hurting myself, by trying to find him. But I had to find him. I wouldn't be able to be normal until I did.

I picked up the map off the floor and laid it back out on the table. I looked down at it, seeing exactly what they were talking about. There were so many islands and so many places we could look. Without some sort of clue or lead, there was no way we could search everywhere. I jumped into this without even thinking about what it meant. We couldn't do this alone.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I stared down at the map. Alice and Jasper stood beside me and place a hand on my shoulder.

"We'll find him Bella. I know he's out there," Jasper assured.

It was quiet in the room for a few minutes. I continued to stare at the map and named off every island and every city, silently in my head. That's when I figured it out. It all made perfect sense.

"I know where he is," I announced. I turned around to face all of them. I smiled and laughed excitedly. "He's been telling me all along. I just didn't know."

"Where is he?" Rose and Emmett asked simultaneously. They all looked at me with hopeful, questioning eyes.

"Isabela."

**NOTE: **Many of you who read this story have also read my oneshot **"Take Care Of My Heart". **It's up for a **singleshot award **in the tragedy/angst category, and is currently in first place. I'd love it if everyone would go over and vote for it, so I can remain in first place. Or even if you don't vote for my story, at least go vote for your favorite oneshots in all the categories. Thanks :) http:/ thesingleshotawards (dot) blogspot (dot) com/ (or you can find the link on my profile)

**EPOV IN NEXT CHAPTER!**


	12. Edward

**A/N: **Probably the most anticipated chapter of all, is here. It's not too long and there is still so much more to come. I hope everyone likes it. There is still so much more Edward needs to explain and figure out, so you'll here from him again. There is a little BPOV here at the beginning, but it's really short.

Thank you everyone for all the reviews and sticking with this story. I hope everyone will like it all the way to the end. Thank you bzeemomof4 for editing this for me and helping me out when I don't know where my mind is going at times. You are awesome and so glad I have you as my friend.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight or the characters involved.

* * *

**I Was Broken: Marcus Foster/Robert Pattinson**

**Edward**

**BPOV**

"What do you mean, Isabella?" Alice asked.

"Look." I pointed out the name of the city in Puerto Rico. "It's called Isabela. It's not far away and quite possibly in the line of where the crash happened. It makes sense. Edward has never called me Isabella. Not once. But when I would see him in my dreams he always referred to me as Isabella. He was telling me all along. It's why he came to me. It's never made sense for him to come to me for help. Now it makes perfect sense. He's _in_ Isabela," I explained, excitedly.

"How can you be sure?" Emmett asked. I looked around the room at all of their uncertain faces.

"I can't be sure. I haven't been sure on anything this entire time. I've only been going with my instincts, and right now, at this very moment, I know I'm right."

I watched as Alice and Jasper glanced at each other as Rose and Emmett did the same. I could tell they doubted me.

"Let's go, then," Jasper announced. I smiled, and let out a shocked sigh. "I told you Bella, I'll follow wherever you tell me to, until I find my brother." I nodded my head, thankful I had at least one person on my side.

"Count me in," Alice added.

Rose took Emmett's hand, pleading with her eyes for him to agree. "We're in too," he said.

"Thanks, Emmett," Jasper added.

"It's not that I don't believe you, Bella. I want to, I really do. It just seems like an impossible feat for just the five of us."

"I know," I agreed. "If this next place doesn't pan out, I'll understand if all of you want to go home. I won't ask any of you to follow me around in search of him, if you don't want to."

"Why are you so invested in finding him?" Rose asked. "You two weren't real close growing up. What's your fixation on it now, to make you want to stay and search for him, even if all of us go home?"

"I'm a part of this. I can't explain it, but I just feel like he's part of me. If I give up, then he's lost forever. I have to keep searching."

"But you said you don't see him anymore," Alice pointed out. "How is he still part of you?"

"Like I said, it's hard to explain. Even though I can't see him anymore, I still feel him," I clarified. "If I don't find him, I'm afraid I won't be able to get rid of the feeling.

"Me too," Jasper added. I locked eyes with Jasper. Out of everyone, he was the one who truly understood me.

"I'll try to find out about a flight over to Puerto Rico," Emmett announced. He took off out the door, with Rose following close behind him.

"We should start packing up our stuff," Alice suggested. We went into the bedroom and began packing up our stuff, silently, while we waited for Emmett and Rose to get back.

**EPOV**

I woke up to my third day of nothing. All I knew, I was in a hospital in Isabela, Puerto Rico. The doctor explained how I washed up on the beach a couple weeks ago. They expected I somehow survived the hurricane, which came through right around the same time.

I was in a coma for quite a while, and now I have no idea who I am. I had no identification on me. I don't remember anything, about who I am, or where I came from. Everyone here says I'm American, because of my accent. However, I have no way of truly knowing.

The doctors said my amnesia could go away at any time, or I may suffer from it for a long time. There was no way of knowing how long it would last or if it would ever go away. They assured me there was a chance my memory would recover in time. They suggested seeing things from my past, may spark a memory. However not knowing where I came from and not having anything from my past to go on, there was nothing I could use to spark a memory.

My days here were not only terrifying, but comforting too. I know it's crazy, but as scary as it was, to not know who I was or where I came from, it's all I knew. The sanctuary of the hospital room I stayed in was all I had, and that alone brought me some sense of security.

For right now, the hospital is the closest thing I have to home. I can't go anywhere. I can't call anyone. I can't find my way to my real home. If I even have a home to go to. I have no idea how I ended up in Puerto Rico. Did I live in Florida? Was I on a boat somewhere and got trapped in the storm? Was I even American at all? Was I with anyone when I got lost in the storm? And if so, where are they now? Did I have family or friends who were searching for me? I was completely lost. I had nothing.

"Time for breakfast," the nurse announced in a thick accent, while she wheeled her cart into my room. I turned away from her, and stared at the small window. "You need to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"Idiota se va a morir por no comer," she spoke, under her breath, shaking her head. I laughed, lightly. I hadn't told anyone, but every time someone spoke in Spanish, I understood every word of it. She basically told me I was an idiot and going to die if I didn't eat. She was wrong, though. Another thing I knew was how long it would take for a person to die if they didn't eat. I knew a lot about the medical procedures they performed on me too. I knew what they were for. I knew why I needed them? I knew what to expect. I think I scared one nurse, when I told her she was doing my IV wrong and I insisted on doing it myself.

I crawled out of the bed and walked over to the window. I looked out into the city, watching people walk by and go about their day.

"So, the nurse says you haven't been eating," the doctor said, walking into my room. "Would you like to explain what's troubling you?"

I turned around to face him. "What do you think is bothering me?" I asked sarcastically.

"I know losing your memory is scary. I have every reason to believe your memory will come back eventually. You just need to be patient. I really think you need to get out of this room though. We have a nice area in the back, you can go. You can get some air and some sun. It would be good for you," he suggested.

"I don't feel like it. I'd rather stay here."

He sighed, heavily. "I have a proposition for you. Got outside for a while, take a walk around the grounds. Then, in the morning, I'll call the American embassy and see what we can do, about getting you home. I think by now you're stable enough to go home."

"What home?" I asked.

"Well, America of course," he answered.

"I don't know where to go in America. It's huge. I have no idea what or who I'm looking for. What am I going to do in America?" I wondered.

"Do you not want to go home?" He asked.

"Again, what home?"

"Well, at least once we contact the embassy there will be people who can help you search for your family."

"I'd rather stay here for now." I picked at my fingernail as a nervous habit. The thought of leaving my room, terrified me.

"Suit yourself," he gave in. He left my room, shutting the door behind him.

I didn't want to go anywhere. Honestly, I almost wish they would have left me to die. It's harder, not knowing who I am and feeling lost, than it would have been to just be done with life.

I pulled the lid off of the tray to see what they served for breakfast today. Unfortunately, it wasn't more than oatmeal and fruit. It wasn't exactly my favorite dish.

I stayed in my room for most of the morning, staring out the window, staring at the ceiling, staring at the wall. There wasn't a whole lot to do in my room.

At lunch, the nurse brought me a tray with soup. It smelled good, but I didn't touch it.

When the nurse came in about an hour later to take my tray away, she noticed I hadn't eaten anything again. She sighed, and left the room.

Minutes later a very large man walked in, dressed in the typical hospital scrubs. He came over to where I was sitting, and without warning scooped me up in his arms and placed me in a wheelchair, the nurse was holding.

"What are you doing?" I shouted. "Put me down."

"Sorry, it's doctors orders. He wants you to get some fresh air and to get out of this hospital bed. Since you won't do it yourself, I was forced to call in reinforcements," the nurse explained.

"You can't force me to do anything I don't want to do." I attempted to scramble out of the wheelchair, but the large nameless man, stood in front of me with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face. He was severely intimidating. I cowered back into my seat, when I heard a low growl come from his chest.

"Now, we'll just take you out for a minute and then you can come right back to your room to mope, if you want."

I huffed, crossing my arms like a child, as she wheeled me down the hallway towards the doors.

"You'll like getting some fresh air. It's perfect weather today. You need to get some sun. You are very pale," the nurse observed.

I rolled my eyes. "Maybe I like being pale," I countered.

She pushed the doors open and wheeled me out on to the small patio. There were a few other patients enjoying the sun as well. I covered my eyes as the bright sunlight hit my face.

"Now, doesn't the warm sunshine feel good?" She asked, parking me on the outside of the patio.

"Perfect," I mumbled, sarcastically.

"I'd like you to stay out here for a while. I'll be back in about a half hour to check on you." She walked back through the doors, leaving me all alone.

I still shielded my eyes from the sunlight. I almost felt like I was about to have a mild panic attack being out here. It was too open. I felt vulnerable to outside threats out here. I had to continue to take deep breaths to calm my nerves.

"What you in for?" A gentleman asked, sitting down next to me. I looked up, removing my hand from my face. He was dark skinned and wrinkly. He looked to be in his late sixties or early seventies. He was short and had a little bit of a gut on him. The wrinkles around his eyes and mouth, made him appear like he was smiling constantly.

"Uh, I don't really know. I was in a coma for a while."

"You were in a coma," he repeated, his voice, cracking from the shock. "Well, what did you do to get yourself in a coma?"

"I don't know," I replied. He squinted, trying to make sense of what I was saying.

"I'm Gustavo," he introduced. He extended his hand for mine. I shook his hand and gave him a nod in greeting. "You got a name, son?"

"I'm sure I do," I answered. "I just don't remember what it is."

"You mean, you have… oh what's it called?"

"Amnesia," I finished.

"Amnesia, that's what it is. So you don't remember anything? Not even your name?"

"No," I answered. "I remember how to talk. The doctors seem to think I'm from America because of the accent. But other than that, I have no idea who I am."

"There's got to be something you remember?" He urged. "You haven't had any encounters to give you any clues?"

"Well, there are a couple things?" I admitted. "My daytime nurse, talks in Spanish occasionally and I can understand her perfectly. There's also the knowledge I have of medical procedures."

"So, maybe you're a doctor," he suggested. "There are a lot of American doctors who travel to Central and Southern America to help some of the lower class villages out. I could see you being one of those young men, who think they can save the world."

"Are you trying to put me down?" I asked, getting defensive by his comment.

"Oh, no, nothing of the sort," he assured. "All I'm saying is if you know medical procedures there's a good chance you're a doctor. I've been around for many years now and had more than enough time spent in the hospital, yet I still don't understand half of what the doctors tell me. And given that you're fluent in Spanish, tells me you are a smart man."

"Maybe," I agreed, unconvinced. "So, why are you here?" I asked, changing the subject.

"I've got problems with my heart," he replied. "I may need surgery again in a couple days. I wish these damn doctors would just let me die. Then I could be with my wife again."

"Again?" I asked, confused by his comment.

"She died about five years ago. Right about that time was when I began having heart problems. I think I'm suffering from a broken heart, but these crazy doctors keep telling me I have coronary heart disease." I laughed at his attempt at being funny. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a picture. "This is her." He handed me the picture. I looked at a smiling woman with long dark hair and dark skin. She had many wrinkles from age, just like Gustavo had.

"She's very pretty," I observed, handing the picture back to him.

He continued to look it over, with a longing in his eyes. "Mia moglie bella, Kaur. Lei era il mio unico e solo. L'amore della mia vita."

My eyes narrowed at his statement. I somewhat understood what he said. I knew it wasn't Spanish, though. "What language was that?" I asked.

"Italian," he answered. "My mother was Italian. She moved here to be with my dad. I grew up learning Spanish, Italian, and English."

"You said, beautiful wife, right? And I think something about the love of your life."

He stared at me with an astonished look. "Well, you are far more talented than I thought you were. How did you know what I said?" he wondered.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. I couldn't understand some of it. There were a few words that stuck out to me, though and I was able to figure out what the rest was."

"So, you're fluent in English, Spanish, and Italian. Plus you're a doctor. I'd say you have a fairly good start at figuring out who you are," he pointed out. I smiled, realizing he was right. All these things were clues to who I was and where I came from.

"Gustavo, it's time for your meds," a nurse called, from the door. He grumbled under his breath, sticking the small picture, he carried, of his wife, back in his pocket.

"I'll talk to you later, kid," he said. "Maybe next time, we can piece a few more clues together to figure out who you are."

This new development, made me start thinking. If he was right, and I was a doctor, who came down here to help somewhere, there had to be record of it. It would narrow the searching down, tremendously. For the first time, since I woke up, I felt hope. Maybe there was a chance I could figure out who I was.

I walked back through the doors and rushed down the hallway. I spotted my doctor at the front desk filling out paperwork.

I rushed over to him, excitedly. "I think I might know who I am," I revealed. He stopped what he was doing and turned to me. My nurse overheard me and walked closer to hear what I had to say.

"What do you mean, you know who you are? Did your memory come back?" He asked.

"No, not exactly," I answered. "But I can understand Spanish and some Italian. I know far too much about medical procedures. More than any average person should. There has to be a reason why I know all this, right? Gustavo suggested, maybe I'm a doctor."

"See, I told you, after a while things would start to make sense. This is great news and definitely, going to help, in finding out, who you are. Just keep thinking and making connections in what you know," the doctor encouraged.

"All this time, you were able to understand me?" The nurse asked, a little embarrassed by what I just revealed. I laughed and nodded my head. She turned her head away in shame.

The doctor patted me on the back. "I'm glad to see you smiling again. I knew some fresh air would help you," he said. "In time, I have a good feeling all of your memory will return. We just need to keep working at it and not give up." I nodded my head in agreement. I actually believed, he was right, for the first time.

He draped his arm around my shoulder and led me back down the hall. He asked me why I hadn't mentioned any of this before and what made this sudden development come to me? Before I could answer, we heard a commotion going on behind us. We both stopped and turned around to see what it was.

A group of people stood at the front desk, talking to the nurse. They all looked frantic. I felt sorry for them. They were probably family members of a patient, who very well could have just died or maybe was in some sort of an accident. I wondered if I had family out there, doing the same thing for me, somewhere.

I was just about to turn away and walk to my room, when one girl came into view, from the group of people. She turned her head and looked directly at me. She gasped, when she spotted me.

I felt like every ounce of blood, had drained from my body, when our eyes met. Every memory, every name, every detail of the accident, came rushing back to me, in an instant. I vaguely heard the doctor ask if I was okay.

"Bella Amore," I whispered, before I fell to the ground and blacked out.

I woke up, not knowing where I was or how long I'd been out. All I knew was I saw Bella. The only girl I'd ever loved. Seeing her brought everything back. She was with my brother and my sister and Alice and Emmett. They were searching for me and somehow found me. It didn't make sense for Bella to be with them, though. I hadn't talked to her or even seen her in a long time.

I opened my eyes slowly looking around the darkened room.

"He's waking up, doctor," the familiar voice of my nurse called.

"Bella," I mumbled.

"How are you feeling, Edward?" The nurse asked.

"A little lightheaded," I answered. "I feel like I just got hit by a ton of bricks."

"Didn't I warn you, you needed to eat?" She pointed out. "If you would have eaten, you wouldn't have passed out."

"It's not the lack of food that made me pass out. It was the rush of memories flooding my mind."

"So, you do remember?" She asked.

"Yeah, it all came back, once I saw them. Is my family still here?" I asked.

"They're out front. The doctor was worried about them being in here when you woke up. He didn't want another episode of fainting to happen," she explained.

"I want to see them," I demanded, sitting up in the bed.

"Hold on there, Edward. Let me check you out first to be sure everything is okay," the doctor insisted.

"I'm fine. I was just a little overwhelmed by seeing my family. I want to see them," I demanded. The doctor ignored me, checking my vitals and searching for anything of concern. I kept sighing in frustration, while he did his work.

"You look fine," he pointed out the obvious. "I guess it would be okay to have some visitors now. But I want you to stay in bed and if you feel anything out of the ordinary, you call for one of us right away," he instructed. I nodded my head, taking a deep breath in anticipation. The nurse turned on the lamp, giving the room a small glow of light. It took a minute for my eyes to adjust to the light.

My heart was racing in eagerness to see my family. One by one, each of them walked through the door. They walked hesitantly over to the bed, looking down at me. Rose picked up my hand, squeezing it tightly, while she cried.

"Do you remember who I am?" She asked.

"Of course I do, Rose. I know who all of you are," I answered.

"The doctor said you had amnesia," she said, confused, by my answer.

"The minute I saw all of you, my memory came back. Then I passed out," I explained. "Actually, that's not entirely true. When I first saw all of you at the front desk, I didn't recognize anyone, until Bella turned and looked directly at me. That's when everything got hazy and I passed out." I looked over at Bella, who was standing to the back, almost looking like she was trying to hide. "I'm not even sure why you're here."

"Do you want me to leave?" She asked, practically turning to leave, before I even answered.

"No," I shouted. "You don't have to leave. I just don't understand why you're here. I can understand why the rest of you are here. But why would you come all this way to help them find me?"

"She helped _us_ find _you_," Jasper answered. "We all thought you were dead, Edward. It was the hardest thing any of us had to face. But Bella insisted you were still alive and we followed her down here to find you."

How did Bella know I was still alive? Why would she come all the way here to search for me? None of it made sense. I couldn't be happier to see her, but it was strange.

"Where are mom and dad?" I wondered.

"They're on the way," Rose answered. "They should be here sometime tomorrow. Mom is so happy to know you're still alive. She took your death really hard."

"Were there any other survivors from the crash?" I asked. "Did Dr. Banner survive?"

They all looked down with somber faces and shook their heads. I got a knot in my stomach, from the news. I looked up to Dr. Banner so much. I wanted to be just like him. He was an amazing doctor and teacher, even a better friend. He saved my life.

It was silent in the room, other than Alice and Rose's sniffles.

"I can't believe all of you are here. I thought I was lost forever," I expressed.

"You aren't lost, Edward," Alice cried, giving me a hug. "Bella wasn't willing to give up."

"I feel bad for ever doubting you," Emmett said, looking to Bella. She blushed and ducked her head.

Everything they were saying made no sense to me. Why was Bella so involved in finding me?

"This isn't some sort of dream is it? You are all here, right?" I asked.

Emmett laughed. "We're here, man. We have all gone through a lot the last couple of days, but we made it. You were definitely worth the struggle."

I laughed at him. I wondered what type of struggle he was referring to. I still couldn't get over how they were all here.

"We should let you get some rest," Rose said, standing to her feet. Emmett draped an arm over her shoulders.

"You can't leave now? You just got here. All I've done in this hospital is rest," I insisted.

"Edward, we'll be back in the morning," Jasper promised. "We're all exhausted. We haven't even had a chance to check into our hotel room yet. And even if you think you've rested enough, you know as well as all of us, you need more after what you've been through."

I sighed, knowing he was probably right. I still didn't want any of them to leave. I was afraid if they did, I would wake up and realize it was just a dream. Rose and Alice, both gave me a kiss on the cheek, before leaving the room with Jasper and Emmett.

"Bella, can I talk to you before you leave?" I asked. She looked at the others, with concern. "It'll only be a minute. I promise." She nodded her head in agreement. As everyone else left the room, she stood at the end of my bed, nervously.

It was really quiet in the room. Neither of us said a word. All I could do was look at her. She was so beautiful. She looked exactly how I always remembered her. She was my Bella Amore; my beautiful love. She was everything I always wanted, but was too chicken to go after.

"I really should get going. I don't want to leave your family waiting," she reminded.

"What did they mean, when they said you led them to me?" I asked, trying to stop her from leaving.

She hesitated, answering me. "You don't remember?" She asked.

"Remember what?"

"The dreams?"

I shook my head, in confusion.

"You would appear in my dreams, every time I slept. You led me to believe you were still alive. I was able to convince Jasper of it too and everyone else followed along with it, in hope I was right," she explained.

"I came to you in your dreams?" I asked, in a mocking tone. I didn't mean for it to come out that way, but I was so confused by so much.

"I think it was because of the Isabella connection. You would call me Isabella in the dreams. I didn't understand it at first, because you never call me Isabella."

"It's because you're Bella to me. Isabella doesn't fit you."

"That's why it didn't make sense. But once it clicked, I understood it all."

"They said you wouldn't give up searching. Why would you do that for me?" I asked.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I had to keep searching. You were in my head. I couldn't get rid of you, until I found you."

I furrowed my brow at her comment. In other words, she wasn't doing it for me per se; it was for her own sanity.

I nodded my head, in understanding. She took a couple steps back, and left the room.

From the first day I met her, this is what she did. Just when I thought, maybe I had a chance, she would say or do something, to make me realize it was just my own wishful thinking. As much as I wanted her to love me, the way I loved her, I knew it would never happen. I wasn't good enough for her. She deserved so much more than me.

I rolled over on my side, thinking back to what Gustavo had said earlier about how he was suffering from a broken heart. I knew exactly what he was talking about. Once again, I felt the huge void in my chest, where unknowingly, she belonged.

**Disclaimer: I do not speak Spanish or Italian and I'm not familiar with either language. I wish I was. I got these translated using Google Translator. After much research, I found that this translator seems to be the most accurate. I hope it came out correctly, for anyone who understands what these phrases say. I apologize if I got them wrong. I did my best.**

**Spanish:**

Idiota se va a morir por no comer = Idiot is going to die from not eating

**Italian:**

Mia moglie bella, Kaur. Lei era il mio unico e solo. L'amore della mia vita. = My lovely wife, Kaur. She was my one and only. The love of my life.

Bella Amore = Beautiful Love (roughly translated)


	13. Family

**A/N: **

**First off, I have to apologize for taking so long on this update. There have been so many huge family issues for both, me and my beta and I had to take a little time off, but I'm back and should update more regularly now.**

**Second, I entered a story in the MyVampFiction original fiction contest and I would love it if everyone would go over to their site and read the stories and vote for your favorite. Link is on my profile.**

**Third, my beta and I along with one of our good friends just finished hosting our first ever oneshot contest. Check out the stories that placed in the popular vote. "Waking Up In Vegas" by cherieblossum took 1****st****, "A Dangerous Affair" by katiecav took 2****nd****, and "A Forever Kind Of Promise" by Kagome Hanyou took 3****rd****. They all were amazing stories and we had a blast hosting it. Link is also posted on my profile.**

**Forth, I submitted a story to the fundraiser for Fandom for Preemies. Anyone who donates $5 to March Of Dimes in the month of November will get an entire compilation of oneshots, outtakes, futuretakes, original story, new story, etc. My profile has the link to Fandom for Preemies for more information.**

**And Finally, as an apology for taking such a long time getting this story updated, I'm going to send anyone who leaves a review, a teaser for the next chapter as well as a teaser for the new story I submitted to Fandom for Preemies. I hope everyone can accept my apology and will continue to read my story.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters involved.**

**I Am Not Afraid: Ron Pope**

**Family**

**BPOV**

We had left early in the morning from Dominican Republic and headed to Isabela, Puerto Rico. We spent the entire day searching and asking people of the community if they had seen him. We showed a picture of him to everyone we came across, in hopes someone noticed him. We went to the Puerto Rican police and spoke with them about Edward. Unfortunately, there were no leads at all. Most people refused to talk to us or had no information. It was hard to get anyone to pay attention to us.

Edward's family was getting discouraged and looking to me again for some sort of answer. I had nothing to tell them. It came to a point where I knew, I was on my own. They were all giving up, and talking amongst themselves about what to do next. I wasn't giving up, though. I walked over to one more person, shoving the picture in their face, making them stop and listen to me.

"We're looking for someone who was lost in the storm. We think he may have ended up here. Have you seen him?" I asked her.

She glanced briefly at the picture, shaking her head and trying to walk around me. I stepped in front of her, begging her to look again.

"Please, we need some help." I pleaded with my eyes. She took the picture from me, bringing it to her eyes for a better look. She studied it for only a moment. I noticed how her eyes widened and her mouth opened.

"Hospital," she said, in a thick Spanish accent.

"What?" I motioned for the others to come over. Reluctantly, each of them came over to find out what was going on.

"Hospital," she said again, pointing at the picture, very matter of fact.

"She's saying hospital," Emmett cut in.

"We haven't checked at the hospital yet," Alice added.

Jasper and I shared a look of knowing. We quickly asked the woman for directions and headed towards the hospital. Emmett was the only one who could understand the majority of what she was saying.

We kicked ourselves the whole way to the hospital for not thinking of going there first. It should have been the first obvious place to go.

"She said she works at the hospital and has seen him there," Emmett explained, as we ran down the streets.

We couldn't get there fast enough. We opened the front door and slammed into the front desk, in frantic breaths. We were all talking at once and the nurse couldn't understand a word we were saying.

I got the feeling of being watched, so I turned my head, and there he was staring back at us. I gasped and raised my hand to my mouth as soon our eyes connected. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't do anything, but stare at him. Within seconds he collapsed to the floor, with the doctor trying his best to hold him. The doctor yelled for the nurse to help and every single person at the desk turned their heads to see what happened. Rose and Alice broke down crying instantly. Emmett stood motionless in utter shock. Jasper on the other hand ran across the room and collapsed next to his brother.

It all happened so fast, I don't think any of us could comprehend what was really going on. Nurses and staff ran around us and carried Edward back to a room to find out what happened to him. We were left waiting in the hall with no answers or anyone to talk to about Edward's condition. Jasper and Rose were both a mess. Emmett did his best to calm Rose down, but he wasn't doing much better himself. Alice stood next to Jasper, holding on to his arm as they waited for any word on what happened to Edward. I felt like the odd one out. I didn't have any emotional connection to Edward like everyone else did.

After about twenty minutes, the doctor walked out of the room. Everyone rushed over to him with anticipation of any news.

"How is he?" Jasper asked.

"First of all, I need to know who all of you are," the doctor insisted.

"I'm his brother, his twin brother to be exact. This is our sister, Rosalie," Jasper answered.

"I see. How did you know where to find him?" He asked.

"Bella," Jasper began. "She's been a long time family friend. She's been having premonitions of him for a few days now and she somehow led us here to where he is."

"Please, can you just tell us how he is?" Rose insisted, through her tears.

"He's fine, for now. He was found on the beach a couple weeks ago by some children. He was unconscious and badly hurt when he was brought in. He was out for quite a while. We had our fears he would never wake up, but by some miracle he did. However, he doesn't remember anything about who he is. We assumed he washed up on the beach as a result of the storm, but he had no identification on him. Finding his home is merely impossible without some shred of who he is. Honestly, I can't even trust the five of you, unless you can give me definite proof of who you say you are."

"All you need to do is take a blood sample from me and match it to his," Jasper insisted. "It'll match almost exactly."

"That is true," the doctor conceded.

"What happened to him just now?" Alice asked.

"He passed out. I'm not sure why. There are many reasons why it could have happened. Maybe seeing all of you again brought his memory back, or it could have been the fresh air I forced on him today. There's always a chance he relapsed back into a coma. We really won't know anything until or if he wakes up."

"Is there a chance he may not wake up?" Rose asked, horrified by the news.

"There's always a chance, but I don't think it's as serious as it was when he first came. I have no reason to believe he won't wake up again," the doctor assured.

"Can we see him?" Jasper asked.

"I'd like to wait until he wakes up and see how he's doing first," he explained. "I'll keep you all informed of his progress."

"Thank you, doctor," Jasper said.

He stood to walk away and I heard every single one of us let out a sigh of relief.

"One more question," the doctor called out. "What's his name?"

"Edward Cullen," Jasper answered.

He nodded his head and continued down the hall.

"I can't believe we found him," Emmett spoke for the first time, since we saw him.

"It was all you, Bella. You did this," Jasper insisted.

"We all owe you everything. We would have never gone on this journey if it wasn't for you," Rose cried. "I'm so sorry for not believing you fully."

She walked over and wrapped her arms around my shoulder as she continued to cry.

"It's okay, Rose. All that matters is he's found," I accepted, hugging her back.

"I should call mom and dad," she said, pulling away and walking over to her bag to get her phone.

Jasper walked over to me and gave me a hug as well. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

We sat in the waiting room, waiting and waiting for any news. Finally, the nurse came in and informed us he'd woken up. Jasper and Rose rushed down the hall. They couldn't get to him fast enough. Alice and Emmett followed closely behind, while I lingered in the back. Walking into the room and seeing him with his family, I felt so out of place. We had discovered he got his memory back, once he saw us. It was a relief to everyone he remembered who he was and who everyone else was.

I tried to stay in the back and be unnoticed, but of course Edward knew I was there. He seemed confused about me being there and when he asked everyone tried to explain what happened.

By the time Jasper announced, it was time for us to go, I was more than thankful. Being in the same room with him and feeling like I didn't belong and had no purpose for being there, was getting to me. I really felt like Edward didn't want me here. I was actually shocked he asked me to stick around for a few minutes after everyone else left.

"I really should get going. I don't want to leave your family waiting," I said, nervously.

"What did they mean, when they said you led them to me?" He asked.

I hesitated. I knew he was going to think I was crazy. "You don't remember?" I asked, avoiding the question.

"Remember what?"

"The dreams?"

He shook his head, in confusion.

"You would appear in my dreams, every time I slept. You led me to believe you were still alive. I was able to convince Jasper of it too and everyone else followed along with it, in hopes I was right," I explained.

"I came to you in your dreams?" he asked, sounding like he didn't believe me.

"I think it was because of the Isabella connection. You would call me Isabella in the dreams. I didn't understand it at first, because you never call me Isabella," I theorized.

"It's because you're Bella to me. Isabella doesn't fit you."

"That's why it didn't make sense. But once it clicked, I understood it all."

"They said you wouldn't give up searching. Why would you do that for me?" he asked. Because I've been in love with you my entire life; because you're more important to me, than anyone else; because I made a promise to you, even if you don't remember it, that I wouldn't give up searching for you. There were so many reasons. However, I couldn't say any of them. I froze up and said the first thing that came to my mind.

"I had to keep searching. You were in my head. I couldn't get rid of you, until I found you."

He stared at me with confusion, but didn't say a word. I felt like I needed to get out of his room as quickly as possible, so I bolted for the door.

As soon as I said I couldn't get him out of my head was the reason I helped his family out, I knew it was the wrong thing to say. If I didn't already look like a complete idiot to him before, I was sure I did now. It was hard being in the same room with him. I had so many emotions running through me as soon as we were in his room. I was thankful and relieved we found him alive. I was amazed I turned out to be right. I felt vindicated in a way. I was confused by his questions. I felt like he didn't want me there. I was still exhausted from everything we had been through the last few days too. I felt stupid for even talking to him at all. I should have just kept my mouth shut. I hated how every time I was around him I'd get flustered and not able to express my thoughts properly.

I walked out to the hallway and slammed my head against the wall. I'm so stupid. Why can't I ever tell him the truth? Why did I say I didn't stop searching because he was in my head? He probably thinks I'm a nutcase now. I wouldn't be surprised if being a doctor would make him want me to get a psychological evaluation, which would be funny considering it's what I'm going to school for. I sighed heavily, before sucking it up and walking out of the building to where everyone was waiting for me. I had to just let it go and get on with my life.

We found a small hotel near the hospital and checked into three rooms. I wanted to be on my own, so I paid for my own room. I went straight to bed and slept better than I had since this whole thing began. It finally felt like it was over. I could let go of Edward and let him have his happy life.

In the morning, I began to get myself ready to head home. I figured everyone else would be staying longer until they could take Edward home with them, but there was no reason for me to stay. I was just leaving my room, when Emmett caught me.

"Hey, Bella," he began, nervously.

"Hi, Emmett."

"I didn't have a chance to tell you last night how sorry I am," he apologized.

"For what?" I wondered.

"I doubted you. I wanted to believe you, but there was a part of me, that couldn't. It was harder to hold on to hope, than it was to let go. I should have listened to you. I should have trusted you, like Jasper did. He never once doubted you for a second. Even when the rest of us did, he didn't. Alice even had her doubts. I don't understand the connection between you and Edward, but Jasper could feel it. He knew it was real. I always found Edward and Jaspers connection fascinating, but the connection you and Edward have, is even more mind boggling." He paused for a moment, thinking of what else he wanted to say. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'll never doubt you again."

"Thanks, Emmett, but there isn't any reason to apologize. I would have doubted me too and there's no reason to feel guilty. Like I told Rose, all that matters is he's found and he's safe. Just let it go, now," I urged.

He nodded his head and smiled.

"Are you heading over to the hospital now?" He asked.

"No, I'm actually heading to the airport. I need to get back to school," I answered.

"You aren't going over to see Edward?" He asked, in shock.

"I saw him last night. There really isn't a reason for me to be there. I'm sure his parents are here now and I would feel very out of place. I'm not family."

"Like hell you are," he shouted. "Bella, you are going to the hospital with me, even if I have to drag you over there. None of us would be here without you. You have every right to be a part of the family reunion. Now, come on," he ordered.

"Emmett, please don't make me go there. I feel so out of place," I begged.

"Just come for a little while. I think everyone is waiting for you to show up. You have to come. Please," he pleaded.

I sighed, conceding to his request. "I'll come for a couple minutes, but then I'm leaving. I really do need to get back to school."

He nodded his head in acceptance and picked up my backpack for me. We walked down to the lobby and I checked out of my room. He flagged a cab down and asked the driver to drive us over to the hospital. I noticed a crowd of reporters with microphones and cameras waiting at the front door.

"What's going on?" I wondered.

"Everyone has heard of Edward's accident and they want a story," Emmett explained.

"Is he going to give them an interview?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure he's the one they want to talk to," he informed.

"What do you mean?" Before he could answer, the crowd of people surrounded the car. Emmett hopped out and reached for my hand. I grabbed it and followed him through the crowd. Everyone was yelling my name and asking me questions about how I knew where he was and if I loved him. One lady asked if it was all a game for publicity. It was the scariest experience I'd ever been through. All I wanted was to get by them, but they did everything in their power to block me and shove microphones in my face.

We finally reached the doors and ducked inside. I was practically in tears from the assault of reporters.

"How do they know who I am? Who told them what happened?" I asked.

"Reporters are ruthless. They'll pay anyone off for the exclusive. I'm sure a nurse or maybe even a doctor sold the story," Emmett explained.

"Why do they want to talk to me? I didn't do anything."

"Bella, you're the reason we found him."

"I can't talk to reporters. I can't talk to anyone. Please don't make me talk to them," I begged.

"Relax. If they ask you anything, just say no comment. Eventually the story will die down and they'll move on to the next one. We just have to ride it out."

"Bella," Alice shouted. I turned to see her running down the hall, towards us.

"We've been waiting for you."

"What?" She grabbed my hand and dragged me down the hall. I walked into Edward's room, to the elated faces of every family member; Jasper, Rose, Alice, Esme, Carlisle, and Edward. Emmett walked in a few seconds after me and Alice did.

Esme walked across the room and wrapped me in a tight hug. "I owe you everything. I don't even know how to repay you for all you've done," she cried. "You gave me back my life." I cried with her, unable to speak.

Carlisle walked over next and hugged me as well. I was never too familiar with Carlisle over the years, so hugging him felt a little awkward. "I'm so sorry I didn't believe you and told you to leave at the memorial service."

"It's okay."

"We all just want you to know how happy we are to have you in our life. Without you, we would have been lost for the rest of our lives," Esme added.

"None of you have anything to thank me for. If anything you should be thanking Jasper for actually believing me and helping me."

I looked over at Jasper, who ducked his head and smiled.

"Bella," Edward began. I looked over at him in the far side of the room. "Thank you. I don't think you realize how much you've done for all of us."

I nodded my head, too afraid to speak in fear of saying something stupid again.

"Come on," Alice urged. "We're celebrating with cake." She grabbed my hand once again and pulled me across the room towards a large cake in the corner.

Alice and Rose began cutting the cake and asked me to pass them out to everyone in the room. Many of the doctors and nurses had trickled in to join in on the festivities. Everyone broke off in small groups and chatted. Once again, I sort of felt like I didn't belong. Even the doctors and nurses seemed like they belonged, more than I did.

I noticed an older man, who appeared to be a patient, walk in the room. He went straight over to Edward. I watched as they spoke for a moment. Out of habit, I began cleaning up the cake mess.

"So, you're Edward's, Bella Amore, huh?" I turned around coming face to face with the old man Edward was talking to a few minutes ago.

"What does that mean?" I asked.

The man smiled. "You'll figure it out."

"You aren't over here trying to sneak a piece of cake are you, Gustavo?" One of the doctors called.

"I'm not doing anything of the sort. I'm just talking to this lovely lady here. She reminds me of my Kaur."

"I'm sure she does." The doctor smiled and guided Gustavo away from the cake.

Alice grabbed my hand again and pulled me out into the hall. "You need to tell Edward how you feel about him," she ordered.

"What?" I laughed.

"Bella, come on. I've known you a long time and I'm just now beginning to see how deep your feelings for him are. You need to tell him."

"Weren't you pushing me to call my neighbor just a few days ago?" I asked. "Now you're trying to hook me up with your brother in law?"

"Bella, the only reason I was trying to get you to call that other guy was because I want you to be happy. I hate to admit this, but I didn't believe you when you said Edward was still alive. When you talked about Edward in your dreams for the first time, I saw how much you love him. But I was sure you were setting yourself up for heartache. I honestly only wanted you to call your neighbor so you wouldn't get hurt. But I was wrong and you were right the entire time. Now it's time for you to reveal your true feelings to Edward."

"I can't," I stated.

"Why?" She argued. "I'm beginning to believe he has the same feelings for you."

"How could he? I've known him since we were sixteen and never once has he asked me out or made any indication of any feelings other than friendship. The couple times he tried to kiss me, turned out to be a huge mistake."

"Wait," Alice stopped me. "He's tried to kiss you? When?"

"It was a long time ago. It's not a big deal. It never happened anyway. And honestly, Alice why are you asking me to do this when you know he's engaged? What would be the point of me telling him I love him, if he's planning to marry someone else? I can't do it."

"None of us like his fiancé though," she complained.

"It doesn't matter, Alice. If he loves her, and she's the one he wants, then I'm not about to try to come between them in any way. So, please drop this and let it go. It's not a big deal anymore. I'll be fine."

She looked up at me with sad eyes and gave me a hug, accepting my decision.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom and wash my hands from this sticky frosting," I informed. "I'll be right back."

Alice went back in the room, while I headed down to the bathroom. I washed my hands and blotted my face with some cool water.

I walked back down the hall to the room and walked in. The room was completely silent. I looked around to see what had happened and noticed a flash of blonde hair through the crowd. I walked in a little further and realized it was Tanya, hugging Edward in an exasperated hug.

"I'm so glad I found you," she cried. "I never gave up on you. I always knew you were out there somewhere. I knew we would find each other again."

I heard Emmett and Rose scoff at her comments. She was lying through her teeth and she knew it.

I glanced over at Alice, who stared at me with wide eyes. She tipped her head towards Edward, urging me to go over to him and say something. I shook my head vigorously.

"Tanya, how did you know I was here?" Edward asked, sounding surprised by her presence.

"You're all over the news, baby. I rushed down here as soon as I saw it. I'm a little hurt no one had the decency to call me to let me know," she pointed out, looking over at Jasper and Rose.

"You gave us the impression you didn't care. We didn't want to interrupt your precious life," Rose sneered. They glared at each other.

"I care about Edward more than anyone else here."

Anyone who knew her, tried to hold in their laughs at her comment. Even I had a hard time holding in the giggles and I barely knew her.

She turned towards me and glared. "I'm a little surprised to see you here," she said. "After all your pathetic lies to the press, you'd think you'd be hiding out somewhere."

I stared at her in confusion. "I didn't say anything to the press," I assured.

"Oh really? Then why do they think you're Edward's fiancé? Why do they think you two have been dating since high school? They didn't even know who I was. I even heard someone say you were trying to break up Alice and Jasper, so you could have him too. Are you that pathetic you had to make up a bunch of lies to get noticed? How could you do something so horrendous to people you claim to be friends with?"

"I… I didn't…," I stuttered. Everyone in the room stared at me, but no one said a word. I could feel the tears welling in my eyes. I didn't do anything she was accusing me of. I turned towards the door and ran out.

"Bella," everyone shouted, in unison.

I ran down the hall, crying uncontrollably. Not only did I get accused of something I didn't do, but I was humiliated in front of everyone.

"Bella, please wait," Edward called. I kept running and rushed outside to find a cab. I pushed my way through the reporters and tried to flag down a cab.

Question after question was thrown at me. Each one only made me cry more.

"Bella," Edward yelled. The reporters attacked him, releasing me from their attack. I turned around, seeing Edward fight against them to get to me. He fought his way to me on the side of the curb, but the press surrounded us.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know she was coming," he apologized.

"I don't care. I have to go."

"I don't want you to leave. This party was for you. I wanted this to be about you."

"Why? Because I led your family to you through fucked up dreams, that a psychologist would probably have me committed for? You want to know what every dream I had was about?" I cried. "They were every incident where one of your fucking girlfriends would treat me like shit, just like she did. I've never done anything to you or them, and they still treated me like shit. Any other person would have given up on you and not even bothered after going through everything I have for you. But I didn't. I kept fighting for you. I promised I would and I didn't stop. I wasn't looking for any gratitude or recognition. I didn't talk to the press. Ask Emmett, he knows. Or don't, I don't care what you think. I'm done with all of this. I'm going home and I don't care if I ever see you again."

"Bella," he breathed, moving closer to me and reaching a hand out to me.

"Don't," I warned. He stopped.

I hopped into a cab and never looked back. Being a part of Edward's family only caused me heartache. If I never saw any of them again, I'd be fine. It was like high school all over again. Every single girlfriend Edward ever had, did or said something to hurt me. I wasn't going to let it happen ever again. Maybe that was the purpose of the dreams. Maybe seeing everything I'd been through with him was only to remind me of how much I shouldn't care about him. I shouldn't love him. I never should have loved him. He was never going to feel the same way about me. I needed to grow up and let him go. If he wanted to marry that bitch, if she was what he wanted, then I never wanted to see him again. He deserves a bitch like her and I hope she makes his life a living hell.

I'm done being the innocent little Bella who lets people walk all over her. I'm done doing nice things for people only to be trampled on. Fuck all of them. Every single person in that room never said a word to defend me. Not one word. All I want is to finish school and forget the Cullen's ever existed.

**EPOV**

I watched as Bella drove away in a cab. My heart was broken into a thousand pieces. She was right. She shouldn't care about me. She shouldn't have searched for me. She's the only person I've ever loved and I've treated her worse than any other person in my life.

I slowly walked back down the hall towards my room. All the doctors and nurses had dispersed, leaving only my family and Tanya. I walked in with my head hung low. I walked over to the cake table, leaning my hands on it.

"Edward, are you okay?" My mom asked. I didn't answer.

"I'm really surprised you ran after her, Edward," Tanya said. "What sort of lies did she give this time?"

"Get out," I whispered, in frustration.

"I think we all need to sit down and get our stories straight for the press. We need to decide who it is we want to give the exclusive. I've heard Oprah and even Barbara Walters are interested in the story. I was thinking on the plane ride down here, we should have the wedding back in Forks where you grew up. The quaint little church your memorial service was held in would work. It's not exactly what I had in mind, but I know how much Forks means to you. Hotel and transportation costs might be sort of expensive for our guests, since there aren't any suitable hotels anywhere near Forks. Wouldn't it be the perfect setting for the reporters? I'm sure they'll love to do the happy ever after follow-up story."

"You think I'm going to fucking marry you after what you did?" I sneered.

"What did I do?" She asked, oblivious to what she did.

"I don't love you, Tanya. I've never loved you. I've never planned to actually marry you. The only reason I even asked you to marry me was because I was upset and frustrated, because the only girl I truly wanted, I thought I could never have."

"I'm confused. Why is this coming up now? Who are you talking about?"

"Bella," I shouted. "Bella is who I'm talking about. What you just did to her, was the worst thing you could have possibly done. After everything she went through to find me when she had no reason to do so and all you can do is make her feel like she's done something wrong. Do you even realize if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here?"

"Why the fuck, were you dating me if you wanted her?" She asked.

I laughed. "I'm still asking myself that same question. I want you to get out of my room. I want you out of my life, permanently."

"Edward, let's talk about this. I know you're still trying to get your memory back and figure everything out. You'll change your mind if…"

"Get out," I shouted. "All of you get out." I picked up the cake and threw it at the wall. "Get out."

I collapsed to the floor and dropped my head in my hands. I could hear feet moving from behind me and leaving the room. I wanted to be left alone. I needed to think.

Once I heard the door close, I stood up and turned around. Leaning up against the door was Jasper.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Get out Jas," I ordered.

"No." I turned around and glared at him, clenching my jaw and tightening my fists. "Throw a fucking cake at me, I don't care. It's not the first time you've ever thrown something at me."

"What do you want?" I demanded.

"I want you to stop being a pussy and tell Bella how you really feel. It's been nearly ten years, Edward. Don't you think it's time to finally tell her?"

"I can't. She doesn't care about me."

"Bull Shit. If she didn't, she wouldn't have gone to all the trouble to search for you and almost kill herself doing it?"

"What?" I asked, shocked by his reveal.

"It's not important. What is important is you need to be honest with her. Edward, she's the only girl you've ever wanted. Why can't you just admit it to yourself and go after her? I've kept your secret for you and tried to be supportive of your obsession with her, but you need to actually take the plunge. I know you're afraid of losing her and getting your heart broken, but is it better not ever having her than it is to try to make things work?"

"You don't get it. You never have," I accused.

"Then explain it to me, because I'm still trying to figure it out."

"It doesn't matter anyway. She told me she never wants to see me again. Honestly, I think she regrets searching for me."

"She does not. I know Bella, quite possibly better than you do, and she would never regret helping you."

"Regardless, it's over."

"Fine, I'm not going to argue with you," Jasper gave in. "You're being an ass, though. I hope you know that. As much as I dislike Tanya, and maybe she deserved it for what she said, but that was uncalled for. As for Bella, you've always been an ass to her. You don't deserve her."

He walked out of the room, leaving me all alone. I fell to my back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. As alone as I felt when I couldn't remember who I was, I felt even more alone now. Not knowing who I was prevented me from having to feel. And right now, I didn't want to feel anything.

*~0~*

**Like I said above, anyone who sends a review will get a teaser from the next chapter, as well as a teaser for the oneshot I submitted to the fandom for preemies compilation, as an apology for this chapter taking so long to post.**

**Thanks for reading :)**


	14. Back to Life

**A/N: This is a short chapter, but next chapter should be a good one and everyone will like it. I think? I'm currently suffering from bronchitis and on medication, which makes me tired, so I haven't been writing much, but I will try to have the next chapter up as soon as I possibly can. Don't hate me for bringing Demetri back into the story. He's not real important, which is why this chapter is sort of short, but he's an important piece for later. There are only 5 chapters left, so I hope everything starts to make sense and come together for everyone. I promise, there will be a happy ending. **

**I hope everyone enjoyed the teasers from the last chapter. I do need to apologize to a couple of you who left reviews, but you have your PM's turned off so I was unable to respond to your reviews and send you the teasers. The "Fandom For Preemies" compilation has been put together and I have recieved it already for being a contributer. There are 103 stories, compiled so starting November 1st, please go donate just $5 and get all 103 stories in a nicely put together PDF file. You won't be disappointed in what you get.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or the characters involved.**

* * *

**Thinking of You: Katy Perry**

**Back to Life**

**BPOV**

I arrived home early the next morning, after the fiasco at the hospital. After I thought about what happened, I realized I probably made a bigger fool of myself by running out and not standing up for myself. I was never good at fighting against people. I was so shocked by what Tanya was accusing me of; I didn't even have words to express my anger towards her. I was even more upset how everyone in the room was staring at me instead of saying something. Although, I ran out of the room so fast, I didn't really give anyone a chance to say anything.

Things were better now. I was home and back at school. I had a lot of catch up to get done, but things were looking really good. The only thing I didn't like, were the reporters calling me and following me around everywhere. The first couple days were the worst. I didn't leave my apartment those first couple days, in fear of what would happen. I refused to turn the TV on. I didn't want to see what the stories were saying. It was better not to know. Instead, I focused on school. My teachers were all very helpful with sending most of my assignments via email. They all saw the news and heard the stories of news vans camped outside of my apartment, so they were sympathetic to my situation.

My mom came to visit for a couple days. I explained everything that happened over the last few weeks. She was baffled by what happened and how it happened. She was full of questions and even when she left she didn't seem like she had all her questions answered. I really didn't know how to explain what happened to me. All I know was for some reason, someone needed my help and I did everything I could to help them. He was safe and back with his family and that was the end of it.

My dad on the other hand, didn't want to know anything. All he wanted to know was if I was okay. As soon as he knew I was home safe, he was fine. All the details of what happened didn't interest him.

It had been two weeks, since I got back and thankfully the story had fizzled out. There weren't any more news crews camped outside waiting and no one was calling me asking for an interview. Things were starting to go back to normal. I only had one week left before finals at school and I was dreading them. I had caught up in assignments, but I still felt like I was behind in so much.

I was at my kitchen counter, when there was a knock on my door. I rolled my eyes, thinking it was probably going to be another reporter. I walked over to the door and peaked through the hole to see who it was. I was surprised when I saw Demetri on the other side of the door. I took a deep breath, wondering if I was ready to see him. When I left, things were sort of messy. I honestly didn't think he'd want to see me again.

I unlocked the door and opened up a crack.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi."

"I see your fan club has finally given up."

I laughed lightly. "Thankfully."

"I just wanted to come by and say I was sorry. I didn't believe you and I should have. Obviously you were right all along. I'm glad you were able to find him," he said.

"I am too. I would hate for his family to think he was dead all this time, when he really wasn't."

He nodded his head, nervously. "So, is what everyone is saying on TV true? Are you and this Edward guy engaged?"

"No," I insisted. "He's engaged to someone else. It was a ridiculous rumor. I don't even know where it started from."

"Then would you consider giving me another chance?" He asked.

I couldn't help the small smile spreading across my face. "Are you asking me out?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Then yes, I can give you another chance."

He smiled, looking down at me. "Is tomorrow night good for you?"

"Sure," I agreed.

He left a few minutes later, leaving me all alone once again. I spent the entire day studying and preparing for my finals.

Alice called obsessively. I wasn't mad at her for what happened and I knew eventually I would talk to her. I just wasn't ready yet. I needed some time to get back to normal, before I talked to her. So, I avoided her calls and turned off my phone on occasion. I didn't want to discuss what happened any more with anyone. I just wanted all of it to go away.

Demetri said this was going to be an all day date, but he wouldn't tell me where we were going. He said to dress casual, and bring a sweater, just in case. I got up early in the morning to get ready. I was looking forward to spending the day with him. I needed to get out of my apartment and have some fun.

He said he would arrive around noon, so I was a little surprised when there was a knock on the door at eleven. I wasn't even ready to go yet. I rushed to the door and swung it open. I was stunned when it wasn't Demetri at the door.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, staring back at Jasper on my door step.

"Alice is worried about you. She's been trying to call and you don't answer," he replied.

"I'm swamped with school work. Missing all those days put me behind and I need to catch up before finals. I'll call her as soon as the term is over."

"She thinks you're mad at her."

"I'm not mad at her. I've just got a lot to do."

"Edward's worried about you, too," he added.

I stared at him blankly. I didn't care if Edward was worried about me.

Jasper ducked his head and sighed heavily.

"You know none of us believed Tanya, right?" He wondered.

"It sure didn't seem that way."

"We would never think you would do something like that. Even if you did, it's not a big deal. Who cares what everyone thinks? We were all just shocked to see Tanya there. None of us like her for obvious reasons. Edward was really upset after you left."

"I don't care, Jasper. It's over and I don't want to be involved anymore."

"I don't believe you. I know you care. It's not in your nature not to care."

"Either way, I don't want to know anything. I just want to be left alone," I insisted.

He looked down at his hands again. I glanced down and noticed he had a book in his hands.

"Do you remember the package from Edward's school, being sent to our house?" He asked, never looking up.

"Yeah, Alice mentioned to keep an eye out for it. I wasn't here though. Did something happen to it?"

"No, it was fine."

I waited for some sort of explanation, as to why he was bringing this up.

I listened to him sigh, in a frustrated way. "He's going to kill me for doing this, but I think you need to know."

I gave him a puzzled look. I had no idea what he was talking about.

He held out the book he held in his hand towards me to take.

"What is this?" I asked.

"It's one of Edward's journals. It may be the most important one to him," he explained.

"Why are you giving it to me?"

"I think you need to read it."

"I don't want to. It's none of my business what's in there and I don't care."

"Yes, you do. Now take it, and read it," Jasper insisted.

I sighed in defeat, and took the book from his hands.

"Read it," he demanded one last time, before walking away.

I stared at the book, trying to make sense of why Jasper wanted me to read this book so badly. I couldn't read it. This was Edward's personal thoughts. I wasn't about to go behind his back and read something private.

I sat the book on my coffee table and went back to getting ready for my date.

I dressed in a pair of dark jeans with a white peasant top with black trimming. I kept my hair down in loose curls. I didn't bother with any make-up. I just added a touch of lip gloss and called it good.

Right at noon, Demetri showed up at my door.

"Are you ready?" He asked.

"Yep, let's go."

I followed him out to his car. We headed out on the road and I still had no idea where we were going.

"Are you going to tell me where we're going yet?" I asked.

He grinned, turning his head slightly to look at me. "We're going into San Francisco to go to an amusement park," he replied.

"An amusement park?" I repeated. "Why an amusement park?"

He shrugged. "It sounded like fun and being cooped up in your apartment while those vultures hovered around the building, I think you need some fun and fresh air."

"You couldn't be more right," I agreed. "It sounds like fun. I haven't been to an amusement park in years."

We arrived at the park and headed towards the entrance. It was already crowded and there were long lines everywhere you looked. Eventually we got through the entrance line and paid for our way in.

"Where do you want to go first?" He asked.

"Let's do one of the big rides, to get it out of the way," I suggested.

"Alright, lead the way."

I headed off in the direction of one of the roller coasters and got in line.

"You don't get sick on rides, do you?" I wondered.

"I hope not. I've never been on one of these before."

"You've never been on a roller coaster?" I asked, in shock.

"No," he laughed. "I've only gone to a county fair once or twice in my lifetime. I've lived a pretty sheltered life."

"Wow," I replied. "My mom and I would go to the fair every year, when I was growing up. I missed it when I moved back to Forks with my dad."

"Why did you move to Forks?" He asked.

"It's where my dad lives. My mom had just remarried and she wanted to go on the road with him, so I went to spend some time with my dad. It was only supposed to be for the rest of the school year and the summer, but it turned in to almost three years."

"Did you not want to go back to your mom?"

"It's not that I didn't want to go back, I just never did. It was good though, because I got to spend a lot of time with my dad during those years and we bonded like we never had before."

We reached the front of the line and were guided to a seat. We climbed in and pulled the safety bar down across our laps.

"What about you, where did you grow up and what are your parents like?"

"They live in the area. Maybe next date, I'll take you over to their house and introduce you," he suggested, with a smile.

I smiled, but didn't respond. Were things getting serious already, that he wanted me to meet his parents? Was I ready for this sort of relationship? I liked Demetri, but for whatever reason, the second he suggested meeting his parents, I thought of Edward. I didn't want to think of Edward. I wanted him out of my life forever. I needed to get over my little fascination with him, and move on.

The ride started climbing to the top and all talking came to a halt, which I was thankful for. The ride reached the top and quickly descended the tower. I clenched my eyes shut and screamed. At one point in the ride, I glanced over at Demetri, who was holding onto the bars so hard, his knuckles were white. It was endearing, to see a grown man terrified on a roller coaster.

As the ride came to an end, I looked over at him, to see if he was okay. He looked petrified and a little queezy. I had a feeling this may be his one and only ride for the day. If I had known he'd never been on a roller coaster before, I would have started out with something a little less scary.

"Are you alright?" I asked, trying not to laugh.

"I think so. I'm just a little light headed. I'll get over it."

I climbed out of the seat and held out my hand for his. He took my hand and climbed out, stumbling as he did. He about tipped over and I had to hold on to him so he didn't. We both laughed at his clumsiness.

"Let's just walk around for a while," I suggested.

"Sounds like an excellent idea," he agreed.

We walked through the park, hand in hand for quite a while. We stopped at some of the little shops and bought T-shirts. We played some games and went to an elephant show, which was amazing. We did go on a few other rides, but I tried to find ones less frightening. We stopped and got something to eat in the late afternoon and I insisted we had to get ice cream.

Being with Demetri was fun. He made me laugh and kept me entertained. He was such a nice guy. However, throughout the night, I kept thinking about Edward. Jasper's visit, from earlier, kept coming back to me. I didn't understand why he wanted me to read Edward's journal. It made no sense to me. What was so important in the journal to make Jasper think I needed to read it? Could I really read something so personal without permission? Jasper said he would probably kill him if he knew and I remember Edward telling me in my dream how he wasn't happy about his family reading his journals. I'm sure if he knew I read one of them, he'd be furious. Plus, I didn't want to know. I wanted to be over him and get on with my life. I'd been able to do just fine all these years and in one dream, he came crashing back in. I needed to get over him all over again. Reading his journal would only cause me to think about him more.

"Are you okay?" Demetri asked, as we drove home later in the evening.

"I'm fine," I assured. "I guess I'm just a little tired from today."

"Did you have fun?"

"I did. Thank you for taking me. I hope going on all those rides didn't make you sick," I laughed.

"I think I'm good. It was definitely an experience I'll never forget. But I had a lot of fun with you and I really hope we can do it again," he said.

I smiled. "I think I'd like that."

We pulled into the parking lot of our apartment building and walked up the stairs, hand in hand.

"Would it be too presumptuous of me to ask to come in?" He wondered.

I smiled, stopping in front of my apartment door. "I think I should get some sleep. I've got finals coming up and don't you have to work tomorrow?"

"Yeah," he grumbled. "Can I at least kiss you goodnight?"

I leaned up on my tiptoes and kissed him fully on the lips. His arms snaked around my waist and held me close to him. I was just about to give into his request and let him in, but he broke the kiss.

"You definitely live up to your name," he whispered.

"What?" I laughed.

"Bella means beautiful in Italian. You are so beautiful," he breathed.

He kissed me again, but the only thing running through my mind was Edward's nickname for me. Was he calling me beautiful in some way? I think Demetri could tell I wasn't feeling the kiss as much as I was at first, so he gave me one last chaste kiss and told me goodnight.

I walked into my apartment and pulled off my shoes and sweater. I went to my bedroom and changed into some yoga pants and a tank top, then poured myself a glass of wine.

I sat down on my couch and turned on the TV, flipping through channels to find something decent to watch. However, Edward's journal, sitting on the coffee table was taunting me. I wanted to know what was so important in that book. I wanted to know if he was really calling me beautiful all this time.

I picked up the book, staring down at it for a moment. I took a deep breath and opened the first page. Just as I did, there was a knock on my door, making me jump and drop the book. I sighed, internally telling myself to get a grip. I picked up the book and placed it back on my coffee table.

I rushed over to my door, thinking it was probably Demetri, who wasn't ready to say goodnight. I swung the door open with a smile on my face. I did not expect to see the person standing in front of me.

"Edward?"

**You all know I love cliffy's right? :) Next chapter, I think everyone will enjoy. It won't solve everything and it possibly will cause more problems, but in the end it'll all work out. Like I said above there will be a HEA. Only 5 chapters left. If anyone would like a teaser for the next chapter, please let me know. I don't want to give them out if no one likes them, so I'll leave it up to you.**


	15. Bella Amore

**A/N: **Just a quick note, there is some sexual content in this chapter. I only want to warn everyone, so if there is anyone who doesn't want to read it, skip over. I'm aware this chapter might confuse people more, but I hope by the end it all makes sense. With the holidays coming up and my son getting his tonsils removed soon, updates may be a little slower, but I'll do my best to keep up. There's only a few chapters left and I anticipate this story being done by the end of the year or early next year.

**If you haven't already donated to March of Dimes and recieved your compilation of stories from Fandom for Preemies, please do so. There are some really wonderful stories in the compilation. I'm hooked on a few already. 103 stories for only $5 is a great deal too.**

**

* * *

**

**Hold On To The Night: Richard Marx**

**Bella Amore**

**EPOV**

"What are you doing here?" She asked. I couldn't tell by her tone whether she was mad or shocked. Either way, I didn't think she wanted me here.

"I only want to talk. Can I come in?" I asked.

She sighed, looking around her apartment. "I guess." She stood aside and allowed me by. I walked into her apartment, realizing it was much like my own; colorful, bright, warm and cozy.

"Can I get you something to drink?" She asked. I noticed the glass of wine on the coffee table she must have been drinking.

"Whatever you're having is fine," I accepted.

She walked to the kitchen and pulled out a glass from the cupboard, pouring the wine. While she did this, I wandered around her apartment, looking around at her stuff.

She walked back in the living room, just as I noticed a familiar book on the coffee table. I reached down and picked it up, flipping through it.

"Where did you get this?" I asked.

"Your brother came by this morning. He told me I should read it," she answered.

"Have you?" I wondered, meeting her eyes with mine.

"No. I thought about it, but I remembered you telling me in my dream how you weren't thrilled about your family reading your journals from the tree house, so I didn't," she explained. "You can take it, if you want."

"No, it's okay. I want you to keep it."

The thought of her reading all my thoughts, made me a little nervous. However, everything in that journal was about her, so she should have it.

I placed it back on the coffee table and took the glass of wine from her. She walked around me and sat down on the couch.

"What was it you wanted to talk to me about?" She asked.

I walked over and sat down on her couch with her.

"I wanted to apologize for what happened at the hospital. I didn't know Tanya was going to show up. I didn't believe what she said either. None of us did. You have to believe me."

"Jasper said the same thing. It really doesn't matter anymore. I'd rather just forget about it. I know I made a fool of myself, running out like I did."

"No, you didn't," I interrupted. "Bella, I understand why you were upset. I don't blame you. I should have defended you."

"Can we not talk about this?" She requested, shaking her head.

"Sure. I'm sorry."

I took a drink of the wine, trying to avoid uncomfortable conversation with her. She picked up her glass and downed the entire glass. I watched her in shock.

"I figured you would be back in Chicago now or maybe even back in Forks with your family," she said.

"I came here to visit Jasper first. I'm going back to Chicago in a couple weeks for school. I went back to Punta Cana, before I came home. Marcial asked about you," I laughed, remembering the conversation.

"Oh Gosh, I forgot," she expressed, regrettably, hitting her head with her palm. "I promised him I'd be back and then I left for Isabela the next morning. Was he okay? Was he mad at me?"

I stared at her curiously. It surprised me how sincere she seemed about her regret. I found it odd how she cared about the same little boy I did. "No, he's fine. You should have seen him, when I walked in the room," I laughed. "His face lit up and he came running towards me. He hugged me and wouldn't let go for nothing. He had a permanent smile on his face the entire time I stayed."

"I'm glad he's happy again. When I spent time with him, he seemed so depressed. I felt sorry for him. The small time I spent with him made him brighten up a little. He followed me around the whole day I was there."

I laughed. "He's good at following. He was always my shadow. It makes sense he made the connection to you."

"How so?" She asked.

I cleared my throat, realizing I probably said too much. "You're just a good person, Bella. He's a smart kid and sensed that in you."

"I'll need to send him a letter or visit him, maybe."

"I think he'd like it if you did. I'm sure Amber would like it too. She liked having the company of you, my sister, and sister-in-law. She was a little disappointed when all of you left without notice. She understands why you did. She knows now, why it was so important for all of you to leave so suddenly."

"I feel horrible," she breathed. "I should have explained things to them before we left that morning. Amber and the other ladies always seemed so overwhelmed with everything they needed to do. I'm sure with all of us leaving, it made things even harder."

"Bella," I began, placing my hand on her shoulder. "It's okay. They all understand."

I stared into her eyes, ensuring her she had nothing to feel guilty about. She swallowed hard and nodded her head.

"Can you tell me a little about the dreams you were having?" I asked, changing the subject.

"What do you want to know?"

"When did they start? What happened in the dreams? How did you come to the conclusion I was still alive and have a need to search for me?"

She took a deep breath, looking down at her lap. "They happened the day Alice called me to tell me about your death. I was devastated and heartbroken by the news, so I went home and fell asleep. The first dream was the first day I started school at Forks High. It was as if I was reliving it. I ran into you in the halls…."

"And I knocked you over," I finished. I laughed lightly.

"Yeah," she agreed. "Every dream after that was some sort of interaction we had together. Then you would appear and we would talk."

"What did we talk about?" I wondered.

She shrugged her shoulders. "Most of our conversations were about what happened to you. You didn't remember what happened and you were scared. I had to explain everything to you."

"Why is it, do you think, I came to you? I mean, it would make more sense if I would have gone to my brother or even one of my parents."

"I think it was the Isabella connection. One of my professors told me the mind does unusual things. In my studying, I've learned there can be connections where we don't even understand the connection, but our brain does. It can be smells or sounds, even people or places. Babies can sense the smell or touch of their mother pretty much at birth. There have been studies where a child was adopted and never knew his biological parents, but subconsciously found them and formed a relationship, before he even knew they were his parents. I think you came to me subconsciously because somehow you knew you were in Isabela, and the only way to get to Isabela was to go to Isabella," she theorized, pointing at herself.

"You said the first dream you had, was the first time we met. Did you have anything strange happen during that encounter?" I asked. I wanted to know if she had the same thing happen to her, I had happen to me all those years ago.

"What do you mean strange?" She countered.

"Just anything unusual," I clarified. "Did you see anything or have a shock?"

She thought it over for a moment, before answering. "I really don't remember."

To me, it seemed like she was hiding something. I didn't want to pry if she wasn't ready to tell me. I wasn't sure, I wanted to tell her either.

"What were the other dreams?" I asked.

"Um, there were a lot. I don't know if I remember them all. There was our biology class in junior year. There was our history class, when we built the diagram of The Oregon Trail. There was the time we talked in the music room and you played the piano for me. One of them was of the first time Jasper and Alice met, and one of their wedding. I don't know. There were a lot of them."

"And during every one of these dreams, we would talk?" I questioned.

"Kind of," she clarified. "I would have the dream of the memory, like I was reliving it, and as soon as it was over, the dream would turn white and you would appear. You didn't appear in all the dreams either. The last three or four of them, you weren't there."

"Why wasn't I there?"

"I think it might have been because you woke up. You weren't in a coma anymore, so you weren't able to reach me."

"You mentioned, before you left Puerto Rico, how every dream was about one of my… girlfriends from the past. What did you mean by that?"

"Um," she began, ducking her head in shame. "Every dream had one of your old girlfriends in it. None of them were ever very nice to me and it was kind of hard reliving all of that again."

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I should have stuck up for you more."

"Honestly, you are the only person who ever did," she declared. "I know I wasn't very popular in school and most people seemed scared of me or something, but you were the only one who was ever nice to me."

"They weren't scared of you, Bella," I laughed. "You intimidated them. You intimidate me."

"How do I intimidate you?"

"You're smart, Bella. You don't have any fear. When you want something you go after it, without even thinking of what the consequences might be." I laughed, looking away for a moment. "I think most of those girls, saw you as competition too."

"Competition, for what?" She wondered.

"Me," I admitted, looking deeply in her eyes.

She turned her head away, timidly, shaking her head in disbelief.

"You know, I think you inadvertently destroyed every relationship I was ever in," I admitted.

"How did I… I didn't… What do you… How…," she stumbled over her words. The look on her face told me she was upset. I didn't want her to be upset about this. I moved closer to her, placing my hand on her cheek to move her face.

I looked into her eyes, our faces only inches away from each other. "It's nothing to concern yourself about. I shouldn't have said anything."

Her face softened, letting out a sigh of relief. I brushed my thumb across her cheekbone, silently asking for permission to kiss her. I'd come so close in the past, but never went through with it before. She pulled away, sitting back against the couch, nervously. I took the hint and moved away from her, slightly.

"What was the last dream you had?" I wondered.

"The last dream was of," she paused, turning away from me. "Your wedding. Would you like a refill on your wine?" She stood, hastily, grabbing both our glasses, and walked towards the kitchen.

"What do you mean, you saw my wedding?" I asked, following her into the kitchen.

She pulled the wine bottle out of the fridge and poured more into both our glasses. She picked hers up and began chugging it down, while I waited for her to answer. Did she really see what I saw all those years ago?

"In the last dream, I was at your wedding. I couldn't see anyone's faces, only yours. There was a man standing next to you, who I assumed was Jasper. There was a small crowd of people sitting in the chairs, waiting for the ceremony to begin. The bride arrived at the front of the aisle, in a beautiful dress. I couldn't see her face either, but I could tell by the look on your face, she was breathtaking," she described.

"Yeah, she was," I agreed, with a smile. She looked up at me curiously, before taking another long drink from her wine.

"Bella, why do you think we never dated in high school?"

She dipped her head, shaking it in confusion. "It wasn't like that with us. We were only friends. You didn't want me as a girlfriend."

I moved closer to her, placing my hand on her elbow. "You're wrong. I always wanted you. It's always been you," I admitted.

Her head shot up, with bulging eyes. I could even hear her heart beating, or maybe it was mine. I moved my hand to her waist, pulling her closer to me. I placed my fingertips against her cheek. No matter what, I was going to go through with it. I was going to kiss her.

I leaned forward, breathing her in and pressed my lips against hers. Her lips were like fire and ice all in one. The feel of her lips against mine, sent shockwaves all through my body. She was who I always wanted, yet never could have.

I wrapped my hand around her neck, holding her closer to me. My other hand rested at her hip loosely. Even though she never pulled away from the kiss, her body remained rigid. I could feel her nervousness rushing through her body.

I stopped kissing for only a moment and leaned my head against her forehead. Our hot breaths washed over each other.

"Are you afraid?" I breathed. She nodded her head letting out a shaky breath. "Me too."

My lips seek out hers in a passionate kiss. My tongue gently brushes against her warm lips. I wrap my arm around her waist, crushing my body against hers. Her arms wrap around me, caressing my neck with her soft, warm fingertips. I moan at the sensation her touch sends through my body. I wasn't expecting her to grant me the pleasure of feeling her tongue against my own, but she did. The ache inside of me to make her mine forever only grew stronger.

I moved to her neck, kissing and sucking her soft skin. The realization I was finally getting what I always wanted, overwhelmed me. I kept opening my eyes and looking at her to make sure she was actually real. Every time I looked into her eyes, I could see the desire and need she had for me. She wanted this as much as I did.

With my arms still wrapped around her, I began swaying us back and forth. I continued to kiss across her neck, shoulders, and collar bone. With every move I made, she would adjust her body to give me access. Her hands moved through my hair in full force, causing me to tremble at the chills it sent down my spine. My breath became erratic, unable to control myself anymore. I lifted the hem of her shirt slightly, silently asking for permission to remove it. She raised her arms granting me permission to remove the tiny tank top she wore. I pulled it over her head, only taking a second to look at her perfect breasts, before crushing her lips with mine.

"I want you, Bella," I whispered, against her ear. "It's always been you."

In a rush of passion, she removed my shirt and unbuttoned my pants. Her fingers raked against my chest, making me hiss at the feel. My hands roam across her, feeling the silkiness of her skin and every curve of her body. As I continued to kiss her mouth and neck, I slowly walked us backwards and pressed her against the wall. Her fingers laced through my hair, tugging and raking it. The sensation alone was almost my undoing. I wanted her so badly. I gently squeezed her ass and pressed into her, covertly letting her know how much I wanted her. She took my hand and led me the few feet to her bedroom. She sat down on the edge of the bed and looked up at me with eager yet timid eyes. I leaned down, resting my hands on each side of her on the bed and kissed her once again. She fell backwards on the bed, bringing me down with her.

I brushed the tips of my fingers against her plump breasts, eliciting a soft moan from her lips. I moaned in response, wrapping my lips around one of her nipples. Her back arched in need of more. I rubbed her other nipple with my fingers. She let out a small cry, hitching her breath. My lips and tongue moved across her body, wanting to taste every inch of her. She tasted like cotton candy; soft, sweet, melt in my mouth at every bite. I wanted more. I sat up on my knees, pulling her legs up. I rubbed my hands up and down her calves, and thighs. Through the darkness of the room, I could see her watching my every move trying to anticipate what I would do next. I wanted to make love to her. It's what I've always wanted.

I tugged on the hem of her pants, pulling them off of her. I placed gently, ghosting kisses all along the inside of her legs. I looked down at her beautiful body laid out in front of me. She took my breath away. I never knew the female body could be so beautiful and perfect. My lips claimed hers in a frenzied kiss. She moved backwards, pulling herself further up on the bed. I followed, never removing my lips from hers. I never wanted to be without those lips for as long as I lived. She laid back against the pillows, pulling me down closer to her. I eased my way between her legs.

It became this instinctive way of needing to be with each other. It no longer seemed awkward or tense for either of us. It was like, it was all natural. No words were spoken, no adjustments were needed. We just fit.

I dipped my hand between her legs, brushing against her slit. She was so warm and inviting. I wanted to feel so much more, but did she want me too?

When she wrapped her legs around my torso, pulling me closer to her, I knew she did. We kissed for a long time, before I made a move. I wanted to be completely sure. She pushed my jeans off of me and I helped her remove them the rest of the way. My dick rubbed against her slit, over and over, causing her to whimper. When I finally did enter her, it took us both a little by surprise. She was so wet, just from me rubbing against her, which made me slick and I slid inside, without realizing what happened. Or maybe I did know what I was doing and all rational thinking had left my mind. Just being here with her in bed and now being inside of her was overwhelming. The emotions rushing through my body were causing me to go into hysterics. I literally felt like I was on the verge of tears.

She had to move her hips to make me remember what was happening. I pressed further into her, making her tighten around me. I could see her face wince as I stretched her open. I paused for a moment, so she could adjust. I moved in a slow pace, taking in every second of our love making. She moaned, digging her fingernails into my back with every thrust. She licked and sucked the skin of my shoulder, even biting down once or twice. It only made the intensity of the orgasm building inside me so much more powerful. It was like nothing I'd ever experienced. This is what it was supposed to feel like. It was supposed to feel natural and perfect. My body was meant for her, in every way. I had always been hers.

As I watched her bite her bottom lip and fall into a complete sense of ecstasy, I couldn't hold on anymore. I loved that face. I wanted to see that pleasurable, pure bliss, face every day for the rest of my life. I felt her clench around me, just as I began to come inside of her. The euphoric feeling rushing through me made me cry out and convulse against her. It was perfect. The only word I can use to describe what I just experienced was perfection. Why was I so stupid to not go with my gut all those years ago?

I rolled to the side, still overwhelmed with everything. I chuckled lightly, as I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to me. I kissed across her body, taking extra time to pay attention to her breasts, which she seemed to enjoy tremendously. She never did open her eyes again, but she met me full force with every kiss or touch I gave her.

After a while, she began to fall asleep, still wrapped in my arms. This was where she belonged. This is where she should have always been. I gently swept my fingers across her stomach and hips, as I watched the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen, sleep next to me. I brushed the hair out of her face, tucking it all behind her ear. I leaned down, kissing her cheek and against her temple, before I leaned into her ear and whispered "I love you". I didn't think she could hear me, but I needed to get it out. Those words had been trapped inside of me for so long and now they finally had a reason to come out.

I continued to kiss her cheeks and forehead. If there was a way I could consume her, I probably would have. I never plan to let her go again. She was mine. She was my future. My everything.

Eventually sleep overtook me and for the first time since I'd met her, I felt whole.

**If you want a teaser of next chapter, in response to your review, please let me know. I have an extremely busy weekend ahead of me, so it may not be until early next week before I can get the teaser out, but it will come. Thanks for reading :)**


	16. The Journal

A/N: You are all going to hate me after this chapter and I'm really sorry for doing this. All the reviews from last chapter made me terrified to actually post this, but it's what I had planned and if I changed it, the rest of the story wouldn't work out. First of all there are two things that happened last chapter I want to bring up again. Pay attention to what Edward said. He's kind of an idiot and you'll see some of this in his journals.

**-"You know, I think you inadvertently destroyed every relationship I was ever in."**

-**"In the last dream, I was at your wedding. I couldn't see anyone's faces, only yours. There was a man standing next to you, who I assumed was Jasper. There was a small crowd of people sitting in the chairs, waiting for the ceremony to begin. The bride arrived at the front of the aisle, in a beautiful dress. I couldn't see her face either, but I could tell by the look on your face, she was breathtaking," she described.**  
**"Yeah, she was," I agreed, with a smile. She looked up at me curiously, before taking another long drink from her wine.**

Just bare with me on this and they will make it to the end happily. I promise.

**On another note, I am in need of a new beta. It's been a mess the last couple days, which is why this chapter took so long. If anyone is interested in helping me out on the rest of this story as well as any or all future stories (there will be a lot) and has beta skills, please let me know.**

**Also one last thing, if anyone is waiting on "Good Luck Kiss" to post it will very soon. My son had surgery today and with some personal issues I've had recently I haven't been able to finish the second half of it. It's just about done and will be posted in a few days, hopefully. I'm sorry for the wait.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters involved. **

**Soon: Leann Rimes**

**The Journal**

**BPOV**

I woke up wrapped tightly in Edward's arms. My neck was a little stiff from the positioning of my head in the crook of his arm. My body was sweaty and stuck to his body. If I moved, I was sure I was going to wake him up. But I had to move somehow. I couldn't believe I'd slept with him. What exactly was I thinking? I wasn't, that was the problem. For whatever my brain stopped functioning and my body took over. I'd always dreamed of kissing him growing up and when he did, it felt exactly like it had in my dream. I wanted him to want me like I always wanted him. For a split second, it felt like he did. I was wrong though. I'd taken what wasn't mine to take. I'd done something horrible to him. I hurt him once again. I never meant for it to go as far as it did. I never meant for any of it to happen.

I inched my way free from his arms, praying I didn't wake him up. He sighed as I pulled away from him but he didn't wake up. I sat up and searched for my clothes on the floor. I found a pair of my sweat pants and quickly slipped them on. I wasn't even sure if they were clean, or if they were what I wore last night, but they were available. I couldn't find a shirt, so I walked across the room to my drawer and pulled out a tank top. Just as I was closing my drawer, I felt two arms snake around my waist. I trembled at his touch.

"Mmm," he hummed, kissing the back of my neck and down my shoulder. "Where are you going so early in the morning?"

I tried my best to pull my tank top on and squirm out of his grasp. I was too embarrassed to even look at him.

"Um," I began, looking down at the floor. "I need to go. Can you please lock the door when you leave?"

"Bella, what's wrong?" he asked. I chanced a glance up at his face, trying to avoid his naked body in front of me. His face looked concerned and almost scared.

I shook my head, casting my eyes down once again. "This was a mistake. We shouldn't have done this."

"What?" he gasped, his tone sounded hurt.

"You're married, Edward. We did something we shouldn't have. This was wrong."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, trying to come to terms with what I was saying. "No…"

"I won't ever tell anyone. I'll take it to my grave. Or if you choose to own up to what happened, I'll take the blame. It was my fault anyway. I should have never let it happen. I knew better."

"Bella, I'm not…"

"I'm so sorry, Edward," I interrupted. "I didn't mean to hurt you again. I didn't mean to destroy any more of your life." I ran out of the room before he could say anything more. I didn't know where I was going to go but I had to get away.

"Bella, wait," he called after me. I didn't stop. With tears stinging my eyes, I grabbed my keys on the table next to the door and ran out into the hallway with my bare feet. I slammed right into a warm body whose arms wrapped around me protectively.

"Whoa," the familiar voice said. "Where are you going in such a hurry, Bella?" The tears began to flow on their own accord. I leaned into Demetri's chest, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Bella, what's wrong? Did something happen?" he questioned, soothing me by rubbing my hair and holding me to him closely. I shook my head, unable to speak. "It's okay… I've got you."

I heard my front door come flying open and Edward yelling my name. I gasped, pulling away from Demetri. I didn't want Edward to see me like this. I brushed at my tears, using all my power to hold in my sobbing. I glanced up, noticing Edward standing there looking between the both of us with a dumbfounded look on his face.

Chancing a glance at Demetri, I noticed he had a similar look on his face. Could this possibly get any worse? I felt Demetri's arm wrap around my shoulders and pull me into his side. Edward let out a shaky sigh, giving me one last saddened look and walked down the stairs.

Demetri turned me in his arms, holding me out at arm's length. "Did he hurt you?" he asked. I shook my head assuring him he hadn't. "Bella, be honest with me. Did he do anything to you that you didn't want him to?"

"No, it was my fault. He didn't hurt me."

"What happened?" he questioned.

I shook my head, unwilling to answer him.

He lightly laughed. "Well I guess it was fun while it lasted."

"What?" I cried.

"Bella, this is never going to work between us. Not with him in the picture. You're always going to want him more than me. I can't pretend like it's not there."

"No, you're wrong. I don't want him. He's married. I want you," I pleaded.

"Married or not, you'll always want him," he argued.

"Demetri," I begged.

He placed a hand on my cheek, wiping a fallen tear away. "It's okay, Bella. I knew it was a long shot to break through what you feel for him. I saw the connection on our first date and I felt it just now. I can't compete with that. I won't compete. It's best to break it off now, before either of us gets hurt."

"Don't do this."

He kissed my forehead, looking down at me with a reassuring smile. "We can always be friends."

I shook my head, beginning to cry once again. This was the worst day of my life.

"I've got to get to work. I'll see you around, Bella."

I stood there, watching him leave. I didn't know what to do anymore. I felt completely lost and alone. Falling to the floor, I sobbed even more. This was definitely the worst day of my life. Not only had I quite possibly ruined a man's life, but I probably hurt another's by my idiotic actions. Everything was messed up. My whole life was crashing down around me.

I cried for a long time before I pulled myself off the hallway floor and went back into my apartment. I walked into my kitchen, pouring myself a glass of wine. It was very early in the morning, but I didn't care. I just wanted to be numb.

I only took a few sips through my hiccups before I noticed Edward's journal sitting on my coffee table. It was his fault my entire world was turned upside down. If I had never saw him in my dreams or talked to him, everything would be the way it used to be. Why did I ever have to meet him anyway? Why couldn't I let him go? I walked across the room, picking up the journal and chucked it at the wall in anger. It hit the wall, causing a chip in the paint, and then fell to the floor in a heap. Through my tear blurred eyes, I looked down at it and saw something had fallen out. Swiping at my tears and sniffling, I walked across the floor to see what it was. I knelt down and picked up the book and the picture of me from senior year of high school. I stared at it confused by how he got it. It made me even more curious to know what was in this journal. I sat down on the floor and opened it up to the first page to read it.

**March 25****th****, 1996**

_You know those moments in movies where everything goes into slow motion and all surroundings disappear? I had that happen today. Even worse, I think I had my life flash before my eyes._

_A new girl started at Forks High today. We all knew she was coming. She's the chief of police's daughter moving here from Arizona. Her name is Isabella Swan. It's about the most exciting thing to happen in this small town for the last five years. I personally didn't care__…__until I met her._

_She ran smack dab into me today. I thought it was pretty funny at first, but I tried to be nice and help her out. When our eyes connected though, there was this strange feeling rushing all through me. It's not like she was drop dead gorgeous__—__she was kind of plain actually. But for whatever reason I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I had to force myself to break eye contact._

_It got even weirder when I shook her hand, which is what I don't understand and why I'm a little freaked out. I saw my life flash before my eyes. I saw myself leaning down to give her an engagement ring. I saw her tears which made my heart clench in physical pain. I saw her in a wedding dress. I saw our kids. I saw us old and grey. _

_What is wrong with me? Did I see my future or something? This can't be real, can it? How is this possible? I don't even know her. I don't think I want to know her. I can't find my future wife at sixteen. It's preposterous to even imagine. _

_The best thing is probably just to stay as far away from her as possible. Right?_

I read the first entry, only discovering I was even more curious about what this was all about. I knew I shouldn't look but I had to. I turned the page to see what was on the next page.

**March 28****th****, 1996**

_I promised myself I was going to avoid Bella at all costs, but I couldn't. I've been this freaky stalker lately. I catch myself following her down the halls. At lunch, I watch her from across the room. I even drove by her house today just to see if I'd catch a glimpse of her. _

_Lauren isn't happy about it either. She's caught me checking out the new girl a few times and confronted me on it. I try to play it off as if I'm not watching her, and I'm only lost in thought about some assignment, but I'm sure she can see right through me. _

_I don't know what's wrong with me. I seriously think I'm losing my mind. All I think about is this girl and it's driving me crazy. I don't want to think about her. I'm not going to be tied down to someone at sixteen before I had a chance to live my life. I want to explore the world and experience everything before I have a serious relationship with anyone._

**March 29****th****, 1996**

_Today the worst thing ever happened. I let her get to me. There I was standing in the parking lot with Lauren and Jasper and she walked right by us. I couldn't help but watch her. It's like she's a magnet. No matter how hard I try to resist the pull she has on me, I'm drawn to her uncontrollably. _

_Lauren obviously must have caught me looking at her again. So she said some rude comments to her just to be mean. I should have ignored it, but I physically couldn't. It hurts to see Bella hurt. I told Lauren to knock it off and left her standing in the parking lot alone. I pretty much broke up with her whether she understood it or not. _

_When I left, I was sure everyone standing around could see right through me and know exactly what I was feeling for this girl. I tried to drive home and forget about what __happened__—__forget__ Bella. But somehow I ended up parked in front of her house instead. I feel like I don't even have control of my body anymore. _

_I waited for her and tried to apologize for what Lauren did but she blew me off. There's no way she's experiencing the same strange feelings I'm having._

_Why can't I get this girl out of my head? I'm starting to think I really am going crazy._

**April 1****st****, 1996**

_April Fool's Day. I got dared by my brother to ask Bella out today. I haven't even told him about what happened when I met her but he knows. I hate having a twin who knows my every thought and every emotion. Every time Bella's name is brought up in a conversation or we just happen to walk by her in the hall, he__'d__ nudge me. Why can't he just leave me alone?_

_I'm not one to turn down a dare, especially from my brother. He'd never let me live it down. I was going to do it too. I'd come to the conclusion I needed to just go on a date with her and get it over with. If it turned out to be nice then what was the big deal? Just because I saw some crazy flash of my future doesn't mean it's going to happen. However, as I was getting up the nerve, all these thoughts about the possibility of her saying no, or maybe it wouldn't go well started flooding my mind. The thoughts were literally giving me a panic attack. I couldn't go through with it. What if she rejected me? What if she didn't like me after we went on a date? What if she did like me and wanted it to be more? Could I handle being more?_

_Of course my brother got a kick out of my confusion. I hate him sometimes. Okay that's not true, I don't hate him. He just makes me mad… a lot! But he is the only one I can really talk to about this. I know no matter what, he's the only one I can trust. I still haven't told him much about what's going on but he knows._

**June 7****th****, 1996**

_It's the last day of school… finally. These last few months have been so long. I think if I put some distance between Bella and I it'll be easier not to think about her. I've heard she was only here with her dad for a short time__ anyway__. Maybe she will go back to Arizona now. It would be much easier to get her out of my mind if she wasn't here._

**July, 8****th****, 1996**

_My mom and my sister are going to be gone for three weeks checking out colleges all over the country. Jasper is dating a new girl named Rachel__whom I can't stand. And my dad works all the time. He's very rarely ever home, especially in the summer. Since there was nothing better to do, I volunteered to be a tutor for summer school. Today was my first day. Can I just say it sort of sucked? _

_I got partnered up with Jane. Of all the people I could have been partnered with, it had to be her. She was thrilled, of course. She kept giving me that cheesy grin, which I couldn't stand. She doesn't get anything I'm trying to teach her. She's just stupid. I don't know how I'm going to get through the summer trying to tutor her. The only good thing is it distracts my mind and keeps my thoughts away from Bella. It'll also look good on my college application; according to my dad anyway. _

**July 19****th****, 1996**

_I'm so tired of tutoring this fucking brain dead girl. She's so stupid I think my IQ is falling because of her. I invited her over to my house today__—__well, actually she followed me home and wanted help with her math. I felt obligated to invite her in and try to help her. We went to my room since no one was home and I started helping her. Before I knew it, she had almost all her clothes off and was pulling down my jeans. I was shocked and a little mortified at what she was doing. But I'm a guy. I'm not going to turn down a good blowjob no matter who it comes from…_

"Oh my God," I gasped aloud. I quickly turned the page, not wanting to read anymore of that page. Just the thought made me sick to my stomach. I sat the book down on the coffee table and went to get a drink of water instead of the wine. Reading Edward's thoughts was fascinating and I wanted to read more. I needed to be sober to do so. I never knew he was thinking all of this about me. If I had known maybe things would be different now.

I curled up with a blanket on the couch and grabbed the book again, turning it to the next entry.

**August 9****th****, 1996**

_Summer school is FINALLY over! I pretty much had to give Jane the answers to all her assignments. I hated doing it, but if I didn't it would look really bad on me. She was not teachable though. What was I supposed to do? I sort of took advantage of the free blowjobs too so I kind of owed her. I know I'm wrong for doing so but I couldn't help it. She got pissed off when I accidently called her Bella once. I felt like a dick when I did it. I tried to play it off as if I was calling her beautiful in Italian. She got a kick out of that and actually believed me. Shows how stupid she really is. _

_I saw Bella tonight too. Jasper dragged me out of the house with Rachel and him to go into Port Angeles to see a movie. I dragged Jane along only for the distraction from Rachel. Have I mentioned how much I detest Rachel? She's so whiny and needy. It drives me nuts to see my brother fall for all her little traps. _

_Anyway, back to Bella. She was at the movie theatre with her dad at the same time we were. She looked a little bored. We sat a few rows behind them and all through the movie Jasper kept nudging me. I think I hate my brother now. Well… maybe not completely, but he was being almost as annoying as Jane and Rachel were. _

_I didn't even pay attention to the movie. Not even when Jane slipped her hand inside my jeans did I notice. My eyes were set on the back of Bella's head. Every move she made, every sigh, every flick of her hair, every piece of popcorn she stuck in her mouth, I watched with admiration. It was torture to watch such perfection. _

_We left long after they did. I was too afraid to run into them afterwards. I'm so pathetic._

**September 3****rd****, 1996**

_It was the first day of school today. I haven't talked or seen Jane since the last day of summer school. It's not like she didn't try though. She's called practically every day. I've had to have my family intercept the calls and give her an excuse why I can't talk. She even came by my house once and I made Jasper tell her I had mono. She didn't know what mono was of course, but Jasper explained it to her in the most gruesome way possible. I hoped after nearly a month of not talking to her she'd get the hint. Yet the minute I walked in the school, she was all over me. Apparently she told everyone at school we were dating, __w__hich I guess in a way we were__;__ but seriously, I never saw my helping her with homework and her giving me a free blowjob as dating. I took her to a movie once but that was it._

_I tried to explain to her what happened over the summer was over, and I had no interest in her as politely as I could, but she didn't get it. Unfortunately, we had the first three class periods together. I'm not sure how that happened. I think she might be sucking off the principal for special favors. It's a theory anyway. It makes no sense for us to be in the first three classes of the day together. I've never even had that many classes with Jasper in a quarter. It had to be rigged._

_In first period, she hung off my arm and followed me around like a puppy dog. I hated it. I tried to ignore her and talk to Jasper in hopes she would get the hint. Have I mentioned she's sort of stupid? I was so distracted by trying to get rid of Jane that I didn't even notice Bella sitting in the front row._

_Thankfully, Mr. Banner was making us all have assigned seats. I prayed he wasn't getting blown by Jane too. I almost panicked when she asked him for special treatment. Fortunately for me, he didn't give in to her request and by some miracle I was partnered with Bella. There really is a God. I couldn't help but feel elated to actually have to spend a full hour with her every day. _

_Obviously Jane saw my excitement too because when Bella went to walk by her, she tried to trip her. Since I'd trained my eyes to always be on Bella when she's in my presence, I saw her trip and reached my arm out just in time to catch her. _

_I was pissed at Jane for what she did__ so I__ humiliated her in front of the whole class by publically announcing she had to have someone do all her school work and she bites during blowjobs. It actually felt really good to humiliate her. I know I'm a really bad person but I can't help it. She deliberately tried to hurt Bella just to piss me off. She deserved what she got._

_The best part of the day was I actually took a chance and made a move on Bella. When I was leaving class I noticed Jane and a few of her friends ey__e__ing Bella. I wanted to rip their heads off for even looking at her. The anger I was feeling was probably what gave me the courage to do what I did next. I draped my arm around her shoulders and walked her down the hallway to her locker. I lingered around her locker trying to start up a conversation about the summer. _

_She told me she didn't do anything but visit her mom and read. I felt bad she didn't have anything better to do. I wanted her to have fun. Fun with me would be even better. For whatever reason, she seemed nervous. For the first time, I'm not a complete bumbling idiot around her and she's the nervous one. _

_I asked her about the movies, knowing she'd been there at least once. She said it was the only movie she saw all summer. Why didn't I call her and try to at least be friends with her? If I'm too much of a chicken to ask her out the least I can do is be friends. She doesn't have any friends. I tried to make her know I wanted to be her friend, and she was more than welcome to hang out with me and Jasper, but I don't think she believed me. Today at lunch I hoped she would have taken me up on my offer but she didn't. She sat at the corner table all by herself with her nose stuck in a book like she always does. In a roundabout way I sort of asked her out too while we were standing by her locker, but she either didn't get my subtle attempt, or she really didn't want to go out with me. This made me even more nervous to try. I don't know if I can handle being rejected by her._

_Why is it so hard to admit I have feelings for this girl and go for it? Oh yeah, because I'm a coward and I'm too afraid of what might happen if I give into my feelings for her. PATHETIC!_

I laughed as I read this entry. Not only did all the Jane stuff make me laugh, but hearing him call himself a coward and pathetic was so like him. He was always putting himself down. He never thought he was good enough for anything. I turned the page to see what happened next.

**September 4****th****, 1996**

_I've become a little obsessed with Bella__—__like I wasn't already. Every day in class I ask her stupid questions to know more about her. I want to know everything. Today I learned she likes Thai food. She also told me her parents divorced when she was __three__, and her mom moved her to Arizona. I asked her how living in Arizona was and she didn't give me much. She said it was hot, dry, and brown. I asked if she was popular at her old school and she laughed at me. I took that as a no. Tomorrow, I want to ask her why she moved back here after all these years._

**September 5****th****, 1996**

_Today I asked her about moving here like I planned to. She was vague with her answer, but I think I got the gist of it. Her mom remarried and she felt like a burden to her mom because she wanted to travel with her new husband. I don't understand how a mother could let their own daughter go so far away, especially when it was her. If she was mine, I'd never let her out of my sight. Okay that's a lie. She's not even mine and I don't let her out of my sight. If she was mine, I'd probably smother her and lock her up in a tower somewhere. I think she's already freaked out by me since I keep asking her personal questions. Why not freak her out more? _

**September 6****th****, 1996**

_Today I found out the most fascinating news. Bella wants to be a child psychologist. She seemed so passionate about her goals. This explains why she studies so much. She's a little intimidating when she talks about what she wants to do. She's so sure of herself and never wavers in what she wants. She could do it too. She's so smart when it comes to book smarts. Street smarts and public settings she struggles with. She lets people walk all over her and it irritates me. I want her to stand up for herself and tell all these bimbos at school to get a life._

_Listening to Bella talk about what she wants to do as a career made me really start to question what I want. I know my dad would love it if one of his kids followed in his footsteps and became a doctor, but do I really want to be a doctor? I know Rose and Jasper will never do it. I was the only one who might even be remotely capable of doing it. Growing up, I always said I'd become a doctor like my dad. But it was time to finally make my decision on whether or not I want to actually go through with it. College was just around the corner. It's sort of frightening to think about leaving home to begin my own life._

**September 7****th****, 1996**

_I went for a drive today. Well, not really. I drove by Bella's house. I even parked around the corner from her house. I was trying to get up the nerve to go knock on her door but I couldn't. What if she really doesn't like me? What if this sick little fascination I have with her turns out to be futile? I know if she ever found out, she'd probably get a restraining order against me. Her dad would probably lock me up. _

_Every time I think I might actually be able to ask her out, the vision I had of us getting married comes back to me. The thought of marrying anyone is haunting. No way am I ready to think about marriage with anyone, not even with her. I think that vision is what's holding me back more than my own fears of rejection._

_What I really want is to have skin to skin contact with her and see if it happens again. Maybe I'd get more answers if I did. Or maybe it's just my teenage hormones wanting to touch her in any way possible._

**September 9****th****, 1996**

_In biology today, Mr. Banner made us do this lame lab about the phases of mitosis. It was the simplest assignment. Bella and I finished within a few minutes while everyone else seemed to be struggling. It gave me lots of time to ask her more questions though. I found out her favorite book is Charlotte's Web. Her favorite movie is The Breakfast Club. Her favorite color is brown. I still don't quite understand why it's brown. Her middle name is Marie. Her favorite flower is the calla lily. She's taking French as her foreign language. I'm taking Italian. In past years the only language offered in our small town was Spanish, but about eight years ago we got an art teacher who also taught French. I would have taken French as my foreign language but my freshman year was the first year Italian was offered. The new economics teacher agreed to teach one class of Italian a quarter. I jumped on that right away just because it was new and exciting. A lot of students did the same thing and I was actually shocked I got in to the class. Now I wish I would have stuck to my original plan of taking French. I could have been in the same class as Bella._

_The only good thing about taking Italian is I found a nickname for her. I've always called her Bella. Bella Amore meant Beautiful Love… kind of. I wouldn't say I'm in love with her, but she was beautiful and Bella Amore fit her._

**September 11****th****, 1996**

_I finally told Jasper about my fascination with Bella. He didn't understand why I didn't just ask her out. I tried to explain to him the vision I saw the first time I met her and how it sort of freaked me out. He thought I was crazy. I already know I'm crazy. I was hoping he'd give me some advice on what to do, but he just made fun of me._

**September 12****th****, 1996**

_After much begging and pleading with her to tell me her birthday, she finally did today. It happens to be tomorrow. I wish I would have known so I could give her a gift. Although if I did, she would know it was from me. No one else knows her birthday. I have to do something though. _

**September 13****th****, 1996**

_This morning I picked one solitary yellow rose from my mom's rosebush in front of our house and brought it to school. I didn't know how I was going to give it to her but I had to somehow. I got to school a few minutes early and surprisingly enough, the door to our biology class was open and no one was there. I slipped inside and carefully placed the rose on our desk. I hoped no one would take it or do anything to it. I went out in the hall and stood in perfect angle with the flower so I could watch it. I wanted to see Bella's reaction when she got it too. _

_A few people walked in the classroom taking their seats. I was terrified someone was going to mess with the flower before Bella got there. I was ready to defend that little flower against anyone who messed with it. Thankfully, I didn't have to. Bella walked in the classroom and noticed the flower on her desk. Jasper was trying to talk to me but I ignored him completely. I watched as Bella looked around the classroom with a confused look on her face. She picked up the simple flower and brought it to her nose. She smiled this huge grin, which made my heart fill with triumph. She liked it. Her joy made me happy. I smiled as I watched her take her seat and look over the rose with admiration. I could watch her all day and never get tired._

_Unfortunately, Jasper broke me from my gaze and rolled his eyes at me. He was beginning to be a real jerk when it comes to Bella. He promised me he would never tell her a thing, but sometimes I doubted him._

_When I went to class today, I expected she'd know it was from me and she'd say something but she didn't. I guess I could have been the one to tell her it was from me. However, since she didn't say anything, it made me wonder if she thought it was from someone else. Who at school has eyes for her besides me? Or who did she have her eye on? _

_I've never been a jealous person, but all through class today I mentally went through every single guy at school who I might have seen her look at or saw them look at her. I had it narrowed down to about ten guys. I had every intention on watching these guys to see if there was a connection between them and Bella in any way. Whoever it ended up being, I was going to make sure they knew to stay away from her. She was my Bella Amore._

**September 27****th****, 1996**

_It's been two weeks since her birthday, and she still hasn't said a word about the flower. I haven't been able to figure out who she may have thought it was from besides me either. I was sure by now she would have said 'thank you' or 'I liked the flower' or even just some hint she at least knew it was from me. The fact she didn't made me think even more she probably didn't like me much. She never talks to me unless I talk to her. She always seems nervous or scared of me when I'm around her. I don't get it. I'm trying to make it known I'm into her, but she doesn't seem interested. What's wrong with me to make her not want me?_

**October 10****th****, 1996**

_Lately Bella has been avoiding me a lot. In class she hardly talks to me. I've asked her numerous times if something is wrong but she insists everything is fine. Why is it so hard for me to trust my instincts and ask her out? I want to. It's killing me not to. But what does it mean if we start dating? Does it mean she's going to be my future wife? Does it mean my life is already set? I'm only seventeen. I wish that stupid vision never happened. If it hadn't, I could talk to her without this vision hanging over me. Why am I letting this vision get to me anyway?_

**November 27****th****, 1996**

_I'm in all new classes this semester and not one of them do I have with Bella. I don't even have a class with Jasper this term. School is boring without someone to talk to. _

_Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Today I walked by her locker and wished her a nice Thanksgiving. I wanted her to talk to me but she wouldn't. All she said was 'Thanks, you too' and walked away. I'm trying so hard to get her to notice me. She's so hard to read though. I never know what she's thinking. This infatuation I have with her is torture._

**December 15****th**** 1996**

_Jasper and I went into Seattle to do some Christmas shopping today. I hate shopping for Christmas. The crowds of people, the repetitive Christmas carols in every store, trying to remember everyone you have to buy for__—__I don't like it. But in my house Christmas is a huge thing. On Christmas day it's all about family and spending every moment together. My parents expect us to get gifts for everyone, even giving us extra money so we can afford everything. _

_I told Jasper I __would __only going to one more store and __then __we were going home. He chose a jewelry store to try and find something for his damn girlfriend, Rachel. I had no reason to go into a jewelry store, so I leaned against the glass countertop to wait. I was so bored. I kept huffing and sighing, trying to make my brother hurry up. _

_Just as Jasper was looking at some overpriced watch, I rolled my eyes and hit my head against the counter. That's when I saw it. Right there in the display was a charm of a swan. It reminded me of Bella. I hadn't even thought about buying Bella a Christmas gift until then. I had one of the sales ladies get it out for me so I could get a better look. It was perfect. _

_I quickly picked out a white gold charm bracelet and purchased both the swan charm and the bracelet. I was excited about it until Jasper saw what I was doing. He laughed at me and insisted I'd never go through with it. I had to prove him wrong. I was going to give it to her even if she hated it and didn't like me._

**December 16****th,**** 1996**

_I can't do it._

**December 17****th****, 1996**

_I'm going to do it tomorrow for sure. _

**December 18****th****, 1996**

_I didn't do it._

**December 19****th****, 1996**

_I'm just going to take it back to the jewelry store. She's going to hate it anyway._

**December 20****th****, 1996**

_Today was my last chance to give it to her. I got really close. I had it in my hand all wrapped up. I walked over to her at lunch and wished her a Merry Christmas. She barely looked up at me when she said 'you too, Edward.' She really doesn't like me much. She'd probably be upset if I tried to give her a gift. I thought about taking it back to the store, but they have a no returns policy. Now I'm stuck with this charm bracelet with no one to give it to. I wouldn't want to give it to anyone anyway. It was meant for Bella, and she's the only one I can ever give it to._

**December 25****th****, 1996**

_I've been seriously depressed all day. I think it's the charm bracelet making me depressed. I want to give it to so bad but I chickened out. Just the thought of her rejecting me in any way is unbearable. _

_My dad got mad at me today for being so depressed. He makes sure he has Christmas day off every year, and he didn't like how unhappy I was when we were supposed to be a happy family. He was sure I didn't like the gifts they bought me. I did, it's just not what I wanted. All I really wanted was one small hint that Bella might actually like me the way I did her._

**January 1****st****, 1997**

_New Year's Eve sucked. That's all I'm going to say._

**February 22****nd****, 1997**

_Wow, it's been nearly two months since I've written in this thing. I guess I've just been a little depressed lately. I don't want to do much of anything. I don't even have anything to say right now._

**March 6****th****, 1997**

_I broke my arm today. I was in P.E. playing basketball. I tripped over another kid who had fallen right in front of me in an attempt to get the ball. I twisted my arm almost all the way around during the fall. I was brought to the health room immediately. The nurse made me put ice on it while she called my parents. The funny thing is moments after I came into the health room, Jasper showed up complaining about his arm hurting. His wasn't swollen or red like mine was, but anytime someone touched his arm he screamed. The nurse was baffled by us and didn't know what to do. Thankfully it only took dad a few minutes to show up and take us to the hospital. He did X-rays of both our arms, just to be sure. I'm the only one who has a broken arm. Jasper's arm is just fine, yet he still complains about it hurting. _

_Twin to twin telepathy is what dad calls it. I feel his pain, he feels mine. But it goes deeper than just pain. We feel everything the other is feeling. After we got home today I had a long conversation with him about what I was feeling for Bella. He told me he knew and that's why it's so hard for him. He can feel my nervousness when I'm around her. He can feel the joy I have every time I see her. He can feel my pain every time she rejects me. He can even feel my depression and it bugs him because he doesn't want to be depressed. He hates seeing me depressed and unhappy. I told him I'd work on it, but I don't know how to get rid of it._

**March 14th, 1997**

_The entire junior class went to the Seattle Zoo today for a fieldtrip. The bus ride into Seattle was utterly boring. But while at the aquarium I was given this ray of sunshine to make my depression a little more bearable. _

_Bella still ignored me at all costs which hurt tremendously. I don't get it, really. In any other circumstance I would have given up long ago, but with her I can't._

_Anyway, back to my ray of sunshine. While at the zoo, I watched Bella from a distance watching the penguins. She looked so happy watching them. I've never seen her look as happy as she did today. I don't know what it was about the penguins, but they made her happy. For a small moment, I wasn't depressed anymore. Her happiness made me happy. I wanted to go stand next to her and watch them with her but I didn't. I just watched her from a distance and marveled in her inner beauty. _

_I bought a penguin charm for that bracelet I bought her __for __Christmas in the gift shop. Maybe someday I'll actually get up the nerve to give it to her._

**April 7****th****, 1997**

_Classes changed today. Amazingly enough I have all but two classes with Bella. I'm not sure if it was planned this way or what, but I was happy about it. Even though we were in the same classes, she still avoided me. I hate how she does that. Why can't she just acknowledge me a little? I've got to find some way to make her talk to me._

**May 12****th****, 1997**

_The prom is coming up. I wanted to ask Bella to go with me. I had it all planned out and knew exactly how I was going to convince her to go with me. It was the perfect plan. She wouldn't say no. Unfortunately, I overheard some sophomore ask her to the prom today. She politely told him she didn't plan to go to the prom this year because she was taking a trip to visit her mom. My heart sunk. My plan failed before I even tried it._

**May 22****nd****, 1997**

_It's two days before the prom. I finally asked Maggie who has been waiting and begging me to ask her for weeks. I've known Maggie pretty much my entire life. Both our dads worked at the hospital, so we were good friends growing up. I guess we'll see how it goes._

**May 28****th****, 1997**

_On prom night, I picked Maggie up and went to the dance. We had fun. I'm sort of surprised we had as much fun as we did. Maybe if I dated, my obsession with Bella would go away. I began dating Maggie right after the prom. For a while, I didn't think about Bella as much as I normally do. Maggie wasn't a horrible distraction either. She was fun to hang out with and since we knew each other fairly well there wasn't any awkwardness between us._

**June 2****nd****, 1997**

_Today in history class I couldn't help myself. We were given this assignment to create a model display of something we studied throughout the term. Ms. Cope told us this was our final project and a good portion of our grade. I took a chance and asked Bella to be my partner. At first, I thought she was going to refuse, since she was stumbling over her words and not giving me a straight answer, but she accepted. For the first time I felt a small glimpse of hope. If I have to work with her closely on this project and maybe even spend time with her outside of school there had to be a chance she'd give me a sign._

_We chose the Oregon Trail to do our project on. We're planning this huge display of the Oregon Trail complete with covered wagons, animals, people, and landmarks along the way. It's going to be a lot of work which was perfect._

_The only bad thing about this is I'm still technically dating Maggie. As much of an ass I might be doing it, I'd break up with her if there was even the slightest possibility Bella would go out with me._

**June 10****th****, 1997**

_I convinced Bella to go into Port Angeles with me yesterday. We had to get supplies for our project, which is what I used for my excuse to get her to come with me. The drive there, I was so nervous. This was the first time I'd ever been alone with her. _

_At the store, we went off in different directions to find what we needed for our project. I went searching for farm animals while she went to the craft section. I tried my best to be playful and lighthearted with her. I didn't want this day to be awkward at all. She seemed to be having a good time with me, and I loved having her with me. It was like we were meant to be this way. Even during the drive home, we were laughing and talking like we were perfectly comfortable being with each other._

_We worked on the project all afternoon and she even agreed to have dinner with us. It was all turning out to be the perfect night. Perfect until the worst thing possible happened. Maggie showed up at the house, questioning why Bella was there right in front of everyone. Everything fell apart from there. Rose made some snide remark. My mom, trying to defuse the situation, invited Maggie to stay for dinner with us. My mom liked Maggie and I'm sure she did it just so Maggie could see there was no reason to be threatened by Bella. My mom was clueless to my true feelings for Bella. She was under the impression we were only working on our history project._

_I was in the most uncomfortable situation possible. There I was sitting between the girl I'd be obsessed with for the last year and my girlfriend. I knew Bella was nervous and probably felt like she didn't belong. What happened next was even worse than being stuck in between them. Bella tried to insist she should leave and I tried to stop her, only to accidently knock over her plate. Her food landed all over her shirt. I was mortified. I felt like the biggest idiot on the planet. Of course my entire family and Maggie laughed about it._

_I brought her up to the bathroom so she could get herself cleaned up. I handed her one of my old shirts to put on. While she was in the bathroom changing, I sat on my bed with my head dropped in my hands. This was such a perfect day and now it's a disaster. _

_Maggie came upstairs seeing me sitting on my bed in misery and got all pissed off at me. I told her to leave and I didn't want to see her anymore. She accused me of cheating on her, which seriously wasn't true__…__not physically anyway. She was so mad at me she kicked over part of __the __project __Bella and I __had put together. That made me pissed. I jumped up in her face and started yelling at her. _

_When Bella walked in the room, we both stopped shouting at each other for a moment. I hated seeing Bella upset and sad. It killed me. She insisted on walking home, even though I offered to drive her. I sent Maggie on her way, insisting we were over. There was no way I could be with her the way she behaved tonight. She knows how important this project is, and she deliberately tried to destroy it just to be a bitch. I know she was upset about Bella. Most likely she could see right through me and knew exactly how I felt about her, but there was no reason to destroy our project._

_Jasper stayed up with me all night fixing it. Neither of us is very crafty, but we got it done somehow. _

**June 12****th****, 1997**

_We had to do our oral report on our project today. Bella froze. She was so cute standing next to me like a ghost. I tried to calm her down by telling her to picture everyone naked. I don't think it was the right thing to say. Her face turned bright red. Eventually she got up the nerve and we finished the speech. We got the highest grade in the class, naturally. Bella and I are a great team. Anytime we had to do anything together, it always comes out perfect._

**June 19****th****, 1997**

_Another school year is over. I can't believe we only have one year left of high school. Then it's off to college. I need to start thinking about what I want to do and where I want to go to college. My mom wants to take both Jasper and I around to different colleges this summer to find out which ones we like the best. She did the same thing with Rose, who will be starting at the University of California in San Diego in the fall._

_Maggie keeps trying to apologize for what she did, but I'm refusing to accept her apology. I have no interest in dating her or even speaking to her again. _

_On that one day, everything was perfect, but now Bella won't talk to me at all. Even if I try to talk to her, she blows me off. I don't understand her sometimes. One minute we can talk and be completely comfortable with each other, and the next it's like I'm the plague or something._

_It's going to be another long summer of not seeing Bella. Maybe in my senior year, I'll finally get the guts to ask her out. Or not!_

**June 26****th****, 1997**

_I bought another charm today. I found this covered wagon charm online back when I was doing research for the Oregon Trail report. I bookmarked the site so I could go back to it later. Today I ordered it. If I ever do give this charm bracelet to Bella, she's going to think I'm an idiot. _

**July 10****th****, 1997**

_Today we left for a road trip to check out colleges. My mom is thrilled to be taking this trip with me and Jasper, but I can tell it's a little emotional for her. _

_Our first stop is Washington State University. Then we're hitting Oregon State University and the University of Oregon. After that, we're going into California. Neither Jasper nor I have much interest in going to college in Oregon or California, but my mom is insisting we check out as many different schools along the way as we can. Jasper wants to go to Texas for whatever reason__—__I don't know. Since my dad went to Chicago for medical school, I plan to check it out there. I think I've come to the conclusion medical school is where I'm headed._

**July 11****th****, 1997**

_University of Oregon is nice. I like the campus and the community. The people are friendly. There are some interesting people in the area, but they're still really nice. It reminds me a lot of home. _

_I like Oregon State University too. But neither school is what I'm looking for._

**July 12****th****, 1997**

_We stopped at Berkeley today. It's a really good school. I could definitely see myself here._

**July 16****th****, 1997**

_In the last few days we've hit six schools. I think we're somewhere in Arizona now. I could be wrong. All the schools are beginning to look the same. I would rather go home, honestly. I'm tired of driving. I'm tired of hotels. I'm tired of fast food. I'm tired of being in a hot car with my mom and brother. I don't understand why my mom insists we do this._

**July 19****th****, 1997**

_We made it to the University of Texas today. Jasper is like a kid in a candy store. This is his one and only choice for college. Mom isn't thrilled about it. _

_While in Texas we did some sightseeing and went to some tourist shops. I found another charm for Bella. It was just a simple 'B' with a swirly design around it. Jasper saw me buying it and rolled his eyes at me. I had to hide it from __M__om. She'd have too many questions if she saw it. _

_We're headed towards the eastern border and then heading back across the states to home. It's going to be at least another eight days or so in the car with them. Kill me now!_

**July 22****nd****, 1997**

_We stopped at New York University today. I was completely shocked to run into Jessica Stanley there. I've never seen a girl so giddy about going to college. She wouldn't shut up about school. Her mom was just about as bad as she was. My mom insisted they have dinner with us in the city, which was a complete disaster. Jessica is a little forward to put it mildly. She gave me a hand job under the table while our mothers talked. I think she may have done the same for Jasper. I can't be sure though. He never told me and I never told him. Anyway, it's kind of hard to keep a straight face in front of your mother when someone is doing that. I'm almost positive they could tell. Jessica's mom kept looking at her with so much pride. It was sort of strange. Did she even know what her daughter was doing under the table? I sure hope not._

**July 27****th****, 1997**

_What a coincidence, Jessica happened to show up at the next four schools we checked out, one of which was Chicago. She kept going on and on about if I went to one of the schools we were checking out, we would be close and could visit each other often. It might make being so far from home a little more bearable if there was someone I knew close by. I didn't mind Jessica. She was tolerable most of the time._

**August 1****st****, 1997**

_We're finally home. It was a very long trip and I don't ever want to do it again. I'm going to sleep for three days straight, and then I'm going to have some fun during the rest of the summer. _

_Apparently Jessica and I are dating now. I don't remember ever asking her out, but she told her mom we were and both her mom and my mom looked so happy about it. I couldn't exactly tell her no; __p__lus, it was summer, I needed someone to have fun with._

**August 8****th****, 1997**

_A terrible thing happened today. Jessica was over at my house hanging out and she saw the charm bracelet in my drawer. She questioned what it was and why I had it. I tried to convince her it was Rosalie's and must have accidently ended up in my room but she wasn't stupid. She saw the charms and knew exactly what it was. We argued about it for over an hour before she stormed off. I'm almost positive she's going to break up with me. It's not like I'm disappointed if she does. I never had real intentions of dating her long term. She was just a summer fling. I know I'm a jerk for saying that, but I'm not looking to date anyone long term. Not even Bella. _

**August 9****th****, 1997**

_I lied in yesterday's entry. I would date Bella long term if she'd give me the chance. Unfortunately, she won't. I drove by her house again today. I caught a glimpse of her sitting in the backyard reading a book. She looked peaceful but a little sad too. I wish I had the guts to talk to her to make her mine. She'd never be sad if I had anything to do with it._

**August 10****th****, 1997**

_Jasper and I went to __F__irst __B__each today to hang out with a few of our friends and play Frisbee. We were all having a blast until I noticed Jessica and her crew of friends showed up. I think I stopped breathing when I saw Bella was with them. What was going on? _

_I watched her from a distance, chuckling to myself how she brought a book to the beach. I don't know if there's ever been a time I've seen her and she didn't have some book in her hands. _

_The guys I was playing Frisbee with got a little distracted by the girls who had shown up, so I intentionally missed throwing the Frisbee to Jasper and made it land near Bella. I could hear Jasper huff at my subtleness from across the beach but I didn't care. I picked up the Frisbee and threw it back over to him. I didn't say anything to her at first. I hoped she would be the first to say something this time but she didn't. She was still avoiding me and it's really pissing me off. I wanted to get to the bottom of it. I wanted to know why._

_So I said hi to her and she said hi back. I tried to start up a conversation with her and she informed me Jessica invited her. Jessica? Was I in the Twilight Zone or something? Why would Jessica invite Bella to the beach when she knew I'd be here and I had a thing for her? This made no sense._

_I asked her about how she was ignoring me and the worst thing she could have possibly said to me happened. She said it was bad for her to be around me. Right there was the nail in the coffin of my existence. She really didn't like me at all. She had made every attempt to make it known, but I was too blind to see it. _

_Jessica attacked me right after she said it. I knew what Jessica's game was now. Her whole reason for inviting Bella was to make her jealous. She's much more of a conniving bitch than I thought was possible in a human being. _

_Jessica pulled me away for a walk right after all this hit me. I was furious with her. I wanted to confront her and make her pay. We walked far away from the crowd and we fought yet again. She tried to tell me she didn't care about Bella and it was no big deal. She wasn't going to let Bella get in the way of our relationship. Was she serious? She's not going to let Bella get in the way of our relationship? What is she even talking about? She's psychotic. It made my theory about her only inviting Bella to make her jealous even more plausible. I avoided her for the rest of the night. I pretty much avoided everyone at that point._

_When everyone started heading home, I saw Bella head towards Jessica's car with her. I didn't want Bella to leave with her. I had every intention to offer her a ride, but she said she didn't want to be around me. I have to let her go. I have to get over her… somehow._

**August 16****th****, 1997**

_My dad put me on antidepressants today. He thinks I'm manic-depressive. Sometimes I hate having a doctor for a dad. He's always trying to diagnose me. If he knew all of this depression I've had over the last few months is all because of a girl, he'd probably have me committed._

_The pills really aren't so bad. They make me tired, which is just fine by me. _

**August 22****nd****, 1997**

_The strangest thing happened today. Bella showed up at my house. I was blown away when I saw her standing on my porch. I thought she didn't like me so why would she come by my house out of the blue? _

_I was even more surprised when she told me Jessica was cheating on me. I didn't care, honestly. We never really did break up officially, but I never talked to her after what happened at the beach. _

_Bella seemed so upset. If she didn't like me, why did she take the energy to come tell me this? _

_Things got worse when Jessica showed up and confronted Bella and me. I was so sure Jessica was going to let out my secret, but thankfully she never did. She said a lot of hurtful things about Bella instead, like she was using voodoo or brain control to make me have feelings for her. For a split second, I wondered if she was right. Then I laughed it off because there was no way she was controlling my thoughts or feelings. Why would she if she doesn't like me? Jessica was just desperate to make Bella look bad instead of her._

_I think Jessica and I were done before we even started. We both knew it would never last. It was just a summer fling._

**September 13****th****, 1997**

_Today is Bella's eighteenth birthday. Instead of giving Bella a surprise gift, I bought her another charm. Since I gave her a yellow rose last year, which she didn't know came from me, I decided to find a yellow rose charm. I searched the internet for the perfect one. This charm bracelet has become sort of an obsession. It feels like the only connection I have to Bella, and I have to have that connection. I know I'm supposed to try to get over her and I really was trying, but seeing her back at school again sent that rush of feelings I have for her through me once again. _

_I guess in a way I'm still holding on to some sort of hope._

**December 25****th****, 1997**

_Why am I a part of this fucking family? No one understands me. No one cares about what I want. No one seems to even notice what I'm going through. Sometimes I think they'd all be better off if I wasn't around. _

_Today is Christmas and since I didn't get Rose the gift she wanted, she threw a huge fit. Jasper didn't care for what I gave him. My parent's seemed upset about the gift I gave them. No one in this family is ever grateful for anything. They're a bunch of selfish hypocrites. They should be grateful I __even __gave them anything at all._

**December 31****st****, 1997**

_I spent most of my winter break in my room moping. I was still upset over Christmas and didn't want to have anything to do with my family for the time being. I didn't join them in the party my parents throw every year. I watched the ball drop on TV in my room. I'm sure any day now my dad is going to give some new antidepressant pill. He might as well just check me into the hospital and leave me there. None of them seemed to want me around anyway._

_I know the gifts I got them probably weren't what they wanted, and I feel bad about it, but I had to use my money to get Bella a charm. I didn't even know what to get her until I saw it sitting in a display window. It's a heart-shaped blue crystal with a small silver key. Even though she didn't know it, she held my heart. My heart belonged to her… forever. There's no way to get over her, no matter how much I try._

**February 21****nd****, 1998**

_Jasper got an acceptance letter to the University of Texas. He was so happy and excited. Of course my parents are thrilled. I've yet to hear back from any of my top choices. What if I end up not getting into college? What if I'm not good enough for any of the colleges I want to go to? _

**February 24****th****, 1998**

_I got my first acceptance letter today for Washington State. It's not necessarily where I want to go. I'm still waiting to hear back from any of the other schools I applied to. For the first time today, it finally hit me we're going to be split apart. My sister is already gone, which I don't seem to mind much, and Jasper is going to be in Texas while I'm going God knows where. I've always had my brother by my side. There has never been a time he's not here for me. Now he's going to be in a completely different state. _

**February 25****th****, 1998**

_I'm in trigonometry class right now. I hate this class. I hate math all together. It would be better if I had this class with Bella, but no, she wasn't in this class. _

_It's not like it would matter anyway if we were in the same class. She never talks to me and barely even acknowledges my presence. I might as well be a ghost to her. Every time I walk by her and she doesn't even look at me, I feel like a knife is twisting farther and farther into my heart. _

_I was forced into asking Heidi out today. Jasper began dating Maria a few days ago and Heidi is her best friend. Maria's parents are very strict, and he thought if we double dated it would be easier to see her. Unfortunately for me, I get stuck dating a girl I don't necessarily care about. Oh well, it's not like I have anything better to do._

**February 25****th****, 1998**

_I know I already wrote in this thing this morning, but the most amazing and worst thing happened today. I was feeling extremely depressed and had no interest in pretending to like Heidi so I slipped away to the music room to be alone at lunch time. I sat down at the piano, and I was just messing around when Bella walked in. I felt that natural pull towards her the minute I saw her. I asked her to sit down next to me and she did. We talked for a little bit which was amazing. _

_The best part was when I touched her. I placed my hands over hers to help her play the piano and what I expected would happen, happened. The flood of images came rushing to me. I closed my eyes as each one came into view. I saw my beautiful bride smiling up at me. I saw our home. I saw myself as a devoted husband and father. I saw our entire future just like I had the first day we met. This time it didn't scare me. I welcomed it. I wanted it. I wanted her… always._

_I was just about to kiss her when Heidi, Jessica, and Lauren walked in. I pulled away instantly, feeling horrible about the whole situation. I was technically supposed to be dating Heidi. _

_It took me all afternoon to try and explain myself to her, but by the end of the day, I had pretty much told her the entire story. I had no interest in her. I was only helping my brother out. The worst part, not only did I not kiss Bella, which I really wanted to do, but Maria also broke up with Jasper after hearing what he had schemed up with me._

_At the end of the day, I tried to find Bella and make her understand the situation. I really thought there might be a chance she would want me. She didn't pull away from me or try to stop me when I tried to kiss her. There had to be something there. Unfortunately, by the time I saw her, she was already back to ignoring me and avoiding me at all costs. It's not like I really blamed her. I did leave her alone in the music room while I tried to smooth things over with Heidi. _

**March 1****st****, 1998 **

_I ordered two new charms today. One being a piano representing the time I spent with Bella at the piano, and the other being a simple charm saying 'I love you'. I've come to the conclusion I'm in love with Bella. I don't care if I'm too young or if she'll never love me in return. I love her, as crazy as that may sound._

**April 9****th****, 1998**

_I hate being on this emotional rollercoaster when it comes to her. One minute, I'm the happiest I've ever been, then in a split second I'm on the verge of suicide. I'm beginning to wonder if Jessica was right about the mind control theory she had. It sounds ridiculous, but there's something wrong with me. _

_I haven't been eating much at all, and I know my parents are noticing. They haven't said anything yet, but I think it's only a matter of time before I'm committed. The pills I'm on obviously aren't working anymore. I'm under extreme pressure to go to college and get into medical school. I've been told I may be valedictorian, so I have to start thinking about that. I have half a dozen committees, programs, clubs, events I'm a part of. I don't have time to think about anything else but school._

**April 23****rd****, 1998 **

_It finally happened. I was committed. Well, not exactly. My parents are making me see a shrink twice a week__. She__ put me on yet another antidepressant. I don't like her already. I feel like I'm her puppet when I go into her office. _

**April 27****th****, 1998**

_Saw the shrink again today. I told her about all the stress I've been under with school requirements. I tried to keep it at that, but I let it slip about Bella. She wanted me to tell her more about Bella and why I've never asked her out if I want to so badly._

_She doesn't get it anymore than anyone else does. Bella's different than other girls. Bella deserves more than an obsessed, manic-depressive like me. She's made it perfectly clear so many times. There's no reason to cause more suffering._

**May 4****rd****, 1998**

_I hate my shrink. She wants me to throw away this journal and the charm bracelet. If she fucking kidding? There's no way I'm throwing either of them away. This is all I have left. I'm not doing it. She can't force me to do it._

_**May 7**__**th**__**, 1998**_

_My sessions with my therapist have been getting better. I don't care for her opinion of Bella though. She said Bella was unhealthy for me if she's the one who causes me to be depressed. She said I need to separate myself from her to be able to get on with my life. She said my obsession with a girl I can't have is going to break me, and I need to figure out what to do for me, not her. I was ready to fire her at that point. When I told Jasper what she said, he agreed with her. Why the fuck did he agree with her? He's supposed to be on my side. _

**May 11****th****, 1998**

_She challenged me to ask a girl out who was not Bella and try to get through an entire date without comparing her to Bella or thinking of Bella all night. I don't think it's possible. I think about Bella constantly. How am I supposed to just stop?_

**May 15****th,**** 1998**

_I did it. I asked Katie out. She's a shy, quiet girl. She reminds me of Bella actually. Shit! I'm not supposed to think about her. I'm supposed to be getting past her and moving on. God, this is going to be hard._

**May 16****th****, 1998**

_The date with Katie went well, I guess. We had fun. We went to a movie and then dinner. She's really nice and I think I can really like her. My shrink will be happy. I think my family is happy about it too. I think I need to fake being happy for all of their sake._

**May 23****rd****, 1998**

_It's prom night. I'm going with Katie. I'm trying to be happy about it. I don't want to disappoint her or anyone else._

**May 25****th****, 1998**

_The prom turned out to be a lot more fun than I thought it would. I'm starting to really like Katie. I don't think I'm completely over Bella or cured from my depression, but I think I'm on the right track. I don't know, maybe I'm just really good at faking happiness._

_I got the best news today too. I found out I'm the valedictorian of my graduating class. My parents are thrilled; I am too. I knew it was a possibility, but I didn't think I would actually get it. Now I have to write a speech, which is causing even more stress and making me feel even more depressed. What am I supposed to say?_

**May 30****th****, 1998**

_Katie came over today to help me with my speech. She's becoming someone I can really depend on and I like being with her. We wrote up my entire speech and it turned out great. After the speech was done, we ended up having sex. It was our first time together. It was good. I'm not going to complain. But it wasn't what I wanted._

**June 2****nd****, 1998**

_My life turned upside down today. I turned in my speech to the principal and when I was leaving his office I overheard two of the secretaries talking about the valedictorian. They said it was supposed to be Bella and she'd given it up. I was stunned. Why would she give it up? Why wouldn't she want this?_

_I confronted Mr. Greene. __He __told me Bella didn't want the honor and asked to have it given to someone else. I was the next person in line, so I was named valedictorian._

_I spent the rest of the day thinking about this and wondering why. Why would she do this?_

_By the end of the day, I knew. She was shy and most often ridiculed by everyone at this school for just being her. She had no reason to get up in front of everyone and pretend like she was close to any of them, or that she had any advice to give them they would actually accept. She was doing this for her own protection and sanity. _

_I have to do something about this. She deserves this honor so much more than I do._

**June 9****th****, 1998**

_I re-wrote my speech for tonight's graduation. I haven't told anyone I've changed it. I'm hoping they won't try to stop me once I get started. _

_My speech is all about Bella and dedicated to her. As I wrote it, I realized how much she's done for me. I know my shrink would say I'm wrong, but Bella makes me happy. She makes me want to be a better person and fight for what I want. If she can survive being treated like shit all through high school because of me, she could do anything and she will. I want to be as strong and passionate about what I want as she is. First thing I need to do is break up with Katie, which I feel horrible about, but I have to. Then I need to be honest with Bella and go after what I want. The last thing is firing my shrink._

**June 10****th****, 1998**

_I was going to do it. I really was. I had what I was going to say all planned out. I tried to start up a friendly conversation with her to break the ice and then she started talking about college and how she was going to Berkeley, like she always wanted to. I was going to be in Pennsylvania. How could I possibly turn her life upside down by confessing my love to her now when we'll be on opposites sides of America? I couldn't do that to her. It would never work being so far apart if there was even a chance for us to be together. _

_Today very well may be the last time I see her. I guess this is my last entry._

**December 22****nd****, 2001**

_I haven't written in this thing for so long. The craziest thing happened today. I ran into Bella with her roommate. My brother has it bad for the roommate. He invited both of them to the New Year's party. This is going to be interesting with Victoria and Emmett here. Although, I think Emmett is preoccupied with my sister._

_Emmett knows a little about Bella, but I've never gone into full detail about her. Victoria knows nothing about my obsession with her as a teenager, and I'm sure she'd blow it way out of proportion if she ever knew._

_I've moved on with my life though. It's been years since I've seen her. Bella doesn't affect me the same way she used to… I hope._

**January 1****st****, 2002**

_Why is New Year's Eve for me always such a mess? Isn't it about starting fresh and making amends? _

_Last night was a disaster. I was only talking to Bella__…__nothing more. Apparently, according to Victoria I was flirting with Bella and not paying enough attention to her. I think Victoria being drunk had a lot to do with her little outburst in front of everyone. I'm still trying to figure out why I brought her. I never wanted to, but she kept using the guilt trip on me. She knows it works every time._

_After Victoria made a huge scene in front of everyone, I went outside and found Bella sitting on the swings in our backyard. Maybe it's being older, but she's so much easier to talk to now. I was even just about to kiss her when a snowflake hit my cheek. Why did I let a fucking snowflake interrupt what I wanted to do? I'm such an idiot!_

**June 11****th****, 2006**

_Today was my brother's wedding to Alice. Of course Bella was there to support Alice. Even after all this time, there's this automatic pull to her. I can't help it. _

_It was torture watching her with another man. I've never seen her with anyone before. I'm sure over the years she's dated, but I've never seen it physically. I kept watching them as he put bites of cake in her mouth, watching him whisper in her ear, or touch her knee. I wanted to kill him. _

_There isn't a day that goes by I don't think about her and wonder how she's doing. I'm always asking Jasper to get updates from Alice. He's constantly telling me to stop being a dick and just tell her how I've felt all these years. If he and Alice can make a long distance relationship work so could we. But I couldn't do that to her. I wanted to have all of her. I wanted to be all for her. If it was meant to be, it would have worked out by now._

_Besides, I made a huge mistake and told Tanya I'd marry her. Tanya is the daughter of one of the alumni in the old fraternity I was in. He helped me get into medical school. Tanya became part of the package, I guess. We've dated off and on over the last year or so. Lately, she's been really bugging me about marrying her. Normally I change the subject or avoid the topic somehow. But tonight, seeing Alice and Jasper get married, she got even worse. During the drive back to the hotel, she kept going on and on about getting married. I was preoccupied in my own thoughts and somehow she coerced, or maybe manipulated me, into asking her to marry me. I was so upset about seeing Bella with someone else, I didn't realize what happened._

_Now I'm sitting here in the hotel in the middle of the night writing in this journal I've carried around with me for years while the girl I'm evidently going to marry sleeps. _

_How am I going to tell her I can't marry her?_

**May 10****th****, 2007**

_I found out today I was chosen for a summer doctor program by one of my favorite teachers. I'm so excited and can't believe I actually get to go out in the field and do something worthwhile instead of only working on cadavers. My dad was thrilled. He kept saying how this is going to look so good on my resume. _

_Tanya, of course, is mad at me because I'm leaving. I still haven't been able to figure out how to tell her I can't marry her. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm actually going to have to go through with it. I don't want to hurt her, but I don't love her the way I should if I'm going to marry her. I was able to convince her to hold off until I finish medical school, but she's not happy about it and makes sure I know every day. _

**June 16****th****, 2007**

_I leave tomorrow for the Dominican Republic. I'm so excited. Tanya and I have done nothing but fight about it since I was told I was chosen. I'm not giving this opportunity up just for her. So, in an attempt to appease her, I told her as soon as I got back we could get married. She informed me she's planning to make wedding arrangements all summer. At least she'll be busy._

_Since I'm not allowed to take anything of value with me, I'm locking this journal up in my locker. This is the only thing I own of value to me and the only thing that's irreplaceable. I have to leave this and the bracelet behind. _

_Since I very well may be getting married as soon as I get home, this will be my last entry. It's time to let her go. So I leave it with this._

_Dear Bella,_

_I'm sorry I never told you I loved you from the moment we met. I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough for you. I'm sorry I was scared of you. I'm sorry I was so messed up. I'm sorry I couldn't be all you deserve. I'm sorry things couldn't be different. _

_I hope your every dream comes true._

_I'll always love you._

_Goodbye Bella._

_Edward_

As I read the last line, I was in tears. Why didn't he tell me? Why didn't I see it? I was too blind by my own fears to actually see what was right in front of me. And now it's too late. He's married now, whether he loves her or not. He said it with his own words last night how she was beautiful during their wedding. I ruined everything by sleeping with him. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess over ten years of pent up emotions came spilling out the minute his lips touched mine.

I cried the rest of the night. I even read small sections of the journal over again. By morning, I was a mess. Somehow I had to pull myself out of bed and go to class so I could take my finals. I'm going to fail.

I could barely hold back my tears while I took my tests. I've never been this unprepared for a test. I'm sure I failed at least one, if not all of them.

I spent the rest of the week in my apartment moping. Why did Edward have to come into my life at all? I would have been better off if I never knew him.

At the end of the week, I decided I need to get away for a little while. I needed to have a break from reality. I needed a change. I thought about going to visit my mom, but she would have too many questions. I needed a place I could be alone, and I knew exactly where I needed to go: Punta Cana.

I was in the middle of packing for my trip when there was a knock at my door. I got a knot in my stomach when I heard it. I wasn't expecting anyone, and I couldn't face either Edward or Demetri if it happened to be one of them.

I walked to my door as quietly as I possibly could and peaked through the hole on my door. I sighed in relief when I saw it was only Alice. I opened the door and in a split second her arms were around my neck.

"You haven't called me in weeks," Alice complained, pulling away slightly to give me a stern look.

"I know. I'm sorry," I apologized. "I've been really busy trying to catch up with school and finish out the summer term."

"It doesn't matter. As long as you're not mad at me, I don't care."

"I was never mad at you, Alice. I could never be mad at you. You're my best friend." I walked back into my room to continue packing.

"Then why haven't you called or even answered your phone when I called?" she wondered, on the verge of tears.

I sat down on the bed next to her, taking a deep breath.

"I needed to get back to my normal life. I needed to feel like me again. I didn't answer my phone for anyone for a long time. So many reporters were calling, and I didn't want to answer questions. I didn't watch TV or read the paper. I didn't want to know what was going on in the outside world. I very rarely ever left my apartment. I just needed time."

"I understand. I know looking for Edward was hard on you and…"

"Can we not talk about Edward right now?" I asked, standing to my feet to continue packing my bag.

"Why? Did something happen I don't know about?" she wondered. I wanted to tell her and make her understand. But I couldn't.

"No," I answered. I turned back to my closet and continued to pull clothes out and put them in my suitcase.

"Where are you going anyway?" Alice asked, changing the subject.

"Punta Cana."

"What? Why?" she asked in a shocked tone.

"Why not?" I evaded the question.

"Bella, what are you doing?"

"I have about a month before the fall term starts. I need to get away. I need to go somewhere to clear my head and distract myself from everything that's been going on." I stopped packing long enough to glance over at her face. All she could do was stare at me with disbelief.

"Okay," she began. "Something is going on. What aren't you telling me?"

"It's nothing, Alice. I swear. I just have some unfinished business, and I need to take care of it." I continued to pack my suitcase. She remained silent for a long time while she watched me.

"Bella, did something happen with you and Edward? Is that why he's been acting so weird?"

"No, just drop it," I demanded. I zipped up my suitcase and rolled it out to the living room. I slipped on my shoes and grabbed my purse and passport. The last thing I picked up was Edward's journal. My fingers ran across the binding, longing to keep it, but I knew I couldn't.

I heard Alice follow me out into the living room.

"What time does your flight leave?" she asked.

"In about two hours. I need to head to the airport now."

"How long are you going to be gone?"

"I don't know. A couple weeks at least," I replied.

"Well, be careful, and call me as often as you can," she requested.

I smiled, reaching out to give her a huge hug. "I won't be gone long."

"Still…call me."

I nodded my head, smiling down at her. "Can you do me a favor?" I held out the journal towards her. "Can you give this back to Edward?"

She took the book from me, looking at it curiously. "What is it?"

"His journal," I replied.

"Okay," she agreed.

She sighed, giving me one last hug before I left. "He loves you, you know?" she whispered. I knew there was no way she knew what happened, but I think she could tell there was something not right between us.

"I know. I need to go. I'll see you in a couple weeks." I walked out of my apartment and down to the waiting taxi.

My flight was long and boring. I tried to read along the way but it was hard to focus. Mostly, I stared out the window and imagined Marcial's face. This was the only reason I was going back there. I needed him to understand why I left without saying goodbye. I think being there and helping out, will distract my mind of everything that's been going on too. Plus, I'll be doing something to help others out. This is what I need.

The next day, I boarded the small bus in Santo Domingo and headed out towards Punta Cana.

As we entered the city, it looked so much different than how it did before I left. I was only here for a couple days before, but it looked like a completely different place now. I got off the bus and before I checked into the hotel, I had to go to the orphanage.

I walked in just as the kids were sitting down to eat. I took my sunglasses off and put my suitcase down on the floor. All the kids turned their heads to see who it was walking into the room. I scanned the crowd for one familiar face. When I found him, his eyes were wide with excitement. I smiled at him and in an instant, he came running to me. I wrapped my arms around the small child, holding him to me tightly. This definitely brightened my spirits.

**Only 3 chapters left. If you want a teaser, let me know. Also there were a couple people who left reviews the last chapter requesting a teaser and you have your account set up to not receive PM's. If you didn't receive a teaser, this is probably the reason and I apologize for not getting it to you but I couldn't.**


	17. Punta Cana

**A/N**: One of my readers asked for an update as a Christmas present. I'm a people pleaser so I got the next chapter done.

Again if you didn't get a teaser after the last chapter you have your account set to not receive teasers so I couldn't send it. I feel really bad when someone asks for a teaser and I can't send it to you.

Thank you venomousgal for taking on beta duties for the rest of this story. You did an awesome job helping me out and adding stuff to make it sound much better.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Twilight or the characters involved.

**One Last Cry: Brian McKnight**

**Punta Cana**

**EPOV**

I left Bella's house completely heartbroken. Here I thought everything was perfect and I thought I'd finally begun to get through to her how important she was to me. Unfortunately she didn't see it the same way.

I had every intention of running after her and trying to explain I wasn't married. I don't even know what gave her that impression. It was definitely some sort of misunderstanding. Running out of her front door and finding her being comforted by another man was the worst thing I could have ever imagined. He held her close to him like she was more than just a friend. He seemed protective, maybe even a little territorial. This wasn't just some random guy. There was definitely something there.

She told me what happened between us was a mistake. She made it perfectly clear that she never wanted me to be a part of her life. I tried so many times over the years to get over her and to not think about her, but I just couldn't stop. She was like my addiction.

I could never give her up.

Jasper was the one who suggested I go talk to her. He insisted she had the same feelings for me as I had for her. He was so sure of it. All I needed to do was bare myself to her and everything would work out.

He was wrong.

Afterwards I sat in my car in the parking lot of her apartment building, shell shocked and numb. Only a few minutes later I spotted the man who was comforting Bella walk out to his car.

I didn't understand it.

Why did he suddenly leave?

Where was Bella?

As soon as he exited the parking lot I got out of my car and made my way back to her apartment. I only climbed a few steps before I saw her lying on the floor, crying pitifully.

I had done this.

I had hurt her.

My heart ached to go to her. But how could I after what I did to her? I never meant for this to happen.

I sat on the steps listening to her cry for a long time. On several occasions I almost got up to go to her, but I wasn't sure if I should give myself away, or if she would welcome the fact that I had witnessed her anguish. After what seemed like forever, her crying slowed to soft hiccups and shuddering breaths. I forced myself to leave as soon as I heard her go into her apartment.

I drove around aimlessly all morning, obsessing over everything I said, and everything that happened. I couldn't figure out what went wrong. I knew there was so much more I should have said, but it probably would have just made things worse.

In the late morning, I pulled back into my brother's driveway. I didn't get out of the car though. I sat there, staring straight ahead feeling completely lost.

After a while Jasper came out and somehow convinced me to come in the house. He never asked me what happened. He didn't have to. He knew. Alice asked a lot of questions though. Jasper continually told her to leave me alone, but she wouldn't.

"Does this have something to do with your accident?" she asked.

I didn't respond. I stared blankly out the window.

"Are you having guilt because of your teacher dying? Where did you go the other night? Is it because of Tanya? I wouldn't feel guilty about breaking up with her if I were you. She's nothing but a two-faced bitch. She never cared about you the way she should have. Bella cares more about you than she ever will."

"Alice," Jasper warned. "Just stop. Leave him alone."

"I know you don't like seeing him like this," Alice argued. "I'm only trying to help."

"I don't think you're helping. I think you're making things worse." He murmured, attempting to steer her away from me.

"Can someone please explain to me what's going on?" she begged.

Jasper took her hand and led her out into the backyard. I was thankful he removed her. I couldn't deal with her constant questioning anymore. I just couldn't handle it.

Days went by and neither of them bothered me. They let me mope in my own misery.

I sat at the dining room table in my brother's home and stared down at the charm bracelet for hours on end. Occasionally I'd pick it up in my hands and examine it. I'd been sitting in this same spot for I don't know how long. I couldn't do anything else but sit here. I had no motivation for anything. I felt completely emotionless.

Alice and Jasper were standing in the kitchen whispering about me. I'd come to the conclusion Jasper had told Alice every detail of my obsession with Bella. I hated him for it. She was the closest person to Bella and could probably make things a lot worse than they already are now that she knew.

"I've never seen him this bad before," I overheard Jasper tell Alice. "I don't know what happened, but whatever it was obviously wasn't good."

"Is this because of Bella?" she wondered.

"It has to be. The only time he's been this bad was when we were in high school."

"What do we do?"

"I'm calling Dad."

"No you're not," I ordered, jumping from the table and running into the kitchen. "I'll leave if you call Dad."

"Edward, you're being an idiot. I'm not going through this depression with you again. I just can't do it," Jasper informed me.

"No one ever asked you to go through anything with me. I can leave if you don't want me here." I spouted hotly, standing my ground.

"Unfortunately for me, I don't have a choice in the matter. If you feel depressed so do I. There's no getting around it thanks to Mother Nature. I try to fight it, but this is the worst I've ever seen you." Jasper shouted, his face red with exasperation.

"It's not like I asked to be like this. I didn't want this to happen. You were the one who told me to go over there in the first place and try to tell her how I feel. Now everything is worse than it already was. And you gave her my fucking journal. If she ever reads it, she's going to think I'm a complete nutcase."

"I'm sorry about giving it to her and telling you to go over there. I thought it might help. Obviously I was wrong."

"You think?" I asked, sarcastically.

"Why don't you just tell me what happened so I can try to help you?" he asked.

"Nothing happened. I fucked everything up all over again. I thought surviving the crash was like my second chance, but I was wrong. I shouldn't have survived. I have nothing to live for anymore."

"Edward, either I'm calling Dad or I'm taking you to the hospital. You keep talking about wishing you were dead and I don't know what to do. I can't let you kill yourself."

I rolled my eyes and sighed heavily. "I'm not going to kill myself."

"I don't think I can trust you. I have to call Dad."

"Fine!" I shouted, pushing myself out of the chair. "Do whatever the hell you want. I won't be here." I stormed out of the house and walked out to my car. I didn't know where to go, but I had to get away for a while. I ended up at some bar and drank my sorrows away for the next few hours. I didn't expect anyone to find me here, but they did.

After my fourth beer and I don't know how many shots, two men sat down on either side of me. I huffed as soon as I realized it was Jasper and Emmett.

"I didn't call Dad," Jasper assured me. "I called Emmett instead. I thought you might listen to him more than you would me."

"All we want to know is what happened. Then maybe we can figure out how to fix this."

"There isn't anything to fix. It's over. There's nothing there," I explained, dropping my head into my hands.

"Obviously there's something there if this girl can make you this depressed," Emmett pointed out. "I know you've had a thing for her since you were a teenager and I understand why now. Bella's a sweet girl. The time I spent with her in Santo Domingo made me understand why you haven't been able to get over her. I get it. What I don't get is why you won't go after her."

"I tried," I answered, raising my head to look at him. "Jasper insisted I go see her. I did. At first we just talked. There was so much I wanted to say and so much I wanted to know. I thought I made it pretty clear how much I wanted her and always have. We ended up sleeping together and then when we woke up everything fell to shit."

"You slept with her?" Jasper asked in a shocked tone, his eyes wide.

My head fell into my hands again. "I thought it was right. I thought she wanted me, too."

"What happened?" Emmett asked.

I sighed, sitting up in my chair. "When we woke up she said it was all a mistake. For some reason she thought I was married already. She wouldn't let me explain anything. Before I could get dressed, she ran out her front door. I chased after her only to find her in the hallway in the arms of another man."

"Her neighbor," Jasper clarified. I stared at him with a confused expression. How did he know who it was? "I didn't think she was still seeing him. Before we went to find you she sort of said there was nothing between them anymore. I guess I was wrong?"

"You've been wrong about a lot lately," I accused. I took another drink of my beer and looked away from him.

"What do want me to say? I'm sorry, Edward. I was only trying to help," Jasper shot back defensively. "I hate seeing you like this and I want my brother back."

"I'm sorry I'm so fucked up. I never meant to ruin your life because of this. Although, I think you got more out of this than I ever did," I accused. "You did find Alice. You probably wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for my sick obsession with Bella. Maybe you should be a little thankful."

"You don't think I'm not thankful for Alice being brought into my life by both of you? There isn't a day that goes by I don't think about how lucky I am. There are times when I wonder if you and Bella had dated in high school if I would have ever even met Alice. But now I want you to be happy. I want you to go after her," Jasper encouraged.

"I can't go after her. I'm not about to complicate her life more. She made it perfectly clear she doesn't want me."

"You are such a fucking idiot!" Jasper shouted. Other people in the bar began to turn around to see what the commotion was.

All I could do was glare at him. "Fuck you!"

"God, you still act like a sullen teenager who has nothing to live for. Grow up. There is no reason for you to sit here and wallow in self pity when there is a girl out there who has been in love with you just as long as you have been in love with her. You both are just too stupid to see it. Everyone else does, but both of you are blinded by your own fears of rejection to fight for what you want."

"And what am I supposed to do about the other guy? She obviously chose him over me," I added.

"Edward," Emmett cut in. "Do you love Bella?"

"I always have. As hard as I try I can't get over her."

"Then fight for her. Prove to her, you are the right choice. Prove to her how much you love her."

"And what if she chooses the other guy? She's already chosen him over me once."

"Just keep fighting," Emmett said. "You have to stop hiding and just be honest with her. If you can't do it to her face, tell her in a letter or something. You've already written a journal pretty much dedicated to her. Write her a letter now. Explain everything to her and make her realize you are the better choice."

"If you don't, I will be forced to call Dad. I don't want to worry Mom anymore than she already is. And I don't want to feel like this anymore," Jasper whispered.

"Let's get you a good night's rest and tomorrow we'll try to figure out how to go about winning Bella back for you," Emmett suggested. I nodded and stood unsteadily. They helped me out of the bar and to the car. I really didn't think it was worth the fight, but maybe I needed to try one last time.

I tried to sleep that night, but I couldn't. I hadn't slept much in days, it just kept evading me. Every time I fell asleep, I would see Bella's face and everything would come crashing back.

I decided to get up and attempt to write this letter Emmett suggested I write. It was worth a shot. I'd already been rejected by her so many times. What was one more?

I tried to write what I wanted to say in so many different ways, but nothing seemed right. I crumpled up dozens of pieces of paper and tossed them in the garbage. After a while, I gave up.

When it all got too much, I took Brady outside and sat down on the deck. I laid back and stared up at the stars and listened to the silence of the night.

"I went and saw her today," Alice chirped from behind me. I jumped from the sudden interruption of the quiet. I sat up just as Alice sat down next to me. She was in her robe and I could tell she had been sleeping.

"You went and saw who?" I asked for clarification.

"Bella."

"What!" I exclaimed in horror. How could she do this? I knew she would make things worse.

"I didn't say anything about you. Well, not really anyway. I was only trying to get information about what happened. I was hoping she might open up to me since you won't tell anyone what happened."

"Did she tell you anything?" I asked. I wanted to know if she was thinking about me at all. I prayed Alice would be able to give me a glimmer of hope.

"No," she answered. "She left."

"What do you mean she left? Where did she go?"

"She has a few weeks off before the new term of school starts. She said she had some unfinished business in Punta Cana and wanted to go back."

"She went to Punta Cana?" I thought it over for a moment, trying to understand why she would go back there. It took me a few minutes but I figured it out.

Marcial.

"She told me to give this back to you." Alice pulled out the journal and handed it to me. Seeing it made my heart hurt. This couldn't be good. "I didn't read it or anything. I don't know if Bella read it either."

I sighed, running my fingers over the binding. My guess was she didn't. She left to get away from me. This was the last thing she had of me and she wanted to get rid of it.

"Thanks Alice."

"Can I give you some advice?" she asked. I laughed bitterly and nodded my head.

"Go after her. I know you don't believe this, but she loves you. I've known Bella for a long time and I can see it. She never denied it either. She doesn't have enough confidence in herself to think you might actually feel the same way. If you went after her, I think it would show her how much you care. Right before she left, I let it slip that you love her. She said she knew. I don't know what she meant, but as far as I can see it's not too late. Go after her."

She got up from the seat and went back in the house. I looked down at the journal once again and flipped through the pages. Maybe she did read it. If Alice was right and she knew I loved her, she _had_ to have read it. Everyone was telling me to go after her and that she felt the same way about me. Maybe they were right. I had to give this one more chance. I had to be sure there was nothing before I gave up for good.

I ran back in the house, packed a bag and called a cab to pick me up. As I was heading down the front walk I turned back to see Jasper, Emmett, and Alice standing in the doorway of the house watching me leave with wide smiles on their face. I hoped they were right about this. I wasn't sure how much more rejection I could take.

I boarded the first plane available to get to the Dominican Republic. I had to stop in Chicago and Miami before I could get a connecting flight to Santo Domingo. While on the plane, I held my journal in one hand and the charm bracelet in the other. My heart wouldn't stop pounding. What if this was a mistake? What if she hated me even more for chasing after her? What if her whole purpose for going to Punta Cana was to get away from me permanently? She had to know I would eventually go back to school in Chicago. This could have been her way to get away from me until I did. And now here I was going after her. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I was fooling myself for thinking I should try one last time.

Attempting to calm my nerves, I flipped through the journal. I hadn't read anything in it for so long that I really couldn't remember what exactly I had written in it in the first place. When I came to the last page and noticed an unfamiliar handwriting, I gasped and dropped the book. My breath caught in my lungs as I stared at the journal at my feet.

I couldn't read it.

It had to have been written by Bella.

What did she write?

After I took a few deep breaths, I picked up the book and flipped to the last.

_Dear Edward,_

_I love you too. It doesn't change anything._

_Bella_

What? What did she mean by that? If my nerves weren't already trying to talk me out of going, they were certainly in overdrive now.

I landed in Santo Domingo and immediately rented a car. It was late in the afternoon and I probably would have been better off staying the night in town before driving out to Punta Cana, but I couldn't wait. I needed to get this over with.

I needed closure.

I drove the three hours to Punta Cana in a daze, barely registering the sights around me. As soon as I arrived, a whole new problem presented itself.

I really hadn't thought about what I would say to her. I didn't even know where to find her.

I parked the car near the orphanage and got out. I walked over to the main building and saw a group of kids playing in the back. In amongst the kids was a smiling, contented Bella. I had found her. She looked so beautiful and so carefree that my heart swelled at the sight of her, my breath coming in short bursts as nervousness flooded my senses.

I walked towards her, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other so that I would not chicken out.

I needed to know.

One of the kids spotted me and shouted out my name, causing all the other children to stop what they were doing and look my way. When they registered who it was they all came running towards me with excitement in their eyes and happy smiles on their faces. I tried to hug every single one of them but my focus was on Bella more than anything else. She stared at me with wide eyes and I watched as shock, nervousness, and confusion flashed across her countenance.

I pulled away from the kids and walked towards her slowly.

"Why are you here? You shouldn't be here. You should be home," she expressed shrilly, looking down and shaking her head.

I placed my hands on each side of her head to raise her face to mine. She met my gaze hesitantly, her brown eyes filled with unspoken questions. There was just so much I wanted to say to her, so much I needed to make her understand.

But it would have to come later.

I leaned in and kissed her lips fully having gone without her and denied my emotions for too long. I put every ounce of love I had for her in that kiss. I was so afraid she would stop me, but she didn't.

When I pulled away, I leaned my forehead against hers and took a deep breath before opening my eyes. "I'm not married, Bella. I don't know why you thought I was, but I'm not." I ran my fingers through her hair and held her close to me. "Please tell me you aren't involved with that guy I saw you with. Please tell me there's a chance I can love you the way I've always wanted to. Please tell me you feel this too."

**End Notes: I am posting my Fandom For Preemies stories today called "Good Luck Kiss" so please go check it out.**

**I also entered a story in the Twisted Twilight Tales contest. It's anonymous so I can't say which story is mine but if you want to go check out the entries so far I would greatly appreciate it. I'll be begging for votes later on in January. ****I don't ever beg for reviews, but I do beg for votes :)**

**http :/ www . fanfiction . net/u/2594222/ Twisted _ Twilight _ Tales (remove the spaces or find the direct link on my profile)**

**Thanks for reading. Only a couple chapters left but they probably won't be ready until after the New Year. Just so everyone knows.**


	18. Santo Domingo

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters involved. No copy write infringement intended.**

**AN: I know I've failed big time getting the rest of this story done, but I want to let everyone know I added another chapter making it a total of 20 chapters in the end. The next chapter after this is already done and I will probably post it in just a couple days...maybe even tomorrow. The last chapter I'm hoping to finish by the end of the month but it may be a couple weeks after that before it gets posted.**

**Thank you so much venomousgal for beta'ing both the chapters for me. I truly appreciate all your help and making my story look so much better. **

**There are some announcements at the end of the story. Please read :)**

**All We'd Ever Need: Lady Antebellum**

**Santo Domingo**

**BPOV**

I stared up into Edward's eyes shocked and scared of what to say. I couldn't move or talk. All I could do was stare blankly at him.

"Bella, please answer me," he begged.

I looked around us and saw more than a dozen little faces staring up at us. "Maybe we should go somewhere else to talk about this," I suggested.

He followed my gaze and noticed the kids too. He nodded his head and dropped his hands from my face. I saw Amber standing a short distance away from us, who was watching just as intently as the kids were. I gave her a look, silently asking her to help me out. She rushed over to us and ushered the kids inside the building to get ready to eat.

I glanced nervously at Edward a few times, trying to figure out where to go from here.

"Do you want to take a walk with me?" he asked. I nodded my head and followed him through the town and down a small path leading into the trees.

"You aren't married?" I asked, trying to make the first move.

"No," he chuckled. "I broke up with Tanya at the hospital in Isabela after what she did to you. Why did you think I was married?"

I ducked my head and bit my lip. "The night you came to my house and I mentioned the dream I had about your wedding you agreed with me, when I said your bride was beautiful. I assumed that meant you already got married."

He laughed and shook his head. "Bella, did you not read the journal?"

"After that night I did, yes," I answered, honestly.

"Then why didn't you understand the bride I was referring to was you?"

"I wondered if you were, after I read it. I wasn't sure, though. I was too afraid to go ask you, and I didn't feel comfortable asking Alice or Jasper. It's why I wrote the part in the back. I knew if you saw it and there was still a chance you would understand." I hesitated, staring at the trees ahead of us.

"So you wanted me to come after you?" he inquired, running his hand lightly down my arm and brushing my fingers.

"No," I admitted, sheepishly. "I guess in a way I was hoping you would, but I didn't know if you were still with Tanya. I didn't want to mess any more of your life up by trying to come in between the two of you. I'd done enough damage already with every other girl you ever dated."

He grabbed my hand to stop me and turned me towards him.

"You never did anything wrong. I did. I should have told you how I felt from the beginning and none of this would have happened. I should have tried harder to tell you everything I was feeling. You're the only woman that's ever meant anything to me."

"If you had told me I would have loved you. I always wanted you to. I wanted you to feel the same way about me that I felt for you," I whispered, staring at his handsome face.

"If you would have told me, I would have loved you just the same," he replied, his grip tightening on my hand.

I stared up into his eyes trying to decide if all of this was really happening.

"Everything is messed now. I don't know where we go from here," I admitted. "I don't know if it's going to work."

"Are you saying you don't want to try?" he wondered. He looked hurt. I didn't want to hurt him.

"I just think so much has happened that I don't know how to get past it."

"I'll do whatever you want me to do," he vowed, his green eyes bright. "I can't lose you again. Nearly dying was definitely a wake-up call. I'm done hiding and covering up my feelings. If I want something I'm going to go after it. You are the only thing I've ever wanted. I'm not giving up."

I sighed and walked a few feet away. I didn't know what was wrong with me. This is what I wanted but I was terrified. "Maybe we should start over," I suggested.

"What do you mean start over?" he demanded, his voice curious.

I turned around to face him again. "I think we should put the past behind us and pretend like we never knew each other until this moment."

He laughed, his eyes crinkling. "Are you going to bump into me again and make me help you up?" he joked.

"Do you want me to?" I laughed along with him.

"No," he deadpanned, suddenly serious. "I want to do this right."

He reached for my hand and I thought he was going to shake it and introduce himself, but instead he pulled me further into the trees and into the dark. The fear of being out here in the dark and not being able to find our way back was getting to me. He wouldn't tell me where we were going or what we doing either.

We stopped at a small clearing and Edward leaned down to the ground. He gathered up a few dry twigs and leaves and pulled out a lighter from his pocket to start a small fire. I looked at him with confusion. What he was doing made no sense.

"Edward, what are you doing?"

He stood to his feet and pulled out the familiar journal from his back pocket.

"If we're going to start over and put the past behind us, we need to do it right."

Realizing what he meant and what the fire was for, I worried he was making a big mistake.

"Edward, are you sure? Those are your thoughts and memories. You can't burn them."

"Everything in this book is all the bad things I let happen. All the mistakes I could have prevented. I don't want these memories. I want new memories. I want to fill up a dozen more books with all the good things about you."

I glanced back and forth between his determined face, the fire, and the book. He watched me like he was waiting for permission. Reluctantly, I nodded my head and he dropped the book in the fire.

We watched as the book turned black and shriveled up, its ashes rising into the night.

Edward sighed in relief and held out his hand to me once more. "Hello, I'm Edward Cullen."

I laughed and looked down at his hand, before shaking it. "Bella Swan," I greeted.

With a jerk, he pulled me into his arms and pressed his lips to mine. "That is what I should have done the first time we met," he revealed, brushing a strand of hair out of my face.

I smiled up at him and wrapped my arms around his neck, before kissing him again. "If you had, I would have done that in return."

He chuckled and pulled me into his arms. We stood there for a few minutes, just holding on to each other. For the first time in a long time, I felt whole.

As soon as the journal was nothing more than ashes, Edward put the fire out, and then he stood back up and pulled something else from his back pocket.

"I know we're supposed to be starting over, but I can't burn this," he revealed the charm bracelet he described in his journal. He reached for my hand and tenderly fastened the bracelet around my wrist. I took a minute to look at all the charms he'd collected over the years. "I know it's stupid and maybe it even freaks you out a little. I know I was a little obsessive but this was all I had to hold on to you."

"It's perfect, Edward. This isn't the depressing part of our lives. These are the good memories."

He laughed, brushing the charms with his fingers. "I guess you're right."

A few minutes later we walked back to the town.

"Marcial is going to be so excited to have you here," I pointed out. "He's done nothing but talk about you the entire time."

"I saw him for a minute. I want to spend some time with him too, but he isn't who I came to see." He took my hand in his and held it close to his heart, making it clear I was who he was talking about. I ducked my head bashfully.

When we got back, we joined the kids at dinner and helped get them to bed. Amber was glad we were there to help with the cleanup and bedtime routines.

After everyone was down for the night, Edward and I went outside and sat next to each other on the steps to talk. However, we really didn't talk. We were awkward around each other. I didn't know what to say to him and I think it was the same for him. What do we talk about?

"How much longer are you staying here?" he questioned, breaking the silence.

"I'm not sure. I originally planned to stay for a couple weeks, but I'm thinking I should go back sooner since I kind of got behind a little in school towards the end of the summer term. I checked my grades and I passed all my finals, but I really need to focus on my courses again. I only have a couple years left before I'm done. My dad keeps trying to convince me to move back to Seattle and find a job there but I like where I'm at now. I mean, I'd be willing to move somewhere else if there was a good reason for it, I just haven't decided what I want to do yet."

I knew I was rambling and probably not making any sense at all, so I stopped. I was nervous. Since we were starting over, I didn't know if he'd want to do a long distance thing like Alice and Jasper did or if he'd want me to move to Chicago to be closer to him. I was willing to do it if he really wanted me. But I didn't know if we were jumping into things too quickly. We were supposed to be starting over and moving across the country to be closer to him really wasn't starting over, it was jumping in.

"How do you want to make this work?" he asked. I jumped a little from his words, because it was almost like he knew exactly what I was thinking.

"I don't really know," I admitted. "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. All I really know is I don't want to go another day without you in it. I just don't know how to go about making that happen."

"Maybe we should try to take things slow. Let's not think about the future and just focus on right now," I suggested.

He sighed, running a hand through his unruly hair. "I can handle that."

"Do Alice and Jasper know you're here?" I wondered, changing the subject.

"Yeah," he answered. "Alice is the one who told me you were here. I was really messed up after … you know."

"I'm sorry. I knew what we were doing was wrong but I just stopped thinking with my brain and let my heart do the decision making. Afterwards I thought I'd done something horrible and I got scared. I should have given you a chance to talk," I disclosed quietly, feeling terrible that he had gone through so much paid because of my actions.

"I should have explained things more before I let it happen too. I think, like you, I let my heart take over and my brain sort of shut down," he returned, squeezing my hand in reassurance.

We were awkwardly silent for a moment.

"It's not that I regret what happened, by the way," he suddenly blurted. "Being with you was the most incredible night of my life. The morning after kind of sucked, though."

"The week after sucked," I added.

He laughed and nodded his head in agreement.

"You never did answer my question about the guy I saw you with. Is there anything going on between you two?" he hedged, not meeting my gaze.

"No. We went on a couple dates before I came here to search for you. He didn't understand why trying to find you, was so important to me. He tried to talk me out of it. When I got back he apologized and wanted to know if we could try again. I was trying really hard to forget about you so I agreed. I had fun with him but it never seemed right. After he saw us in the hall and put two and two together, he pretty much ended whatever it was we had going on," I confessed, looking up at the sky so I didn't have to witness the disappointment on his face.

Silence again.

"I'm talking too much, aren't I? I talk a lot when I'm nervous. Well, sometimes I shut down and don't talk at all. Other times I don't know how to shut up."

Edward laughed and lay back on the porch. "Bella, I'm such an idiot. All the time I've wasted being depressed and miserable disappeared in a matter of minutes. I could have been happy years ago, if I would have just done what I knew was right."

I leaned back on my elbows next to him. "Maybe it wasn't right at the time. Maybe it wasn't right until now."

He turned his head towards me as a look of understanding crossed his face. "Maybe you're right." He propped himself up on one elbow while the other hand rested against my cheek, then leaned in to kiss me. I met him half way. Our kiss was slow and tender. I wanted it to last much longer than it did, but he stopped before I was finished. I could tell he wanted to kiss me again by the way he didn't move away from my face and continued to brush his fingers across my hair. I watched his lips and attempted to kiss him again but he pulled back, and sat up. I followed his lead and sat up as well.

"Maybe we should go to bed," he suggested. "I feel like I haven't slept in days."

"Okay," I agreed. He stood to his feet and held out his hand for mine. I took it and stood to follow him into the building.

I was sleeping in one of the few available beds in the orphanage where all the kids slept. I really didn't think about where Edward would be sleeping. There weren't any other beds available at the moment.

We walked through the darkened room over to my bed and I sat down to remove my shoes. I stared up at him nervously. Would he want to sleep with me or would he rather have his own bed?

"I'll be right back," he assured me. He walked over to the supply closet in the corner of the room. I could see his dark figure pull out a blanket and a pillow. He carried it back over to where I was and laid it out on the floor next to me. He slipped out of his shoes and laid down on the blanket. I was a little baffled by why he did it, but I didn't want to ask questions. Maybe he didn't want to sleep with me. Maybe he was having second thoughts. He didn't let me kiss him more a few minutes ago, he suddenly wanted to go to bed, and now he'd rather sleep on the hard cement floor than share a bed with me.

I laid on my bed and stared up at the ceiling trying to make sense of him.

"Edward," I whispered, trying not to wake any of the kids.

"Yeah," he replied.

"Did I do something wrong?"

He sat up, scrutinizing me for a moment. "Why would you think you did something wrong?"

"I'm just trying to figure out why you would choose to sleep on the hard floor rather than share a bed with me. I don't mind," I whispered again, feeling foolish.

He sat up with a grin on his face. "We're supposed to be starting over. I don't think sleeping together after our first encounter would be appropriate. Do you always sleep with guys you barely know?" he teased.

I rolled my eyes and grabbed his arm. "Will you just get up here? I'm not going to be able to sleep knowing you're on the floor."

He laughed quietly while climbing on the bed with me. I curled up next to him while his arm wrapped around my shoulders. He kissed me gently on the head and whispered goodnight.

We were both asleep within minutes.

In the morning I was awoken by the sounds of giggling. I opened my eyes to find at least five little faces surrounding my bed. They were all giggling or smiling at seeing Edward and I in the same bed.

My movements woke Edward and he jumped a little at seeing all of their faces. "What?" he asked them in a playful way. "None of you would share a bed with me. It was either share with Bella or sleep on the floor."

They all giggled more.

"Que te dije sobre no molestarlos? Sal de aqui!" Amber exclaimed from the doorway.

The kids scattered, running outside or into the kitchen.

"I'm so sorry," Amber expressed. "I've been trying to keep them out of here but they keep coming back."

"It's okay, Amber. We need to get up anyway. I should be helping you," I said, pulling myself up on the bed.

"No, it's okay," she insisted. "I can handle it today. You two should spend some time together."

"Amber, you can't do it all alone," I argued.

"I most certainly can," she countered. "What do you think I do when you're not here? I have a little help from the others but I can handle them on my own if I need to. Now go do something fun together. Go into the city or go for a hike. I don't know, just go do something for you."

She walked back outside to watch the kids, leaving Edward and I alone. We glanced at each other nervously.

"What would you like to do today?" he asked.

I shrugged. "I don't care. Whatever you want to do is fine."

"Do you want to go into Santo Domingo? We could go have some lunch and see the sights."

"Sure," I agreed eagerly, having not done much touristy sightseeing.

"Is this officially our first date?" he wondered, nervously.

"I guess it is," I replied with a grin.

I freshened up and changed my clothes before walking out to where Amber was. I wanted to be sure she was okay by herself. She kept insisting she was fine and she wanted us to go have fun. She even said we could stay out all night if we wanted to.

Edward called for a cab to pick us up and drive us the three hours to Santo Domingo. I was still having a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that I was on a date with Edward Cullen. I know we already made love and even kissed a few times, but for some reason this date made it even more real. This was really happening.

We climbed into the back of the cab and the driver drove off.

"Have you had a chance to do much sightseeing since you've been here?" Edward asked.

"No," I replied. "The first time I was here we checked into a hotel just to get a few hours of sleep before we went to Punta Cana and this time my whole purpose for being here was to see Marcial and the other kids. The only thing I've done besides work is swim with Emmett."

"You swam with Emmett?" he asked, chuckling a little.

"Yeah the night we stayed in Santo Domingo I couldn't sleep and neither could he so we went down to the pool." I smiled, remembering the time spent with Emmett that night.

"He swims a lot. It's what he does to relax. I've gone with him before and he's fast."

"Yeah," I laughed. "I was worn out after a few laps but he just kept going. When he finally did stop and we had a chance to talk he told me to tell you he gets it."

"What did he mean by that?" he wondered.

"I don't know," I admitted. "He said you would understand."

He thought it over for a moment and the slightest smile appeared on his face. "I think I know what he means."

I kept waiting for him to explain it to me but he never did. It was obviously a guy thing he didn't want to tell me. I had a good inkling it had something to do with me, though.

We made small talk all the way into the city. It was an easy way to get to know each other again and not feel uncomfortable. When we arrived, Edward had the driver drop us off along the sidewalk. He got out first and reached for my hand to help me. We walked around for a while taking in the sights, and soon came upon a large cathedral building. I stopped dead in my tracks at the sight of it. I'd never seen anything like it before. There were stone carvings and statues all along the brick courtyard. I heard Edward chuckle before taking my hand in his to guide me the rest of the way.

"Wait until you're inside. It's amazing," he said, smiling at my expression.

I was still in awe of the outside of the building, I couldn't imagine the inside being any more gorgeous. I was blown away when we walked in. The design and structure on the inside was the most incredible thing I'd ever seen. The large pillars and zig-zag design through the arches of the ceiling were amazing. There were large paintings trimmed in gold hanging high on the walls. This place was breathtaking. I kept grabbing Edward's hand and squeezing it as we walked around every corner of the building to see everything.

We decided to take a quick picture in front of the main corridor, and found another tourist nearby to ask if he'd be willing to take it for us. Edward wrapped his arm around my waist as we posed for the picture. Just as the camera flashed, I felt Edward place a simple kiss against my temple. I turned to look at him after the picture was taken. He had a bashful look on his face, so I simply smiled and leaned into his side.

We thanked the man for taking our picture and finished the tour of the building.

Afterwards, we hopped on a bus which took us to a cacao factory. The tour of how they make chocolate was fascinating. We started with a tasting of hot chocolate before moving to the field where we were shown how to plant the cacao trees and even got to plant some of our own. We saw how they harvested the pods from the trees and how the beans are extracted, dried and pulverized into a powder. We moved to the factory next where we watched them mix the chocolate and make it into this creamy consistency. After the tour we were ushered to an outdoor tent where we were served lunch and got to watch a performance by some of the townspeople. Edward and I laughed so much at the show they were putting on.

We were encouraged to get up and dance on stage with the performers. I didn't want to but Edward pulled me up there and we started dancing to the music. The type of dance we were instructed to do was all in the movement of the hips, and felt so self-conscious dancing like we were. Edward placed his hands on my hips and tried to show me what to do. I kept pulling away and covering my red face in embarrassment and Edward wouldn't stop laughing at me. I think he enjoyed my humiliation more than he actually did dancing with me. At the end of the tour we were given a sample piece of chocolate, which was delicious. It was much different to eat chocolate fresh than to buy it in a package. I bought a small bag of wrapped chocolates for the kids and staff back at the orphanage and I bought another one just for me to have later.

On the ride back to the city, I fell asleep on Edward's shoulder. When we finally arrived he woke me up and we got off the bus. I was still a little groggy so he held on to me while we walked.

"Do you want to go back to Punta Cana tonight or would you rather stay the night in the city?" he asked.

"I'm exhausted. I'd rather stay here for the night if you're okay with staying," I answered honestly.

"Yeah, it's fine. I was kind of hoping you would want to stay. I'm tired too, and I wasn't looking forward to the three hour drive back."

We walked through the city until we found a hotel and checked in for the night.

"There's something I want to do before we go up to the room," he said, after we got the key to our room.

"Okay." I agreed, willing to acquiesce to him.

We walked hand in hand across the lobby to where they had a couple computers set up for guests to use. We sat down at one of them and he plugged the camera we'd been taking pictures with all day into it. He uploaded only one picture, the one of us in the Cathedral. I bit my lip nervously, knowing what he wanted to do. He had the picture set up in his e-mail and ready to send to his parents, Rose and Emmett, and Alice and Jasper. He glanced over at me, asking for permission with his eyes. I took a deep breath before leaning over him and typing in my mom and my dad's e-mail addresses as well. This was it. We were going public.

He pressed the send button and neither of us moved or said a word. I slipped my hand into his, linking our fingers together. His fingers tightened around mine and a slow smile spread across his face. He leaned over and kissed my forehead before we stood and headed for the elevator to go to our room.

We walked inside the room, still holding hands and I placed the bags of chocolate on the table. Just as they dropped, Edward pulled me into his arms, kissing me passionately. I giggled as his kisses trailed down my jaw and my neck.

I didn't know this is where we were leading, but I wasn't complaining. I didn't realize how much I craved his touch. Clumsily, we moved to the bed and collapsed against it, while we still kissed.

He stopped for a moment and looked down at me curiously.

"Maybe we shouldn't do this?" he wondered. "We're supposed to be taking things slow, right?"

"Do you hear me asking you to stop?" I demanded, impatiently. "I want this, Edward. We've both wanted this for so long. I'm done waiting for this to be real."

He smiled and breathed a genuine sigh of relief. "This is real, Bella. It's always going to be real." He leaned down and began kissing me again.

It was real. He was here. He wanted me and only me. We were together and nothing could break us from now on.

For a while, all we did was kiss. All I wanted to do was kiss him. I wanted to feel his hot breath on my skin, his tongue twisting around mine, his long fingers trailing fire across my goose-bumped skin, and his lips pressed against mine.

As tired as I was, I didn't want to sleep.

Later in the night our clothes were scattered across the room. Movements and touches became more intense and sensual. Everything he did felt right. I never doubted being with him. Having him deep inside of me, giving me the greatest pleasure I've ever had was perfect. It was as if we fit together seamlessly and that we were always supposed to be together.

He knew every part of my body to touch and to kiss. He knew exactly how to make me come undone and lose myself in the sensation of an orgasm.

After our lovemaking I turned to my side, beginning to feel the exhaustion take over. Edward continued to kiss the back of my neck and across my shoulders.

In the midst of my sleep I heard Edward whisper my name. I barely hummed in response.

"I love you," he whispered earnestly. My eyes shot open and my heart began to beat faster. I wanted to say it back, but I hesitated. I questioned whether I really heard him right or if I had been dreaming. A few moments later I felt him curl up beside me and heard the soft, soothing sounds of his deep breathing indicating he had fallen asleep.

I waited too long to react to his confession and now I felt like an idiot for not saying it back. I'd always loved him. Why was it so hard for me to say it?

Eventually, I fell into a deep sleep and decided to worry about it later. I'd tell him when the time was right for me.

**"Que te dije sobre no molestarlos? Sal de aqui!"- "What did I say about bothering them? Get out of here!"**

**Announcements:**

**Some of these might be repeated if you read Happenstance too.**

**First off, I need to say thank you to everyone who reads my stories and gives me so much support with each and every story I write. I've been getting a lot of reviews/PM's from people saying they read every one of my stories, and I just want to tell all of you how wonderful it is to have such great readers. You all amaze me with your constant support.**

**1. I****f there are any "Breaking Free" readers, I donated a future-shot to the Fandom Against Domestic Violence charity. If you're interested in reading this and all the other stories in the compilation from over 100 writers there is a link to the site on my profile or you can just google Fandom Against Domestic Violence. Donations are being accepted through the end of February. Also, if there are any Bobby Long fans out there, I recently went to one of his concerts and told him about this charity and he gave me a free autographed CD to be auctioned off. There is information about this auction on the site as well if you're interested. **

******2. I am also donating a brand new oneshot to Fandoms Fight The Floods in support of the flooding that happened recently in Australia. Donations are being accepted now and the compilation of stories are being sent out on the 1st of March. Again, information for this charity is on my profile or you can google it.**

**3. I was featured on Twi-muses for the story "The Best Day" link is on my profile if you want to check out the interview. I feel like a dork reading over what I wrote but oh well.**

**4. For my story "The Wish" I won 2nd place in the judges voting for the Pick A Pic Challenge contest. I was shocked when I found out. I really didn't think I had a chance with 78 stories to choose from. I didn't do too bad in the public voting round either so thank you to all who read my stories and voted for "The Wish" or "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not".**

**5. I won 3rd place as well as leading lady in the judges choice for my story "A Stolen Heart" in the Twisted Twilight Tales contest. Thank you to everyone who read and voted in the contest.**

**I will be sending out teasers for "Don't Give Up On Me" chapter 19, The "Breaking Free" future-shot, and for the new story (yet to be titled as of now) I'm donating to Fandom4Floods to anyone who leaves a review. If you want teasers please make sure your PM function is open. If you don't want teasers please let me know. I know not everyone likes teasers so if you don't say anything I'll assume you're okay with them.**

**I know that was long but thanks for reading :)**

**New chapter up in a few days...promise.**


	19. Changes

AN: I told you it wouldn't take long for this chapter. Only one chapter left of this story and then I'll be taking some time to continue a few of my oneshots everyone keeps begging me to continue. None of them will be really long but I will add a little to a few of them.

Don't forget to donate to **Fandom Against Domestic Violence** for a **"Breaking Free"** futureshot and to **Fandoms Fight The Floods** for a brand new oneshot. Some of you may be shocked with this oneshot because it's a little different than what I typically write but it's still fun.

Thank you so much Venomousgal for all the beta work you did on this story. You made it look so much better.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters. No copy write infringement intended.

**Reason Why: Ron Pope and Grace Weber (love this song so much)**

**Changes**

I woke up wrapped in his arms, just like the first time. Our naked bodies were glued together both by sweat and the simple longing to be touching each other. I tried to pull free from him but he wouldn't let me go. Every time I tried to inch my way out of his grasp, he tightened his grip around me and pulled me back to him. Even subconsciously, he was not letting me get away from him this time.

"Edward," I whispered, shaking him awake.

He hummed in his sleep and snuggled further into me.

"Let go of me," I begged, trying once again to pull away.

"I can't. I'm not losing you again," he rasped, his eyes still closed.

I looked up at his face and realized he was still asleep. "Edward," I repeated, brushing a few strands of unruly copper hair out of his face. "Can you please wake up and let me free?"

Slowly his eyes opened and his grip loosened. "Don't ever leave me," he begged with a pained, sad voice.

I smiled and brushed my fingers across his face. "I'm not going anywhere. I just need to take a shower."

He took a deep breath and let me go before falling back against the bed. I grabbed his shirt off the floor and slipped it over my head, then turned around and glanced back at him to be sure he was okay. He gazed back at me, propped up on one elbow with a pleased smile on his face. I leaned over the bed and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"I'm going to take a shower. I'll be right back."

I walked to the bathroom and turned the water on, before looking at myself in the mirror. I looked dreadful. My hair was a ratted mess, my eyes were puffy and bloodshot, I had extremely chapped lips, as well as a slight sunburn across my cheekbones and nose. I sighed, realizing there really wasn't much I could do to change my appearance. I stepped into the shower and just stood for a moment letting the hot water rain over me. Before I could start to wash my hair, I heard Edward outside of the shower door.

"Would it be wrong of me to ask if I can join you?" he asked. I laughed before opening the door and inviting him in. He stepped inside and gasped as his eyes roamed over my naked body.

"I know, I look horrible," I responded bashfully, feeling embarrassment starting to creep through me.

"No you don't. I think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

I blushed at his words and ducked my head. His fingers rested against my chin and tilted my head back up to meet his stare.

"Don't ever hide from me, Bella. I want to see every beautiful thing there is about you."

My need for him rushed through my body and I collided into him, seeking his lips with mine. He wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me up, his body pinning me against the wall of the shower. My eyes closed and my head fell back against the tile. Before I could react further, Edward pushed my legs apart, thrust forward, and buried himself deep inside of me. I moaned and shivered as our bodies rocked back and forth against the shower wall in a dance as old as time.

"Oh, Bella," he breathed. "Why did I go so long without making you mine? I've never been this complete before. I've never been this happy."

"Edward… just… make me… come and… we can talk later," I stuttered out between moans of pleasure.

He gripped my ass with his hands, squeezing tightly as he thrust his hips even harder and faster into me, and then buried his head in my neck, kissing and biting at my skin. The sensation was too much and I laid my head against his shoulder and let out a strangled cry as I came apart around him. With a few more erratic thrust he found his own end with a loud growl.

Edward kissed me and ran his hands over me tenderly as I came down from my post orgasmic bliss, and we eventually managed to get washed up. Edward wanted to wash me himself, which is something I've never had someone do but it felt amazing. I loved feeling his hands on my body.

When the water got cold, we got out and got dressed. I assumed we would head back to Punta Cana from here, but Edward said he had somewhere to go and I should wait at the hotel. I tried to get him to tell me where he was going and even begged him to let me go with him but he insisted he needed to go alone.

While he was gone, I went down to the lobby and logged onto the hotel computer to check my e-mail account. I simply could have called everyone but I was really afraid to do so. I wanted to have the chance to see the reaction to the e-mail Edward and I sent out last night before speaking to anyone.

Upon opening up my e-mail account, I already counted five unread messages. My stomach hollowed out and my mouth went dry.

I was terrified to open them.

Taking a cleansing breath I opened the first one, which just happened to be from my mother.

'_ISABELLA, CALL ME ASAP!'_ is all she wrote. This couldn't be good.

The next was from Alice.

'_I'm so happy for both of you. I don't think I've ever seen either of you look this happy. I'm squealing with excitement to see you both again. When are you coming home again?'_

There was one from Jasper as well. I didn't know he had my e-mail address but Alice must have given it to him.

'_It's about time'_ was all his message said.

I laughed at his response. After reading Edward's journal it must have been hard for him to see his brother go through what he did and not be able to do anything about it. I wish Jasper would have told me at some point. If he had maybe I would have had the confidence to tell Edward how I felt instead of hiding from him. But I know he was trying to be loyal to his brother and I respected him for that.

The next email was from Emmett, who also didn't have my e-mail address. Alice must have been a busy girl last night. I could just imagine her calling up everyone she knew and gossiping about the picture we sent them. I wouldn't be surprised if she forwarded the picture to everyone she knew.

Surprisingly, Emmett's email was kind of sweet and put a smile on my face

'_Rose and I are happy for the both of you. Welcome to the family, Bella. I know nothing is official…at least I don't think it is. But I know Edward and it's only a matter of time until you are part of the family.'_

The last e-mail was from my dad.

'_I'm confused. Where are you and what are you doing with Edward Cullen? Should I know what this means?'_

My poor dad, I thought. I hadn't told anyone but Alice I was going back to the Dominican Republic.

After reading the emails I went back up to the room to make a couple calls. Since the electricity in Punta Cana still hadn't been restored completely, and we were running on generators I didn't worry about charging my cell phone, but I did bring it here with me. I plugged it in and waited a few minutes for it to power up.

There were numerous missed calls from both of my parents.

I decided to call my dad first. He'd probably be the easiest to talk to. Charlie wouldn't want details. He'd just want an explanation and be done with it. My mom, on the other hand, would want to know everything.

My father answered on the first ring.

"Hi Dad," I greeted.

"Bella," he sighed. "Are you okay? Where are you? Are you in any danger?"

"No, Dad. I'm fine. I'm more than fine."

"Then can you explain to me what's going on? I got a picture of you with Edward Cullen in some strange place. He had his arm wrapped around you and he was kissing your forehead."

"Yes, Dad I know what the picture looks like. I did send it to you. I don't need you to describe it to me."

"I'm waiting for an explanation," he responded sternly.

"Edward and I are together. We're in the Dominican Republic. That picture was taken yesterday at a cathedral here."

"You and Edward are together?" he asked with a questioning tone.

"Yes, Dad," I answered. "I flew down here a few days ago because of some unfinished business and he followed me."

"Bella," he began in a sympathetic voice. "I know you had a little crush on Edward when you were a teenager but this isn't good. Edward is showing signs of someone who feels like he has an obligation to you for saving his life. He feels responsible. Maybe you feel a little responsible for him too. I don't know, but this isn't good for either of you."

"Dad," I laughed. "I didn't save Edward. This isn't about him feeling like he owes me something. This is something we've both wanted for a very long time and because of what happened recently it's brought us closer together and we're trying to make it work. This doesn't have anything to do with what happened. All you need to know is everything is fine and I'll be back home in a few more days."

He grunted in acknowledgement then made yet another attempt to show his displeasure. "I don't like you in such a dangerous place."

"It's not dangerous. All I'm doing is helping out at the orphanage. There were so many more kids brought in from all the surrounding villages after the hurricane. They need all the help they can get. I'm not in any danger here, I promise."

"I want you to call me every day you're there to check in."

"I can't. I don't have power to charge my phone where I'm staying. I'm at a hotel in Santo Domingo right now and I was able to charge my phone but it's not going to last long."

He huffed. "Find some way to call me. I don't like the fact that you went down there without telling anyone where you were going. What if something happened to you? No one would even know. You've always been responsible and lately I'm starting to wonder what is going on with you. If Mr. Cullen has something to do with the way you're behaving I'm not sure I'm okay with you being with him."

"First of all, Dad," I began a little angry at the way he was treating me. "I'm an adult. Who I want to date or be friends with is none of your business. I'm not looking for your approval or your opinion. Secondly, I didn't come down here without telling anyone. Alice knew exactly where I was. How do you think Edward knew where to find me? And lastly, I will try to call as often as I can but I can't promise it'll be every day. I will call to let you know once I get home."

He sighed in frustration a few more times before finally accepting what I said and hung up the phone reluctantly. I thought my father would be the easier parent to talk to but now I wasn't so sure. I sincerely hoped my mother wasn't going to put up a fuss.

I dialed my mom's number and just like my dad she answered on the first ring sounding out of breath.

"Isabella, where are you?" she barked, before I was even able to say hello.

"I'm in Santo Domingo right now. We'll be heading back to Punta Cana in a few hours I think."

"Why are you back in Santo Domingo and who are you with?"

I rolled my eyes, realizing I was going to have to explain the whole thing again to my mom.

Once I told her the whole story she was much more understanding than my father was. I could still hear the underlying concern in her voice, but she seemed genuinely happy for me.

Just as I was about to hang up, Edward walked through the door. I glanced in his direction and gave him a weak smile. He chuckled, knowing exactly who I was talking to. I'm sure he endured the same questioning from his parents as I did from mine.

His arms wrapped around me from behind as I finished up the phone call. I rested my head back against his chest reveling in the security and comfort his arms brought me.

"How did it go?" he whispered into my hair as I hung up.

I sighed and turned around in his arms before answering him. "My Dad is concerned you're only with me because of an obligation you feel towards me for saving your life." He laughed and shook his head. "I have a feeling he thinks you're a bad influence on me because I've been acting differently lately."

"What did you tell him?" He questioned, while staring down at me with curious eyes.

"I just told him it was none of his business who I'm with or where I'm at and that you had no influence on the way I've been behaving."

"I haven't?" he smirked, deviously.

"Well, maybe a little, but you're not a bad influence. I've never been as happy as I am right now and there's no way someone who's a bad influence could make me as content as I've been the last couple of days. I don't know why I continued to let depression overtake me when I could have ended it so easily."

"Have you suffered from depression since high school?" I asked quietly.

His arms around me loosened and his brow furrowed. He took a few steps back and turned his head.

"I'm sorry. You don't have to answer me." I shook my head and pulled back a bit.

"No, it's okay. I don't plan to keep anything from you. Anything you ever want to know, don't be afraid to ask me," he assured, pulling me back against him.

He sat down on the bed and stared solemnly at the floor. "I've suffered from depression for a very long time. I've taken numerous medications to try and control it but they seemed to just make things worse. I immerse myself with school and work so I don't have time to think or deal with what's going on around me. In short, I do everything I can to be numb."

I walked over to the bed and sat down next to him. He took my hand in his, holding it close to his chest.

"I don't want to be depressed anymore. I want to be happy and you make me happy. You've always made me happy, even in the times you made me depressed." He laughed shaking his head at what he said. "It sounds really weird to say you made me depressed and happy at the same time."

"It's not weird," I assured. I kind of had the same problem. I was always so nervous around you, but then in those situations where we had to work together you always made me feel so relaxed. It's not strange to have contradicting emotions because I did too. I want to help you through it." I placed my hand on his cheek to turn his face towards me. His eyes looked so sad. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly. In turn, I caressed the back of his head and neck, reassuring him I wasn't going anywhere.

"You already have," he revealed.

I smiled, holding him tighter.

"Does this feel as natural and normal to you as it does to me?" he asked, pulling away just a little to look me in the face.

"Yes," I replied in a hushed tone.

"I don't feel awkward or nervous around you anymore. It's like…"

"We fit perfectly together," I finished.

"Yeah," he sighed in agreement.

His forehead rested against mine in a tender moment of understanding.

"I meant what I said last night," he reminded. My stomach tightened. He was going to say he loved me again. I needed to say it back. I needed him to know I truly did love him.

His thumb brushed across my cheek before he leaned in to kiss me. He was hesitating.

I trailed my lips across his cheek to his ear, pressing my face against his. "I love you, too."

He sighed happily, holding me tighter. "You have no idea how unbelievably happy those words make me. I love you so much, Bella."

We took a moment to just hold each other before he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box, opening it up to reveal an oval shaped, light blue stone pendant encased in silver.

"This is called a larimar stone. It's only found in the Dominican Republic." He reached for my arm, fastening the pendant to the bracelet on my wrist. "I thought this would be a good representation of our time here."

I smiled from ear to ear as I looked over the newest charm. "I love it."

He took a minute to explain every charm to me, some of which were not mentioned in the journal. Like the graduation hat and a charm with my birthstone on it. There was even a snow flake from the New Year's Eve party.

We talked for a few more minutes before realizing it was almost time to check out of the hotel. Gathering up the few belongings we had, we hurried down to the lobby and hailed a cab to take us back to Punta Cana after checking out. Edward placed a couple of mysterious boxes in the trunk along with the chocolates we'd bought for everyone back at the orphanage. I was curious as to what was in the boxes but I waited to ask Edward about them until we were both inside the cab.

"Where did you go this morning?" I queried, turning towards Edward with a curious smile.

"Before we left yesterday, Amber asked me to pick up some medical supplies. She's worried with the new kids coming in after the hurricane, illness will spread and she won't have the equipment or the knowledge to adequately treat the children. She wants me to examine every child and give vaccinations to any who haven't had them yet," he answered.

"Are you allowed to do that?" I questioned, slightly surprised at his response.

"It's what I was doing the first time I came down here. It's really not a big deal. It's actually pretty simple."

"But you aren't a licensed doctor yet. Can't you get in trouble?" I wondered.

He chuckled. "I was signed off by Dr. Banner to pick up medications at the hospital here in Santo Domingo and to give simple exams or procedures. That's all I need here to have clearance. I won't get in trouble, trust me."

"What's Amber going to do after you leave? Doctors in the area are scarce and overworked. If something happens with the kids how is she going to handle it?"

"Amber's smart. She'll know what to do." He replied, turning away from me and staring out the window at the passing scenery.

"Amber's great isn't she?" I pointed out. "The way she takes care of all those kids every day and never complains. We should do something nice for her before we leave."

"What did you have in mind?" he asked his attention back on me.

"I think I want to give her a day off. You and I could take care of the kids for a day and give her a day of relaxation and pampering." I responded, grinning as I pictured her reaction.

Nodding my head, I asked the driver to drive us to the nearest spa and ran in to buy a gift certificate for Amber to have an entire day of pampering. When I slid back in the cab Edward was staring at me with a smirk on his face.

"What?" I giggled as he widened his eyes and winked playfully at me.

"You're just such an amazing woman. I've never known anyone like you."

I smiled at his compliment and leaned into his side. He rested his arm across my shoulders and kissed the top of my head.

When we arrived back in Punta Cana, I passed out the chocolate to the kids and gave Amber her gift certificate. She immediately started crying from excitement and gratitude. She deserved to have a day off, though. I wish I could treat everyone to a day off but she was the one with those kids day and night. She deserved it more than anyone else.

The next day she left for her time away. She was giddy with excitement as she got in the cab.

After she departed, it meant Edward and I were in charge. We spent most of the day horsing around with the kids, playing kickball with them and Edward gave each child a piggyback ride. We took them on a small hike through the trees, and made dinner for them. After we were done eating we told a couple stories before getting them ready for their bedtime routine.

Marcial stayed right beside Edward all through the day and night. I was able to see firsthand just how strong of a connection they shared and found it humorous how Marcial attempted to assume the same facial expressions as Edward, or stood the same way he did. Edward was most definitely his idol.

Once the children were settled for the night Edward and I sat outside on the porch to talk and stare up at the stars.

The only thing we never discussed is what would happen when it was time to go home. I'm sure we both thought about it, I know I did. It seemed so surreal to finally be together, I was afraid once we went home it wouldn't be the same. He was going to be starting his residency in Chicago, and I had school at Berkeley. We were going to be so far apart when we had barely managed to get things worked out between us. I wasn't willing to let him give up on his dream of being a doctor though. I knew it is what he wanted to do with his life. I could transfer to a school closer to him if that's what we decided.

The day before we were scheduled to leave, I watched as Edward spent a little time examining each child, and making sure that any new children who were brought in after the hurricane had the vaccinations they might need to protect them from getting sick.

He was a natural with the kids. He knew exactly what to say to calm them down, and could get the shyest, most terrified child to smile. I couldn't keep the proud grin off my face while I watched him interacting with the children.

He caught me watching him and raised an eyebrow. "What are you smiling about?" he asked playfully.

"I just like watching you work. You're so sweet with all the kids. I can see why they all idolize you," I answered.

He sauntered across the floor, wrapping his arms around my waist. "You know you're the only reason I wanted to become a pediatrician right? I wanted to be better for you. I wanted to become something you would be proud of and take notice of."

I smiled timidly at his confession.

"I know it sounds stupid, maybe even a little pathetic. But regardless of why I chose pediatrics, I found out I'm pretty good at it." He chuckled, stepping away to finish cleaning up.

"I've actually been thinking about school a lot," I revealed. He glanced in my direction to acknowledge me before he went back to putting things on the shelf. "Being here and working with the kids has made me question if I still want to be a psychologist." He stopped and stared at me blankly. "I'm really wondering if I want to do something else." I ducked my head. "Maybe even transfer to a different college."

"Bella, don't."

I raised my eyes to his, pleading with him to let me do this.

"I won't let you give up your dream. You don't need to change what you want to do or move to a different college because of me."

"I don't mind. I don't even need to change what I want to do. I could just change colleges. I could move somewhere closer to you," I answered, looking down at my feet as rejection washed over me.

"No, Bella. You can't," he disagreed.

My head dropped and tears stung my eyes. "You don't want me to live closer to you?" I asked sadly.

He sighed, before walking over to me and pulling me into his arms once again. "Bella, I want nothing more than to be with you every single day for the rest of my life. I just don't want you to give up anything you've dreamed of and worked so hard for. It's only going to be for a couple years. If we can go nearly ten years without being with each other, we can go a few more. When we're both done with school and training we can decide what to do from there."

"You have to admit it's going to be hard," I pointed out. "Can we really go another two or three years without seeing each other? We just got things worked out and now we're going to be separated again. I don't know if I can do it."

"All I know is it doesn't matter how long it is or how far apart we are. I'm never going to stop loving you. I don't think I can even if I wanted to. We can make it work. We can visit each other during every break. I'll probably call you hourly. We can do the skype thing. We can make this work if you're willing."

I thought about it for a moment. I knew I was prepared to do anything but I was terrified of losing him. I was still so afraid to give him my heart. So many things had happened in the past that I felt like it was only a matter of time for it all to come crashing down again. Here, things were simple. Back in the real world it was going to be tough.

"Bella?" he questioned, waiting for an answer.

I sighed, looking up at him. "I'll do whatever it takes. I'm not giving up."

He exhaled in relief and hugged me tightly to his chest. "Everything will be okay. I promise." He soothed my hair and kissed my head.

As we stood there holding each other, we heard a small voice calling Edward's name. We turned towards the door and spotted Marcial standing there watching us.

"Time to eat," he informed us in a thick accent. He had a bashful grin on his face.

"We'll be there in a minute," Edward answered.

He pulled away to clean up a few more things before taking my hand to walk to the mess hall.

"Have you told him yet?" I asked.

"No."

Internally I sighed in frustration. Edward had yet to tell Marcial we were leaving. We both knew he was going to be devastated. I hated leaving him again. He had to know this day was coming but it still wasn't going to take the pain away. Edward kept putting it off because he didn't want to hurt him. In a way I understood why Edward wasn't ready to say anything but it seemed like Marcial would be more upset if we waited until the last minute.

We sat down next to Marcial who had a big grin on his face as he ate. I watched Edward all through dinner. He barely ate a thing on his plate. He looked sad. I knew it had to do with leaving Marcial again and probably the inevitable separation we were about to have. I could tell he was dealing with a lot of depression feelings stemming from this even though he tried to hide it from me by giving me fake smiles all through dinner and while we got all the kids ready for bed.

As all the children began to fall asleep, I saw Edward pick up Marcial and take him out to the porch in the front of the building. My heart ached for both of them. I followed behind and stood in the doorway to listen.

Edward started out by handing him a piece of candy. Marcial grinned from ear to ear as he stuck the candy in his mouth. Edward spoke in Spanish to him, which I could only pick up on a few words of, however, I didn't need to understand the Spanish to know what he was saying.

"No!" Marcial shouted, jumping to his feet. Edward tried to reach out to him but he pulled away and ran to me, burying his head in my stomach.

"Marcial, this isn't goodbye forever," I promised placing my hands on his shoulders. "We'll come back next summer. We'll even stay longer. We'll stay the whole summer. I promise."

He wrapped his little arm around me and cried piteously. I rubbed his back trying my best to sooth him, glancing over at Edward just as a single tear fell down his cheek.

"Come on." I picked Marcial up in my arms and carried him to his bed. But when I went to lay him down he wouldn't release his grip on my shirt. I crawled on the bed with him and let him cry in my arms for a while, patting his back and whispering words of comfort.

"Did you know Edward and I have been apart for nearly ten years?" I asked, trying to distract him from crying. He sniffled and adjusted in my arms to listen to me. "Even after all that time we still found each other. We're going to need to be separated a little more too. When we go home we live in different cities and we aren't going to be able to see each other. But being separated doesn't mean we're going to love each other any less. We'll find our way back to each other and we'll do the same for you. We won't ever leave you forever. We'll come back, so, don't give up on us. We'll send you letters and pictures all the time. We won't ever be very far away, so long as we are in your heart."

What I said did seem to calm him a little and eventually he was able to fall asleep. I stayed with him for quite a while even after he began snoring. I hated doing this to him. Every time we came into his life we stayed for a little while and then left again, toying with his emotions. It really wasn't fair to him.

Eventually I did crawl out of the bed and went in search of Edward. I found him still sitting on the steps where I left him earlier, so slipped down next to him and rubbed his shoulder reassuringly. His chin was propped up on his hands while he looked out towards the trees.

"Is he okay?" he asked quietly, his voice shaking with emotion.

"For now," I answered. "He's upset and probably scared, but he'll adjust. He did before and he will again. You don't need to feel bad. You didn't do anything wrong. He's not angry with you."

"How do you know?" he wondered, turning towards me.

"Because it's what I do. It's my job to understand what's going on inside of a child's head." I tucked my arm inside the crook of his and rested my head on his shoulder. "He still loves you. He's still going to look at you as the greatest person on earth. He just needs some time to let things sink in."

"When the storm came I was worried about him getting to shelter, and I made the helicopter wait for me so I could check on him. If we would have left when we were supposed to I would have gotten out and Dr. Banner as well as everyone else would still be here. It's my fault they all died," he confessed in a sad tone.

"You don't know that. It may have happened whether you made the helicopter wait or not. You can't blame yourself for the crash. If I remember correctly, Dr. Banner was just as worried about getting all the people in the villages to shelter like you were. Whether you were on the helicopter when you were supposed to be or not, Dr. Banner may have very well still been out there trying to help. And if you think about it, everyone probably would have been better off just staying here and riding the out the storm like everyone else. Whose idea was it to leave on the helicopter?"

"Doctor Banner," he sighed, pulling at his hair. "He was worried about us being hurt in the storm or something terrible happening to all of us who came down here with him. He wanted to get us to safety. He kept saying we were his responsibility and he had to keep us safe."

"Just like you were doing for Marcial," I pointed out. "Since the surgery you assisted on, you have taken on a responsibility for Marcial. It's not a bad thing, but he isn't your responsibility. He'll be fine. If we can handle a separation so can he. We can come back next summer to see him again."

"You'd come back here with me?" he whispered, surprise evident in his voice.

"Of course I would," I laughed. "Wherever you go, I go. That's how this works." He chuckled and rested his head against mine. "Besides, you aren't the only one who's attached to that little boy."

When morning came, we both tried to pretend like it wasn't. Clenching our eyes shut to keep out the sun didn't help. It was time for us to leave and to face the fact that we were going to be separated from each other for an indefinite amount of time.

We spent the morning packing up our stuff and making sure we told every child and staff member goodbye.

Marcial was avoiding both of us, but I held out hope that he would at least tell Edward goodbye when the time came.

I approached him as we were leaving, telling him goodbye and trying to give him a hug. He resisted but I didn't care. I held on to him as tight as I could.

"Remember what I said. Don't give up on us. We'll come back. And when I get back to school I'm going to take some Spanish classes so I can actually understand more of what everyone says. Although, I'm sure by then Amber will have all of you speaking fluent English and there won't even be a need for me to learn Spanish." I saw a slight smile cross his lips. "Take care of yourself and listen to Amber. She'll watch out for you." His eyes filled up with tears as he wrapped his one arm around my neck.

Edward walked over so I took a few steps back to give them some privacy. I don't know what Edward said to him, but Marcial seemed to accept whatever it was. He gave Edward a hug goodbye and said something in Spanish right before we left.

As the cab pulled away, both Edward and I had tears in our eyes. I imagined it wouldn't be the first time I'd cry today. I still had to get through leaving Edward.

We were silent most of the ride into Santo Domingo. There really wasn't much either of us could say. We just held hands and curled up together in the back seat. We did the same thing on the plane. We both knew it was coming but we weren't ready to admit it.

When the plane landed in Chicago, we were the last ones off. While everyone around us rushed through the terminal to their connecting flights or to their waiting families, we walked slowly. I had an hour layover before my next flight, and even though Edward was home, he stayed in the terminal with me.

"What was it Marcial said to you right before we left?" I asked, while we sat by the window watching the planes take off and land.

"He wanted me to promise him I would come back. I told him I would and he said he wouldn't give up."

I smiled, realizing Marcial took what I said to heart. If Marcial could do this, then we could too.

I waited until the last possible moment to board my plane. My heart was beating so fast and the tears were streaming down my face uncontrollably. Edward kept wiping them away but more would come.

"As soon as I get a chance to come see you I will. Call me as soon as you get home. I don't care what time it is or if you want to call me a dozen times tonight, just call me."

"I will," I promised through my tears.

"Tell Alice and my brother hi for me. Give Brady one of those special dog bones underneath the spare bed for me too. Alice doesn't like him having them but I sneak him a few every time I visit them."

I laughed, at his request. "I'll be sure to give him his treats."

"I love you," he whispered into my hair as he held me in his arms.

"I love you too." We kissed, lingering as long as possible.

Over the intercom they made a last call for my flight. As much as it hurt to pull away from him, I had no choice. As I walked away, our hands stayed connected, only pulling apart when we couldn't reach each other any longer.

I boarded the plane and found my seat. Thankfully, I had a window seat and the plane didn't have a lot of passengers since it was a late flight.

I cried all the way home. The flight attendant kept asking if she could get me anything but there wasn't anything she could get me to make me feel any better.

Once I got home and into my own apartment, I called Edward. I didn't even wait to turn on the lights or look around. I just wanted to hear his voice.

He answered on the first ring.

"I'm home," I said, trying hard not to cry anymore.

He sighed sadly. "How was your flight?"

"It was long. I wanted to get off the plane so I could call you." I waited for him to say something more or say anything just so I could hear his voice. "How are you? Did you get home alright?"

He chuckled. "Well, I haven't been home since last May. While I was in Puerto Rico I broke up with Tanya and she changed all the locks on the apartment we shared. She's not even staying there but she doesn't want me to have access to it."

"Then where are you staying?" I asked, concerned.

"I'm staying with a friend right now. He's going to help me figure out how to get all my stuff out of the apartment and find a place to live."

"I'm so sorry. I should have stayed with you for a couple days to help you," I suggested.

He laughed. "Right, because I really want you to sleep on the couch with me at my friend's house."

"I would have."

I know you would have. But really, it's okay. If you were here it would probably just cause more problems trying to convince Tanya to let me back in to get my stuff. I'll be okay. It shouldn't be too hard to find a place to live."

"Let me know if there's anything I can do to help," I offered.

"Just call me every chance you get. That's all I want."

"I think I can do that."

"You should get some sleep. It's been a long day for both of us. I'll call you in the morning."

"Okay."

We hung up and I was able to keep the tears at bay. It was good to hear his voice. I could live with just hearing his voice for a few months before we could see each other again.

Instead of unpacking, I took a shower and crawled into my bed. My bed had never felt so comfortable. Although, the only thing missing was Edward's arms wrapped around me.

For the next few weeks, Edward and I talked on the phone four or five times a day. We would skype at night when we were both home. I had started back up at school, taking on a full schedule so I could get through the last couple years even quicker, and was going to be starting my internship in the spring term, which I was terrified about. I hoped I would make a good impression and do well. I was so close to being done and then I could go wherever Edward was. If he wanted to live in Punta Cana, I would follow him.

Edward started his residency and every day he'd have new stories to tell me about what he did or who he helped. I could see the rush he got from being a doctor. He loved it, and he was going to be great.

He was still sleeping on his friend's couch, which he wasn't happy about. Unfortunately, he wasn't having any luck finding a new apartment he could afford and one close enough to the hospital.

One night while we were skyping, he seemed distant and I wasn't sure why.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, I've just got a lot on my mind."

"Like what?"

He shook his head and laughed it off. "It's nothing."

"Edward, you can talk to me. If something is bothering you, I'm here to help you."

"It's nothing bad. I'm just trying to figure something out."

"Figure what out?" I prodded.

He sighed and looked down at the keyboard in front of him. "When you were having those dreams about me, did I kiss you?"

I laughed, thinking back to my dreams. "What made you think of the dreams?"

He looked back up at the screen with a reserved look on his face. "I keep having these dreams where I'm in this room and it's all white. I can't see anything. Then, suddenly you appear and I rush over to you and kiss you. I've had the dream a few times, and I don't know what it means."

I nodded my head, while listening to him tell me his dream.

"So… did I?"

"Yeah," I admitted. "It was when you showed me the helicopter crash and how you washed up on a beach somewhere."

His shoulders slumped and his head dropped. "Damn," he breathed.

I laughed lightly at his behavior. "What's wrong?"

"It means the first time I kissed you wasn't real. The dream me kissed you before the real me."

I laughed, shaking my head at his silly comment. "You're being ridiculous. It was a dream, Edward. It wasn't actually real. Our first kiss was real."

He smirked, looking up at the screen through his eyelashes. "Which kiss did you like more, the one in the dream or the first kiss we shared there in your apartment?"

I rolled my eyes and turned my head. "This is beyond ridiculous now. I think you might be working too much and going delusional."

"Just answer the question," he ordered playfully.

I sighed and smiled, playing along with him. "Both were good and bad. The dream kiss took my breath away but it was just a dream. The first real kiss we had here in my apartment was exciting but it made me nervous." I paused, pretending to think it over. "I guess I'd have to say, the kiss we shared when we started over. The one where you told me it's what you should have done all those years ago."

He smiled a proud smile, making his eyes twinkle. "I think I'm a little obsessed with kissing at the moment, because I want to kiss you so badly." He sighed, his face changing from its playful expression to a sad one. "I miss you, Bella. I didn't think it would be this hard."

"I know. I miss you too. But it's almost Thanksgiving break and we can be together again. We just need to focus on getting through this."

"Yeah," he agreed unconvinced. "Thanksgiving can't come soon enough."

"We can do this. You said we could and I trust you," I replied, even though I silently agreed with him.

He took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "You're right. We can do this. It's only a couple more months."

"You should get some sleep," I suggested. "You look exhausted. Try to sleep and dream about what we'll do when we see each other again."

He raised an eyebrow and smirked. "I think that will be a very good dream."

I laughed. "Goodnight, Edward. I love you."

"I love you too. I'll talk to you in the morning."

After I shut down my laptop, I went to bed and cried for hours. I cried for myself and for Edward. I could see the strain our separation was putting on him and I hated it. I didn't want him to be depressed anymore. I didn't want to see the sad looks on his face. I needed to do something to cheer him up.

A few days later, I called Alice to come over and help me. I'd never done anything like I was planning to do and I needed all the help I could get. I'd heard her talk before about what she and Jasper would do while they were in a long distance relationship, and I needed her to explain to me how I could seduce Edward and have cyber sex. I was sure it would turn out horrible and I would only embarrass myself, but I needed to try something.

Alice laughed at me when I finally choked out what I needed her help with. She took me shopping to buy sexy lingerie, and picked out this sheer white baby doll top, which opened in the front to reveal my stomach with matching, barely there panties. I'd never worn anything like it in my entire life and was about to wear it for a computer. Despite my earlier bravado, I was beginning to have doubts about whether I could go through with my plan.

When we got back to my apartment, Alice made me put on the lingerie and prance around the house in it. I was so bashful even in front of her, that I couldn't imagine doing this in front of a camera.

"Bella, you need to relax. You can't do this if you're nervous and trying to hide," she chirped, laughing softly at my stricken expression.

"Maybe this is a mistake. I don't think I can do this," I moaned, pulling the hem of the top down in an attempt to cover myself.

"You don't want to do something special for Edward?" she asked. "I can guarantee he'll absolutely love it if you do."

I shook my head, fighting with myself about whether I could go through with this.

"I love that you're with my brother-in-law and I'm glad both of you are happy now. I know what it's like to be apart, though. It's hard and sometimes you don't know why you're doing it. But keeping things interesting while separated makes the time go a lot faster. Trust me," she advised, slapping my hands away from the top of my ensemble.

I bit my lip nervously and closed my eyes. "Okay, tell me what to do."

"First of all, relax. If you act nervous it's going to ruin the mood. Just pretend you're in the same room with him and your hands are his hands."

"Oh, God," I breathed as embarrassment crept over me and my cheeks heated with my blush. I rushed back to the bedroom and changed out of the lingerie I had on as Alice laughed in the other room.

"Bella, the first time will be the hardest. Once you get through it it'll be easy after that," she called out, giggling softly.

I walked back out to the living room and sat down on the couch next to her. "Maybe I should talk to him about it first. It's really not something he's ever seemed interested in doing. What if he doesn't want to?"

"Trust me, Bella. He'll want to," she grinned, winking at me suggestively.

"It won't be the same though," I complained. "I don't see how I could get into it when he's not here."

"Drink some alcohol before you get on the computer. Here, I'll help you get started." Alice jumped up from the couch and went to the kitchen to pour us both a drink. While she was getting two glasses out of the cupboard, there was a knock on the door.

"That's probably Jasper. I told him to pick me up here after work," Alice explained.

I stood up from the couch and went to answer the door.

Instead of Jasper standing on the other side of the door, like I expected, it was Edward. After a split second of confusion and excitement hitting me I jumped up in his arms with a loud squeal. He laughed, while holding onto me tightly and kissing me anywhere he could reach.

"What are you doing here?" I asked excitedly.

"Edward?" Alice gasped, with a shocked expression as she came around the corner.

"I couldn't do it. I don't want to be apart from you anymore now that I finally have you," he explained.

I sighed and kissed him passionately. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that," I expressed. "I'll move to Chicago to be with you like I offered before. I can find a school there to finish my degree."

"No you won't," he argued. "I'm moving here. I've already transferred programs and spoken with the chief of staff at the hospital here. Amazingly, he was very understanding of my situation and with all the letters of recommendation I collected from old professors, senior doctors, as well as being kind of famous because of what happened to me, he was more than happy to hire me on."

He set me down on my feet and glanced over at Alice, who still stood there flabbergasted at his arrival.

"Besides," he grinned. "I'm sure my brother and lovely sister-in-law will let me live with them for a while."

Alice placed her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow at him. "You don't even say hi to me before asking to live with us?"

Just as I was about to protest, Jasper walked through the door and stopped dead in his tracks, as blown away by Edward's presence as Alice and I were.

"Edward? What are you doing here?" Jasper grinned, reaching out to clap him on the shoulder.

Edward turned towards him with a huge smile on his face and gave Jasper a big hug.

"It's good to see you, Bro," he said happily, patting him on the back. Jasper looked confused at his behavior.

"What's wrong with you?" Jasper demanded, his brow creasing as he stared at his brother.

Edward smirked and pulled me into his side. "I'm in love. Isn't it obvious?"

"You have never been like this before," Jasper pointed out. "Why are you here, anyway? Aren't you supposed to be working in Chicago?"

"I'm moving here to be closer to Bella," Edward explained again. "The long distance thing doesn't work for me."

"That's great," Jasper shouted excitedly. He shut the door and walked over to Alice, giving her a quick kiss before putting his arm around her. "I'm going to like having you around again; the real you. The one I haven't seen in over ten years."

Edward laughed bashfully. "I'm sorry. I know I kind of failed as a brother."

"It's okay," Jasper replied, a happy grin still on his face.

"So," Edward began, addressing Jasper and Alice. "Since I'm moving here, I'm going to need somewhere to stay. I was hoping I could stay with both of you for a while until I can find a place of my own. I'll help out around the house and even pay rent if you want me to."

"Edward," I stopped him, holding up my hand. "If you're moving here you can live with me."

He gave me a puzzled look like he didn't understand my offer.

"Can you excuse us for a minute?" he asked softly, pulling me out into the hallway and away from Alice and Jasper.

"What's wrong?" I asked. "Do you not want to live with me?"

"No, it's not that. It's just… are you sure? Living together is kind of a big step. Weren't we supposed to be taking things slow?"

I sighed in exasperation. "Look, Edward, if you're moving all the way here to be closer to me, then there's no reason why you can't live with me; if you want to, anyway. You don't have to if you're uncomfortable moving in with me so soon. It won't change anything and I'll understand."

He shook his head, chuckling at my statement. "Come here," he ordered, grabbing my hips to pull me closer to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, smiling up at him. "I'd love nothing more than to wake up with you every morning and to come home to you every night." He rested his forehead against mine. "If you're sure, then I guess you'll have a new roommate."

I smiled even bigger, looking up into his eyes. "I guess I will."

We shared a kiss, just as I heard someone coming up the stairs. I happened to glance over in that direction and saw Demetri coming towards us with a handful of flattened boxes. He slowed when he saw us. I loosened my arms around Edward and glanced back and forth between Demetri and the floor.

"It's good to see you, Bella," Demetri greeted me politely.

"You too," I answered, smiling softly. "What's with the boxes?"

His eyes dropped from my face and focused on the boxes when I pointed them out. "Uh, I'm being transferred to Las Vegas. I've got to be out of here by the end of the week."

"You must be excited about the move," Edward spoke up from beside me, his hand tightening on my waist.

Demetri and Edward scrutinized each other for a moment before Demetri answered. "Yeah, I think I am," he finally responded. "It'll definitely be an experience."

"Well, good luck in Vegas," Edward offered his hand in a friendly gesture.

Demetri kind of scoffed but did shake Edward's hand in the end. "Good luck to the both of you too," he forced out before turning to walk towards his apartment.

"Demetri," I called out as he reached his door and turned around. I pulled away from Edward, walked over to him and gave him a quick hug. "Thank you."

"For what?" he asked, astonished.

"For being a friend when I needed one and for being so understanding," I explained, patting his arm.

"I kind of always knew it wouldn't work, Bella. It doesn't mean I didn't try. I'm just glad you're happy and I really do wish you the best," he admitted, his eyes downcast.

"Thank you. I hope things go well for you too." I leaned forward gave him one last squeeze and walked back to Edward. Demetri smiled and nodded his head one last time, before walking through his front door.

Edward sighed softly and slipped his arm around my waist. "That was a little awkward," he confessed.

I laughed, walking him back to my apartment. "Demetri really is a nice guy. I felt bad about what happened. For a while he was the only one I had to talk to, besides Angela."

"But did he believe your story?" Edward asked.

I ducked my head, ashamed. "No, not really," I admitted. "No one believed me, Edward. The only one who truly believed me was Jasper."

"I would have believed you," he admitted, as we walked back through my door.

"Which is why I think Jasper was the only who believed me. It wasn't him, it was you through him," I theorized.

"You might be right," he agreed.

"What are you two talking about?" Jasper called out.

Edward and I laughed and played it off as no big deal. Jasper seemed curious, but he didn't ask any more questions.

Edward and I began explaining how he was planning on moving in with me. Jasper and Alice seemed a little concerned about it being too fast at first, but there really wasn't a lot they could do.

Jasper helped Edward bring up the few boxes of stuff he had in his car while Alice and I made something for dinner, and the four of us ate together and spent a few hours talking before Alice and Jasper left for the night.

After they were gone, things suddenly got real. Edward and I were actually living together. I tried not to show my nervousness once we were alone. I walked to my bedroom and started making room in my closet for his stuff. I wasn't real sure how this was going to work, but I needed to attempt to make an effort.

While I was in my closet, I heard Edward walk into my bedroom.

"What's this, Bella?" he asked.

I stepped out of my closet door and gasped when I saw Edward holding up the lingerie I had thrown on my bed after changing out of it. My face turned bright red, when I saw the knowing smirk and raised eyebrow on Edward's face.

"I uh… Alice…." I sighed. "I bought it today to attempt to seduce you virtually."

An enthusiastic smile spread across his lips. "You were planning to wear this for me online?" he asked for clarification.

"I wanted to. I was really trying to talk myself into it, but being on the computer in that was a little intimidating," I explained.

He placed it back on the bed and walked over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. "Well, since we're living together now do you think I might get to see you in it?" he wondered.

"Maybe," I replied seductively.

He moaned, while walking me to the bed.

"I take it back," he said. "I'd rather just see you."

I giggled as we fell to the bed and started kissing.

This was definitely working out for the best.

**Thanks for reading. I hope everyone like this chapter. :)**

**Since the next chapter is the last and final one I don't think I'm going to give out teasers just so it will all be a surprise. I hope it lives up to everyone's expectations. I know the final chapter can either make or break a story and I'm worried about it. Regardless, I love hearing what people think whether it's good or bad.**


	20. Marcial

**A/N: Before anything else I need to tell everyone thank you so much for reading this story and sticking with it until the end. I know it wasn't an easy story to read with Edward being presumed dead through a good portion of it, but I love a happily ever after. I appreciate all the reviews and constant support all of you have given me to finish this story. Now that this story is finished I will be focusing on "Happenstance" and starting two new stories. One called "To Have and to Hold" (banner for this one is on my profile) and the other is yet to be titled but it's based in Hawaii and focuses around parasailing. I'm also working on a few oneshots for fandom causes and a couple contests, so I'll be busy. Thanks again for reading. :)**

**Venomousgal - thank you so much for getting this beta'd for me. I know it wasn't easy with everything you were going through but I appreciate it as do all my readers. You truly are a blessing to my writing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters involved.**

**This I Promise You: 'Nsync**

**Marcial**

Living with Edward was the most amazing thing. He did everything in his power to make me happy. It seemed strange, but it was like my happiness made him happy. I've never had someone care and love me the way he did. He was the most amazing man I'd ever met, and I couldn't imagine my life without him.

We didn't get a whole lot of time together because of our schedules, but when we were together we made up for lost time. Edward always wanted to take me on official dates. He said he didn't want us so comfortable with living together that we forget how to have fun and do something special. We went everywhere together. I loved him more and more every day. My life was complete with him in it.

It was Christmas and our first time visiting Edward's parents since we'd been together. Amazingly enough, Edward was able to get a few days off for the holidays and we headed to Washington. It meant he had to work all through Thanksgiving, and New Years, but it was nice to have a small break and be able to spend it with family.

Carlisle and Esme were both so welcoming of me in Edward's life. To be honest, I was a little worried about how they would accept me. Edward never did mention much about how his parents took the news of us being together. I knew what Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rose thought, but I still hadn't heard much of what Esme and Carlisle thought.

At first, I think they were a little concerned about whether our relationship was real or just some strange connection we had because of what happened, but once they saw how different Edward was they warmed up to the idea and genuinely seemed happy for us. Esme even pulled me aside the first day we were there to give me a hug. She was crying when she whispered "Thank You" in my ear. I didn't quite understand why she was thanking me, but I accepted with a hug in return.

Later that first night I asked Edward what it was about, and he explained that his parents hadn't really seen him smile in years. When he was with me, all he did was smile. His mom was thankful for that.

On Christmas day, Esme invited my father to have Christmas dinner with us. He was a little shocked at first when they invited him, but of course he accepted. He was definitely the entertainment of the evening. Emmett and my dad were a riot together and kept us laughing all through dinner and well after.

I liked seeing Emmett and Rose again. I really liked Emmett and enjoyed spending time with him. He was always teasing Edward about anything and everything. It seemed like a natural thing between the two of them. Edward never seemed fazed by his jokes and took them in stride. I loved that quality about him.

On our last night in Forks, Edward and I went to my dad's house for dinner. Although my dad seemed comfortable with me and Edward together, I could tell he was still reserved and was waiting for Edward to prove himself worthy of his daughter. I thought it was kind of sweet. Here I was, nearly thirty years old and my dad still wanted to be the protective father figure. I guess he never really had that opportunity when I was a teenager so he was making up for it now.

While I did dishes in the kitchen, my dad and Edward sat in the living room having a heart to heart conversation. I decided to take my time with the dishes, giving them as much time to bond as possible. Edward was the first person I'd ever been this serious about so I was sure my dad had some questions and concerns. I knew Edward wouldn't have a problem winning my dad over, though.

Just as I was finishing up the last of the dishes, Edward came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I leaned back against his chest and smiled.

"You've been in here for quite a while. Did you need any help?" he asked, his lips brushing seductively against my ear.

I sighed, trying to hold in my need for him. "I'm just about done," I answered. "I took my time in an attempt to give you a chance to talk to my Dad."

He turned me in his arms, looking down at me with a questioning look. "What exactly is it you think we were talking about?" he wondered.

I shrugged my shoulders, giving him a puzzled look in return. "I don't know. I just know my dad and he's trying to be all protective like I'm still a teenager. I didn't date in high school and he never met Riley or any other guy I have dated since so this is the first time he's had a chance to be the intimidating father figure." I giggled. "I can just imagine the things he must have said."

Edward laughed in return. "You have no idea," he teased.

"Then enlighten me," I ordered playfully while wrapping my arms around his neck. He leaned down, giving me a quick kiss.

"I would, but we need to get going," he looked away as he evaded the question. "We have to leave early in the morning for the airport and I still have some packing to do."

I reluctantly pulled my arms from around his neck and nodded my head, then quickly washed the countertops off before going in to the living room where my dad was. He hugged me tightly and wished me a Happy New Years. Unfortunately, my New Years was probably going to be spent alone, but I didn't mind.

Edward retrieved our coats from the hook by the door and helped me into mine, before opening the door for me.

"Have a good flight home," my dad called from the front step as we climbed into the car.

"We will, Dad. I'll see you soon. Maybe next time you should come visit us."

He laughed, ducking his head. "Maybe I will be soon."

We drove back to Edward's parent's house silently and I got the impression something was bothering him.

"Did my dad say something to upset you?" I asked.

"No, why?" he answered, glancing back and forth from me to the road.

"I don't know you've just been really quiet."

He smiled and reached over, taking my hand in his. "I'm not upset about anything. I'm just a little disappointed we have to go home already. I like being home with my family. I like you being a part of my family."

I smiled and rested my head against his shoulder as he drove. "I like being a part of your family too."

"Do you?" he wondered seriously.

"Yeah," I agreed. "I mean, Alice has always been like a sister to me and I really like Emmett. Jasper and Rose have really been very welcoming, which I was a little nervous about with Rose. And I love your parents. They seem so caring and supportive of all their children. I really admire that about them."

I heard him breathe a chuckle, before raising my hand to his lips, kissing it softly and then holding it close to his heart.

When we arrived back at his parent's home, everyone was in the living room trying to help Esme figure out the new laptop she just got for Christmas.

"Hey, you two," Carlisle called making everyone turn their heads towards us. "We were all thinking of playing Monopoly tonight. Do you want to play?"

The thought of being with this big happy family playing a board game sounded like fun. I smiled and was about to accept when Edward answered before I had a chance.

"I think we're going to head to bed. We have to leave pretty early in the morning and I know how competitive these Cullen game nights get."

Disappointment rushed through me, but more than anything, I knew there was something wrong. Edward was most definitely upset about something.

I glanced back at his family and could read the worry and concern written all over their faces. They were seeing the same thing in Edward that I was seeing.

I held on to Edward's hand tightly as he led me up the stairs to his old bedroom. We walked inside and he shut the door before he sat down at the edge of the bed to take his shoes off.

I stood there watching and studying him, trying to make sense of what was going on with his emotions.

After his shoes were off, he simply sat there and stared at the floor like he was about to cry. I rushed over and sat down next to him, wrapping my arm around his shoulders.

"What's wrong, Edward? I know there's something bothering you. I want to know what it is," I insisted.

He faked a chuckle and reached for my hand. "It's nothing, really. I'm just dealing with some insecurities and fears like I used to."

"Fears about what?" I pressed further.

He turned towards me with a smile on his face and kissed my forehead. "There's nothing to be concerned about, okay? I get like this sometimes. I start to question myself and wonder if I'm doing things right or if I'm going to make a fool of myself. I'll figure it out, eventually."

"What is it you're trying to figure out?" I asked trying to make him tell me more. He clenched his jaw and stared back at the floor. "I'm sorry if you think I'm pushing too much, I just want to help. I want you to be able to come to me and talk to me when you have a problem. Isn't that what this is all about; being here to support each other and take care of each other? I love you, Edward. Nothing you ever say or do will ever change that. I'll always be here for you."

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tightly against his side, before giving me a chaste kiss on the lips. "Sometimes hearing you say you love me is enough to make it all go away."

I knew he was probably lying, but I realized the more I pushed, the more he was going to pull away. I needed to wait for him to come around and want to talk to me about what was bothering him.

He went to take a shower while I changed into pajamas and crawled into bed. I really couldn't sleep since my mind was swirling with thoughts about what was going on with him. I really hated how he still shut me out of things. We promised each other we weren't going to keep secrets and we would be honest, but here he was keeping something from me; something which was causing him to fall back into a depression.

Twenty minutes later, I felt him crawl into bed next to me and wrap his arms around my stomach from behind. He kissed my shoulder a couple times as well as the spot right behind my ear, before laying his head next to me and falling asleep.

I had a hard time falling asleep, but eventually I did.

_I was running through the trees searching for something, but I didn't know what._ _I could feel the panic and fear rushing through me as I searched. I felt the branches and leaves hitting me and scratching or cutting my face and arms. I could feel the tears running down my face._

_I kept running and running and never felt like I was getting anywhere. I could hear people shouting in the distance but couldn't make out what they were saying. I didn't care. I just kept running and searching._

_I didn't stop, until I saw a curled up figure lying on the ground. A sense of relief rushed through me like I found what I was looking for, even if I still didn't know what it was. I slowly walked over to the mound and knelt down next to it. My hand instinctively reached out and just as I did, the form moved and looked up at me with cold, dead eyes. I gasped and fell backwards when the once sweet and tender face of Marcial changed to something I didn't recognize anymore._

"_You left me," he whispered, his eyes full of accusation._

I sat straight up in bed, choking and gasping for air. I jumped a foot when Edward sat up next to me and rubbed my back.

"Bella, are you okay?" he asked.

I fell into his arms, holding him tightly as hot tears streamed down my face.

His arms wrapped around me protectively. "Bella, what is it?" he questioned with genuine concern in his voice.

I pulled away, looking up at his face. "It's Marcial. Something's wrong. I don't know what it is but something's wrong."

"Okay," he assured nodding his head and wiping my tears.

"I saw him in my dreams. He was lost and I was searching for him. When I found him he looked angry. He wasn't the same kid I knew." I paused for a moment letting the dream come back to me. "Something's wrong with him, Edward. I think something terrible has happened to him. Please, we have to go back."

"It's okay, Bella. It's okay," he comforted soothing my hair and holding me close. "I know someone in the area who has a phone and would be willing to go check on him. I'll give him a call right now."

I nodded my head, feeling a sense of relief as Edward hopped off the bed and went to get his cell phone. I watched as he dialed a number and spoke quickly to whoever was on the other line in a hushed tone.

After a few minutes he came back over and sat down next to me. "He's going to drive over to the orphanage and check in on things. He'll call me back once he knows anything," Edward explained.

I took a deep breath and leaned into his chest. "I know something's wrong, Edward. It was just like the dreams I had with you. You do believe me, don't you?" I choked out through my sobs.

"Of course I believe you. If I didn't believe you I never would have made that call. We'll know something soon."

Edward encouraged me to go downstairs with him to get a drink of water and sit on the couch while we waited. He kept rubbing my shoulder and kissing the back of my hand in an attempt to comfort me, but nothing was going to calm me until I knew Marcial was okay.

"Is something wrong?" Esme asked from behind us.

Edward turned around to face his mom. "Sorry Mom, did we wake you up?"

"Oh no, not at all," she assured. "Are you two okay?"

"Um, yeah," Edward replied unconvincingly. He stood from the couch and walked his mom out of the room most likely to explain to her what happened.

Edward was only away for a moment when suddenly I heard his cell phone ringing. I jumped off the couch as fast as I could and ran to him, waiting and hoping for answers about Marcial.

He answered his phone but I begged him to put it on speaker so I could hear what was going on.

"Hi, Edward," Amber's sullen voice came through on the other end.

"Amber?" both Edward and I shrieked at the same time.

"What's going on? Where's Marcial?" I asked.

I heard her sigh into the phone before answering. "The last few weeks he's gone into a deep depression. He's barely eating, he doesn't play with the other kids at all, and he lies in his bed most of the day. I've been in and out of the hospital with him trying to figure out what's wrong with him but the doctors have no answers for why he's acting like this."

I watched as Edward's head dropped in regret and pain. I reached out and rubbed his back to comfort him. I knew this wasn't going to be good for him to hear right now.

"Earlier today," Amber continued. "He disappeared. We had a dozen people out looking for him. After being gone for nearly six hours we found him curled up in a ball lying next to a tree. He's dehydrated and exhausted, but the doctors say he'll be fine… physically anyway."

"Okay, we'll come down right away to see him," Edward announced. I nodded my head in agreement. I felt like I needed to physically see him with my own two eyes to know he was okay. "I'm sure I can get some more time off from work. If I can't right away, then Bella can go down now and I'll come later."

"I'd rather you didn't," Amber requested.

"What?" we both said in unison again, shock echoing in our voices.

"You both can't keep coming in and out of his life. Every time you do it, it messes him up. He needs to have time to adjust to not having either of you here. He's attached himself to both of you and sending him gifts and pictures of the two of you together is hurting him. He gets so excited at first but then a few days later he shuts down. I'm sorry, but I can't let either of you do this to him anymore. I know you both care about him, but if you truly do you'll let him go so he can learn to live again."

Her words stung both of us. Edward looked like he just had the wind knocked out of him. As much as I wanted to protest, I knew she was right.

"Can you please just call or send a letter occasionally to let us know if he's okay?" I requested, realizing Edward was not going to be able to respond. He was clearly shaken up by what she said. Whatever he was dealing with earlier was not going to get any better with this new development. I felt horrible for even saying anything about the dream. I should have kept it to myself. I should have known this would cause more problems for all of us.

"I'll send out a letter in a few days," she agreed, albeit reluctantly.

"Thanks, Amber," I said before hanging up the phone.

Edward and I stood there for a few minutes not speaking or moving. Esme stood next to her son in a protective stance and rubbed his shoulder.

Suddenly, Edward lifted his head and took a deep breath startling both me and Esme. "We need to pack. I have to be back to work tomorrow."

With that statement, he headed back upstairs leaving me standing with his mother, stunned and confused.

"Is he going to be okay?" I asked timidly not really expecting an answer.

Esme pulled me into a warm embrace, doing her best to comfort me as well. "He'll be just fine as long as he has you by his side. It'll be tough going for a while, but he'll get through it. You both will, and so will Marcial."

I nodded my head and smiled at her reassuringly, before slowly walking up the stairs to pack my stuff. Edward was quiet and barely acknowledged me in the room as I arranged my belongings.

By the time we were ready to leave the next morning everyone in the house was up. They all said their goodbyes and wished us well. Edward never spoke a word to anyone about what happened during the night, but I knew Jasper could tell something was wrong. He kept giving both of us strange looks like he was trying to read our thoughts.

While Edward was out loading our bags in the trunk of the car Jasper pulled me aside and insisted I tell him what was wrong with his brother. Hesitantly, I did tell him as much as I could in a matter of about thirty seconds.

"What should I do?" he asked sincerely.

I shrugged and shook my head. "I don't know. I don't even know what I can do. I'm hoping once we get home we can talk but I'm worried he blames me. If I hadn't said anything about the dream none of this would have happened."

"Bella, don't blame yourself. Obviously it was something building up and probably only a matter of time before it happened. I'm sure he doesn't blame you either. Knowing him, he's probably blaming himself."

"Yeah," I agreed, regrettably. I didn't want him blaming himself either. That would be worse. "Do you have any advice? You've known him your whole life. I still feel like I don't know how to help him or make him feel better. He was already upset about something last night on the drive back from my dad's and he won't tell me what that was. Now this happened and it made things ten times worse. I don't know what to do."

He chuckled. "Bella, I have been trying to get through to him for over ten years. It took you a matter of a day to make him smile again. If anyone can help him get through this it's you."

I smiled bashfully at his statement. "Thanks, Jasper." I gave him a quick hug before going outside and telling everyone else goodbye. Edward barely said goodbye to anyone before getting in the car and starting it up.

The trip to Sea-Tac was fairly quiet. Both of us were lost in our own thoughts and fears. I honestly didn't know what to do or say so I decided that silence was best.

Once we were on the plane, to avoid any further uncomfortable silence, I rested my head back against the seat and fell asleep. I was actually hoping I might have another dream like I had with Edward. Maybe if I had another dream about Marcial I'd have something to tell Edward to make him feel better about the situation.

Unfortunately, I didn't get the chance to dream. The flight was so short I barely fell asleep before we were landing. We picked up our luggage and caught a cab home and Edward still hadn't uttered a word.

When we walked into our apartment I couldn't take it anymore. I dropped my bags on the floor and turned around to face him. He simply stood by the door with his head down looking like a wounded animal. He wasn't even fazed by the sound of the suitcase hitting the floor.

"Edward, please tell me what I can do," I begged. "I can't handle the silent treatment you're giving me. I know you're probably angry at me right now, but there's got to be something I can do to make this better. Just tell me what to do."

His eyes rose to mine and the look of intense longing on his face nearly undid me. "Marry me."

Chills ran up and down my body and I felt light-headed. Had I heard him correctly?

"What?" was the only word I could manage.

"Marry me, Bella," he repeated, his expression serious. He closed the distance between us and took my face in his hands. I stared up at him with wide, frightened eyes. "You wanted to know what was bothering me. I had planned to ask you to marry me on Christmas, but I chickened out. I doubted myself and I doubted your love for me. Last night with your dad I asked him his permission, thinking maybe if I had his blessing I would have a little more confidence. I told him I planned to ask you on New Year's." He shook his head and chuckled lightly. "I probably would have chickened out again if it wasn't for Marcial."

I gave him a questioning look. I didn't know how Marcial gave him the confidence to ask me to marry him, but somehow he did.

"I thought about this all the way home and it makes perfect sense," he continued. "I want to bring Marcial home with us. I want to give him the life he deserves. I want to adopt him and I'm asking you to do this with me. I'm asking you to marry me and make us a family."

I stared up at him unable to answer while I thought about what he was suggesting. He wanted to adopt Marcial. He wanted us to be a family. He wanted me to be a mom. Could I really do this? Could I really marry him and be a mom?

The more I thought about it, the more the obvious answer screamed at me.

I stood motionless as he lowered himself to one knee, taking my hand in his. "Marry me."

"Yes," I gasped, beginning to cry. "Yes, Edward."

He breathed a sigh of relief and reached into his pocket, pulling out a little black box which opened up to reveal a simple diamond solitaire in a white gold setting.

"I know it's not much, but I'll get you something better when I'm actually making good money," he promised.

"I don't want anything bigger. This is just perfect," I assured. He smiled and slipped the ring on my finger.

I fell to the floor and hugged him tightly, squealing with excitement. I was actually going to marry the man I'd always wanted.

The rest of the night, we spent discussing adopting Marcial. I was hesitant at first, considering we were both barely financially surviving as it was. I wasn't even done with school and he had just started his residency. An international adoption wasn't cheap. I don't think we ever discussed the wedding. Our main focus was figuring out how we could adopt Marcial and bring him home. The more we discussed it and thought it though, the more I realized just how right this was. It wasn't about guilt or fear of what we'd done to him. It was about him belonging with us, to us. He'd always been a part of us. He'd been the one to bring us together somehow. With his physical handicap it would be better for him to live with us because we could get him the treatment and special help he needed to live a fulfilling life. This was right.

My mom was probably the most shocked by the news that we were getting married, but she was even more shocked when I told her we were planning to adopt a little boy from the Dominican Republic. She thought we had both gone absolutely crazy and tried to talk me out of it, but once I explained the situation, she came around a little.

My dad was surprisingly overjoyed to see us getting married and adopting a child. He told me it was something he always thought I would do. He also told me that after spending time with both Edward and I, he realized how close of a connection we had and knew this was right. My dad always managed to put a smile on my face.

Edward's parents were also supportive of any decision Edward made and had complete faith in his choices. They offered to pay for the entire wedding and all the international adoption fees, which were much higher than we expected them to be.

Edward wanted to move into a house, so we started searching for one close to where Alice and Jasper lived. We were lucky enough to find one only two blocks away from them, which was perfect. It was only a three bedroom house with a small backyard but it was fine for right now. Someday, we'd buy something bigger and better.

Jasper and Alice were more excited about us living so close to them than us adopting a child, although they both promised to help us out with Marcial as much as they could. With Edward working erratic hours at the hospital and me still in school it was going to be tough to care for him. He would be in school part of the time but we'd have to work out a schedule for all of us.

Alice, being the event planner, was put in charge of planning our wedding. I wanted it to be simple and small, nothing over the top. There were only a handful of people I wanted to invite so we didn't need it to be too extravagant.

Rose was…Rose. She didn't think it was a good idea to adopt a child when we were only going to be married for a few short weeks before we brought him home, but after her initial protests, and us telling her nothing she said was going to change our minds, she kept her mouth shut. Emmett, on the other hand was probably the most excited out of anyone. He couldn't wait to have a nephew and he went around telling everyone that he was going to be an uncle in just few short months.

It took forever for us to finalize the adoption process. There were stacks and stacks of paperwork to fill out. We had to take parenting classes and meet with numerous case workers, adoption workers, counselors, and attorneys. It was exhausting to be honest. Then there was the issue with our not being married yet, but once we explained our plans to get married shortly to the officials everyone we talked to seemed to accept our choice.

Alice, Angela and Rose took me dress shopping about two months before the wedding. Alice said it was cutting it close but with school, my internship, moving, and the adoption process, I didn't have time. Finally, she put her foot down and insisted I take a day off, leaving Jasper and Edward to deal with fixing up the house we just moved in to. Alice was sure it was going to take all day for us to find the perfect dress and wasn't even sure if we'd find the right dress, but was determined to give it her best shot.

We walked into the first shop and were greeted by a very pretty woman named Mary who showed us to the back of the store and asked us to take a seat. She questioned me about what it was I was looking for in a wedding dress and in typical Alice fashion she answered for me.

"I'm the wedding planner and even though the wedding is going to be small she needs to wow the crowd. I want her to be in a full ball gown, lots of beading, lots of lace, and I think a strapless look would work best," Alice surmised.

I stared over at her with a gaping mouth. Angela and Rose both giggled next to me.

"Thanks Alice," I said sarcastically.

"Bella, you know I would never make you wear anything you didn't want to, but I am the one planning this wedding, and I know what would look the best," she explained, brushing off her high handedness.

"Don't worry about it, Bella. She did the same thing to me when we planned my wedding," Rose informed me. "She actually knows what she's doing too. Even though we both had different ideas of what I should wear, we compromised in the end and she was right about how perfect the dress she thought I should wear actually fit the wedding theme."

I gave her a grateful smile before glancing back at Mary. "I guess I better listen to what Alice suggested."

Alice squealed and clapped her hands excitedly. Mary walked away to retrieve some dresses from the back room, leaving us to chat for a few minutes. I hadn't really thought about the dress much. I didn't know the first thing about wedding dresses. Even though I was a little perturbed with Alice taking control, I was thankful she was here to help me out too.

"So," Alice began nervously. "Have you decided who will be in your wedding party?"

Oh right." I hadn't told them yet, which was part of why I'd asked them all to be here today. "Actually, I want the three of you to be in the wedding party. Of course I'll want Alice to be my matron of honor but Angela and Rose, I want you both to be my bridesmaids."

I looked up at their faces nervously. The three of them slammed into me with hugs squealing with excitement. I laughed at their exuberance at being a part of my wedding.

"Alright, we're all ready for you, Bella," Mary informed walking back over to us.

"While I'm changing into dresses, the three of you should pick out some bridesmaid dresses. I don't care what you wear, so choose whatever you want," I instructed.

"Uh, no," Alice interjected. "I will be picking out what everyone wears. There's no way I'm letting us wear bridesmaid dresses that are not matching or in opposing colors. I've got this, Bella. You just work on finding a wedding gown."

I laughed at her just as she got up and started searching the racks of bridesmaid dresses. Angela and Rose shot me a glance and rolled their eyes.

There was a knot in my stomach as I followed Mary back to the dressing room. I was still having trouble wrapping my mind around the fact I was marrying Edward Cullen.

I changed out of my clothing and into the bra and slip I was given before the consultant walked in to help me into the first dress.

"This first one is absolutely beautiful," Mary described. "After hearing what your wedding planner described, I knew I had to get this dress for you."

"She's not only my wedding planner. She's also my best friend and very soon will be my sister-in-law. Her husband is my fiancé's twin brother."

"Oh, that's why she's so overbearing then," she laughed.

I laughed and nodded my head in agreement.

Once the dress was zipped up all the way in the back, Mary had me turn around and look in the mirror. I gasped at what I saw and tears instantly sprung to my eyes. It was exactly what Alice described. It was strapless, with a full ball gown and had pearl beading all along the bodice. It flowed out in layers and layers of silk and organza. The dress was perfect and it fit me like a glove. It was like the dress was literally made for me. This was the same dress I remembered from my dream. This was it.

"Do you like it?" Mary asked quietly.

I nodded my head unable to speak I was so overcome with emotion.

"Should we show the warden?" she joked casually.

"Yeah, just give me a minute." I wiped the tears away from my eyes and took a few cleansing breaths.

Mary gathered up the train and helped me walk out towards my friends. As I walked out, I searched each of their faces for a reaction but all they could do was stare in amazement. I expected Alice to instantly start her commentary but she didn't utter a word.

I stood in front of the mirror, looking back at the three of them, waiting for anything.

"What do you think?" I asked nervously.

Alice's eyes finally rose to meet mine and with an awed voice she answered. "You look absolutely amazing. This is it, Bella. There's no reason to try on any other dresses."

"I agree," Rose said. "This is perfect."

Angela, unable to talk from the tears falling down her cheeks, nodded her head in agreement.

"Are you all sure," I asked doubting myself. "Is this really the dress? I mean, I've only tried on one dress. Maybe I should try on a couple more just to be sure."

"If you want to you can," Alice said. "But honestly, Bella this is the dress. I can't imagine anything else looking better than this one."

"Okay," I accepted. "Then I guess this is my dress and now it's time for the three of you to try on bridesmaid dresses."

Alice hopped up giddily and held up some dresses she'd placed in the chair next to her. "Which one do you like best?" she asked.

I looked back and forth between the three dresses and settled on the cream colored, spaghetti strap, tea length dress. I was sure if my choice wasn't correct I'd be vetoed by Alice but when her smile grew into a huge grin, I knew I'd chosen correctly.

Just a few short weeks later my mom flew in to help me with last minute preparations for the wedding and to actually spend some time with Edward to get to know him. Within a couple hours my mom was already in love with him. He was exactly what she always pictured for me and she couldn't be happier for both of us. She kept reminding him of how much of a catch I was, making me blush and leave the room a lot. Edward was a doll and would just smile and agree with her wholeheartedly.

Edward was able to obtain four weeks off for our wedding and to travel to Punta Cana to get Marcial. A week before the wedding we all headed up to Forks. The wedding was going to be held in the backyard of the Cullen home, which is exactly what I remembered from the dream.

That last week was a blur. I remember setting up and preparing things but I don't remember much more than that. Alice insisted I wasn't allowed to see the final setup until I walked down the aisle.

Two days before the wedding, we finally received the official documentation from the Dominican Republic stating our petition to adopt Marcial had been approved and that we needed to set up a time to travel there and pick him up to complete the adoption process.

We hadn't told him or even Amber about our plans in fear they would fall through, but having that official documentation in our hands was exactly what we needed to make it real. We rushed around the house telling everyone who was around. Even vendors who were just dropping stuff off for the wedding were told our wonderful news.

We decided not to call Punta Cana. We figured Amber probably already knew about the adoption by now and we really wanted it to be a surprise for Marcial. We hadn't had any contact with him for months and we couldn't wait to see him again to tell him the good news.

The night before the wedding, Edward and I were lying on his childhood bed, kissing and holding each other for one last time before we were separated by Alice for the night.

"Where do you want to go for a honeymoon?" he asked playfully.

I smiled. "You know exactly where I want to go."

"Just making sure you haven't changed your mind. This is a huge step. It hasn't even been a year since we've been together," he pointed out, hovering over me and brushing a strand of hair off my forehead.

"I don't believe that. I think in my heart I have always been with you. From the very moment we met I've been yours."

He smiled proudly. "I'd have to agree with you Mrs. Cullen."

"I'm not Mrs. Cullen yet, you know?" I teased. "I'm still Miss Swan, and I'm actually considering hyphenating my name."

"Then where does that leave Marcial?" he asked playing along. "Should his new name be Marcial Swan-Cullen?"

I laughed pulling him down closer to me and kissing him passionately.

"I actually really like the sound of Bella Cullen. I'm sure you'd laugh at me if I told you I used to write _Isabella Cullen_ all over my notebook."

"Did you really?" he questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"No," I laughed. "No, I wasn't that type of girl."

"I didn't think you would be. You've always been different. I think that's one of your most attractive qualities," he said seductively, leaning in to kiss my neck.

"You know Alice is going to kill you if she catches you right?" I reminded.

"Who's going to tell? I won't take long." His hand trailed up my side, lifting my shirt and grazing his fingers across my nipple.

I giggled at the sensation and leaned my head even further to the side to grant his lips access. I moaned and had just begun to lose myself in his touches when there was suddenly a knock on the door.

"Edward you are not supposed to be with your bride-to-be the night before your wedding," Alice's sharp voice warned.

"Come on, Alice. Can't you just make an exception for an hour, tops?" Edward begged. I giggled and brushed my fingers across his cheeks before lightly kissing him on the lips.

"Absolutely not, now get out. Bella needs her beauty sleep," Alice ordered.

"No she doesn't," Edward argued. "She's always beautiful, Alice."

"Yeah, yeah, you're a real Prince Charming. Now, I'm not going to warn you again before I come charging through this door."

He sighed in frustration and rolled off of me. I sat up next to him and rubbed his shoulder. "I'll be out in five minutes," he promised.

"I'm setting the timer now," Alice warned.

"God, she's so bossy," Edward complained.

"I heard that," Alice called through the door sending both of us into fits of laughter.

"I probably should leave before she follows through with her threats," Edward suggested. "I wouldn't put it past her."

I whined, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. "I don't want you to leave. I don't believe in bad luck. I believe all bad luck turns to good luck."

"Me too, but my sister-in-law will disagree with both of us and veto all of our votes. You know she will."

"I know," I complained pulling my arms away from him.

He turned slightly on the bed, twisting his hands in my hair and pulled my lips to his. His kiss was all consuming like he feared this might be the last time we might see each other. Or maybe it's just because he didn't want it to end. I know I didn't want it to. If I had my way we would have just gotten married at the court house and went straight to the honeymoon.

When there was another sharp knock on the door, Edward grumbled and pulled away from the kiss.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you, too," he said with a smile and gleam in his eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"I'll be the one in a white dress," I reminded playfully.

"I'll be the one in a white tux," he said in return.

"You're wearing a white tux?" I asked.

"Yeah, Alice said you chose a cream color for the bridesmaid dresses so she thought the whole theme of the wedding should be light colors. Everyone is in white or cream and everything else is too."

"Oh," I said.

"Are you okay with everything being light colors?" he asked nervously.

"Yeah, it's fine. I just keep thinking back to that dream I had with you at your wedding...our wedding. Everything Alice keeps doing is exactly what I remember."

He smiled, leaning down one last time to kiss me. "The only thing I remember was how beautiful you were walking down the aisle. I didn't notice anything else and I'm sure tomorrow it will be exactly the same."

I rolled my eyes and laughed lightly. "You really are a Prince Charming."

"Your Prince Charming," he cooed with a crooked smile on his face.

"You're really cheesy, you know?"

He laughed. "I know. But I also know regardless of how cheesy or ridiculous I am you'll always love me."

"Yes I will. And you'll always love me."

"For the rest of my life," he promised. "Probably even after death."

I laughed and rolled my eyes again. "Get out and go have fun with Jasper and Emmett tonight. I'll see you tomorrow."

He leaned down, giving me one last kiss before walking towards the door. I started pulling down the sheets and crawling into them.

"Bella," he called, stopping at the door. I paused and looked over at him. "Thank you."

I gave him a puzzled look and asked him, "for what."

"For making every dream I've ever had come true. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. You truly did save my life even if you try to convince everyone you didn't. You did in more ways than one."

I blushed at his words, before jumping off the bed and running across the floor and embracing him in a tight hug. His arms encircled me and I heard him sigh softly into my hair.

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you, too."

Once again, Alice started pounding on the door and was joined by Jasper and Emmett this time.

"Come on, Man. We have some bachelor rituals to get to," Emmett called.

"You are planning to spend the rest of your life with her. Can't you leave Bella for one night to come hang out with us before you're tied down?" Jasper asked jokingly.

We heard Alice smack him and Jasper screech in pain before she started giving him a lecture. We ignored them and held on to each other a little longer before they started pounding on the door again.

Reluctantly, we released each other and Edward left the room with Jasper and Emmett. Alice came bounding through the door and hopped on my bed.

"What were you and Edward doing?" she asked accusingly.

"Nothing," I relied. "We were just talking."

"Well, as your matron of honor I am here to do anything you need before you go to sleep. Do you need a massage or a facial? Maybe you'd like to sit up and chat for a while to try and calm your nerves," she suggested.

"Why don't you just let me sleep?"

"Seriously?" she whined. "No girl talk or anything?"

"No, I'm actually kind of tired. I don't want to be tired tomorrow. It would probably be really bad if I was yawning during the ceremony or if I had bags under my eyes from lack of sleep."

"Alright," she accepted readily. "But if you need anything I'll be right down the hall."

"Thanks, Alice. I'll see you in the morning."

I crawled under the covers and turned off the light next to the bed before falling asleep.

In the morning, I was woken bright and early to prepare for the day. Alice started in on fixing my hair and make-up right away. I didn't even have a chance to eat something first. She called Rose in to go make me a bagel and bring me up some coffee. She said there was no time to rest so I had to eat while she worked.

We were having a noon wedding since we had to be on a plane to the Dominican Republic at six later that night. Our bags were already packed and all documentation we needed for the adoption was carefully placed in our carry-on. We had a bag packed with clothes, toys, and other necessities for the kids at the orphanage and of course things for Marcial. As crazy as it might sound to have a child on our honeymoon, it's exactly what we both wanted. We just wanted him to know we hadn't forgotten him and we were going to make him a part of our life forever.

With only five minutes to spare, Alice zipped me up in my dress and told me I was ready. I took a cleansing breath trying to get the nerve to walk down that aisle in front of everyone. I just needed to focus on Edward and I'd be okay.

Right before we went downstairs, Alice held out a small box towards me. "What's this?" I asked taking the box from her hands with a curious look on my face.

"It's from Edward. He told me to give it to you right before you walked down the aisle," she explained. "And it better not make you cry otherwise he's in big trouble."

I opened up the box to reveal a charm of two wedding rings. One was engraved with our wedding date and the other was engraved with 'Bella Amore'. I smiled and instantly felt the tears begin to form in my eyes.

"Oh, no you don't," Alice warned, beginning to fan my face with a magazine. "I told you no crying."

"I'm sorry. I just can't believe this is really happening."

"It is happening, Bella, and I'm so happy for both of you," she expressed taking the charm from my hands and fastening it to the bracelet I still wore on my wrist.

"Thanks Alice."

"You're welcome." She gave me one last hug before helping me pick up the bottom of the dress to make my way downstairs.

My mom came up just as I was beginning to go down.

"I wanted to talk to you really quick before you walk down the aisle," she begged.

I nodded my head and went back into the room with my mom following behind. Alice huffed and pointed to her watch.

"It'll only be a minute, Alice. It's not like they can start without me, anyway," I pointed out.

"Make it quick," she ordered.

I shut the door and turned towards my mom.

"I just wanted to tell you how proud of you I am. I don't think I've said that enough through the years. I know you're a grown woman now and don't need a mom anymore but I still see you as my little girl I carried around on my hip," she cried.

"Mom, don't cry," I pleaded. "If you cry, I'll start to cry and Alice will be furious with me."

"I'm sorry," she apologized, wiping her eyes and pulling me into her arms. "I'm just so happy for you. I can't believe my little girl is getting married."

"I am, Mom and in just a few short days I'm going to be a mother too. How crazy is that?" I joked.

"Are you sure, Isabella?" she asked. "I know you and Edward have thought this through and worked really hard the last few months to make this adoption possible, but are you really sure? He's not a baby you can raise. He's going to have a completely different culture and way of life already instilled in him. Are you ready to take this on?"

"I'm sure, Mom. I've never been surer about anything in my life. Not even becoming a psychologist is as important as he is to me. I'm Marcial's mother and I'm going to bring him home," I insisted.

She nodded her head and smiled in acceptance. I could still see the concern in her face, but I didn't care. She didn't get it and she probably wouldn't until she got a chance to know him.

She gave me one last hug before rushing downstairs to find her seat.

Angela, Rose, and Alice all walked out in front of me followed by Brady who Alice dressed up as the ring bearer. Personally, I thought it was a little tacky to have a dog as the ring bearer, but she insisted because he was family. Edward didn't seem to have a problem with it so we told her it was fine.

"You look beautiful, Isabella," my dad said from behind me. I turned around to face him and smiled proudly. "I've never seen a more beautiful bride. Edward is going to be blown away by your beauty."

I giggled and pulled him in for a hug. "Thanks, Dad." He held onto me so tightly and I'm sure I heard him stifle a sob.

He took a deep breath, holding me out at arm's length looking at me one last time. "I need to get you down that aisle. Edward's waiting."

I slipped my hand into the crook of his elbow and steadied myself for the walk down the aisle.

The doors opened and all I could see was the bright image of Edward's face shining back at me. I ducked my head bashfully at his exuberance. My dad led me down the aisle and passed me off to the man I'd loved most of my life. It still felt like a dream, but if it was I didn't ever want to wake up. This is where I belonged.

"Is it how you remember?" I asked after taking Edward's hand.

"No," he answered with a smile and tears in his eyes. "It's even better."

I smiled proudly and turned towards the officiate to say the sacred vows I'd only dreamed about.

Edward wanted to add our own vows in to the traditional ones so when the officiate told him he could begin, he took a deep breath and smiled down at me with pure joy and happiness in his face.

"My Bella Amore," he began. "I've loved you forever, maybe even longer. You have been my strength, my happiness, my hope, and my dream from the day I met you. I gave you my heart on that first day and you have carried it all this time waiting for me to find it again and realize how much I needed you. I fall in love with you more and more each day we're together. Today I promise to love you for the rest of my life and never ever let you doubt my love. Today my life has finally begun and I thank you for that."

We both had tears running down our cheeks as he recited his heartfelt vows. I was so choked up I didn't think I could get my own out. His hands rose to my face and he swiped his thumbs across my cheeks.

I took a deep breath and sniffled to find the courage.

"Edward," I began. "All I have ever wanted was for this day to happen. I never imagined what I saw all those months ago would actually come true. You say I held your heart all these years but you have held mine in return. You have always had my heart. You gave me courage, strength, hope, and faith in myself. I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for you. You have shown me what true love is these last few months and I can't wait to be your wife and make our family complete. There is no one else in this world I would want to spend the rest of my life with than you. I promise to love you for the rest of my life and always show you just how much I mean that."

There wasn't a dry eye in the audience after we said our vows. Even the officiate was a little choked up and had to clear his throat a couple times to continue. He made a joke to lighten the mood which made everyone laugh and stop crying. With only a few more words and the rings being exchanged, the officiate announced us husband and wife. The rush that went through my body at hearing those words was exhilarating. Edward and I were married and everything finally felt right.

The wedding was short and simple, which is exactly what we both wanted. It didn't matter what we said or how we said it. In the end whatever we said still meant the same thing. We were married and could make our family complete… for now.

Directly after the ceremony, I was pulled aside by Edward's family. Carlisle handed me a small box and I opened it up to reveal a small charm.

"Edward told us about the charm bracelet and we all agreed this would be an excellent addition to the bracelet," Carlisle explained. "This is a very old crest of the Cullen family dating back hundreds of years. Every member of the Cullen family has been given some sort of token with the crest throughout the years. We also have something special for Marcial when he comes home."

I reached out and hugged him, trying to hold in the tears. "Thank you," I whispered.

"You're welcome. We're all overjoyed to have you be a part of this family, Bella. There isn't anyone else better for my son," Carlisle said.

"Welcome to the family, Bella," Esme said pulling me into a hug.

I was passed around between all of them to receive a hug and congratulations, before I was passed back to Edward. For the rest of the night, Edward didn't let go of my hand. The only time he did was when I danced with my dad where my dad cried openly for all to see. I've never seen him get emotional. He tried to joke about it by saying he'd saved up all his tears through the years for this very moment, and as much as I tried not to cry during the reception, I think that's about all I did. But they were tears of happiness.

At Alice's insistence, we did all the traditional wedding rituals while being watched by our family and friends. We cut the cake and fed it to each other. We drank champagne and listened to toasts from Jasper and Alice as well as Emmett and Rose. We had our first dance. And lastly, Edward pulled off the garter and tossed it into a group of single men while I tossed the bouquet into a crowd of single women.

After all the customary things were taken care of and Edward and I were sure we walked around to thank everyone for coming we were ushered upstairs to change out of our wedding attire.

It was a whirlwind of events, but once we were safely in the car on our way to the airport we both relaxed and finally felt like we could breathe again.

While on the plane, I got to thinking about Edward's journal and some of the things he said in it.

"Edward," I began. He hummed in response next to me. "The first day we met you said you had a vision of us on our wedding day and you saw flashes of our family and our kids. How many kids did we have?"

He smirked deviously. "I'm not telling."

"Why? What happened to never keeping secrets from each other?" I whined.

"This secret is for your own good. You shouldn't know the answer to that question right now."

I crossed my arms and gave him a pouty look. He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Isn't one enough for right now?" he asked.

I loosened my stance and nodded my head in agreement. "You're probably right," I answered disappointedly.

He pulled me into his side and chuckled under his breath. "I think Marcial will be enough for us to handle for a while. You still need to finish getting your psychology degree before we talk about having any more kids.

"I know, I was just curious," I replied.

"Don't worry, Bella. From here on out we're taking one day at a time and letting things come naturally."

I rested my head against his chest and closed my eyes to get a little rest during the flight. I wondered how Marcial would react to seeing us again and how he'd feel about us adopting him. Most orphans dream of the day they will be adopted and have a real family but we were essentially taking him from everything he'd ever known. Would he be able to adjust? Would he be able to catch up in school? Would he someday resent us for taking him away from his homeland? These were all questions I had running through my mind and none of them would get answered right now. My only option was to follow my heart and hope for the best. I was going to be the best mom possible for Marcial.

We landed in Santo Domingo later in the evening. Edward had rented a villa for us to stay in during the time we would be here. The house was absolutely gorgeous. It was right on the beach and had a huge deck with lots of space. It was the perfect place for us to stay and have some private time before we went to get Marcial.

Edward carried all the bags in and placed them by the door while I wandered around and stepped out on the deck to look at the sky and breathe in the cool air.

Edward walked up behind me and snaked his arms around me from behind. "It's beautiful here isn't it?" he whispered.

I hummed in response and rested back against his shoulder.

"It's been a very long day. Would you like to get some sleep?" he asked.

I turned around in his arms and smirked at him. "Edward Cullen, this is our only night to have a traditional honeymoon. There is absolutely no way I'm sleeping through it. I'm planning to consummate this marriage in every way possible before I become a mom."

He chuckled and pulled me back through the doors towards the bedroom down the hall. "I was hoping you might say that."

I wrapped my arms around his neck as we kissed and moaned into each other's mouths. We rocked back and forth, almost dancing as our hands and fingers explored the other's body and removed clothing.

We'd made love numerous times before but each time felt like the first. He always sent my body into a frenzy of fire and pleasure.

My head fell back as his lips trailed down my neck and across my chest.

"Have I ever told you how good you taste?" he asked in between kisses and sucks against my skin. "You're skin is always so soft and sweet. I love touching you. Your touch always sends shockwaves through me. I love the sensation it gives me. It's like a natural high I'm addicted to."

His words and soft touches sent me even closer to my release. "Edward," I cried hoarsely, pulling him closer to me, my hands clutching him tightly. He could read my body like an open book. He quickly lifted me into his arms and laid me across the bed. He hummed as he rubbed two fingers across my slit and felt the wetness pooling between my legs, then smiled crookedly like he was proud of what he'd done. I smiled up at him seductively and rocked against his hand to build the friction of his fingers rubbing me.

He groaned as his two fingers slipped into me. I gasped and tightened around him as he pumped them in and out of me while rubbing my clit with his thumb.

"Feel good?" he asked breathlessly.

"Mmm, yes… So good," I whispered softly.

He adjusted himself on the bed and pushed my knees apart before resting his body between my legs.

"I love you, Bella."

"I… love… you… too," I stuttered through the sensations he was giving me. He pulled back his fingers and slowly pushed his dick into me.

"Your body always responds to my touch so perfectly," he cooed raising goose-bumps on my skin. "I love feeling how warm you are and how your walls wrap around my dick like you never want me to stop. It's such an erotic experience watching you enjoy every ounce of pleasure I give you."

I moaned loudly at his words and trembled below him as his lips whispered across my skin. With one little swirl of his tongue around my nipple along with him pumping in and out of me in a concentrated pace, I lost myself in an intense orgasm. I couldn't hold in my cries and let it all out with the loud scream. He chuckled at the look on my face as he continued pumping in and out of me.

"Oh, God, Edward," I cried clenching around him again. I was already building up to another orgasm.

"That's right, Bella. I'm going to make you come again," he promised speeding up his pace and moaning loudly into my mouth as he kissed me.

My fingers raked through his hair and my legs wrapped around him as tightly as they could.

"Do you like the way I squeeze around your dick?" I whispered against his ear, eliciting a tremble from him. "Do you like how my fingers rake through your hair and down your back?" He grunted breathlessly and closed his eyes tightly as he thrust a couple more times, pushing me over the edge once again before coming inside of me himself.

With one last shudder, he rolled over to lay beside me, panting and sweating. I hummed and pulled myself up to rest my chin on his chest. He smirked wickedly, while rubbing my back.

"That was good," he breathed, a satisfactory smile on his face.

I giggled. "That was amazing," I corrected. "Let's do it again."

He laughed like I was crazy. "You don't have to ask twice." He rolled me over and pinned me to the bed while we kissed and wrapped our bodies around each other again.

Very early in the morning hours, exhaustion finally overtook us. We slept until nine in the morning, and then got ready for our drive out to Punta Cana. The butterflies in my stomach were building and I hoped we were doing the right thing for not only us, but mostly for Marcial.

"Are you ready?" Edward asked.

I took one last look in the mirror and turned towards him. "I think so," I answered nervously.

He walked over to me and rubbed my shoulders reassuringly. "Everything will be fine. It'll all work out, I promise."

I gave him a confident smile and nodded, before taking his hand and following him out the door to the car.

We drove nervously towards Punta Cana. I looked through our paperwork at least a dozen times to be sure we had everything we needed. I sighed or hummed in anticipation and nervousness.

Edward reached out for my hand just as we started to drive into the city. "This is it?"

I squeezed his hand and took a deep breath. "What do you think he'll say?" I wondered.

"I don't know," he answered honestly.

We pulled up in front of the orphanage, which looked so different now with everything from the storm the previous year cleaned up and fixed. There was a fence around the orphanage and new equipment for the children to play with. The building was definitely safer now.

After getting out of the car and walking through the gate hand in hand, we spotted Marcial sitting on a bench all by himself. He was skinnier than he was last summer but when he stood up to walk back into the building, he looked as if he had grown at least a foot.

"Marcial," Edward called out to him.

He stopped and turned towards us. We both smiled and took a step closer to him. His little chin quivered and tears sprung to his eyes, before he came running across the yard. We both knelt down and held out our arms towards him and he jumped into our arms sobbing uncontrollably making both Edward and I cry too.

"You came back," he cried.

"We told you we would," I answered.

He pulled back to look at me with his little serious face. "I didn't give up. I knew you would come back. You promised me." His English was much better than it was last summer but he still held on to the accent.

"I did promise," I agreed. "And I'm glad you didn't give up on us."

"I thought I might see you two here soon," Amber quipped from behind us.

Edward picked Marcial up in his arms and we both stood up to face Amber.

"I know we should have called but we wanted it to be a surprise," I explained.

"I'm sure you were given the paperwork. If not we have copies in the car," Edward supplied.

She smiled widely. "I was given the paperwork and I have to say I was pretty excited to see your names and what your plans were. I haven't told Marcial yet just in case it didn't go through, so I'll leave that up to you."

"We brought some things for the children. Would it be alright to bring it all in?" I asked.

"Sure, I'll help you," Amber offered gratefully.

Edward put Marcial down and led him over to the bench he had previously been sitting on. Amber and I walked over to the car to unload the bags of stuff we brought, giving them some privacy.

"Are you planning to stay the night in the city or are you driving back to Santo Domingo?" Amber wondered.

"We actually have to meet with the case worker in the morning. We'll be staying in Santo Domingo for a couple weeks before we can meet with the judge and have the adoption finalized. Until then Marcial will stay with us. This is supposed to be our bonding time to make sure all three of us want the adoption to go through before the judge will sign off on it. In most cases they make the families stay a lot longer, but since we already know Marcial and were able to bond with him before we wanted to adopt him we don't have to stay as long."

Where are you staying?" she asked.

"Edward rented a lovely villa right on the beach. It's beautiful and there's a pool right out back as well as the ocean. Marcial will love it."

"I'm sure he will. When are you planning to tell him?" she questioned, curiosity overcoming her.

"We thought we'd spend a little time here just to get reacquainted with him before we tell him of our plans. There is still that chance he might not want to go," I worried.

"There's no possible way he's going to say no. He loves both of you like a mother and father already. When he finds out you're going to take him home with you he's going to be thrilled."

"I hope so."

"I'm a little sad to see him go. He's been here for so long and many of the kids who were here last year have moved to different orphanages or been reacquainted with family members, but Marcial refused to be moved. He's been waiting all this time because he knew you would come back. He never gave up hope," she reminisced. "I think what you and Edward are doing is a really good thing. As much as I'll miss him, I know this is right for him."

"Thanks, Amber." I gave her a big hug thanking her again for all she's done before we picked up the bags and walked back towards the orphanage.

Our families had bought tons of new clothes and shoes of all sizes, as well as brand new toys and new bedding for the children. The kids came running over to us and started digging through the pile of toys when they saw what we had, excited squeals permeating the air.

Edward and I watched on as the kid's faces lit up with joy to have something new and exciting to play with. We even got down on the floor with them to play and spend some time with them.

After an hour of playing and talking with all of the kids we decided it was time. Edward picked Marcial up and told him we needed to talk him. We walked outside and sat down on the porch.

He stared at us with a scared and worried face.

I glanced at Edward giving him a little nod of encouragement.

"Bella and I can't stay here forever," he began. I could see the fear begin to show in Marcial's face.

"Edward," I warned.

"What I mean is, we have to go back to our home eventually and we want you to come with us," Edward clarified.

His eyes bulged and there was a small gasp from his lips.

"We want to know how you would feel about us being your mom and dad," I added.

"We want to adopt you and bring you home to live with us," Edward finished.

A huge grin spread across Marcial's face and he jumped into our arms.

Edward and I laughed.

"I guess that's a yes?" Edward snorted.

"Yes, yes, yes," Marcial shouted, jumping up and down.

"Good," Edward smiled. "Let's go get your stuff and tell everyone goodbye. It's time for us to go."

Marcial ran across the porch and through the doors squealing with excitement. We followed close behind and helped him gather up the few things he had.

After we told everyone goodbye we got in the car and drove away with Marcial sitting comfortably in the back seat. He did get a little teary eyed when we pulled away but Edward and I quickly distracted him with talk of what his room looked like and who his new grandparents and aunts and uncles were. We told him about all the new toys and clothes we bought him. We discussed how in the fall he would start going to a public school with other kids his age. We even talked about getting a dog like Alice and Jasper had.

By the time we got back to the villa and Marcial saw the pool in the back and the bedroom he would be sleeping in, all thoughts of sadness left his mind.

He begged to play in the pool so we all changed into bathing suits and went out in the back to swim. He seemed so happy and jubilant, which was something no one had seen in him for a very long time. The more time we spent with him, the more we realized how right our decision was.

Later that night after I got Marcial tucked into bed, I went searching for Edward. I walked out on the back deck and spotted him sitting in a hammock watching the waves of the ocean coming in. I walked over to him and he put his arm out to welcome me into the hammock with him. I crawled into the hammock and lay in his arms while we gently swung back and forth.

"Is he asleep?" he asked.

"Yeah," I answered giggling lightly. "He fell asleep with a huge grin on his face. I think he's really happy."

"I'm positive he is. I've never seen him this happy in all the time I've known him. This is right, Bella," Edward stated like he was trying to convince me.

I smiled leaning further into his side and rubbing his chest with my hand. "Yes it is."

"How do you like being a mom?" he asked, chuckling lightly.

"I've only been a mom for a day, but I think I like it," I answered honestly. "What about you? How do you like being a dad?"

"It suits me. I'm a great dad," he bragged.

I shoved him playfully and clicked my tongue, making him laugh even more.

"I have something for you," he interrupted, reaching into his pocket.

I sat up slightly to look at his face. "What do you mean you have something for me?" I wondered, smirking at the enthusiastic look on his face.

He held out a small silver charm out in front of me, of a mother, father and child holding hands to form a circle. "You didn't honestly think I wasn't going to commemorate this momentous time in our lives did you?"

I laughed as he reached for my wrist and fastened the small charm to the bracelet.

"There," he said. "It's official. You're a mom and I'm a dad."

"Putting a charm on my wrist makes it official?" I asked sarcastically.

"In my eyes it does."

I smiled and snuggled further into his side while we swayed in the hammock, silently enjoying being together and finally being whole.

For the two weeks we spent in Santo Domingo we took Marcial everywhere we could. We wanted him to know his homeland as much as possible before we headed back home to the States. It was important to both of us that he knew where he came from and what his culture was. He, of course, loved every minute of it. Marcial had lived in the orphanage most of his life and he had very rarely ever left the walls of the orphanage, so he was in awe of everything we saw.

On our last day, we got up early and dressed in our nicest clothes. We brought a very nice blue suit for Marcial to wear which matched Edward's, and I wore a simple blue dress.

"Why are we getting dressed up?" Marcial asked.

I leaned down to him and took his hands in mine. "We have to go talk to the judge today so he can give us permission to take you home."

"What happens if he says no?" he wondered nervously.

"He won't. All we have to do is tell the judge how much we want to be a family and everything will be fine."

"I do want us to be a family. I want you and Edward to be my mom and dad. I want to stay with you forever," he stated seriously.

"I know you do and we want the same. We just have to tell the judge," I explained.

"Okay."

"Should we get going?" Edward asked picking up Marcial and swinging him over his shoulder playfully.

We drove the short distance to the courthouse and walked in for our appointed visit. We were led into the office of the judge instead the courtroom. The judge greeted us all politely and asked us to have a seat. He looked over our paperwork and asked us a few questions about how we knew Marcial and what made us come to the conclusion of adopting him. He wanted to know what we did for a living and where we lived. He was a little concerned about Marcial's handicap but once he learned Edward was working towards being a pediatrician and we would be able to afford the proper care for him he was pleased with our decision. There was just one more question he needed to ask.

"Marcial," he began looking directly at his eager little face. "How do you feel about Edward and Bella being your mom and dad?"

Marcial glanced back and forth between the two of us for reassurance. We smiled and nodded our heads so he knew it was okay to answer.

"Quiero que sea mi mama y mi papa por, siempre," he answered. Edward smiled proudly at his words and the judge gave Marcial a little nod and smile. I was still a little rusty on my Spanish but I got the gist of what he was saying. He wanted us to be his mom and dad forever.

"I think we can make that happen," the judge answered. He scribbled his name across a few documents in front of him and handed them over to Edward. "Congratulations Marcial, Edward and Isabella Cullen are now your new parents and you are officially Marcial Cullen."

Marcial smiled triumphantly as did Edward and I. "If you see the clerk on your way out, she'll give you the proper documentation to be able to take him home," the judge directed.

We stood and shook his hand, thanking him profusely for allowing us to adopt Marcial.

After getting the correct documentation from the clerk we went back to the villa and packed our stuff so we could head home.

The airport was scary to Marcial, making him squeeze my hand extra tight while we walked towards our gate.

"Everything will be fine, Marcial," Edward comforted. "In just a few short hours we'll be home and you'll be able to see where you're going to live from now on."

We waited by our gate for a little over an hour before we heard the announcement that they were boarding the plane.

"Are you ready to go home?" Edward asked Marcial.

He stood to his feet and smiled up at Edward. "Yes I am, Dad."

The joy on Edward's face when Marcial called him dad was indescribable. I knew that Edward hearing him say those words was probably the happiest moment of his life.

Edward took his hand and wrapped his arm around my waist to guide us to the plane. We were going home as one family.

Having Marcial home was interesting. It took him a while to adjust to his new surroundings and new family. School was a challenge for him. We had to hire special tutors to help him catch up with his class, but he was determined to be good at school. He worked very hard and started to catch up fairly quickly.

Marcial bonded quite nicely with his new family. Grandpa Charlie was his favorite, which made my dad want to visit a lot more than he ever did before. My dad spoiled him rotten, which of course was perfectly fine with Marcial.

He started playing soccer with other kids his age and despite his disability he was probably the best player on the team. Edward spent hours and hours with him practicing and kicking the ball back and forth in our little yard. The best thing about Marcial playing soccer is that he made some really good friends.

He was thriving and happy. Everything we always wanted for him was actually happening.

Edward was still working at the hospital and loving every minute of it. He worked long hours but when he was home he made a point to spend all his time with us.

In June of the next year, I graduated from college with a psychology degree. I already had several job offers lined up. On the day of my graduation, Edward, Marcial, my parents, and the entire Cullen family were there to watch and cheer me on.

Afterwards, we all went out to dinner to celebrate.

Edward draped his arm around my shoulders as we all talked and ate our food. I kept waiting for him to give me something important but he still hadn't.

"So," I began, turning my attention on Edward. He smirked, clearly knowing what I was waiting for. "Do you have a little something for me?"

"No, why? Were you expecting something?" he asked. I gave him a pointed look and shook my hand in front of him to give him a little hint.

"This is kind of a big event, you know?" I reminded. "Where's my charm?"

He laughed and shook his head. "Ask your son. He wanted to be the one to give it to you."

I turned to Marcial who had an excited look on his face. He could barely hold still in his seat he was so excited.

"Here, Mommy," he said handing me a familiar little box.

I took the box from his hand and gave him a hug to thank him. Everyone at the table was watching me open up the box to reveal a silver charm displaying the psychologist symbol. I smiled when I saw it. I knew this would probably be what he gave me. It was what I'd been working towards for so long and now, finally, everything I'd ever wanted was coming true.

I had Edward, I had the most amazing son ever, and I had my psychology degree.

Life was complete, yet still just beginning.

The End

**Thanks again for reading. If you have a moment I'd appreciate if everyone would go to my profile and vote on my poll to help me decide what to write for "Fandom Fights the Tsunami". There are 7 choices to choose from and I'm having a hard time deciding which one to write, so I would like to know what everyone would like to read.**


End file.
